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(Some Guy)   Farker Marcus42 needs something to wake him up in the morning but hates coffee. Suggestions? Voting enabled   ( dairyland-ca.com) divider line
    More: Advice  
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3729 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Feb 2003 at 7:15 AM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

354 Comments     (+0 »)
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2003-02-04 08:04:51 AM  
Take my wife, please.
2003-02-04 08:04:59 AM  

Military School or the Military

Of course Military School is much more cruel. It's 9 months of basic training whereas the real thing is no more than 3 months. Of course you get to do some schoolwork, but the hazing is far worse in the school setting.

I know that spending my formative years in Military School taught me to be able to awaken from any sleep at any time at a moment's notice. You never know when someone is going to rip all of your clothes off and toss you out in the middle of the quad naked. You gotta be ready to wake up and react.

So at this point in my life not only can I wake up with no problems, I can function without sleep.

Thanks Military School!

ps if you are too old, just enlist. I say go Marines, they will make you suffer the most.

2003-02-04 08:07:22 AM  
2003-02-04 08:08:08 AM  
ComicBookGuy --- Well, That works for me and I am I chick -- don't really care how the guy is going to wake up.
2003-02-04 08:08:49 AM  
Fat line of coke and an oxycontin. You'll be up for a little while and when it comes time to sleep you'll have no trouble hittin' the sack.
2003-02-04 08:09:18 AM  

It has been said before but it is never enough.

A blowjob from a girl that swallows is even better.
2003-02-04 08:10:47 AM  
Whistle tips. They're not just fo decorayshun. You should be up makin' breffis or sombody. Woo WOOO!
2003-02-04 08:11:21 AM  
I read somewhere that eating apples first thing in the morning wakes you up more than coffee. Or failing that just do a couple of lines of speed, u get a buzz and the workday will fly by, it'll be 5 o'clock befor eyou know it
2003-02-04 08:11:49 AM  
stimp: I know... it's pretty weak, but I'm trying to be a productive member of society... kind of...I hope...
2003-02-04 08:13:43 AM  
Boutitboutit look at the shiny thing...oooo....you feel sleeeepy....
2003-02-04 08:17:23 AM  
"BALLS across the nose!"
2003-02-04 08:17:30 AM  
Stimp, I can't be doing that right now. I've got to take my sister to school in a couple hours. B0rg9 is right, I should be up maykin breffis oh sumptin.
2003-02-04 08:21:51 AM  
I must agree with Boutitboutit, Hydroxycut is great. One of those and your garenteed not to sleep for at least six hours. But if you want a good pick me up, go for Afri Cola! It may taste like crap but it's got more caffine than Red Bull and all the others. Very good stuff.

[image from afri-cola.com too old to be available]

2003-02-04 08:22:08 AM  
I'm with Stugatz...it's all about vivarin
2003-02-04 08:22:21 AM  
AliceInWonderland - Ah, but I'm guessing that the person asking for advice is a guy!!! ^_^
2003-02-04 08:22:27 AM  
whoooo whoooo!
2003-02-04 08:23:42 AM  
How about a GREAT new boobie Link. Or just try sticking you hand above a hot stove
2003-02-04 08:24:27 AM  
smell your cats ass in the morning
2003-02-04 08:24:52 AM  
2003-02-04 08:25:11 AM  
I dunno, man, the classic freezing water splashage on the face always works...

You could also try ice down the boxers, that'll ring your bells won't it???
2003-02-04 08:26:20 AM  
Hope this works:

Anything you need to know about caffeine
caffeine faq
2003-02-04 08:27:32 AM  
I don't know about all these sex/mastubation/orgasm-related suggestions. Sex (especially if I'm sleepy to begin with) always makes me want to curl back under the covers in an endorphin-enduced ball of "glow". Maybe it's just me, though.
2003-02-04 08:29:02 AM  
Get your girl friend to give you a hand release every morning.
2003-02-04 08:30:45 AM  
Percocets and sweet tea....I think....
2003-02-04 08:32:30 AM  
Try bi-polar disorder. Works for me, I sleep like 2-4 hours a night and am never tired. Either that or meth-amphetamines.
2003-02-04 08:33:10 AM  
THE best way to wake up in the morning is to drink several glasses of water the night before. Each person varies. For me, about four glasses for 8 hours if I'm normally hydrated.

You wake up with wood (IF MALE) and this overwhelming urge to piss. Then have the heater on a timer in the bathroom that turns on about an hour before you want to wake up. That way when you go to piss, the bathroom is nice and warm and you don't want to go back into your cold bedroom. Just make sure you hang your clothes you're going to wear that day in the bathroom the night before.

One thing tends to screw this up. If you are awoken during the night, you'll want to pee.
2003-02-04 08:33:26 AM  
Get one of these alarm clocks, called "Remind o timers". I've had one for a few years now and I have never heard anything as loud as this thing. I picked one up at a yard sale for around 20 bucks and I've been happy with it ever since.
The only problem is that these things run around $200+ bucks retail price.
[image from andystoplites.com too old to be available]
2003-02-04 08:33:32 AM  
Have a video of September 11 disaster footage set to start every morning at the time you want to get up

Sure woke me up when I turned the TV on back on that day
2003-02-04 08:35:32 AM  

Finest alarm clock known to man. Ahhhhh yes, a healthy reduction in scrotum content early in the A.M. puts you in the mood for the rest of the day with a smile.

If you date a sadistic woman, or you are into it, just add the shocker for that extra kick.
2003-02-04 08:36:28 AM  
Suck it up and drink that brown shiat.
2003-02-04 08:39:28 AM  
A blow job (get one, not give one).
2003-02-04 08:39:29 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
2003-02-04 08:39:35 AM  
Give yourself an enema....

Works like a charm, so I hear....
2003-02-04 08:39:49 AM  
A nice refreshing brutaly hard twist of the genitalia usually does it for me.

2003-02-04 08:41:08 AM  
No Doze.

It's easier on the stomach than Vivarin, and it basically has the same amount of Caffeine as coffee. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), your fiancee will think of this as a dangerous drug addiction (despite the fact that she'll drink twice as much with anything you can get at Starbucks)

The downside to No Doz though is that it's purely chemical. Part of the reason that coffee is so invigorating is that it's warm and smells pretty good (ie, it's also mental as well).

Failing that, I'd recommend either Green or Mint Teas. They're much more pleasant to drink than normal teas. Good Luck
2003-02-04 08:42:41 AM  
get some biatch to kiss the little soldier good morning, and you'll stand right at attention
2003-02-04 08:43:01 AM  
2003-02-04 08:43:25 AM  
A sears die hard battery, battery cables and your balls.

works every time.

If thats too much stick your tounge on the terminals of a 9volt.
2003-02-04 08:45:57 AM  
With all this talk of a blowjob in the morning, I wonder if cunninglus works.
farkettes interested in experimenting, feel free to mail me.
2003-02-04 08:46:11 AM  
Caffine, Ephedrine, and ASA (asprin or white willow bark) is great, if it doesn't make your heart explode spontaniously. its like speed, but mostly legal.
2003-02-04 08:47:19 AM  
But first you would have to wake the guy up for that to work...or would you...hmmm...
2003-02-04 08:48:06 AM  
A) a chick that will blow U
B) get a baby and for sure you`ll wake up in the morning
2003-02-04 08:49:33 AM  
Have an Apple

Im serious , an Apple will wake you up ask any agie student.
2003-02-04 08:50:23 AM  
...not if he's been up all night ;)
2003-02-04 08:51:18 AM  
If you need to come to FARK to figure this problem out, just stay in bed.
2003-02-04 08:52:24 AM  
True, true. But we're talkin' wakeups here...
2003-02-04 08:52:37 AM  
SpongeBob beat me to it, but a nice hot tea enema should work wonders.
2003-02-04 08:53:00 AM  

Seriously, Mountain Dew mixed with the Red Bull is fun and exciting.
2003-02-04 08:56:17 AM  
Real suggestion:

Something I have been meaning to do but haven't gotten around to yet... get a nice bright halogen lamp. Get a timer to plug it in to. Set the timer for a few minutes before your alarm goes off, say 15 minutes. Now you have a bright light on in your room for the last 15 minutes of your sleep, should bring you around enough that you are able to get up when the alarm goes off.
2003-02-04 08:57:00 AM  
How about a nice warm cup of shut the fark up?
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