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(Wired)   U.S. military faces bandwidth shortage crisis. Boobies held for questioning   ( wired.com) divider line
    More: Obvious  
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5656 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Jan 2003 at 8:01 PM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

41 Comments     (+0 »)
2003-01-31 08:03:04 PM  
Does that mean that their marching band is too skinny? Get 'em some beef!
2003-01-31 08:06:18 PM  
Maybe they could get the RIAA to get some more soldiers courtmartialed.
2003-01-31 08:06:26 PM  
Is it just me, or did that link take forever to load?
2003-01-31 08:07:58 PM  
fark the navy
2003-01-31 08:08:11 PM  
If anybody needs me to hold some boobies for questioning, I'll be here.
2003-01-31 08:08:37 PM  
My fault. I've been horking all their bandwidth.
2003-01-31 08:08:55 PM  
I'm willing to do my part and serve as a government contractor responisible for holding boobies for questioning. Where do I apply?
2003-01-31 08:11:13 PM  
I think they are stealing my bandwidth.
2003-01-31 08:11:19 PM  
So in a few years will we get a tax increase to pay the farkers to see more boobies?

Actually, you know they're all logged in to see a hidden X10 on Dubya... Comedy relief before they get blown to pieces.

I got nuthin'.
2003-01-31 08:11:37 PM  
No, boobies are held for fun, not questioning.
2003-01-31 08:11:52 PM  
Ah, the ol' 2.4k dialup BBS, thems were the days. 300 bytes per second average.. slow enough to watch the cursor fly. even picking up text emails gets to be a chore.

Perhaps if we can get some of the people making pshop anigifs onto one of those huge modems things might get a bit swifter here ;)

..and university lecturers who make honking great powerpoints because they use BMPs that are twice the display size instead of properly sized JPGs.. wonder if USMil has a similar problem.
2003-01-31 08:12:30 PM  
It Sounds like they need to cancel a few farking Stealth Bombers and send up a few more satellites.
2003-01-31 08:12:33 PM  
/just missed obvious "boobies held" op-pun-tunity.

2003-01-31 08:13:21 PM  
Effective immediately, the boobies are for commissioned officers only.
2003-01-31 08:13:23 PM  
No wonder the America's Army servers are so laggy.
2003-01-31 08:13:35 PM  
Rilos, loading a stealth bomber up with a few CDRs of the info they mean to send and flying it over would probably be a whole lot quicker and cheaper... even if they had to do it daily.
2003-01-31 08:13:37 PM  
"Drop yer cocks and grab your socks... the Lt Col. in charge of IT, requests you all clear out your hard drive space... there are over 50 gigs of Jenna Jamison facials and he is getting tired of it."
2003-01-31 08:14:34 PM  
Yes, yes he does.
2003-01-31 08:17:17 PM  
Are boobies are a big component of PowerPoint presentations these days?
2003-01-31 08:17:33 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2003-01-31 08:19:35 PM  
The two most common sounds you hear on an army base at night

The chirping of crickets

and the fapping of new recruits
2003-01-31 08:19:49 PM  
You'd think the military could find some money in their 350 billion dollar budget to send up one modern satellite that would probably satisfy all their bandwidth needs.
2003-01-31 08:23:01 PM  
They can only handle 2 video streams? I can handle 4 256kbps streams. Is the military using AOL or something?
2003-01-31 08:23:13 PM  
"Or under hostile fire in a makeshift Army post in the Afghan hinterland."

Sounds like what I did to my last girlfriend.
But it's ok. I snuck around from behind and surprised the shiat out of her, but it was nothing a cheap bracelet didn't fix.
Then I went on to "Operation Colon Blow".
She wasn't too thrilled with that.
2003-01-31 08:25:22 PM  
The best thing the army could possibly do is totally ban power point presentations. There are squads of people whose sole job is to do power point for briefings. Also ban those stupid mpegs taking up tons of email server space and bandwidth. I really don't care about the latest version of "wazzup".
2003-01-31 08:25:34 PM  
Whoever wrote this tag line for this article is a moron.
2003-01-31 08:25:52 PM  
So, it takes 50 trillion GB of bandwith to download:
"Go here, fire everything you have."
Man, I would love to see what kind of font they use. Does graphics come with it?
Or maybe a downloadable game just to get your timimg right?
2003-01-31 08:33:25 PM  
No, get your spelling right
2003-01-31 08:41:00 PM  
I don't need an excuse like questioning to hold b00bies!
2003-01-31 08:48:56 PM  
[image from member.newsguy.com too old to be available]
perhaps they need a small reminder what is waiting for them at home
2003-01-31 08:49:55 PM  
[image from agnostos-theos.net too old to be available]
You know what it is.
2003-01-31 09:43:14 PM  
Serial: 01744
29 January 2003
From: The Office Of Information
To: All Personnel

Subject: Reduction of bandwidth demands
Enclosure: Example of acceptable graphical download

1. Henceforth all personnel shall limit the downloading of pornographic materials to single pictures of fifty kilobytes (50k) or less.

2. Such materials shall be downloaded only during off-duty hours.
2003-01-31 09:48:44 PM  
I guess that's why you don't see too many active military personell posting on Fark.
Any dissenters?
2003-01-31 09:50:43 PM  
They go nuts with those stupid power point drawings.
Could do just as well with a chalk board.

What really got me were the 50grand back lit projection touchscreen monitors. Vera Vera nice. Lot mre than I made in a year. Asshats shut down hospitals all over the country but have plenty of cash to blow.
2003-01-31 11:50:26 PM  
No, it's cause everyone and their mother insist on forwarding/replying to emails until the messages are freaking huge, receiving Ebay bid notices to their *.gov account, streaming music during the day on their unclass box while they work on their classified workstation, random surfing, ppt presentations (I concur on that one), documents attached to every email, the list goes on and on and on some more. How do I know?

It's my job to maintain a certain gov't agency's servers. I watch all this crap go by every day. People piss me off.
2003-01-31 11:51:15 PM  
I'm afraid to report the Canadian military also suffers from death-by-power-point. It's all part of Microsofts plan to weaken the worlds super, and not-so-super powers so nobody can fight against him when he desids to claim lordship of the planet. We all know it's only a matter of time.
2003-02-01 12:27:39 AM  
More lag, more time with their wives

giggity giggity giggity...
2003-02-01 01:49:32 AM  
This wouldn't be a problem if every freaking officer didn't want their own VTC (video teleconferencing)

I am in the military - they are bandwidth whores.
2003-02-01 04:10:09 AM  
Heh, That's why they just started cracking down on internet use.
2003-02-01 08:16:47 AM  
MorteDiem Well, there would probably be alot more, but grunts don't read so well.

2003-02-01 01:34:14 PM  
new account .. just seeing if i can post
T1 bandwidth satelites (whoohoo)
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