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(Canada.com)   "There is a positive correlation between unpopular first names and juvenile delinquency," according to researchers not named Ernest   ( canada.com) divider line
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10446 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Jun 2008 at 4:32 AM (9 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2008-06-09 08:36:12 AM  
What about Engelbert Humperdinck?
2008-06-09 08:40:33 AM  
Dinobot: What about Engelbert Humperdinck?

Slut Bunwalla?
2008-06-09 08:41:38 AM  
OttoDog: jayrman123: How about the stupid names that parents are coming up with now? There is a kid in the neighborhood named, and get this, Bourbon. His father is an actual alcoholic. Or naming a child after a city? Denver, Dallas, Austin, Melbourne, Cheyenne, or even Berkeley. Or how about kids with strange names: Alchamy, Banjo, Cash, Chase, Lace (boy), Armand Hammer...


Cash = my grandfather's name.

You still have to check out the link. I think some of these names were made up by parents who were high on crack.
2008-06-09 08:53:41 AM  

With a name like that, who can blame them. You are obviously a terrorist. Everyone knows that Harold is the leading name for them!

Yeah well, they told me if I submitted a form and paid $400 then they would likely let me come in. So, when you're asked to sacrifice in the name of security, just write them a check for $400.
2008-06-09 09:02:43 AM  
came here to mention freakanomics...was beaten to the punch.

/will go back to my hole
2008-06-09 09:07:50 AM  
I believe it.

2008-06-09 09:10:48 AM  
Oznog: There is a positive correlation between serial killers and the middle name "Wayne".

What's up with that? I need to know, because MY middle name IS "Wayne".

Holy cow that's a lot of Waynes! Where'd you get that list?
2008-06-09 09:11:19 AM  
daffy: blueviking
I have that with my last name. As soon as I here it being mispronounced I know it's someone I don't want to talk to.

Same here, 'cept mine's hyphenated, so I have double the opportunity! They're not that hard to pronounce, though, so I wonder why so many people screw 'em up.

/has five names total
//first middle confirmation last1-last2
///I fear for any kids I might have
2008-06-09 09:24:43 AM  
buenohead: Oznog: There is a positive correlation between serial killers and the middle name "Wayne".

What's up with that? I need to know, because MY middle name IS "Wayne".

Holy cow that's a lot of Waynes! Where'd you get that list?

Anybody who'd go to the trouble to make that list is about to go over the edge. It's fate. Oznog, you're about to become a Fark headline.

/Just make it somewhat funny, please.
2008-06-09 09:29:36 AM  
thelordofcheese: KramericaWallet: Letrine. What a lovely name. How did your parents choose it?
Actually, I changed it.
You changed your name to Letrine? What was it before?


More like butchered.
/It used to be shiathouse (<- family name)
//Abe Lincoln

Did you say "Hey, Blinkin'?"
2008-06-09 09:32:27 AM  
I believe it.

//yes, I've done time
2008-06-09 09:33:18 AM  
///as a minor, no less.
2008-06-09 09:35:54 AM  
Youse guise who are cracking on inventive "urban" names should take a stroll through a cemetery with 18th century tombstones. IMHO, names like "Shaniqua" ain't nearly as odd as some of the goofball names these decedent's parents gave them.
2008-06-09 09:40:52 AM  
Con_Authority: A man named Sue?

Came in here to say this, although I think it's "a boy named Sue."
2008-06-09 09:41:37 AM  
My kid went to school with a girl named Vohnique - Mom got mad when it was mis-spelled or mispronounced (Van Eek Wa)
2008-06-09 09:42:52 AM  
Never met, or even heard of, a Quentin that wasn't entirely farked in the head.
2008-06-09 09:45:02 AM  
buenohead: Oznog: There is a positive correlation between serial killers and the middle name "Wayne".

What's up with that? I need to know, because MY middle name IS "Wayne".

Holy cow that's a lot of Waynes! Where'd you get that list?

This seems to be his source. Are you to lazy too google?

2008-06-09 09:49:10 AM  
The correlation would be even stronger if not for the Mormons skewing the results.

2008-06-09 09:50:40 AM  
mtylerjr: When my first son was born 2 years ago, I really wanted to name him "Metatron"

Metatron, although sounding like a saturday morning cartoon character, is actually a jewish talmudic name, and thought to be the name of the angel that prevented Abraham from killing sacrificing his son... Also, some jews believe that he is also the same being that was the prophet Enoch:


I thought it would be "Kind of cool" but my wife said it was "Kind of really really stupid" and "Kind of no way in heck Im letting you name him that"

you wife was wise in this instance. actually, you are a bit of a tool for even considering it, to be honest. any other farkers agree?
2008-06-09 09:55:58 AM  
``We're arguing it's not the name per se, that causes the juvenile to behave badly, but it's the family background,'' he said....``It's all right to give unique names to your children, but make sure you become a good parent.''

We needed a whole article to tell people "be a good parent"?

/and enough with the Michaels, Johns, Davids, and so forth.
2008-06-09 09:57:30 AM  
Whereas I'm a paragon of virtue.
/Max Supernova
2008-06-09 10:05:45 AM  
idrow: diesel3: Shawanda understands:

My stepdaughter works at the Cheesecake Factory and Shawanda and her family asked to have their 'skrimps' wrapped to go. So she packed them up and wrote 'skrimps' on the styro box. I still giggle at that when I think of it.

From now on, I will refer to all restaurant left-overs as skrimps. That is awesome.
2008-06-09 10:06:41 AM  
Lemonjello and Orangello?
2008-06-09 10:07:05 AM  
I owe my mother a huge debt. My father wanted to call me Gerdunza and my brother Gork. Instead I recieved a fairly normal name and have become a semi-productive member of society. Thanks mom!
2008-06-09 10:10:07 AM  
/is an Alessandro
//has an expunged juvie record
///lends credence

Yes, it's popular in Italy, but we're not in freaking Italy, are we?
2008-06-09 10:18:16 AM  
Dr. S: "Wait! Did you know that there's a direct correlation between the decline of Spirograph and the rise in gang activity? Think about it."
Bart: "I will."
Dr. S: "No, you won't."
2008-06-09 10:18:33 AM  
FTA: His study, the first to examine the link between names and crime, compiled the first names of all males born between 1987 and 1991 in a large unnamed American state,

With all those parents coming up with unusual names for their kids, you'd think that they would be able to choose a name for the state!
2008-06-09 10:20:15 AM  
My brother taught on the east side of Detroit, here are three names of his former students

Martel and his sister Alizee (both named after the liquors)
2008-06-09 10:20:41 AM  
I wonder where "Jamaal" scores on the old crime/name scale...?
2008-06-09 10:23:55 AM  
Feelin' fine.

2008-06-09 10:24:46 AM  
I have never been arrested, yet.

2008-06-09 10:30:40 AM  
Correlation != Causation
2008-06-09 10:32:57 AM  
I worked at a school for juvenile delinquent boys for a couple of years and truthfully 25% of them were named Michael.

Then as time passed, we got Brandons and Codys and Austins and such. I even think we had a couple of Dakotas.

Coolest name ever: First name was Mister. Last name was...well, it began with a T. He relished that name.

Honestly though, I don't think the names were any different from any cross section of a typical public school. Although this is rural New England, so typical may not be a proper word here.

/doesn't work there any more, thank god
2008-06-09 10:33:20 AM  
daffy: I used to hate my name. Maureen. Having read all of the names you've posted, I think I'll keep it. Commence with the Stooges jokes!

I have 2 comments for you that should make you feel a little better about your name...

First, I have an Aunt Maureen in England. She's very sweet and has the most beautiful garden in her backyard that I have ever seen.

Second, at least your parents weren't pretentious psuedo Euro-trash (I mean that affectionately) like mine (Dad from Ireland, Mom from Switzerland) who decided to give me TWO MIDDLE NAMES.

...James Liam...

You got off easy!
2008-06-09 10:36:40 AM  
Tell me about it...
2008-06-09 10:40:07 AM  
Freakonomics did it.

It's not the name.

A kid with the name "Aidan" who grows up in Compton will still likely (not definitely) grow up to be a criminal.

A kid with the name "Jamaal" who grows up in Malibu will still likely (not definitely) grow up to not be a criminal.
2008-06-09 10:42:21 AM  
However, with a name like Dwayne Elizondo Mountain-Dew Herbert Camacho, you could be a porn star, five-time ultimate smackdown champion, and President of America.
2008-06-09 10:58:05 AM  
Where's the "that's racist" kid? Sigh...
2008-06-09 11:23:41 AM  
Haha! I believe it, too.

/I have a popular medication as my namesake
//Elementary school was unbearable
2008-06-09 11:32:13 AM  
jawnjawn: Haha! I believe it, too.

/I have a popular medication as my namesake
//Elementary school was unbearable

2008-06-09 11:34:22 AM  
Tentacle: jawnjawn: Haha! I believe it, too.

/I have a popular medication as my namesake
//Elementary school was unbearable


2008-06-09 11:40:34 AM  
And "Brandi", "Krystal", and "Missy" will all end up pole-dancing.
2008-06-09 11:43:24 AM  
Tentacle: jawnjawn: Haha! I believe it, too.

/I have a popular medication as my namesake
//Elementary school was unbearable


No, Allegra. It was a first name before it was a medication (I assume it's a last name, too, and that that's how they got the name for the medicine).
But now that I think about it, it might not have come out until I was in middle school. Either way, it certainly gave everyone a default way to make fun of me... and STILL it is very rare that someone doesn't comment on it when we meet for the first time.
2008-06-09 11:51:35 AM  
Ow My Balls: I was a 6th-grade teacher a decade ago in a small rural "trailer park" school. I'm not normally one to paint with a broad brush, but if you name your son Cody you just might be the butt of a Jeff Foxworthy joke...

I once knew this blue collar single mother who had a 10 year old boy named "Cote". She pronounced it "ko-tay" "you know, like the place in France".

I didn't have the heart to tell her it wasn't pronounced that way.

/can't believe no one else noticed that for 10 years
2008-06-09 11:53:12 AM  
as a chemist, I've always wanted "pHred" (pronounced like Fred).
Or just name the kid Adam, spell normally, but pronounce it weird, like "BOB".

/Not planning on kids anytime soon.
2008-06-09 11:55:16 AM  
rga184: Dubai Vol: If you're going to name your kid something unusual, do it right. Shakespeare named a character PORTIA That would be a cool name. Porsche, that is stupid, even if it is pronounced the same. It screams "my parents were illiterate!"

Oh, no shiat!

Always saw parents who said they were going to name their kid Stephanie, but they were going to spell it STAFEENEE or some insane shiat like that. I guess they wanted to be unique but had no imagination. Go browse a baby book at the checkout line if you can't afford one, and pick something unusual but at least spell it right!

Seriously, don't give them a common name with a common spelling that they're doomed to ALWAYS have to stop and spell for people because people will just spell them the way they know it to be spelled. Nobody's going to hear somebody's name is James and assume it's spelled Jaymes or something.

No racial or ethnic group is immune to dumbarse names in my experience. It's mostly a function of parent's level of education. Now, the TYPE of name is race or culture dependent. So you do see AA patients go with D'Rone or Shaniqua, and white patients go with Candee or Bambee or Codee (you know, kinda typical names but they spell them differentely). Hispanics (and I've seen this here as well as in Mexican hospitals) go with typical american names but spelled phonetically in spanish, so Jaimie will become Yeymi, and Brian will become Brayan.

I don't know about other cultures as we mostly had hispanic, black and white lower socioeconomic groups at our hospitals. But again, it was mostly level of education, not race-dependent. The only thing that changed between races was the type of name, not the level of stupidity of it.

If I could continue your rant from the perspective of someone who HAS a name spelled the 'correct' way (in English).

I don't think I've come across a single person that has used the correct spelling for my name once. It isn't even a hard freaking name.

Unless you are going for the phonetic interpretation of Hebrew (Yishai), then please omit the 'i' and the 'y'.

//Not Jessi Jessie Jessy...
2008-06-09 12:01:50 PM  
I love how there's a correlation between strange names and teenage delinquency, but no mention of what happens to them as adults. I suspect that, like a lot of teen "delinquents," they sort themselves out.

I wonder what the correlation is between strange names and graduate degrees? I bet it's similar.
2008-06-09 12:02:31 PM  
blueviking: There are unique names, then there's:


Not kidding, I wish I were.

When you think about it objectively, you could name all your kids after diseases.

"This is my wife Nocturia, and our kids Pellagra, Lupus, Adenoma, Amblyopia, Brucellosis (we call him Bruce), Halitosis (Hal), Cholera, Dyspepsia, Malaria, and Impetigo."
2008-06-09 12:06:33 PM  
Whamdangler: I believe it


I know two guys named Attila and yes, they're Hungarian.

/nice guys
2008-06-09 12:06:36 PM  
Let me introduce you to my husband, Biggus Dickus.
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