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(Yahoo)   Government pays for spoiled celeb Panda to fly first class to wild sex orgy   ( divider line
    More: Weird  
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6645 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Jan 2003 at 1:30 PM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

72 Comments     (+0 »)

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2003-01-15 09:17:17 AM  
"The 11-year-old male panda, whose name means Lofty, travelled in style with several trunk loads of food including lots of its favourite fresh bamboo, the news agency said late on Tuesday."

Man, I wasn't getting any when I was 11.
2003-01-15 09:46:09 AM  
I guess that's 11 in doggie-years. Or panda-years. Or maybe I'm just insane. What's the average life span of a panda, anyway?
2003-01-15 10:03:35 AM  
When you really think about it, is there anything more romantic than two pandas getting it on?
2003-01-15 11:11:51 AM  
But when they send Chinese girls over here to breed w/ me then it's "prostitution" and "illegal".
i hate pandas.
2003-01-15 11:16:40 AM  
Oddly, the headline is pretty acurate.
2003-01-15 11:28:01 AM  
WickedWanda:- 10 to 20 in the wild, up to 30 in captivity. You can tell the age by the rings around the eyes, which are caused by staying up late and surfing for panda-porn, hence captive pandas with their better access to broadband connections have larger blacker rings.
2003-01-15 11:32:22 AM  
acurate = accurate.

If you were going to correct me, stop and ask yourself, "why am I compelled to be so annoying"
2003-01-15 11:50:10 AM  
I can't reproduce, either. Maybe I should get the govt to help me?
2003-01-15 12:03:16 PM  
Panda, you say? And what do I have to exaggerate on my resume to get this job?
2003-01-15 12:31:10 PM  
what do I have to exaggerate on my resume to get this job?

Hairiness, ability to grunt in Chinese, and impotence.
2003-01-15 01:33:54 PM  
I like doing it "Panda Style"
2003-01-15 01:35:31 PM  
Corky & the Juicepigs - `the Pandas must die'

Funny & Canuckian (of course)
2003-01-15 01:35:38 PM  
They need to listen to more Barry White.
2003-01-15 01:36:32 PM  
They're also paying for him to shoot bamboo...
2003-01-15 01:36:56 PM  
In other news, has anyone seen Drew latley?
2003-01-15 01:37:38 PM  
Anyone see Robin Williams' HBO special? He commented on why the Panda's don't mate.

"That is one ugly Panda biatch. If you knew anything about Pandas, you would know that I would not fark her. I would not fark her with a Koala's dick."

Guess all the good tail is far away.
2003-01-15 01:38:11 PM  
Hi, Government? Um...I just wanted to tell you guys, you know, that I'm a panda, and stuff. And,'d be kind of cool if you could hook me up with that whole jet and orgy thing that that other panda got. Because, ya know, fair is fair, n' stuff.
MyrnaMinkoff, A Panda

(PS could you please make my orgy humans and not pandas. Thanks)
2003-01-15 01:38:29 PM  
Soooo cute.
2003-01-15 01:38:34 PM  
"It's sexual harassment Panda"
2003-01-15 01:40:12 PM  
Why don't the pandas just have an ostrich act as a "fluffer?" I hear they're real skanky.
2003-01-15 01:40:14 PM  
I'd like to see pictures of these pandas gettin' it on, but only for research purposes.
2003-01-15 01:40:37 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2003-01-15 01:41:25 PM  
Baiyun: "When is that spicy chinese take-out going to get here"?
2003-01-15 01:43:13 PM  
Let Steve Irwin find this out and he'll make a special on the mating habits of Pandas. He'll jump right in and say: "Crikey, these are some mean little buggers. Let's wraastle them in position for maximum ejaculation."
2003-01-15 01:44:28 PM  
Oh, God, you make me so HOT.

[image from too old to be available]
2003-01-15 01:45:10 PM  
gives new meaning to "Panda Express"

& hopefully a tastier one, too.
2003-01-15 01:45:28 PM  
Too bad the pandas can't just live in their natural habitat.
2003-01-15 01:45:34 PM  
I wish the gov't would pay for me to get laid.....damn
2003-01-15 01:45:48 PM  
/me is the father.
2003-01-15 01:48:26 PM  
Whoops. Stupid image source.

God, you make me SO HOT.

[image from too old to be available]
2003-01-15 01:49:49 PM  
maybe all male pandas are gay.
2003-01-15 01:51:30 PM  
Sounds like this panda is gonna be getting more action than I will be. Christ that's farking pathetic.
2003-01-15 01:54:22 PM  
MmmmmMMmmm Panda meat is tasty!!
2003-01-15 01:55:01 PM  
Will TSG have the video?
2003-01-15 01:56:25 PM  
You know, these pandas have probably taken a vow to be celibate for their Panda God, and here we are forcing them to break their vows. Stop the tyrrany of the superior species!
2003-01-15 01:59:19 PM  
i've said it before, but i'll say it again:

i think the problem is that all the pandas left are ugly, totally unfarkable two-baggers. all the hot pandas tended to get shot two-at-a-time.
2003-01-15 01:59:48 PM  
According to the articles, Pandas are bears. They are not, they are more closely related to the racooon family.
2003-01-15 02:01:15 PM  
They look like bears to me. Hey everyone, MisterSpim thinks pandas are big raccoons! He probably also things that spiders aren't insects. Stupid farkers.
2003-01-15 02:02:32 PM  
I seem to remember posting the following Sifl & Olly transscript fairly recently (the article was about Panda porn). I'm still drunk on panda mystery:

The Panda Song

Sifl: No WAY, dude, you're outta here!
Panda Dude: I have to sing my tale to the panda!
Sifl: You can't sing... you're not a musician...don't let him do this!
Panda Dude: This next song is the new first song on our new album.
Olly: WHAT?!

Panda Dude:

This is not a rebel song... This is.. the PANDA!

After dark, the pandas stalk,
Nightmare creatures, with black hearts.
Ravenous teeth that glow in the dark,
Feasting on bums that sleep in the park!

The pandas are coming!
So hide under your beds!
The pandas are coming!
They'll rip your ass to shreds!

(Sifl: get out of the studio
Olly: yeah, get out of here, dude
Sifl: Hey, Pandaboy
Panda Dude: I SHAN'T!)

The panda is indeed the most mysterious of all creatures
Shrouded in the enigma of his black and white coat
What kind of camouflage is this, black and white?
Hiding in an Oreo factory? Could be!
That's just another chapter in the ominous saga of the panda!

The pandas are coming
To rip off your head!
The pandas are coming
On a rampage of the dead!

Like the shark, the panda has millions of teeth
Which it uses like a hacksaw to cut through bone, candy, and fences
The Chinese believe that if you find a discarded panda tooth
You have the power to summon Godzilla
I'm drunk on panda mystery!

The pandas are coming!
So hide under your bed!
The pandas are coming!
They'll rip your ass to shreds!

This has been chapter 1 in my ongoing songs about the panda, which shall cease at number 820. You will see me again, Mr. Sifl!

Sifl: Just get a clue.
Panda Dude: Get a PANDA!
2003-01-15 02:04:05 PM  
Wow, talk about pressure to perform! Getting flown all over the world to pound some hot Panda-ass. He must be quite the stud-Panda.
2003-01-15 02:05:59 PM  
just for heatseeker:
the panda song in mp3

man, this thread is full of used material.

well, i'm not going to use my a-list stuff for charity.
2003-01-15 02:06:10 PM  
wasnt there a fark article a while back about pandas who get porn videos too? To help them remember how pandas do the nasty? Apparently they do it panda style. Maybey some farkers will be reincarnated one day as pandas, and you can have all the thai-bamboo stick you want
2003-01-15 02:06:41 PM  
Odd. Normally only Democrats get to use government funds to sponser their sex orgies.
2003-01-15 02:06:53 PM  
"I wanted to put a bullet between the eyes of every panda that wouldn't screw to save its species."
2003-01-15 02:10:46 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2003-01-15 02:12:40 PM  
Now start humming "Muskrat Love",and replace "muskrat" with "panda".

Absolutely charming.
2003-01-15 02:15:54 PM  
Let me be the first to say: I'd hit it
2003-01-15 02:20:53 PM  
I've got jungle panda fever, she's got jungle (panda) fever

We've got jungle (panda) fever, we're in love

She's gone black-boy (panda) crazy, I've gone white-girl (panda) hazy

Ain't no thinking maybe, we're in love

She's got jungle (panda) fever, I've got jungle (panda)fever

We've got jungle (panda) fever, we're in love

I've gone white-girl (panda) crazy, she's gone black-boy (panda) hazy

We're each other's baby, we're in love
2003-01-15 02:21:46 PM  
Monkeyknife: Honestly, no there isnt. (sigh)
2003-01-15 02:29:52 PM  
Someday in the future an ugly assed panda will be born
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