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(Wired)   AOL pleads with users not to leave. Willing to throw in free penis enlargement if they stay   ( wired.com) divider line
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19236 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Feb 2003 at 10:03 PM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

208 Comments     (+0 »)

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2003-02-04 05:57:37 PM  
It all has to do with the ability to master the technology necessary to "get on" the Internet.

AOL made this painfully simple back when dorks like me were dealing with PPP and SLIP and all that... when you had to "know what you're doing"....

However, with broadband its a totally different story. Generally cable or DSL companies will come to your house and set you up (because they can build in a 1-year contract)

The common person doesn't care if its AOL broadband or their local phone company.

Couple that with the fact that AOL's software was a great "portal" before there were portals everywhere....

Nowadays the common person can go to yahoo, netscape, msn, earthlink and get the same "ease of use" experience.

This stuff happens all the time... the "first mover" advantage is often a major problem once something gets widely adopted... becuase when it DOES finally matter, the "first mover" (AOL) has grown to big to compete with the hundreds of other like offerings.
2003-02-04 05:59:00 PM  
[image from nomoreaolcds.com too old to be available]
2003-02-04 10:05:12 PM  
i'd rather have my small penis that go back to aol
2003-02-04 10:05:14 PM  
wow, thats the same offer my girlfriend made me when we broke up!
2003-02-04 10:07:07 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2003-02-04 10:07:12 PM  
It's about time they died.

2003-02-04 10:07:20 PM  
Free penis enlargement? Damn, if only I'd waited a couple more weeks.
2003-02-04 10:08:05 PM  
It's the AsshOLe of the interweb.
2003-02-04 10:08:05 PM  
YES! DOWN WITH AOL!!! ÂiViva la resistance!
2003-02-04 10:08:28 PM  
Maybe if they would just send me some more of those CD's, i'd think about it
2003-02-04 10:08:48 PM  
[image from us.news2.yimg.com too old to be available]
2003-02-04 10:08:54 PM  
"...losing relevance..."

Heck, AOL lost relevance with me a long time ago but the CDs make nice coasters. Have to think about the latest offer, though...
2003-02-04 10:09:16 PM  
I felt a slight twitch in pants at that article. But then it refused to load from the slow connection, so it went away.
2003-02-04 10:09:25 PM  
Whoops, wrong tread. My bad.
2003-02-04 10:09:52 PM  
Yeah, but that free penis enlargement is only actually good for the first 1,000 hours. But boy would those be a fun 1,000 hours.
2003-02-04 10:09:56 PM  
Oh, and:
"You're not a male"
2003-02-04 10:10:00 PM  
I'd try AOL, but I don't even know how to get started.
2003-02-04 10:10:33 PM  
I had AOL off and on for years. I kept it hanging around because it was cheap and I knew a few local people that I would chat with, and because it's a pain in the ass to cancel.

A few weeks ago they pissed me off again so I looked up the number, waited on hold for 15 minutes and finally cancelled. They wanted to know why so I told them that it was because they booted Steve Case lol.

/end lame funny story
2003-02-04 10:11:57 PM  
But without AOL, how will I get up to date stock quotes, or chat about my favourite bands?

There's no way my kids could do their homework with the plain old interweb, is there?
2003-02-04 10:12:15 PM  
But seriously folks. AOL is the BOMB!!!!
Why last week, I got 50 IMs from 16 year old girls. They were kinky. Even sent me nude pictures.
You can expect to see me on The Smoking Gun within the next month. Stay tuned!
Kwejibo is the sacred carrier of "The Lost Long Staff".
2003-02-04 10:12:35 PM  
I would just like to thank AOL for all the coasters in our home. Oh, and the replacement DVD cases. Umm...and I shouldn't forget the free floppies. Nice people. I guess nobody ever told them that all the free stuff actually costs them something. 100 billion maybe?
2003-02-04 10:12:36 PM  
My girlfriend finally got rid of AOL today, and switched over to Bell Sympatico High-Speed... she's loving it
2003-02-04 10:13:15 PM  
That's funny, it changed my upside down ! to a Âi ...oh well, VIVA LA RESISTANCE!Âi (yes, i know that's spanglish or espancais)
2003-02-04 10:14:32 PM  
Whoops, wrong tread. My bad.

haven't seen a GWB flame war for a few threads now... how far back are you going?
2003-02-04 10:14:44 PM  
Sprechen Ze Spanglish RDESkid?
2003-02-04 10:14:46 PM  
EmoChild - kinda looks like TW-AOL's stock value of late.
2003-02-04 10:15:44 PM  
AOL let million upon million of stupid lamers on the web. These are the kind of people who call themselves "1337 h4x0r5", but need to go bbs and write stuff like, "I need the cerial[sic] for photoshop 7" or "where can i get a crack for dreamweaver?"

/vague pointless pseudo-story
2003-02-04 10:16:04 PM  
Si, chadManMn yo parelez french fry.
2003-02-04 10:16:11 PM  
I think what most upsets me about AOL is that I loathe the person who I consider the stereotypical AOL subscriber. The person who loves Jay Leno, who forwards every goddamn email they get, the ones who believe the hoaxes and stupid crap from other people's forwards, the ones who find computer generated talking animals to be hilarious. ugh.
2003-02-04 10:16:26 PM  
Whoops - should be AOL-TW.
2003-02-04 10:16:42 PM  
Also, AOL is the schmiznit when it comes to free-access porn!
Their new 8.0 version really brings the "juuicy" web sites to the for front! Makes searching for hot-under-aged sluts easy! Especially them Asians. With blonde hair and green eyes!
2003-02-04 10:17:25 PM  
Pero, no se abre los tagos.
2003-02-04 10:17:59 PM  
Only idiots who are still looking for their "any key"use AOL. No one with half a brain pays $23.90 per month to be bombed with pop-ups and spam.
2003-02-04 10:18:17 PM  
Also, AOL has taught me that I cannot spell at all.
Or write in English.
Forgive me people...please???
2003-02-04 10:18:50 PM  
Emo, good thing you didn't include Kennedy. Then the graph would show more years of deficit under Democrats than Republicans.

What does this have to do with AOL sucking?
2003-02-04 10:18:53 PM  
2003-02-04 10:19:00 PM  
I remember using AOL back in the day with all those stupid ass 'Hacker Toolz' like Fate X and AOHELL.. They were pretty fun for awhile, but got stupid later as it was just fancy ways of typing and harassing other people.

The (_(V)_)ass(_(V)_)ails and the request lists was where it was at, boy. I remember looking gleefully at a mailbox crammed full of pirated software and downloading it all day-and-night on the fax line with a 56k modem. Ahh, those were the days.

*The above statements are completely untrue and false. Spince has never downloaded any form of pirated software, pornography, or harassed users in his days of youth.

*cough cough*
2003-02-04 10:19:03 PM  
I love hearing about big bloated old corporations going down the shiatter. McDonalds' is next!!!!
2003-02-04 10:19:20 PM  
If you got AOL behind your name,
You sure as hell must be lame.
2003-02-04 10:19:59 PM  
1 lke AoL, it r0x!

btw, a/s/l evry1?!/!!1111

2003-02-04 10:20:01 PM  
There was a pretty interesting discussion of AOL on another message board I frequent a while back.

There was a time, early on in the Internet boom, when AOL did have relevancy. It did offer services nobody else had, in convenient ways nobody else had.

Anybody using AOL now, however, is either showing their stupidity, or that they have so much money they don't care. You can get virtually identical service, all the same features, for, minimally, half the price of AOL.
2003-02-04 10:20:19 PM  
If you want to hop on the short bus on the information superhighway, then yes, choose AOL.

Seriously, every few months they come out with a new version, saying every time that "there's no better time to sign up". PLEASE SHUT UP.

Their CDs work well for holding drinks, though. They're like disposable coasters.
2003-02-04 10:20:51 PM  
i wonder if this will start a trend where they give away penis enlargement pills at mcdonald's.
2003-02-04 10:21:14 PM  
I was on the AOL "bring your own access" plan for quite awhile, so it was just an additional $8.95 or something a month. At that price it was worth the late night entertainment and occasional get together.
2003-02-04 10:21:17 PM  
If you got AOL behind your name,
You sure as hell must be lame.

as the saying goes, you can't spell A-S-S-H-O-L-E without A-O-L...
2003-02-04 10:21:32 PM  
AOL: ISP of Satan.
2003-02-04 10:21:55 PM  
The common person doesn't care if its AOL broadband or their local phone company.

I think the 'common person' is more partikuler than that these days.

It's more of a matter of stertegik deploment of rsources of dumbass exspurts.

The problem is them never figered we'd larn to program and stuff.
2003-02-04 10:22:15 PM  
i can see the headlines now...
" AOL IS AWOL!!! "
" America Offline! "
" AOL? More like AOSmell! "
2003-02-04 10:22:27 PM  
Keyword: Crap.

Only morons use AOL.
2003-02-04 10:22:38 PM  
What is this "penis enlargment" thing people are obsessing about? Don't you guys find that the average 10 inch long Johnson is too much for most women to take? Well, at least the women I date...
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