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(Some Guy)   Farker Mikey-San has a desk out in the open and his having trouble with asshat customers messing with it when he's gone. Give him suggestions for what to do about it. (Voting enabled.)   ( mikey-san.net) divider line
    More: Advice  
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6749 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Jan 2003 at 4:11 PM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

200 Comments     (+0 »)
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2003-01-27 10:13:59 AM  
Ever thought of putting a sign on your desk that says "don't fark with my shiat"
2003-01-27 10:16:31 AM  
with a mac on your desk, who would bother?
2003-01-27 10:33:43 AM  
Set up a cam to catch said asshat customers....
2003-01-27 10:34:51 AM  
"Keep your filthy little dick skinners off of my sh*t"

Worked for me.
2003-01-27 10:58:41 AM  
How about using the new Ronco Disguise-A-Desk.

This great lightweight, versatile desk cover is artfully disguised as a sign-up list for an IRS audit.

About the same thickness as a bed sheet, you just unfold it and lay it over your desk while you're away. Only $9.95US at a WickedWanda distributor near you.
2003-01-27 11:29:34 AM  
Leave hypodermic needles on your desk and put a big sign up that reads, "I've got the AIDS."
2003-01-27 12:08:22 PM  
Make this your wallpaper:
[image from audiorevolution.com too old to be available]
2003-01-27 12:56:30 PM  
Leave some fake poop and vomit on the keyboard, chair, and desk.
2003-01-27 12:59:25 PM  
Get a newspaper and spread out the sections across the desk surface.
2003-01-27 01:19:44 PM  
How about chaining a viscious weasle to your desk
2003-01-27 01:40:30 PM  
How about a Troll collection? Not just a regular Troll collection, but one that is elaborately organized by hair color & size of trolls, with name tags for each troll that correspond to customers' or co-workers' names. It would creep people out and make them think that you have evil voodoo powers.
2003-01-27 02:20:52 PM  
The customer is always right.
2003-01-27 03:56:46 PM  
Put those spring loaded snake thingys in your desk. So when someone opens your desk, they go flying out all over the place.

Or tape a grenade to your desk drawer. Tie a string to the pin. Tape the string to the inside top of the drawer. Then when someone opens the drawer, the string will pull out the pin.
2003-01-27 04:13:44 PM  
Install that really deadly car defense system from Africa (the one in the Guinness Book of World Records 2000) in the desk. FLAMING DEATH
2003-01-27 04:14:08 PM  
Light your desk on fire!
2003-01-27 04:14:33 PM  
Buy a new computer.
2003-01-27 04:15:19 PM  
Clean off your desk when you leave, putting eveyrthing in your drawer and locking it.
2003-01-27 04:16:04 PM  
Superglue thumbtacks to each of the keys and a whole bunch on the finger mouse glide pad doohickey.
2003-01-27 04:16:06 PM  
Get a better job
2003-01-27 04:16:10 PM  
Tell the boss to get you a reasonable f**king place to work.


Electrified. Keyboard.
2003-01-27 04:16:45 PM  
Cover everything in a thin coat of Vaseline.
2003-01-27 04:16:46 PM  
Write a little script that BLASTS the audio at full volume when the computer is touched and in standby mode. Oh, this won't work unless

1) you have osx
2) you know how to write shell scripts

2003-01-27 04:17:21 PM  
There is no solution. People will always mangle things in the open. Keep a painfully clean desk, and lock up at the end of the day.
2003-01-27 04:17:50 PM  
Leave some real poop and vomit on the keyboard, chair, and desk.
2003-01-27 04:17:57 PM  
I'd suggest locking your computer when you leave, but I don't know if Macs are capable of that.
2003-01-27 04:18:13 PM  
Since when do you get desks at Taco Bell?
2003-01-27 04:18:23 PM  
landmines....on control so if people get near it when your gone, turn them on. then when your back, turn them off.

Leave the remains to show your not bluffing.
2003-01-27 04:18:40 PM  
Simple. Setup something that will catch their eye, and wire it to a car battery hidden in your desk. Whoever it is will mess with your desk once. Once.
2003-01-27 04:19:02 PM  
Draft a UN resolution allowing the use of force to be applied to anyone farking with your shizznit-
2003-01-27 04:19:07 PM  
Before you leave lay a nice, steaming brown pile, of Al Sharpton on the desk. That will keep them away.
2003-01-27 04:19:43 PM  
You are aware that you can lock anything running NT, 2K or XP, right?

Ctrl-Alt-Delete, lock computer.

Needs a password to be unlocked.
2003-01-27 04:21:12 PM  
Place fake security cameras on posts surrounding the desk (complete with flashing red leds).
2003-01-27 04:21:34 PM  
get a usb keyboard/mouse combo and pull them off when you leave and lock them in the drawer.

Either that or pee in the chair. That just urinated on smell will linger longer than they will.

2003-01-27 04:22:09 PM  
1) hide around the corner
2) the first guy who touches your shiat, beat him to a bloody pulp.
3) leave his mangled ruins chained to the desk as a warning to the next asshat.
4) enjoy a nice leisurely lunch break. You've earned it!
2003-01-27 04:22:32 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2003-01-27 04:23:12 PM  
Inform all employees via memo that several items on your desk have been inserted into your ass and/or held firmly between your buttocks.

Neglect to mention which items those are.

OPTIONAL: State that you have done the same at everyone's desk.
2003-01-27 04:23:32 PM  
Crime scene tape. Its so obvious.
2003-01-27 04:24:06 PM  
You are aware that you can lock anything running NT, 2K or XP, right?

Ctrl-Alt-Delete, lock computer.

Needs a password to be unlocked.

Looks like he's running a mac... so the act of locking his laptop might be beyond his skill level.
2003-01-27 04:24:19 PM  
Call them "asshats". They'll be so angry about your use of lame, geek cliches that they'll never come back again.
2003-01-27 04:24:54 PM  
Hide around a corner,
jump out and scream at the said customer
when he messes with your desk...

Do this repeatedly until your boss
is forced to call you in
for a meeting to tell
you to stop.

2003-01-27 04:25:02 PM  
[image from x-entertainment.com too old to be available]
2003-01-27 04:26:25 PM  
Move your desk away from the car wash dollar bill changer.
2003-01-27 04:26:26 PM  
The customer is always right handed.
2003-01-27 04:26:39 PM  
When (if) the weather ever gets warm, go to Home Depot and get a can of that anti-aircraft style wasp & hornet killer.

Find a nice size yellow jacket or other sinister looking wasp nets, hose them down with the spray, then take the carcases and sprinkle them liberally about your desk surfaces.
2003-01-27 04:27:02 PM  
Motion sensor plus car alarm with battery. Now no one gets work done if they even walk by your empty desk. Add in a phone switch and you can call-in your own disruptions for fun!
2003-01-27 04:27:04 PM  
farts, buggers, old tissue.
2003-01-27 04:27:10 PM  
Get some of those metal blacksmith puzzles (like the bent nail one or the horse-shoe one), but instead of making them out of the standard iron, have them made out of highly refined plutonium. When they ask why it's warm, tell them it's part of the puzzle. When they ask why you're wearing a lead pocket protector, hit them with your depleted uranium shell paperweight.

They might not immediately grasp the connection between their terminal cancer and messing around with your desk, but you can definitely have a good laugh about it as the hair falls off their head in clumps.
2003-01-27 04:28:22 PM  
"This Register Closed"
2003-01-27 04:29:13 PM  
9-Volt Battery, electrical coil, wire all in the drawer. Lead wire to metal strip on desktop. Write on metal strip, "touch here". Stand in corner and watch your invention enlighten the asshats messing with your stuff.

I'm sure I'm missing a piece here, like maybe an off switch so you don't jolt yourself...
2003-01-27 04:29:28 PM  
About locking computer: One thing to be careful of is the default user admin with a password of nothing. This is set up on most windows systems so make sure you disable it or change the password or anyone with this knowledge can unlock your workstation. If you have a Mac, just start crying.
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