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(London Times)   Bad: Drunk airline pilot whaargarbles on the intercom. Worse: Passengers revolt. Worser: Airline officials board plane and assure passengers that since the plane's computerized, it doesn't matter if the pilot's drunk   (timesonline.co.uk) divider line
    More: Scary  
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15749 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Feb 2009 at 5:19 PM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2009-02-03 3:30:45 PM  
"I don't think there's anyone in Russia who doesn't know what a drunk person looks like," Katya Kushner, one of the passengers, told the Moscow Times, which had a reporter travelling on the flight.
lol.
 
2009-02-03 3:49:32 PM  
Well, its true. 99.9999% of the time, the pilot is just there to admire the scenery from the cockpit and communicate with the ground.
 
2009-02-03 3:52:21 PM  
I want to fly Drunk Airlines.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2009-02-03 4:07:01 PM  
Flight attendants initially ignored passengers' complaints and threatened to expel them from the Boeing 767 jet unless they stopped "making trouble"

Isn't that the point? They want off the jet before the drunk pilot kills them.
 
2009-02-03 4:19:04 PM  

Bored Horde: Well, its true. 99.9999% of the time, the pilot is just there to admire the scenery from the cockpit and communicate with the ground.


and that other 0.0001% of the time he's trying to accomplish a dead stick landing on the Hudson River, and you'd really like him at his physical and mental peak for that thanks very much.
 
2009-02-03 4:33:13 PM  

Bored Horde: Well, its true. 99.9999% of the time, the pilot is just there to admire the scenery from the cockpit and communicate with the ground.


Yeah, but there is a shiat-ton of stuff he has to get right before he can sit back and relax.
 
2009-02-03 4:35:43 PM  
Unless there are some nearby geese, of course.
 
2009-02-03 4:55:27 PM  
Flight attendants initially ignored passengers' complaints and threatened to expel them from the Boeing 767 jet unless they stopped "making trouble".

From the picture in the article, apparently Boeing has produced a new four engined 767 specifically for Aeroflot.
 
2009-02-03 4:55:34 PM  
Wait, Aeroflot has sober pilots?
 
2009-02-03 4:56:52 PM  

Weaps: From the picture in the article, apparently Boeing has produced a new four engined 767 specifically for Aeroflot.


Yea, I bet that is an A340.
 
2009-02-03 5:13:33 PM  
This reminds me of the joke about how aircraft will soon just be flown by computer, but will have a man and a dog in the cockpit.

The man's job is to feed the dog. The dog's job is to bite the man if he tries to touch the controls.
 
2009-02-03 5:22:31 PM  
He's probably drunk because the passengers are revolting.
 
2009-02-03 5:22:34 PM  
Came for the man/dog joke. Left satisfied.

Now, really guys, when was the last time you could understand what they were saying over the intercom, unless you were right underneath a speaker?

It's like the adults from Charlie Brown. Waa wa waaaw wa wa wa wwaaa.

/has an issue understanding voices over loud ambient noises
 
2009-02-03 5:23:22 PM  
Hey, my jeep has a computer in it. How can I program it to drive for me when I put a tank on?
 
JJR
2009-02-03 5:25:26 PM  
he had a stroke
 
2009-02-03 5:25:31 PM  
Eh, let the passengers have their cake and eat it. Damn plebs.
 
2009-02-03 5:26:31 PM  

Treygreen13: He's probably drunk because the passengers are revolting.


You said it, they stink on ice!
 
2009-02-03 5:26:35 PM  
FTFA "When he apparently switched from Russian into unintelligible English, fear turned to revolt."

Admit it, this has happened on Fark more than once.
 
2009-02-03 5:26:51 PM  
If Russia had Homeland Security they would have arrested all those unruly passengers and allowed the flight to take off in an orderly fashion.

Farking commies
 
2009-02-03 5:27:40 PM  
In the Soviet era, it was known for its unsmiling air hostesses, poor customer service and inedible food

Seems like it was already a match for most US airlines.
 
2009-02-03 5:27:40 PM  

Bored Horde: Well, its true. 99.9999% of the time, the pilot is just there to admire the scenery from the cockpit and communicate with the ground.


Yeah, but that last .0001% of the time is when a bunch of geese get sucked into your engine intakes and you need to make the first successful water ditching in recorded history.
 
2009-02-03 5:27:48 PM  

Corvus: I believe Taxing is the only part of an airline flight that isn't ran by computer.

The pilot really is just there if something bad happens.


I see. So those air traffic control guys are giving verbal instructions to a computer? Hmm, never knew that.
 
2009-02-03 5:28:04 PM  

Solty Dog: Hey, my jeep has a computer in it. How can I program it to drive for me when I put a tank on?


Scuba or Combat?
 
2009-02-03 5:28:33 PM  
The passengers are revolting!

You said it, they stink on ice!

/name the movie reference, get a prize
 
2009-02-03 5:28:42 PM  
Two things:

1. "Worse?" A passenger revolt is EXACTLY what I'd want if a pilot is drunk.

2 This statement FTA:

An Aeroflot spokeswoman said that tests had revealed no trace of alcohol in the pilot's blood. She blamed "mass psychosis" among passengers for the decision to replace the crew, although the company later issued a statement saying that Mr Cheplevsky could have suffered a stroke just before the flight.


Unbelievable. It's like flying United or Delta.

Of course, if this happened in the US, the passengers would be labeled terrorists and arrested....
 
2009-02-03 5:28:46 PM  

haemaker: Weaps: From the picture in the article, apparently Boeing has produced a new four engined 767 specifically for Aeroflot.

Yea, I bet that is an A340.


No, Aeroflot doesn't have any A340's. It's most likely an IL-96 based on the engine size.
 
2009-02-03 5:28:55 PM  
Last time I flew Aeroflop was in 1997, and the stewardess was drunk.
 
2009-02-03 5:29:41 PM  

G_Fish: "I don't think there's anyone in Russia who doesn't know what a drunk person looks like," Katya Kushner, one of the passengers, told the Moscow Times, which had a reporter travelling on the flight.
lol.


The trouble with Russians, is finding one that knows what a sober person looks like.
 
2009-02-03 5:31:26 PM  
Pilot's job: Land the plane when the tower tells him he can land and to take off when the tower tells him he can take off.

And for situations where shiat goes south, crack open a bottle of whiskey and pray that the Hudson River is nearby.
 
2009-02-03 5:31:39 PM  

Solty Dog: Hey, my jeep has a computer in it. How can I program it to drive for me when I put a tank on?


Talk to some of these guys (new window)
 
2009-02-03 5:32:44 PM  
"I don't think there's anyone in Russia who doesn't know what a drunk person looks like
 
2009-02-03 5:32:47 PM  
Whaddya mean I can't take off my sweater? I'm HOT!
 
2009-02-03 5:33:34 PM  
There's always the automatic pilot.

reviews.cnet.comView Full Size
 
2009-02-03 5:33:43 PM  
Sure they're computerized, but you have to inflate it first.

img7.imageshack.usView Full Size


/don't ask where the inflation tube is.
 
2009-02-03 5:33:59 PM  
Reason #5,210,539,234,700 never to set foot in Russia.
 
2009-02-03 5:34:21 PM  
That was close Fart_Machine.
 
2009-02-03 5:34:25 PM  

steelforce: haemaker: Weaps: From the picture in the article, apparently Boeing has produced a new four engined 767 specifically for Aeroflot.

Yea, I bet that is an A340.

No, Aeroflot doesn't have any A340's. It's most likely an IL-96 based on the engine size.


The picture is indeed an IL-96.

/at work at an airport.
 
2009-02-03 5:35:01 PM  

JJR: he had a stroke


goddamnit....
 
2009-02-03 5:35:34 PM  
Am I the only one that did a Google image search for "Ksenia Sobchak" before finishing the story? I was not disappointed.
 
2009-02-03 5:35:43 PM  
at $7 per hard drink, I don't blame the pilot. Get drunk before takeoff, it saves you money.
 
2009-02-03 5:37:19 PM  

Gyrfalcon: Bored Horde: Well, its true. 99.9999% of the time, the pilot is just there to admire the scenery from the cockpit and communicate with the ground.

Yeah, but that last .0001% of the time is when a bunch of geese get sucked into your engine intakes and you need to make the first successful water ditching in recorded history.


It wasn't the first successful ditching. Nor the first 100% survival rate ditching.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Water_landing

Where did you get your propaganda from?
 
2009-02-03 5:39:58 PM  
Sobchak ?
Who knew Walter had relatives in Russia !

/ stop being so "un-dude like"
 
2009-02-03 5:41:27 PM  
Takeoff
While taxiing, apply full back pressure on the yoke (pull it towards you) to relieve the pressure on the nose wheel. Keep the braking to a minimum as much as possible so you can keep your inertia.
Hold short before taxiing onto the runway and look for traffic approaching to land. Lower the flaps to 10°. When all is clear, radio the tower or announce your intentions on the Common Traffic Advisory Frequency (CTAF).
Once you have obtained clearance, taxi onto the runway and align on the center-line.
Do not stop. As soon as you are lined up, smoothly apply full power and continue to hold the yoke back.
The nose will begin to rise. Continue to hold back pressure to keep the nose wheel off the ground. The cowling should be aligned with the horizon.
The plane will takeoff on its own. Quickly, but smoothly, apply forward pressure to lower the nose. The plane is off the ground but does not have enough lift to fly. This is called Ground Effect. The plane is literally flying on a cushion of air between the wings and the ground. If you go too high, you will lose this cushion and crash. Try to keep the altitude approximately equal to your wingspan.
As the speed increases, you will need to apply even more forward pressure on the yoke.
Once you reach a safe airspeed (usually the best rate of climb or Vy), raise the nose and climb at your best rate of climb. This information can be found in your Pilot's Operating Handbook (POH).
Landing
Enter the pattern as you would at any airport after contacting the tower or announcing your position on the CTAF.
Fly the standard traffic pattern, beginning your descent on the downwind leg abeam the touchdown point of the runway. Don't forget to lower 10° of flaps.
When the runway is 45° over your shoulder, turn base and lower another 10° of flaps.
Turn final to align the plane with the runway and lower flaps completely (30° or 40° depending on the aircraft).
Once you are a couple feet above the runway, gently flare and add a little bit of power. Adding a little power at this point allows you to touch down at a slower airspeed.
As soon as the main gear touches the runway, pull the power back to idle.
Apply full back pressure on the yoke to keep the nose wheel of the ground. Allow it to settle on its own.
Holding full back pressure, taxi off the runway to make room for other traffic. You may need enough speed to avoid settling and getting stuck - use caution!
 
2009-02-03 5:42:04 PM  
had this happen years ago on a Northwest Orient flight - pilot accused of being drunk by idiot male passenger. We taxied back to the gate, he got off the plane while we waited and had a breathalyser test - stone cold sober.

/nice hour and a half delay due to some idiot
//lucky it only took that long
 
2009-02-03 5:42:23 PM  
2.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size


/shamelessly hotlIWHAAARGAARBL
 
2009-02-03 5:43:53 PM  
Nobody posted the tart yet?

[image from english.pravda.ru too old to be available]

I took the liberty of posting her in the Go Gay UK thread too, tyvm.

OMG SHE'S THE RUSSIAN PARIS HILTON
 
2009-02-03 5:44:17 PM  

Corvus: I believe Taxing is the only part of an airline flight that isn't ran by computer.


Could this be why fares are getting so expensive?
 
2009-02-03 5:45:48 PM  

Magorn: Bored Horde: Well, its true. 99.9999% of the time, the pilot is just there to admire the scenery from the cockpit and communicate with the ground.

and that other 0.0001% of the time he's trying to accomplish a dead stick landing on the Hudson River, and you'd really like him at his physical and mental peak for that thanks very much.


Oh come on, that never happens.
 
2009-02-03 5:48:22 PM  
I'm a pilot and getting a kick out of, blah blah blah

The FMS (Flight Management System) requires constant programming as your sector by sector clearance changes. True you may get a long sement to your next waypoint but often approach clearances require adept knowledge of the box (all different my make and model) to get it right.

Only large aircraft may have auto-land capability but also require crew certification.

You do not want any impairment on the flight deck.
 
2009-02-03 5:51:36 PM  
Does a person smell different on ice than usual?

(This is a question for Dog the Bounty Hunter.)
 
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