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(News.com.au)   Aussie uses can of rum to save himself from a snake bite. On his penis. Penissssssss   (news.com.au) divider line
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10914 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Jun 2008 at 7:56 AM (12 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



92 Comments     (+0 »)
 


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2008-06-11 2:47:14 AM  
Can of rum?
 
2008-06-11 2:58:34 AM  
I wish America had cans of rum.

dammit
 
2008-06-11 4:51:16 AM  
You know, whiskey dick is much more traditional.
 
2008-06-11 5:26:46 AM  
This article raises so many questions...

can of rum?
bit on the penis?
called his mom?

...and that's just the first paragraph.
 
2008-06-11 7:14:46 AM  
I can't even fathom what he was doing to a snake with his penis that pissed the snake off.
 
2008-06-11 7:26:16 AM  
I_C_Weener: I can't even fathom what he was doing to a snake with his penis that pissed the snake off.

Must have been a spitting cobra.


/sick, but amuses me.
 
2008-06-11 8:01:13 AM  
"I squatted down ... I reckon I must've nearly sat on his head," he said. As soon as I felt it, I yelled. It really hurt.
When it happened, I knew in the back of my mind it was a snake.

"I seen him coming out from between my legs."

Ummm...he saw a snake between his legs. That's awesome!

Why was he squatting to pee?
 
2008-06-11 8:03:20 AM  
FTA"They've been saying things like 'It was a trouser snake fight' and 'He (the snake) saw the competition and got scared',"

Oh man, are Australian doctors awsome or what.
 
2008-06-11 8:03:41 AM  
Penile extensions. You're doing it wrong.
 
2008-06-11 8:04:05 AM  
Brown snake... turn to... brown stick!
 
2008-06-11 8:05:06 AM  
I'm going to assume (by the picture and Scrub Bars on the cruiser) that he was out bush... So He was probably taking a Dump, hence the squat.
 
2008-06-11 8:05:58 AM  
3_Butt_Cheeks: Why was he squatting to pee?

Well shiat, I can't even imagine what else someone could be doing, squatting down with their pants off and junk flapping in the breeze.
 
2008-06-11 8:06:46 AM  
A rattlesnake bites Johnny on his tackle.

"Don't panic," says Johnny's camping pal, "My trusty medical manual'll tell us what to do."

He looks down at the book and finds the manual prescribes cutting an X on the snake bite, then sucking out the venom.

The befuddled pal keeps re-reading the advice to himself.

"What's it say?" asks Johnny, panicking.

"Says you're going to die."

/oldie but goodie
 
2008-06-11 8:08:54 AM  
3_Butt_Cheeks:

Why was he squatting to pee?



if he's drinking rum by the CAN, I think he was squatting because he couldn't any longer stand.
 
2008-06-11 8:12:03 AM  
"He got me about halfway down," he said

About 5 inches from the end... yeah.
 
2008-06-11 8:12:13 AM  
envenomated? What does that mean?
 
2008-06-11 8:12:59 AM  
I'd be impressed if he was using the rum to get the taste of venom out of his mouth.
 
2008-06-11 8:13:51 AM  
img363.imageshack.usView Full Size

Ahh Bundy rum, is there anything it can't do?
 
2008-06-11 8:15:54 AM  
CasperImproved: envenomated? What does that mean?

That's the correct terminology for being poisoned by a snake or other venomous creature


/Nollige.
//Not Yours.
 
2008-06-11 8:18:16 AM  
I_C_Weener: I can't even fathom what he was doing to a snake with his penis that pissed the snake off.

Sword fight?
Staring contest?
 
2008-06-11 8:18:59 AM  
Do not taunt unhappy fun snake.
 
2008-06-11 8:21:42 AM  
Jazzycat: CasperImproved: envenomated? What does that mean?

That's the correct terminology for being poisoned by a snake or other venomous creature


/Nollige.
//Not Yours.


And being an a$$hat is yours....

Not familiar with the word, the webword did not get a hit, or offer web search.

I assume you are use to being ignored by most of the people you know given your people skills.
 
2008-06-11 8:23:25 AM  
techmom:
Staring contest?


Well that's not fair, his only has one eye.
 
2008-06-11 8:23:35 AM  
Mr Zutt's friend sucked the venom out, drove him to a medical centre before he was moved to a hospital for further tests which showed he was not envenomated, straight.
 
2008-06-11 8:25:24 AM  
"I seen him coming out from between my legs."

Correction; "I SAW him coming out from between my legs.

/not a language cop.
/not even a cop.
 
2008-06-11 8:33:46 AM  
Great, as if there weren't enough to worry about nowadays, now we have to avoid gay snakes too.

/needs an drink
 
2008-06-11 8:36:07 AM  
Ok, I have to ask...was this guy naked? Did he wave his member in front of the snake? Did the snake bite his penis when it found out that it was really not a snake with one eye?
 
2008-06-11 8:39:02 AM  
3 cheers for rum!!!
 
2008-06-11 8:44:32 AM  
i2.photobucket.comView Full Size

Leave Jazzycat alone!
 
2008-06-11 8:46:51 AM  
I rarely LOL even when I find shiat funny.
I came here for the funny and the Fark didn't disappoint. I was rolling!!!
 
2008-06-11 8:47:37 AM  
For that matter: How can you tell if a snake is gay?

/thhhhhhhhhhhhh...
 
2008-06-11 8:50:57 AM  
So...

Rum (in a can, so it's more likely it was the substance known as "not rum") was used to help ease the pain of a snakebite to to his groin (which had no venom in it) while he called his mother to say goodbye (from a cellphone tower in the outback?)but he was really alright after all.

In otherwords, the headline should be something like "Snake bites man in his PETA." or "PSA: The term trouser snake is not meant to be taken literally" or some other headline where the involvement of rum is none at all because RUM HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS STORY!!!
 
2008-06-11 8:51:32 AM  
Psssh- why use perfectly good rum when you could find some college coed to suck the venom out FOR you?
/sheesh
 
2008-06-11 9:00:29 AM  
doglover: So...

Rum (in a can, so it's more likely it was the substance known as "not rum") was used to help ease the pain of a snakebite to to his groin (which had no venom in it) while he called his mother to say goodbye (from a cellphone tower in the outback?)but he was really alright after all.

In otherwords, the headline should be something like "Snake bites man in his PETA." or "PSA: The term trouser snake is not meant to be taken literally" or some other headline where the involvement of rum is none at all because RUM HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS STORY!!!


Now now, don't be in denial. Rum ALWAYS saves, ALWAYS.

(and they probably got cell coverage in the outback. This is 2008 :) )
 
2008-06-11 9:03:25 AM  
At least the poison wasn't necrotic. I read a story about a guy who got bit by a snake with necrotic venom. It took over a year for his arm to completely heal because they had to remove the dead tissue (pretty much all his skin and muscle) and let it regrow. For a while, he went around with a clear casing over his arm through which you could see his bones/ligaments.

Creepy.

/Hooray for Morbid Fact Du Jour!
//Hooray for The Comtesse Despair!
 
2008-06-11 9:07:23 AM  
So THAT is why the rum is gone.

/had to be done.
 
2008-06-11 9:08:39 AM  
CasperImproved: I assume you are use to being ignored by most of the people you know given your people skills.


home.roadrunner.comView Full Size


 
2008-06-11 9:09:05 AM  
img521.imageshack.usView Full Size

/your badger wants snake
 
2008-06-11 9:10:29 AM  
theamericanmind.com
/and 'shrooms
 
2008-06-11 9:13:14 AM  
Pippin: "It comes in cans? I'm getting one..."
 
2008-06-11 9:14:12 AM  
This thread made my morning. Thanks guys.

It's great that the guy made it. That would be a really sad way to go out.

/competition, rum in a can, etc.
//glad I can't get canned rum around here, I probably wouldn't be alive.
 
2008-06-11 9:15:11 AM  
TFA: Daryl Zutt said of his now notorious encounter with a brown snake during a roadside toilet stop

That's not a snake...
 
2008-06-11 9:17:50 AM  
..And you should have heard that snake's husband when she came home with dick on her breath
 
2008-06-11 9:18:42 AM  
Also, from T Full FA: He praised all staff who helped him, especially Dr Natasha Coventry and the hospital's nurses.

My guess is they tried to suck out the venom anyway.
 
2008-06-11 9:18:47 AM  
"I thought, 'Maybe, this is it. Maybe, I'm gonna cark fark it'."
 
2008-06-11 9:20:27 AM  
"I thought, 'Maybe, this is it. Maybe, I'm gonna cark it'."

What is 'cark it'? Becoming a carcass? Never heard that term before.
 
2008-06-11 9:25:08 AM  
pureobscure: "I thought, 'Maybe, this is it. Maybe, I'm gonna cark it'."

What is 'cark it'? Becoming a carcass? Never heard that term before.


Verb; cark it Austral & NZ slang to die
 
2008-06-11 9:27:19 AM  
So this being an Australian, he drank the rum afterwards I suppose.
 
2008-06-11 9:29:12 AM  
Lumoclear: So this being an Australian, he drank the rum afterwards I suppose.

I'm guessing he has a deal with the snake. "Next time I bite you."
 
2008-06-11 9:29:59 AM  
Lumoclear: So this being an Australian, he drank the rum afterwards I suppose.

Does the pope shiat in the woods?
 
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