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(Breitbart.com)   Today's attempted murder of someone allergic to peanuts comes to you from Canada and a disgruntled guy who smeared peanut butter on his fiancees car door   (breitbart.com) divider line
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    More: Asinine  
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6302 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Jan 2009 at 4:15 PM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



66 Comments     (+0 »)


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TommyymmoT
2009-01-23 4:14:32 PM  
I personally, would have smeared it on my dick.
 
the_chief
2009-01-23 4:18:53 PM  
I only get engaged to chicks I don't want to kill.
 
Klivian
2009-01-23 4:19:12 PM  

TommyymmoT: I personally, would have smeared it on my dick.


Please, we all know that once a girl has a ring on her finger (engagement or wedding) she stops putting out
 
MrBurns
2009-01-23 4:19:57 PM  
Was it the back door?
 
redface
2009-01-23 4:20:02 PM  
So here's an example of a guy who's got the right idea, but his execution is all wrong. Methinks he would've gotten better results if he just tossed a handful of peanuts at her.
 
wildcardjack
2009-01-23 4:20:18 PM  
Peanut butter can kill anyone these days, what with the regular salmonella contamination.
 
The Crepes of Wrath
2009-01-23 4:21:15 PM  
A Canadian man has been charged with assault using peanut oil he allegedly smeared on a car door handle to make his allergic former fiancee ill, police said Friday.

Not peanut butter, peanut oil. Could be an important part of his defense because the allergens that cause problems aren't generally in the oil.
 
Gumercules
2009-01-23 4:22:28 PM  

redface: So here's an example of a guy who's got the right idea, but his execution is all wrong. Methinks he would've gotten better results if he just tossed a handful of peanuts at her.


Take a loaded shotgun and dump peanuts down the barrel. That'll get her and they will never know what happened.
 
Oekss
2009-01-23 4:22:39 PM  
I know a guy who took a shiat on his girlfriends hood after they had gotten into a fight. He once also puked on a guys windshield at a bar after getting into an arguement with him.

Random, but I felt like sharing
 
granolasteak [OhFark]
2009-01-23 4:24:10 PM  
Wow.

My husband and I have joked about my allergies...and how easily he could do away with me by putting cat hair on my pillow.

I predict we will see many more attempts at murder that have to do with food or animal hair.
 
pope183
2009-01-23 4:24:46 PM  

Oekss: I know a guy who took a shiat on his girlfriends hood after they had gotten into a fight. He once also puked on a guys windshield at a bar after getting into an arguement with him.

Random, but I felt like sharing


good times.. nice to know you care
 
granolasteak [OhFark]
2009-01-23 4:25:04 PM  

Oekss: I know a guy who took a shiat on his girlfriends hood after they had gotten into a fight. He once also puked on a guys windshield at a bar after getting into an arguement with him.

Random, but I felt like sharing


Yeah, next time you feel like sharing, take it to the Salvation Army.

Disgusting.
 
xuanzhiyouxuan
2009-01-23 4:25:21 PM  
"fiancee" so close to "smeared" makes me read it as feces.
 
horonto
2009-01-23 4:25:56 PM  
We should ban peanut butter before guns.

paxarcana.files.wordpress.comView Full Size
 
Oekss
2009-01-23 4:27:00 PM  

granolasteak: Oekss: I know a guy who took a shiat on his girlfriends hood after they had gotten into a fight. He once also puked on a guys windshield at a bar after getting into an arguement with him.

Random, but I felt like sharing

Yeah, next time you feel like sharing, take it to the Salvation Army.

Disgusting.


I actually witnessed both events, and while it was disgusting, it was also hilarious to see him squeezing out a duece standing on the hood of a car.

I wish I would have taken pictures.
 
Fano
2009-01-23 4:27:03 PM  
The perfect murder, skippy.
 
thebeesknees
2009-01-23 4:27:10 PM  
[image from i368.photobucket.com too old to be available]

/is so glad he doesn't drive.
 
TheJowens
2009-01-23 4:27:51 PM  
I guess he had to tell her more than twice.
 
tedbundee
2009-01-23 4:29:35 PM  

granolasteak: Wow.

My husband and I have joked about my allergies...and how easily he could do away with me by putting cat hair on my pillow.

I predict we will see many more attempts at murder that have to do with food or animal hair.


And the crazy part is the guy gets "assault" and not attempted murder, well aware that such actions could be fatal.
 
farm machine
2009-01-23 4:30:52 PM  
Shouldn't the charges and penalties be less when dealing with weaker members of our species? The level of effort required to kill someone should really factor in. If a single peanut can kill you thats 20 minutes in time out at best.
 
the_chief
2009-01-23 4:31:25 PM  
Each year, over six billion children die from peanut allergy.
 
JamesLi
2009-01-23 4:31:37 PM  

Gumercules: redface: So here's an example of a guy who's got the right idea, but his execution is all wrong. Methinks he would've gotten better results if he just tossed a handful of peanuts at her.

Take a loaded shotgun and dump peanuts down the barrel. That'll get her and they will never know what happened.


Pretty sure they'd figure out she died from getting shot with a shotgun. But after the fact would be wondering "Why the fark are all these peanuts here?"
 
tedbundee
2009-01-23 4:32:10 PM  

Fano: The perfect murder, skippy.


Icy watt ewe deed dare
 
unelie
2009-01-23 4:32:33 PM  
I had a friend with a peanut allergy whose mother in law almost killed her by secretly putting peanuts in her food. MIL was only trying to prove that those allergies didn't exist and that people were making it up.

My friend got an apology while she was in the ICU.
 
Tyrosine
2009-01-23 4:33:10 PM  

Oekss: I know a guy who took a shiat on his girlfriends hood after they had gotten into a fight. He once also puked on a guys windshield at a bar after getting into an arguement with him.

Random, but I felt like sharing


You should consider finding better friends.
 
farm machine
2009-01-23 4:33:33 PM  

the_chief: Each year, over six billion children die from peanut allergy.


I hope we've instituted a recycling program for them.
 
The Crepes of Wrath
2009-01-23 4:33:37 PM  

unelie: I had a friend with a peanut allergy whose mother in law almost killed her by secretly putting peanuts in her food.


I imagine what would have happened if she secretly replaced her coffee with Folgers crystals.
 
xuanzhiyouxuan
2009-01-23 4:35:07 PM  

farm machine: the_chief: Each year, over six billion children die from peanut allergy.

I hope we've instituted a recycling program for them.


mulch
 
unelie
2009-01-23 4:35:57 PM  

The Crepes of Wrath: unelie: I had a friend with a peanut allergy whose mother in law almost killed her by secretly putting peanuts in her food.

I imagine what would have happened if she secretly replaced her coffee with Folgers crystals.


I lol'd

/But seriously, Folgers crystals suck.
 
dave2198
2009-01-23 4:36:13 PM  
What is it with subbys not reading their own articles today?

peanut butter?
 
BrotherMalcolm
2009-01-23 4:38:00 PM  
Sure - the US has more gun related homicides...but those Cannuck are crazy with the PB.

Where is the "Spreading for Columbine" mockumentary?
 
FunkOut
2009-01-23 4:40:37 PM  
There are signs up at our school saying not to bring in peanut butter, bananas, or latex. So no more bananas in PB filled condoms for anyone.
 
BrotherMalcolm
2009-01-23 4:40:46 PM  
Peanut butter doesn't kill people - people kill people (apparently with peanut butter)
 
Angry Buddha
2009-01-23 4:41:10 PM  

tedbundee: And the crazy part is the guy gets "assault" and not attempted murder


Assaulted peanuts?
 
Giza
2009-01-23 4:41:22 PM  

Fano: The perfect murder, skippy.


That's nuts.
 
bubbaprog
2009-01-23 4:42:19 PM  
Peanut allergies are purely psychosomatic. Nobody had peanut allergies until they started hearing about other people with peanut allergies.
 
FunkOut
2009-01-23 4:45:12 PM  

bubbaprog: Peanut allergies are purely psychosomatic. Nobody had peanut allergies until they started hearing about other people with peanut allergies.


I heard the same thing about people with allergies to trolls.
 
Warpigpen
2009-01-23 4:46:54 PM  

The Crepes of Wrath: A Canadian man has been charged with assault using peanut oil he allegedly smeared on a car door handle to make his allergic former fiancee ill, police said Friday.

Not peanut butter, peanut oil. Could be an important part of his defense because the allergens that cause problems aren't generally in the oil.


I came here to say that. My son is peanut allergic, but can still eat at Chik-Fil-A where the food is cooked in peanut oil.
 
JamesLi
2009-01-23 4:48:34 PM  

bubbaprog: Peanut allergies are purely psychosomatic. Nobody had peanut allergies until they started hearing about other people with peanut allergies.


unelie: I had a friend with a peanut allergy whose mother in law almost killed her by secretly putting peanuts in her food. MIL was only trying to prove that those allergies didn't exist and that people were making it up.

My friend got an apology while she was in the ICU.


Apparently someone would like a word with you, bubbaprog
 
Fano
2009-01-23 4:52:52 PM  

JamesLi: bubbaprog: Peanut allergies are purely psychosomatic. Nobody had peanut allergies until they started hearing about other people with peanut allergies.

unelie: I had a friend with a peanut allergy whose mother in law almost killed her by secretly putting peanuts in her food. MIL was only trying to prove that those allergies didn't exist and that people were making it up.

My friend got an apology while she was in the ICU.

Apparently someone would like a word with you, bubbaprog


She subconsciouly sensed peanuts. That's maintaining the charade hardcore.
 
Inibrius
2009-01-23 4:56:07 PM  

The Crepes of Wrath: unelie: I had a friend with a peanut allergy whose mother in law almost killed her by secretly putting peanuts in her food.

I imagine what would have happened if she secretly replaced her coffee with Folgers crystals.


BOOKMAN: Yeah, you don't drink coffee? How about instant coffee?

JERRY: No, I don't have--

BOOKMAN: You don't have any instant coffee?

JERRY: Well, I don't normally--

BOOKMAN: Who doesn't have instant coffee?

JERRY: I don't.

BOOKMAN: You buy a jar of Folger's Crystals, you put it in the cupboard, you

forget about it. Then later on when you need it, it's there. It lasts

forever. It's freeze-dried. Freeze-dried Crystals.

JERRY: Really? I'll have to remember that.
 
HoratioGates
2009-01-23 4:58:53 PM  

wildcardjack: Peanut butter can kill anyone these days, what with the regular salmonella contamination.


I wonder if they could charge him with two counts, one for the allergen, one for the salmonella... and maybe biological warfare.
 
CheekyMonkey
2009-01-23 5:00:04 PM  
Oekss: I know a guy who took a shiat on his girlfriends hood after they had gotten into a fight. He once also puked on a guys windshield at a bar after getting into an arguement with him.

Why did the guy bring his windshield to a bar?
 
shtychkn
2009-01-23 5:02:29 PM  

Inibrius: The Crepes of Wrath: unelie: I had a friend with a peanut allergy whose mother in law almost killed her by secretly putting peanuts in her food.

I imagine what would have happened if she secretly replaced her coffee with Folgers crystals.

BOOKMAN: Yeah, you don't drink coffee? How about instant coffee?

JERRY: No, I don't have--

BOOKMAN: You don't have any instant coffee?

JERRY: Well, I don't normally--

BOOKMAN: Who doesn't have instant coffee?

JERRY: I don't.

BOOKMAN: You buy a jar of Folger's Crystals, you put it in the cupboard, you

forget about it. Then later on when you need it, it's there. It lasts

forever. It's freeze-dried. Freeze-dried Crystals.

JERRY: Really? I'll have to remember that.


Don''t you love it when you can copy information from one thread to make a relevant post in another?
 
barefoot in the head
2009-01-23 5:02:42 PM  

Warpigpen: I came here to say that. My son is peanut allergic, but can still eat at Chik-Fil-A where the food is cooked in peanut oil.


Layman's guess, but I wonder if that is because cooking causes the offending proteins to become denatured.
 
bukketmaster
2009-01-23 5:03:56 PM  
his fiancees car

Today's headline without punctuation brought to you by submitter.

angryflower.comView Full Size
 
Gumercules
2009-01-23 5:04:14 PM  

CheekyMonkey: Oekss: I know a guy who took a shiat on his girlfriends hood after they had gotten into a fight. He once also puked on a guys windshield at a bar after getting into an arguement with him.

Why did the guy bring his windshield to a bar?


I can't figure out why she would just lay there with her legs open why he shiat on her hood. Was it peirced? Could cause an infection if you ask me..
 
nosferatublue
2009-01-23 5:07:59 PM  
As someone who always licks the door handle before opening it, I find this concerning.
 
mkreamer
2009-01-23 5:17:38 PM  

Warpigpen: The Crepes of Wrath: A Canadian man has been charged with assault using peanut oil he allegedly smeared on a car door handle to make his allergic former fiancee ill, police said Friday.

Not peanut butter, peanut oil. Could be an important part of his defense because the allergens that cause problems aren't generally in the oil.

I came here to say that. My son is peanut allergic, but can still eat at Chik-Fil-A where the food is cooked in peanut oil.



Interesting. But not always the case. I'm allergic to peanuts and peanut oil. I've never heard of one without the other, but then again, I don't care all that much.

/and no, I don't care if you eat them on airplanes or in your classroom
 
justoneznot
2009-01-23 5:22:57 PM  
You ever notice that these people with deathly peanut allergies always have someone trying to kill them?
 
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