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(NCBuy)   Parkay margarine looking for the best cheesy pick-up line. Winner gets $10,000. What's your best?   ( divider line
    More: Survey  
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6241 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Jan 2003 at 8:05 AM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

455 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
2003-01-30 07:53:34 AM  
"Did you know that History Majors have been found to have the largest penises? It's true!"
2003-01-30 08:00:20 AM  
Nice shoes.. wanna fark?
2003-01-30 08:06:12 AM  
"You know, you could use a little more protein in your diet..."
2003-01-30 08:07:41 AM  
"Look, I'm no poet, but would you shiat in my mouth?"
2003-01-30 08:08:04 AM  
"Go ahead, try and guess which leg it's resting against"
2003-01-30 08:08:39 AM  
now..fark me if I'm wrong but.....(insert your own wrong assertion here)
2003-01-30 08:09:01 AM  
So, where did your momma take your temperature when you were a little girl?
2003-01-30 08:09:29 AM  
now..fark me if I'm wrong, but.....(insert your own wrong assertion here)

now with voting!!
2003-01-30 08:09:33 AM  
Look, I'm no poet, but would you shiat in my mouth?
2003-01-30 08:09:52 AM  
You have a beautiful body. The kind that makes me want to have sex with you.
2003-01-30 08:10:38 AM  
"Every other guy in this place is gonna feed you a line of B.S., but I sincerely want to get to know the real you.

Plus I like Parkay margarine."
2003-01-30 08:11:19 AM  
Just hold up a tub of Parkay and make it say "Butter!" It's cute. Women like cute. Then again, it may be scary. Women hate scary.
2003-01-30 08:11:23 AM  
"You know what would look good on you? Me."
2003-01-30 08:11:31 AM  
"Hello. I'm incredibly wealthy."
2003-01-30 08:11:40 AM  
whats a girl like you doin with a face like that?
2003-01-30 08:12:02 AM  
"Do you have a little Jew in you?

Would you like some?"
2003-01-30 08:12:02 AM  
You'd look so much better naked covered in Parkay® Margarine.
2003-01-30 08:12:16 AM  
"For a fat chick, you sure have small tits."
2003-01-30 08:12:21 AM  
Do as I say and you won't get hurt.
2003-01-30 08:12:31 AM  
i can't believe it's not KY...
2003-01-30 08:13:05 AM  
"Do you give head to strangers? No? Then let me introduce myself."

actually received this one. :)
2003-01-30 08:13:12 AM  
Having sex with this tub of margarine is getting a little old. Would you like to help out my situation?
2003-01-30 08:13:33 AM  
You don't sweat much for a fat girl.
2003-01-30 08:13:43 AM  

/old is new again
2003-01-30 08:14:40 AM  
Do as I say and you won't get hurt.

Now with improved voting.
2003-01-30 08:14:43 AM  
You look just like my ex-wife...
2003-01-30 08:15:30 AM  
Dude : Would you like an aussie kiss?

Dudette: what's that?

Dude: Same as a french one but down under
2003-01-30 08:16:08 AM  
my husband (when he wasn't my husband)tried to peak my interest by showing me pictures of he and his sister at the playboy mansion with all of her playmate friends hanging all over him.

i'm not sure why he thought it would work...but, gotta give him an A for effort. :)
2003-01-30 08:16:10 AM  
*licks finger and touches blouse*

"We better get you out of those wet clothes"
2003-01-30 08:16:47 AM  
I realize I'm not the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.

And you should really lay off the Parkay ® Margarine. It's a spread, not a beverage you know.
2003-01-30 08:18:07 AM  
"Hi! You know I have a total fark membership.."
2003-01-30 08:18:16 AM  
"I am not a stalker."
2003-01-30 08:18:48 AM  
"Hi! You know I have a total fark membership.."

(now with new and improved voting)
2003-01-30 08:19:12 AM  
Is that a beer keg in your back pocket or are you just happy to see me?
2003-01-30 08:19:13 AM  
"So, should I pick you up for breakfast in the morning.......or just roll over and wake you ?"
2003-01-30 08:19:32 AM  
"I can lick my eyebrows."
2003-01-30 08:19:56 AM  
Is your dad a farmer cuz you sure have great melons.
2003-01-30 08:20:04 AM  
Do you work at Subway?

I thought you might since you're giving me a footlong.
2003-01-30 08:20:09 AM  
"Hey, I got a joke for you. What's black and blue and doesn't like sex? The girl tied up in my trunk."
2003-01-30 08:20:44 AM  
are you tired? because I want to have sex with you.
2003-01-30 08:21:06 AM  
I'm going to be having sex with you tonight, so you might as well be there.
2003-01-30 08:21:28 AM  
"Hi, can I buy you a drink?"

- If it works, a great start, and if it doesn't, all that you lost was the price of one drink (cheaper than getting one thrown over you).
2003-01-30 08:21:47 AM  
$25-suck, $50-suck fVck.
2003-01-30 08:21:55 AM  
Rose are Red
Violets are Blue
I like peanut butter
Lets Fark
2003-01-30 08:21:57 AM  
"Hey, I got a joke for you. What's black and blue and doesn't like sex? The girl tied up in my trunk."

Now with added voting flavor. Mods...
2003-01-30 08:22:07 AM  
"I'm thinking of a word that starts with F and ends with K. Do U C what the word is?"

Horrible. I just thought it up. Unless someone told it to me.
2003-01-30 08:22:55 AM  
"How do you like your eggs? Scrambled or fertilized?"
2003-01-30 08:23:06 AM  
...Yes, your drink does appear to be fizzing, but I wouldn't worry about it. Drink up...
2003-01-30 08:23:14 AM  
Wanna play house? You be the screen door and I'll slam ya all night.
2003-01-30 08:23:36 AM  
"Wanna go in halves on a bastard?"
2003-01-30 08:23:43 AM  
Rose are Red
Violets are Blue
I like peanut butter
Lets Fark

with voting
2003-01-30 08:24:30 AM  
"sure I have a small dick.....but I'd much rather eat pussy anyways..."
2003-01-30 08:24:37 AM  
Any pickup line involving dead Thai hookers will get my vote.
2003-01-30 08:24:55 AM  
It's'll do.
2003-01-30 08:25:26 AM  
"If you fold the Land-o-Lakes container, the indian girl on it looks topless, but if you fold this Parkay container, you might just get to my number"
2003-01-30 08:25:42 AM  
Hi, my name's Drew. I have my own website...
2003-01-30 08:25:43 AM  
"hi i'm Mr Right, i heard you've been looking for me?"
2003-01-30 08:26:56 AM  
2003-01-30 08:26:59 AM  
Let's play army: I'll lie down and you blow the hell out of me.
2003-01-30 08:28:17 AM  
licks finger and touches blouse*

"We better get you out of those wet clothes"
2003-01-30 08:29:02 AM  
Vegasj ...if a guy said that to me in a bar, i think i'd wet myself. (interpret that as you will. :))
2003-01-30 08:29:05 AM  
For Joe Millionaire fans:

"My pretend butler told you I have $50M. Let's ditch the cameraman but not the boom mic guy."
2003-01-30 08:29:42 AM  
If you were a booger.... I'd pick you first.
2003-01-30 08:29:49 AM  
"I may not be the best looking guy here, but I am the only one talking to you"
2003-01-30 08:29:55 AM  
"I can't come unless you pretend to be unconcious."

maybe thats for later though.
2003-01-30 08:29:59 AM  
so lemme ask ya, do you press charges??
2003-01-30 08:30:14 AM  
"The doctor said if I would just quit picking at it, eventually it should heal. The scabs are just so darn tasty though"
2003-01-30 08:32:16 AM  
"I've got this picture of a guy and a pickle on my PC at home. It's hilarious. You wanna come back and see it?"
2003-01-30 08:33:34 AM  
"I drive a Porche'"
2003-01-30 08:33:54 AM  
heya...can I add you to my list of hotties I'd like to disappoint sexually?
2003-01-30 08:34:05 AM  
Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk past you again?
2003-01-30 08:34:12 AM  
Can I touch your boobies?
2003-01-30 08:34:37 AM  
I thought it was supposed to be best BUTTERY pick-up line?

In the spirit of the actual contest, I offer this submission:

"Hey baby. How about if I put some butter on my penis and then stick it in your ass?"

Thank you, thank you... I'm here all week. Enjoy the buttery veal.
2003-01-30 08:35:16 AM  
"You are human? I must breed."
2003-01-30 08:35:37 AM  
"I drive a Porche'"

That's probably not going to impress a lot of girls. Except, of course, the blond ones.
2003-01-30 08:36:39 AM  
Dogfather_jr - you had me at 'Hey, baby'...
2003-01-30 08:36:56 AM  
are your legs tired? because you been running through my mind all day.
2003-01-30 08:39:15 AM  
"i want to have your abortion"

2003-01-30 08:39:18 AM  
How much extra do you charge for felching?
2003-01-30 08:39:42 AM  
Probably too late, but...

Have you ever considered a job as an airline stewardess? Because you've got me in the full upright position already.
2003-01-30 08:40:13 AM  
Butter is a great lubricant...
2003-01-30 08:40:30 AM  
Wanna fark, or should I apologize?
2003-01-30 08:41:08 AM  
Dogfather, my interpretation was that the submissions had to be sweet.

These submissions are sweet.
2003-01-30 08:41:20 AM  
'I'm not really this tall. I'm sitting on my wallet'
2003-01-30 08:41:57 AM  
So let me get this straight, yes means "yes", and no means "tie me up".
2003-01-30 08:42:15 AM  
/me puts on Antonio Banderas accent

Get on that table and pretend that your feet hate each other, do as I say...
2003-01-30 08:42:23 AM  
you're driving a fake on then, cos it's p-o-r-s-c-h-e - check the label man
2003-01-30 08:42:29 AM  
Excuse me miss, did you know I could twist my penis into a crazy straw?
2003-01-30 08:43:39 AM  
/me puts on Antonio Banderas accent

Get on that table and pretend that your feet hate each other, do as I say...

stinkin voting check box
2003-01-30 08:43:40 AM  
"Are your parents retarded? Because you're so special."

or " I have a seven inch tongue and I breathe through my ears"
2003-01-30 08:43:48 AM  
This one has never worked for some reason.

Did you know that if the blisters are not active its not infectious?
2003-01-30 08:44:49 AM  
I just wanna take you home and cover you with raw meat and pee all over you
2003-01-30 08:44:53 AM  
JadeFrog makes me glad I can vote for multiple entries.
2003-01-30 08:45:20 AM  
'you know, it really sucks inheriting $30 million dollars and having a weak heart'
2003-01-30 08:46:15 AM  
You smell like poop.
2003-01-30 08:46:45 AM  
Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.
2003-01-30 08:46:51 AM  
LawTalkingGuy makes me glad i can get these naughtisms out of my mouth and be appreciated for it. :)
2003-01-30 08:47:50 AM  
"You remind me of my mom."
2003-01-30 08:47:59 AM  
'you know, it really sucks inheriting $30 million dollars and having a weak heart'

and for the other farkettes... Women's best pickup lines:

"Hi. You ready to go?"
2003-01-30 08:48:10 AM  
Do you wanna play carnival ? You sit on my face and I'll guess your weight.

/Sid the sexist
2003-01-30 08:48:11 AM  
"Have you heard the good news about Amway?"
2003-01-30 08:48:52 AM  
The early ones are great... some of the more recent ones are just disturbing.
2003-01-30 08:50:39 AM  
2003-01-30 08:51:44 AM  
what is your favorite kind of bees?

mine? boooooo-bees
2003-01-30 08:52:25 AM  
I think the Parkay people need to watch Last Tango in Paris before they start reading the entries they're sure to receive. Maybe Marlon Brando can be the spokesman for the contest?
2003-01-30 08:52:30 AM  
"Got Milk? I'm gonna churn you so long, we'll end up with butter."
2003-01-30 08:52:42 AM  
Hey, baby. Ya know, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put my dick in your... DAMMIT! Wait, no. Awww, how did that one go again...?
2003-01-30 08:53:24 AM  
Today's word is "Legs." Now lets go back to my place and spread the word.
2003-01-30 08:53:33 AM  
"Hey, you wanna see something swell?"

It's a classic :)
2003-01-30 08:53:38 AM  
So you wanna fark or should I apologize?
2003-01-30 08:53:42 AM  
Grab your coat, you've pulled.
Nice dress, it would look better on my bedroom floor.
Wanna fark?
2003-01-30 08:54:06 AM  
Are those space pants? 'Cause your ass is outta this world!
2003-01-30 08:54:18 AM  
Are you a vegetarian? Or do you want to have a piece of meat?
2003-01-30 08:54:41 AM  
everyone knows "your father must have been a thief... stole the stars and put them in your eyes"

heres mine: Your daddy must have been a thief. Stole all the melons and put 'em in your chest.
2003-01-30 08:55:20 AM're like wait...Paaaaaarkay!
2003-01-30 08:55:37 AM  
you must be a parking ticket 'cause you have 'fine' written all over you
2003-01-30 08:55:42 AM  
To go with FnckYon
"She was only a pickpocket's daughter, but you should have seen her snatch"
2003-01-30 08:56:45 AM  
wanna come over? i have 2 controllers on my nintendo
2003-01-30 08:56:53 AM  
May i say thats a smashing blouse you have on, you raven haired temptress from below stairs!

2003-01-30 08:56:58 AM  
walk up to a girl and tell her you have a magic watch, and that is says that she isn't wearing any panties. When she says, "well it's wrong, I am wearing panties." Say, "Damn, the thing must be an hour fast!"
2003-01-30 08:57:02 AM  
Let's get a pizza and fark. What, you don't like pizza?
2003-01-30 08:58:07 AM  
01-30-03 08:55:42 AM GoodyearPimp
To go with FnckYon
"She was only a pickpocket's daughter, but you should have seen her snatch"

Reminds me of this line: I dont' know if she can wrestle but you should really see her box.
2003-01-30 08:58:16 AM  
Wanna play carnival? You can sit on my face and I'll guess your weight.

(Worked pretty well for me.)
2003-01-30 08:58:16 AM  
"Hi I'm Milk and I'd like to do your body good"
2003-01-30 08:58:51 AM  
hey baby chips and gravy, want some fries with that shake??
2003-01-30 08:59:33 AM  
I'm trying to pick up a boy at our office party tonight - and these suggestions are just fantastic...
Thanks, fark!
2003-01-30 09:01:47 AM  
i am but a poor boy from india, whose one dream is too bury his face in a beautiful womans lotus patch!

2003-01-30 09:01:52 AM  
I don't bite...too hard
2003-01-30 09:02:29 AM  
2003-01-30 09:02:41 AM  
Would you like a free mammogram?
2003-01-30 09:03:02 AM  
is it just me or are articles dispearing?
2003-01-30 09:03:26 AM  
Hey Babe, wanna come up to my place and see my toothpaste collection?
2003-01-30 09:03:59 AM  
"Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?"

Best said in unison with shoving a damp rag in his/her face.
2003-01-30 09:04:15 AM  
why did we suddenly lose 3 other articles? its not just you shut....UP, we lost 3 articles maybe more :( and ones i was replying to darnit
2003-01-30 09:04:21 AM  
"come - join me painted whore of babylon, i have need of a concubine."

but then i'm easy...
2003-01-30 09:04:29 AM  
So are you into NERF footballs baby? No? Would you like a NERF football to be into you?
2003-01-30 09:04:46 AM  
"I'm gonna change this glass into a fruit..."

"aint that a peach?"
2003-01-30 09:04:46 AM  
"you might as well just fark me, coz i'm gunna tell my mates we did it anyway"
2003-01-30 09:05:09 AM  
Hey baby,

Gimme your number before I don't want it no more.
2003-01-30 09:05:26 AM  
Hey would you have sex with me for $100.... No? come on I could really use the money.
2003-01-30 09:05:58 AM  
yup...we lost the Heather Graham poor JohnDX will never know which one my sister in law is. :) poor poor Johnny Boy. :)
2003-01-30 09:06:30 AM  
"I'm gonna change this glass into a fruit..."

"ain't that a peach?"
2003-01-30 09:07:01 AM  
"I'm a Kennedy."

(No voting because I swiped it from an old SNL skit. When it was still funny.)
2003-01-30 09:07:36 AM  
"I'm a geologist, did you know we like to see the bedrock."
2003-01-30 09:08:08 AM  
"i give road head."
2003-01-30 09:08:29 AM  
Mating with me will increase your Neilson ratings in every demographic.
2003-01-30 09:10:04 AM  
I'm in a wheelchair and I tend to use one that works sometimes, but always gets a laugh...
"Hey, why don't you hop on my lap and i'll take you for the ride of your life."
2003-01-30 09:10:36 AM  
I fark on the first date (only funny if youre a guy)
2003-01-30 09:12:03 AM  
"That dress is very becoming of you.. If I were on you I'd be coming too..."
2003-01-30 09:12:29 AM  
Do you like seafood? Cause I can get you get some of the best crabs ever!
2003-01-30 09:12:54 AM  
Come on over here and let me kiss your belly button...................from the inside.
2003-01-30 09:13:06 AM  
"What is that peculiar smell? Your feet or your stinkhole?"
2003-01-30 09:14:19 AM  
Punter: My bad, should've hit refresh before I submitted.
2003-01-30 09:15:19 AM  
The Heather Graham one is totally gone, even from TotalFark... The others are still in there though.
2003-01-30 09:16:08 AM  
I hear Parkay is better than KY.
2003-01-30 09:17:07 AM  
...In any kind of oven.
2003-01-30 09:17:19 AM  
Here, feel my leg.
2003-01-30 09:17:52 AM  
To all the people saying "this line has actually worked"

Yeah, right, I'd like to meet the women who actually fall for that B.S.

Seriously, though, I'd like to meet them.
2003-01-30 09:19:05 AM  
Losing articles...and they were discussions about Iraq. Has Fark been infiltrated?

[image from too old to be available]
2003-01-30 09:19:29 AM  
that shirt looks very becoming on you... if i were on you i'd be coming too.
2003-01-30 09:20:04 AM  
that shirt looks very becoming on you... if i were on you i'd be coming too.

Once more, with voting
2003-01-30 09:22:29 AM  
Easydamsel very funny...I must try that one.
2003-01-30 09:22:54 AM  
If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
How about if you sit on my lap and we see what "pops" up?
2003-01-30 09:24:40 AM  
You look mahvelous.

(only works on people > 30)
2003-01-30 09:25:29 AM  
"i'm joe millionaire! i have more spread than parkay!"
2003-01-30 09:25:52 AM  
LawTalkingGuy: Tis true a woman fell for one of these lines (Most notably the one I submitted). The only reason she did was because she had never heard it before. I'm sure if I said "Nice pants, wanna fark?" there would be a whole different outcome.
2003-01-30 09:26:51 AM  
You have beautiful eyes. They're the same color as my Porsche.

I didn't make it up, but I do like it (although the giving head to strangers one might have to work it's way into the rotation (if for whatever reason, my wife decides to let me rotate).
2003-01-30 09:28:31 AM  
Can I add you to my buddy list?
2003-01-30 09:28:42 AM  
Forgot a ).
2003-01-30 09:28:47 AM  
Hi, my name is Drew
2003-01-30 09:28:50 AM  
"Were you born on a farm? Cause you sure know how to raise cock."
2003-01-30 09:29:06 AM  
Let's go down to the 7-11 and get a Big Gulp. Then maybe perhaps I can teake a closer look at that bulbous camel toe.
2003-01-30 09:29:12 AM  
"The Doctor told you to only take 1 pretty pill a day. Your taking two, right?"

I know it's lame, but that line worked once.
2003-01-30 09:31:02 AM  
can you help me find my lost puppy? i think he went in that seedy hotel room...
2003-01-30 09:31:12 AM  
why don't we get drunk and screw?
2003-01-30 09:31:45 AM  
Let's go down to the 7-11 and get a Big Gulp. Then maybe perhaps I can take a closer look at that bulbous camel toe.

maybe I got it right this time
2003-01-30 09:32:13 AM  
Hi there, can I hump your leg?
2003-01-30 09:32:16 AM  
I wrote these a while ago for a Radio contest.
TOP 10 Pick-up lines Canadians use in the US.

10. I'd by you a drink if it wasn't for this crappy exchange rate.
9. Want to shake hands with polk-a-roo?
8. Ever had you're pillow talk simultaniusly translated?
7. Windmills!? No. you're thinking of those BASTARDS, the Dutch.
6. This time you wear the goalie mask, and I'll try to score.
5. You're not packing heat, are you?
4. Want to ride my Avro Arrow?
3. Excuse my while I slip into something more flannel.
2. Care to work out our own soft-wood lumber treaty?
1. "Sorry".
2003-01-30 09:33:09 AM  
The Doctor told you to only take 1 pretty pill a day. Your taking two, right?

Now a lame line with improved voting
2003-01-30 09:33:44 AM  
2003-01-30 09:33:54 AM  
I may be no Fred Flinstone, but I can sure make your Bedrock.

(Can't really take credit for that one.. it's been floating around forever.)
2003-01-30 09:37:05 AM  
"Hey babe, let's go back to my place, order pizza, and get it on!"


"Allright, allright, how about Chinese food then?"
2003-01-30 09:37:06 AM  
Nice legs ... when do they open?
2003-01-30 09:38:10 AM  
Scottish_Allah I think I poorly articulated the intent of my post. It was meant to start off as a troll, but then end with a desperate plea to meet women who will pay attention to my pathetic lines.

I think only the "troll" part came across.
2003-01-30 09:40:26 AM  
Hey Baby, ever do it with a gang member?
2003-01-30 09:40:41 AM  
I'm being followed by the Russian mob. Can you sneak me outta here? Under your dress would work great!
2003-01-30 09:41:37 AM  
Ahhhh, so many great memories of "Crash and Burn" nights. That was a fun time.
2003-01-30 09:42:07 AM  
uh.....i'd hit it?
2003-01-30 09:42:22 AM  
its a shame the letter U and I arent next to each other. because i bet U and I would look great together.... well if you shaved that pit hair and maybe lost a few hundred pounds.. aw what is that smell... dam nevermind..forget it
2003-01-30 09:42:23 AM  
guy: hay babe wana get naked and have sex then order a pizza?

gal: no

guy: whats the mader dont
like pizza?
2003-01-30 09:42:32 AM  
Lines that actually work:
1. Find a girl standing by herself at a bar, put on a cheesy smile, and say jokingly "So, what's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?" Any girl with a sense of humor will laugh.
2. Ask any hot girl "Where do you work out?" Usually they'll take it as a compliment, plus you'll find out if she actually works out of not (i.e. if she'll stay hot or be fat in a year or two.)
2003-01-30 09:43:07 AM  
I may be no Windows user but I sure want to compile your kernal!

/Why Linux fanboys never get chicks
2003-01-30 09:43:20 AM  
its a shame the letter U and I arent next to each other. because i bet U and I would look great together.... well if you shaved that pit hair and maybe lost a few hundred pounds.. aw what is that smell... dam nevermind..forget it

2003-01-30 09:44:06 AM  

There were like 30 links this morning, i check in again now and theres like 11? WTF

Entire flame wars have vanished!
Boobies links have been annihilated!

2003-01-30 09:44:13 AM  
Hey baby, did I happen to mention that I'm Total Fark?
2003-01-30 09:44:25 AM  
"Kiss ME! It's my birthday."
2003-01-30 09:45:12 AM  
I've got the F, the C, and the K ... now all I need now is U.
2003-01-30 09:45:24 AM  
Pardon my forwardness, but a beautiful lady like you deserves only the finest margarine known to man, Parkay.
2003-01-30 09:45:41 AM  
hey do you have any italian in you? oh really? dam.. want more? no? what about hungarian?
2003-01-30 09:45:49 AM  
netlock.netView Full Size

Would you like this GAP gift card?
2003-01-30 09:46:08 AM  
The word of the day is LEGS... Let's go upstairs and spread the word.
2003-01-30 09:46:17 AM  
"I want your soul"

alarming how often it works...
2003-01-30 09:47:12 AM  
You're breathing. I like that in a (wo)man.
2003-01-30 09:48:03 AM  
LawTalkingGuy: It's all good, happens to the best of us. :)
2003-01-30 09:48:45 AM  
I lost a booger in the snow. will you help me look for it?
2003-01-30 09:49:35 AM  
Ever since I met you, I've swept you off my feet.

reverse psychology?
2003-01-30 09:49:45 AM  
can i cum all over your face?
2003-01-30 09:51:02 AM  
"come sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up"

2003-01-30 09:52:44 AM  
NumberOneNuts ....CJ much?
2003-01-30 09:53:18 AM  
Hi, my name is Donkey-Punch. Would you consider huffing paint with me?
2003-01-30 09:54:51 AM  
pull a screw out of your pocket and say "Wanna screw?"
2003-01-30 09:55:12 AM  
Hey, Can I squeeze out a cleveland steamer on your boobies?
2003-01-30 09:55:31 AM  
"I promise I won't come in your mouth."
2003-01-30 09:56:00 AM  
Hey babe, take me drunk I'm home.
2003-01-30 09:56:41 AM  
I promise not to kill you


Sit on my face and I'll guess your blood type.

My perverted brother
2003-01-30 09:56:49 AM  
You look like my third wife. She: Oh, how many time have you been married? Twice
2003-01-30 09:59:39 AM  
"You look like you workout, Want a late night protein drink?"
2003-01-30 09:59:39 AM  
"All I'm askin' for is a rusty trombone."
2003-01-30 10:00:14 AM  
This one time, at band camp...
2003-01-30 10:02:20 AM  
"You like apples? We're going back to my place to fark, how do ya like them apples?"

My aplogies if that's been done.
2003-01-30 10:03:59 AM  
I may not be Fred Flinstone, but I sho' can make yo' Bedrock.
2003-01-30 10:05:57 AM  
he: "hey what do you do for a fifty?"
She "I am no whore!"
he: "In that case, what would you like to drink?"
2003-01-30 10:06:21 AM  
if i were a squirrel and you were a tree, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?
2003-01-30 10:07:02 AM  
So do you like math?

I thought we could add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs and multiply...
2003-01-30 10:07:16 AM  
How about I cook you dinner, you cook me breakfast and in between we just cook?
2003-01-30 10:07:31 AM  
I was hoping you and I might engage in some recreational sexual intercourse this evening. Then in the morning we could enjoy a breakfast of toast covered with the creamy goodness that is Parkay. Then we'll awkwardly part ways, exchange numbers and never speak again.
2003-01-30 10:07:59 AM  
Well, this one worked on me.

"So, do you have any tattoos?"
2003-01-30 10:09:06 AM  
That brings up a better topic...

FARKETTES: What "lines" have actually worked on you?
2003-01-30 10:09:07 AM  
Would you like a liquid protein supplement in a handy, pump-action dispenser?
2003-01-30 10:09:09 AM  
"Hi I'm (insert name here),, The other white meat"
2003-01-30 10:09:28 AM  
You like anal?
2003-01-30 10:10:37 AM  
Would you like a drink? Or should I just give you the money?
2003-01-30 10:15:49 AM  
"Want to grunt big for daddy?"
2003-01-30 10:16:33 AM  
Gimme some sugar, baby.
2003-01-30 10:16:40 AM  
--holding apple in hand--
--take a byte from apple--
Me: "Do you like apples?"

chick: "SURE."

Me: "Im gonna take you back to my place and fark you up the ass, how about them apples?"
2003-01-30 10:16:46 AM  
Is your father a carpenter, cuz you're giving me a woody.

Hi, my name is Trigger. As in Horse. As in Hung Like.

I'd like to pour BBQ sauce all over you and work you like a rib.

Let's go back to my place and watch my video tape of monkeys farking.
2003-01-30 10:18:17 AM  
"Wanna go get a 6 pack and do it?"

Then if she says no, say, "What, you don't like beer?"
2003-01-30 10:20:27 AM  
"Baby, you're just like Parkay. You spread like butter and you taste even better."

2003-01-30 10:20:42 AM  
My favorite was when I was in a crowded bar in Boulder, CO and I smelled the most AMAZINGLY nauseating ass-stench. Like, the room cleared out and the crowd parted like the Red Sea. Then, this jackasss comes sauntering up to my friend and I and says to me: "Hey baby... didja smell that? That was all me... Yeah..."
Needless to say I had to take him home ASAP!
2003-01-30 10:21:28 AM  
"Do you see my friend over there? He want's to know what you think of me."
2003-01-30 10:22:13 AM  
My other favorite was a drunk irishman who came up to me with a brogue-inflected "Who's yer daddy?"
I didn't fark him, but my friend did...
Boys, I'm telling you, ladies are easier to lay than you think!
2003-01-30 10:24:09 AM  
Wanna play sit on my face and i'll tell lies

learned it when i was 6...have yet to use it
2003-01-30 10:25:04 AM  
"I've heard girls like a**holes. Now shaddup biatch and bend over."
2003-01-30 10:28:35 AM  
hi, my name's pogo. wanna jump on my stick?
2003-01-30 10:29:28 AM  
"Vegasj ...if a guy said that to me in a bar, i think i'd wet myself. (interpret that as you will. :))"

2003-01-30 10:30:08 AM  
Someone call Tucker Max, stat!
2003-01-30 10:41:23 AM  
"Do you like Peaches? Yes? Then touch my ass"
2003-01-30 10:43:04 AM  
I fark like secretariat, but for you I'll waive the fee.
2003-01-30 10:44:07 AM  
My friend is in a country bar,wearing red ropers. This guy walks up and says "darlin', how'd you get your lipstick to match your boots?"
2003-01-30 10:45:38 AM  
excuse me, do you wash your clothes in windex?
no? really? wow, because i can see myself in your underwear
2003-01-30 10:47:02 AM  
french accent
"Want to go to my car and Parkey?"
/french accent

get it? Wanna park? like make out?
I gots nothing.
2003-01-30 10:48:15 AM  
"butter my bread, baby?"
2003-01-30 10:50:15 AM  
Nice shoes, wanna fark?
2003-01-30 10:50:22 AM  
"Honey, I wish I was you... so I could make LOVE to me!"
2003-01-30 10:52:08 AM  
"Whats a half decent girl like you doing in a nice place like this?"
"You'll do"
2003-01-30 10:54:02 AM  
I'll give you some cheese if you have sex with me.
2003-01-30 10:55:12 AM  
Can I butter your buns?
2003-01-30 10:55:36 AM  
"Do you wash your clothes in Windex? Cuz I can see myself in your pants..."

2003-01-30 10:55:57 AM  
Here is teh cheese:
"Can I have a quarter?"
"My mom told me to call when I found the woman of my dreams."
2003-01-30 10:56:19 AM  
Margarine: it kind of looks like the word "Marijuana"
2003-01-30 10:56:56 AM  
But this is my favorite:

"I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?"
2003-01-30 10:59:58 AM  
Are you a General in the Army?

Because you've got my Privates'standing at attention.
2003-01-30 11:00:52 AM  
Your father must have been a thief, because THAT'S MY MISSING WATCH!
2003-01-30 11:01:16 AM  
"I'm a little nervous, but I just had to tell you your eyes are beautiful--they're as blue as pimming swools."

2003-01-30 11:01:22 AM  
-Are you a General in the Army?

-Because you have my Privates standing at attention.

*now with voting
2003-01-30 11:02:09 AM  
Mind if I slip into something a little more...

2003-01-30 11:02:21 AM  
"They call me Cool Whip. Because I'm white and smooth."
2003-01-30 11:03:19 AM  
"Hi. I couldn't help but're one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. My name is _______."

Simple and direct for max effect, gents.

Ladies, this one was used on me:

"So, am I yours for tonight?"

2003-01-30 11:03:34 AM  
Mind if I slip into something a little more...


Voting Enabled. Mods, please delete 11:02:09AM post
2003-01-30 11:05:46 AM  
They call me cheesediack. Guess why.
2003-01-30 11:06:42 AM  
No, I'm not happy to see you. That's really a stick of margarine in my pants.
2003-01-30 11:10:38 AM  
"I like that 'M' on your sweater -- how's it look as a 'W' ?"

2003-01-30 11:12:53 AM  
Have you ever tasted a sweeter d!ck than mine?
2003-01-30 11:19:24 AM  
Cmon, no one has posted this one yet, so I feel it is my obligation:

"If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"
2003-01-30 11:21:04 AM  
Im Pretty, Your Pretty,
Lets go home and stare at eachother.....
2003-01-30 11:22:11 AM  
ironbar : you watch that 70's show?
2003-01-30 11:23:14 AM  
Nice ass. Can I wear it as a hat?

Say, yer finer'n a new set a snow tires...
2003-01-30 11:23:40 AM  
Only works on Halloween, and only if shes NOT wearing a costume:

"Let me guess, a pregnant hooker?"
2003-01-30 11:25:39 AM  
Only works on Halloween, and only if shes NOT wearing a costume:

"Let me guess, a pregnant hooker?"

/voting this time
2003-01-30 11:25:45 AM  
"D'yu like chicken pet? Suck me cock, it's fowl." - Sid the Sexist again.
2003-01-30 11:28:20 AM  
Do you have any Native American in you? No? Would you like some...
2003-01-30 11:28:23 AM  
Lick me where I pee!
2003-01-30 11:28:35 AM  
Do you have a keg in your underwear?

'Cause I wanna tap that ass.
2003-01-30 11:29:59 AM  
a few of my favorites:
1. Bond, James Bond
2. Is it cold, or are you smuggling Tic Tacs?
3. Either way I'm going to have you tonight, so you might as well be there too.
4. I'm sure you didn't mean to turn me on with those huges tits, but it's too late now.
5. Am I cute enough now, or do you need a few more drinks?
6. Walk over to a table of ladies, pull out your schlong, and ask- Hey Petey, see anyone you recognise?
7. Chicks dig my colored underwear

I have nothing else, vote for one
2003-01-30 11:30:11 AM  
01-30-03 11:19:24 AM NICU8697
what about -
"My hovercraft is full of eels!"
2003-01-30 11:30:33 AM  
You have the right to remain silent...
2003-01-30 11:31:08 AM  
So what's it ginna be, your place or my car?
2003-01-30 11:33:33 AM  
Can I have a massage?
Now around the front...
2003-01-30 11:33:38 AM  
"hi, i've lost my teddybear. will you sleep with me?"
2003-01-30 11:34:10 AM  
Your place, or my face?
2003-01-30 11:35:19 AM  
Excuse me, I'm with the F.B.I.; I'm a Female Body Inspector. Do you have a permit for those?
2003-01-30 11:36:14 AM  
Is there a reason you're looking at me? Perhaps it's because I'm a farking stallion.
2003-01-30 11:38:02 AM  
This one came from my brother, who kind of has that mean biker look.

Walk up to a pretty girl and in a gruff voice say, "You see this face? (pointing to your own face) Well, it's leaving in five minutes, and you'd better be on it!"

Pretty much worked on my sister-in-law, which is kind of sad anyway...
2003-01-30 11:40:33 AM  
You wanna go out sometime? You know, out back?


2003-01-30 11:43:22 AM  
"The dick ain't suckin' it's self!"

not mine, but a good one.
2003-01-30 11:44:17 AM  
Do you have a little penis in you? Would you like som....DOH! wait a sec that's not the line.....
/I got nothin
2003-01-30 11:44:18 AM  
"The dick ain't suckin' it's self!"

not mine, but a good one.

/dammit voting
2003-01-30 11:51:36 AM  
have fun with this:

Pick-up Line Generator

"Forgive me if this is the booze talking, but has anyone ever told you that there must be more to you than your beaver?"
2003-01-30 11:53:10 AM  
"I'm Drunk"
2003-01-30 11:53:40 AM  
It's time to bone.
2003-01-30 11:54:32 AM  
If I pet you, would you follow me home?

Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.
2003-01-30 11:54:45 AM  
Well it may not be very long, but it sure is skinny!
2003-01-30 11:58:09 AM  
Spasmolytic - i wish i had that for the blogathon (yes, i suck like that) this past year, i did all pick-up lines for the bloody thing, i was stretching to christian pick-up lines towards the last few hours.
2003-01-30 12:05:24 PM  
Would you like to see my W-2?
2003-01-30 12:05:34 PM  
"Oh My, What a wonderful hose you have, Mr. Fireman!"

obviously from the retrocrush link.....
2003-01-30 12:11:30 PM  
Hi, I'm 35, unemployed, and live with my parents.
/opposite George.
2003-01-30 12:16:11 PM  
"Hi, I make more money than you can spend."

I don't remember where I heard that one, but it's damn funny.
2003-01-30 12:17:58 PM  
"Your head looks like a really clean carrot!"

(Pinky, from Pinky and the Brain)
2003-01-30 12:19:12 PM  
Run finger across shoulder, then put in your mouth as if to taste it and say "Hmm, its no Parkay but you'll do."
2003-01-30 12:19:24 PM  
"Did that hurt"

'Did what hurt?'

"When you fell from heaven"
2003-01-30 12:20:50 PM  
"Did that hurt?"

'Did what hurt?'

"When you fell from heaven?"

Had to repost to enable voting.......
2003-01-30 12:22:05 PM  
guy in crowdwd bar: 'hey, did you just touch my ass?'

girl: 'no.'

guy: 'damn.'
2003-01-30 12:26:56 PM  
It's not intercourse without u and i.
2003-01-30 12:28:36 PM  
Eat me!
2003-01-30 12:34:48 PM  
"Are you from Tennessee? Cause you're the only ten I see in here baby."

Used on me:
"Hi, my name is chance, do I have one?"
2003-01-30 12:36:49 PM  
A drunk guy approached me in a bar. Weaving where he stood, he announced I had a beautiful rack. He then proceeded to dive head first into my top, & ripping my shirt down the front!

So, the line didn't work. My friend I was with kicked his ass. Haaving a ripped top proved interesting for the rest of the evening.
2003-01-30 12:37:07 PM  
1.Hey, you remind me of my next girlfriend.

2.Let's play Photography. We'll go into a dark room and see what develops.

3. Let's play Dentist. We'll see if you have any cavities I can fill.
2003-01-30 12:42:48 PM  
Get in the van.
2003-01-30 12:43:47 PM  
Q: What do you call the worthless skin surrounding the vagina?
A: You baby, you!
2003-01-30 12:45:33 PM  
Me: "My watch can read you mind, baby. It says you ain't got panties on"

Girl: "But I do have panties on."

Me: *shake watch* "damn things running fast again."
2003-01-30 12:47:36 PM  
Can I bust my jumbo jet between your twin towers?
2003-01-30 12:48:07 PM  

now with voting.. like it matters.

Me: "My watch can read you mind, baby. It says you ain't got panties on"

Girl: "But I do have panties on."

Me: *shake watch* "damn things running fast again."
2003-01-30 12:48:35 PM  
"Do you like the guy who is brothers with strongmadandstrongsad?"

But you gotta say it really fast.
2003-01-30 12:51:37 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

you want to have sex with me
2003-01-30 12:52:33 PM  
"How would you like to be the next ex-Mrs. Frankeinstein?"
2003-01-30 12:54:16 PM  
Might have been said..

"Nice dress, baby.... can I... talk you out of it?

*finger pistol*
2003-01-30 12:54:17 PM  
"You like apples?"

Girl: Yea

you: "How about we go out back and fark? Howya like them apples?"

2003-01-30 12:55:26 PM  
Baby, it looks like someone has taken two big 'ol hams and stuffed 'em down the back of your dress.

/Leon Phelps.
2003-01-30 12:57:29 PM  
lol! JadeFrog01's site is unavailable, Exceeded allocated data transfer! Jesus Christo Fark is full of a bunch of horndogs. I hope To god some of these lines work otherwise memebrship at FARK is going to drop dramaticallay what with all the pent up sexual frustration deaths!
2003-01-30 01:00:08 PM  
She was only a mortician's daughter, but anyone cadaver...
2003-01-30 01:03:57 PM  
Sudie, ya got my vote.

Must be the Saints fan in me.
2003-01-30 01:04:40 PM  
Let's play Carpenter -
We'll get hammered and then I'll screw you.
2003-01-30 01:04:41 PM  
My hovercraft is full of eels.
2003-01-30 01:07:16 PM  
You must be Jamaican, 'cause ja-makin me crazy!
2003-01-30 01:07:43 PM  
This line only works if you can fake an irish accent. For the whole night. And probably the next morning.
you: "So do you believe in the luck of the Irish?"
her: "No."
you: "Well, I'm the luckiest man in this bar, and I can prove it, too."
her: "How's that?"
you: "I'm the only one talking to you, aren't I?"

Always good for at least a smile.
2003-01-30 01:07:55 PM  
Hi, my name is tyler, you'll be screaming that later.
2003-01-30 01:08:46 PM  
"Hi, my name's Bob, and it's been 3 weeks since my last kebab"
2003-01-30 01:09:44 PM  
"Do you know the difference between you and my tube socks?"
"I haven't blown my wad into you yet."
2003-01-30 01:13:22 PM  
Do you spread for bread?
2003-01-30 01:13:26 PM  
you: Do you want to make love?
her: No...
you: Okay, in that case, wanna FARK?
2003-01-30 01:14:51 PM  
I'd Like to butter your muffin!
2003-01-30 01:16:11 PM  
Actual conversation:

Waitress: That guy over at the bar is hitting on me.
Me: I'm hitting on you. What's the difference?
Waitress: Oh, you're nice.
Me: For the moment...
2003-01-30 01:16:20 PM  
My brother used to say this:
Him: I found a job where you can plant tulips for $10 an hour...
Her: Really? Where?
Him: Well you can start by planting your two lips right here *pointing at his unit*
2003-01-30 01:16:48 PM  
2003-01-30 01:17:29 PM  
I don't bite... wait -- actually, I do bite.

2003-01-30 01:17:58 PM  
A guy actually said this to me once!
My snake wants to vomit in your cave
2003-01-30 01:21:38 PM  
wanna go back to my place and spoon on the couch?
No? Then hows about we just Fork then?

(see, thats the one time in you life where the spork is just not the shiat)
2003-01-30 01:21:54 PM  
Not a pickup, but it helps in the conversation...

"Flattery, my dear, will get you everywhere."
2003-01-30 01:22:08 PM  
If you are a lesbian and spot a hot lesbian, go up to here and say either "less filling" or "tastes great." If you are lucky, a hot catfight will ensue.
2003-01-30 01:23:42 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

1)I couldn't find a good enough picture for the "You ever had your ass licked by a fat man in a trench coat?" line
2) I wanted to use a picture to get your attention because...
3) I'm a vote whore with no original thoughts of my own.
2003-01-30 01:24:21 PM  
"Roses are red and they're ready for plucking"
"you are sixteen and you're ready for........High school"...
2003-01-30 01:25:55 PM  
My dick on hard, what you gonna do about it?
2003-01-30 01:29:54 PM  
If your left leg is thanksgiving, and your right leg is christmas, can i visit between the holidays?
2003-01-30 01:30:50 PM  
Me to waitress: "I would like the sheepherder's special"
Waitress: "I'm afraid I don't know what that is?"
Me: "That would be a piece of ewe, baby"

Actually used this in a truck stop in MT. about 3:00 A.M. after a long night of drinking. No, it did not work.
2003-01-30 01:31:44 PM  
I have taken Viagra just for you.
2003-01-30 01:34:24 PM  
Here's my contribution....

"Hi, my name's (fill in the blank). I have a speed boat."
2003-01-30 01:36:19 PM  
Pretty good guys, but none of them would work on me.

But I'm old anyway, so don't worry about it.

I was with 2 (drunk) guys one night and when the waitress came over to get their drink orders, the one guy lit a match then blew it out, then stuck the match by the waitress's thighs and said, "I think there's smoke coming from your pussy!" She was not amused. Too late, she'd already given him her phone number earlier.
2003-01-30 01:37:10 PM  
"can I push in your stool?"
2003-01-30 01:38:22 PM  
"You're under arrest"
2003-01-30 01:46:17 PM  
guy: (in crowded bar/club) are you looking for a place to sit?

girl: yes

guy: (while wiping face and mouth) let me clean one off for you.
2003-01-30 01:48:45 PM  
Me: If I were to offer you $1 million, would you have sex with me?
Her: Well... sure. Why not?
Me: What if I were to offer you $10?
Her: Kee-rist! What kind of a girl do you think I am?
Me: I think we've established that. All I am doing is negotiating the price.

/props to Kendall
2003-01-30 01:50:42 PM  
"Hey, baby, I've got the F, the C, and the K. All I need is U."

-- 2DS
2003-01-30 01:56:44 PM  
Touch IT,Come On Just Touch IT, Touch IT !!!
2003-01-30 01:58:07 PM  
/Romanian accent/
Would you like to come back to my place, bouncy, bouncy? I am no longer infected.
2003-01-30 02:03:59 PM  
"fark MY DICK!!!"

Must be yelled through clenched teeth to be effective.

Props to Palvar on that one.
2003-01-30 02:04:40 PM  
"Hi, my name is Bill. Remember that because you'll be telling it to the police later tonight."
2003-01-30 02:14:36 PM  
You're name must be crisco, cause you're fat in the can.
2003-01-30 02:20:57 PM  
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together!
2003-01-30 02:21:48 PM  
'Ever hear of date rape? Wanna go a few rounds?'
2003-01-30 02:31:44 PM  
Parkay huh? Ever try Man-butter?
2003-01-30 02:33:23 PM  
Do you sleep on your stomach?
Can I ?
2003-01-30 02:35:46 PM  
If beauty were a tree, you'd be a forest.
Then again, beauty's in the eye of the beholder-and I'd love to be-holdin ya...

/I need more coffee
2003-01-30 02:41:23 PM  
If beauty were a tree, you'd be a forest.
Then again, beauty's in the eye of the beholder-and I'd love to be-holdin ya...

/now with voting, i still need more coffee...
2003-01-30 02:59:50 PM  
He-"Would you have sex with me for $10,000?"
She-"Well, um, actually, yes, I would."
He-"What about $50?"
She-"What kind of girl do you think I am?"
He-"We've already established that, now we're just heggling on the price."

2003-01-30 03:01:12 PM  

Now...with voting...

He-"Would you have sex with me for $10,000?"
She-"Well, um, actually, yes, I would."
He-"What about $50?"
She-"What kind of girl do you think I am?"
He-"We've already established that, now we're just heggling on the price."

2003-01-30 03:22:04 PM  
"Baby, you're so beautiful, I would drag my balls through half a mile of broken glass just to masturbate in your shadow."
2003-01-30 03:24:33 PM  
I lost my teddy bear, will you sleep with me?
2003-01-30 03:26:57 PM  
Just sex no strings.
2003-01-30 03:30:58 PM  
Does this smell like chloriform to you?
2003-01-30 03:32:09 PM  
Hi my name is Patty O'Donnell do you have any Irish in you, No? Would you like some?
2003-01-30 03:33:38 PM  
Hi my name is Patty O'Donnell do you have any Irish in you, No? Would you like some?

With Voting
2003-01-30 03:41:44 PM  
Lay your body down, and I will show you love. I will drape you in the finest black silks. I will travel to the finest Asian nations to attain this silk. Then, I will run my fingers through your hair. I will caress your body slowly and whisper in your ear while I do so. I will tell you such things as, "You are the most beautiful woman in the world" and "Your skin is like the most expensive Swiss chocolate money can buy" and "Your eyes are like windows to paradise," and other romantic things that will make you tremble with desire.

I will hit you doggy-style.

Love, Smooth B

[image from too old to be available]
2003-01-30 03:42:26 PM  
"Hi, can I buy you a drink, or reimburse you for the one you're drinking?"

also like the faux-foreign fella:

"Tonight if you are no busy can we sex much?"
2003-01-30 03:48:17 PM  
"Isn't this a great bar? They run it the same way I run my bedroom. Liquor in the front, poker in the rear."
2003-01-30 03:52:08 PM  
Dammit. Now, with voting!

"Isn't this a great bar? They run it the same way I run my bedroom. Liquor in the front, poker in the rear."
2003-01-30 03:56:26 PM  
"Can I buy you one of these great new hard ciders from Dickens? You look like a chick who likes a Hard Dickens Cider."
2003-01-30 03:57:28 PM