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(Washington Post)   You know your campaign has become a joke when the Washington Post mocks you via a Monty Python skit   (washingtonpost.com) divider line
    More: Amusing  
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35493 clicks; posted to Main » and Politics » on 14 May 2008 at 5:50 AM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2008-05-14 2:39:23 AM  
img229.imageshack.usView Full Size
 
2008-05-14 2:42:04 AM  
Polly! Polly Parrot!!
 
2008-05-14 2:44:00 AM  
You know editors aren't caring when nobody bothers to check to see if "fjords" is spelled correctly.
 
2008-05-14 3:10:59 AM  
She's winning in Bolton.

(or is that Notlob?)
 
2008-05-14 4:08:03 AM  
This candidate has ceased to be!
 
2008-05-14 4:32:44 AM  
Yeah, I thought they were going to go the Black Knight route too.

Here's hoping that Clinton finally gives up...and becomes a lumberjack.
 
2008-05-14 5:59:08 AM  
Oh yeah, the old classic:

"We have found a witch, may we burn her?"

Oops, that's not the one they meant...
 
2008-05-14 5:59:29 AM  
Kublai Khan: Here's hoping that Clinton finally gives up...and becomes a lumberjack.

And thats ok
 
2008-05-14 6:00:19 AM  
She's just resting
 
2008-05-14 6:01:52 AM  
i32.tinypic.comView Full Size


"But I'm not dead yet!"
"Yes you are. You'll be stone cold dead in a moment."
 
2008-05-14 6:02:58 AM  
Hillary: I'm not dead yet!
Obama: Well, she will be soon, she's very ill.
 
2008-05-14 6:06:43 AM  
Fechez la vache!
 
2008-05-14 6:06:52 AM  
She's just waiting for Obama's "YAAAAAAAARGH!".

And if that doesn't happen, she's eminently prepared to pick at him until his surface area is so great that McCain will only have to go "boo" to bowl him over.

The philosophy behind this strategy is that of the heat and the kitchen: If Obama can't hold out against and old white woman, he won't stand a chance against the three-out-of-three "old white man" (and you've got to admit - McCain has all three, in truckloads). And as to the fact that she may be costing the dems their presidency - hey, it's her way or the highway. She ain't a lawyer fer nuthin'. This chick is *entitled".
 
2008-05-14 6:07:02 AM  
This thread is full of win.
 
2008-05-14 6:08:06 AM  
Alright, who nailed Hillary to the perch?
 
2008-05-14 6:08:10 AM  
Howard Dean: Bring out your dead!
[clang]
Bring out your dead!
Barack Obama: Here's one.
Howard Dean: Ninepence.
Hillary Clinton: I'm not dead!
Howard Dean: What?
Barack Obama: Nothing. Here's your ninepence.
Hillary Clinton: I'm not dead!
Howard Dean: 'Ere. He says he's not dead!
Barack Obama: Yes, he is.
Hillary Clinton: I'm not!
Howard Dean: He isn't?
Barack Obama: Well, he will be soon. He's very ill.
Hillary Clinton: I'm getting better!
Barack Obama: No, you're not. You'll be stone dead in a moment.
Howard Dean: Oh, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations.
Hillary Clinton: I don't want to go on the cart!
Barack Obama: Oh, don't be such a baby.
Howard Dean: I can't take him.
Hillary Clinton: I feel fine!
Barack Obama: Well, do us a favour.
Howard Dean: I can't.
Barack Obama: Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes? He won't be long.
Howard Dean: No, I've got to go to the Romney's. They've lost nine today.
Barack Obama: Well, when's your next round?
Howard Dean: Thursday.
Hillary Clinton: I think I'll go for a walk.
Barack Obama: You're not fooling anyone, you know. Look. Isn't there something you can do?
Hillary Clinton: [singing] I feel happy. I feel happy.
[whop]
Barack Obama: Ah, thanks very much.
Howard Dean: Not at all. See you on Thursday.
Barack Obama: Right. All right.
[howl]
[clop clop clop]
Who's that, then?
Howard Dean: I dunno. Must be a king.
Barack Obama: Why?
Howard Dean: He hasn't got shiat all over him.
 
2008-05-14 6:09:18 AM  
Hilary is the only hope the Democrat Party has. America will simply not vote for Obama. He will be McGoverned, Mondaled, Dukakised. Obama can't even close out the nomination of his own party. Dems will flock to McCain, especially since the Maverick image hasn't completely worn off even though it's obviously bs. McCain's biggest problem is the conservatives, but they aren't voting for anyone but him.
 
2008-05-14 6:10:00 AM  
She's just going over to the Zombie ticket.

Undead campaign for the undead.
 
2008-05-14 6:10:49 AM  
Beautiful plumage...
 
2008-05-14 6:11:47 AM  
ElPresidente: Well, we can bury her, burn her, or we can eat her.

/I vote burn to be safe


Thermite, I think. Yes, that'd do nicely.
 
2008-05-14 6:11:52 AM  
My nipples explode with delight!

/what?
 
2008-05-14 6:13:00 AM  
ElPresidente: Hmmm. I'll bet if Hillary was ahead, they wouldn't have portrayed Obama as the Black Knight.

I'll bet if Hillary was ahead, Obama would have withdraw months ago.
 
2008-05-14 6:13:34 AM  
ElPresidente: Well, we can bury her, burn her, or we can eat her.

/I vote burn to be safe


Can we build a bridge out of her?
 
2008-05-14 6:14:00 AM  
ElPresidente: Well, we can bury her, burn her, or we can eat her.

/I vote burn to be safe


Definitely not an eater.
 
2008-05-14 6:15:36 AM  
kidsizedcoffin: <b>ElPresidente:</b> <i>Well, we can bury her, burn her, or we can eat her.

/I vote burn to be safe</i>

Can we build a bridge out of her?


Wrong skit. Apparently you haven't seen the most awful (but hilarious) python skit ever. It should be like Fark's official python skit or something.
 
2008-05-14 6:16:02 AM  
Suicidal Writer: Hilary is the only hope the Democrat Party has. America will simply not vote for Obama. He will be McGoverned, Mondaled, Dukakised. Obama can't even close out the nomination of his own party. Dems will flock to McCain, especially since the Maverick image hasn't completely worn off even though it's obviously bs. McCain's biggest problem is the conservatives, but they aren't voting for anyone but him.

The people who are voting for Hillary are mainly in the north eastern states like New York, Pennsylvania, etc. You really think these very-much-so liberal states are going to suddenly switch to Republican? Your crystal ball is amazing.

/Your crystal meth even more so
 
2008-05-14 6:17:49 AM  
Go away or I will taunt you a second time!
 
2008-05-14 6:18:10 AM  
Suicidal Writer: Obama can't even close out the nomination of his own party.

I love this argument. I mean, what is he supposed to do, try to force her out or something? The primary is already over (as has been for quite a while)...if she refuses to see that though, there's not much he can do.

It wouldn't annoy me so much, but I've even heard it from real people.
 
2008-05-14 6:19:28 AM  
Luigi: I got a message from Hilary, her and some of the lads like this page a lot, but they think that the humourous impact will be somewhat dissipated by the prolongation of this article.

Drew: Well, I'm sorry you feel that way, it's just that...

Luigi: Nah, nah, she don't wan to tak about it. She just feels that this article should cease right now.

Drew: I disag...

//SCRAAATCH!

Luigi: Oh, sorry, squire, I've scratched the article .[CLICK!]Oh, sorry, squire, I've scratched the article .[CLICK!]Oh, sorry, squire, I've scratched the article .[CLICK!]Oh, sorry, squire, I've scratched the article .[CLICK!]...[HISSSSSSS!]
 
2008-05-14 6:20:40 AM  
Suicidal Writer: Hilary is the only hope the Democrat Party has.

If this is true...that explains why Bush has been in office for 2 terms. The Dems keep trotting out SUCH winners...

(See John Kerry and Al Gore).

I tend to sway Republican, yet I'm voting for Obama.

But that's right. Hillary can win white people, and Obama can't, so I'm *sure* he has no chance.

Wait, Obama does win over white people? O.O

Hillary being "the only hope" explains why she's divided the Democratic Party for her own gains and just refuses to give in because it would hurt her poor wittle pride.

Are we going to have to deal with a bunch of Hillary supports sticking their heads out from underneath rocks now that Hillary won a state Obama didn't even bother campaigning in? It's obvious he can win pretty much any state in November, considering Indiana was initially supposed to be a clean sweep by Clinton, yet suddenly Obama campaigned there, and it became a 2 point contest.

Oh, don't forget the money aspect. He outspent her 2-1 in W. Virginia! (Although, that's probably because he can afford to do so. Money doesn't do as much as running yourself ragged.

Hillary, please, for humanity-sake. Leave. Suck it up and leave.
 
2008-05-14 6:21:19 AM  
Trinilos: The people who are voting for Hillary are mainly in the north eastern states like New York, Pennsylvania, etc. You really think these very-much-so liberal states are going to suddenly switch to Republican? Your crystal ball is amazing.

/Your crystal meth even more so


Disregard the troll and put it on your ignore list. That non-person never has anything worthwhile to say, and is always posting ramblings contrary to popular sentiment, logic and, quite often, fact. I would lay the verbal smackdown on it, but it would be lost on such a worthless waste of the earth´s resources. It´s Czarangelus on crank, and I, for one, will not support his self-loathing habit.

/Czarangelus:
Why, I'm just a pedophile racist rapist madman liberal left-wing militant hippie serf sinner terrorist queer, aren't I?
 
2008-05-14 6:23:38 AM  
It just seems more and more to me that the only reason she's staying in the race is to sabotage the possibility of an Obama victory; so she can go "I told you so.." the next time around

I really can't think of any other reason that makes sense - but of course I understand little of the US election system, which to me seems arbitrary and confusing - kindof like your different sport leagues and stuff

/non american
 
2008-05-14 6:28:24 AM  
West Virginia has an airport capable of landing jets? Seems like a waste with Dulles just across the mountains.
 
2008-05-14 6:30:26 AM  
Trinilos:
The people who are voting for Hillary are mainly in the north eastern states like New York, Pennsylvania, etc. You really think these very-much-so liberal states are going to suddenly switch to Republican? Your crystal ball is amazing.

/Your crystal meth even more so


These "liberal" states have liberal big cities. Hilary could carry NY easily, for obvious reasons. Obama has is pretty much guaranteed to win NY and MA. It's not such much because of liberals, but the Democrat culture. Pennsylvania is out of the question. NH is out of the question. The Northeast will finally have an increase in shades of red.

This is going to be easiest election for a Republican in a long time (since 88, where Dukakis was even up by double digits a few weeks before the election). McCain doesn't even have to put in effort. The Democrats have done the job for him. It's amazing to watch. Democrats still believe they have a chance to win.

Not only am I guaranteeing a McCain win. I'm guaranteeing that it will be by at least 5%. I'm also guaranteeing that not a single 2004 red state will go blue.

Hilary could have pulled it off, but the Dems blew it.
 
2008-05-14 6:35:19 AM  
Suicidal Writer: Trinilos:
The people who are voting for Hillary are mainly in the north eastern states like New York, Pennsylvania, etc. You really think these very-much-so liberal states are going to suddenly switch to Republican? Your crystal ball is amazing.

/Your crystal meth even more so

These "liberal" states have liberal big cities. Hilary could carry NY easily, for obvious reasons. Obama has is pretty much guaranteed to win NY and MA. It's not such much because of liberals, but the Democrat culture. Pennsylvania is out of the question. NH is out of the question. The Northeast will finally have an increase in shades of red.

This is going to be easiest election for a Republican in a long time (since 88, where Dukakis was even up by double digits a few weeks before the election). McCain doesn't even have to put in effort. The Democrats have done the job for him. It's amazing to watch. Democrats still believe they have a chance to win.

Not only am I guaranteeing a McCain win. I'm guaranteeing that it will be by at least 5%. I'm also guaranteeing that not a single 2004 red state will go blue.

Hilary could have pulled it off, but the Dems blew it.


Yes, because we all know the Democratic strategy of putting up the candidate who is most indistinguishable from the Republican has worked SO well in the past.

Were you the type who was saying Dean would be screwed in the general, that we needed a moderate like Kerry?

Basically, we could go for Hillary, who McCain can point at and say "I'm less full of shiat than her" and be utterly truthful, or Obama, where it's a clear lie.
 
2008-05-14 6:37:09 AM  
Suicidal Writer: Hilary is the only hope the Democrat Party has. America will simply not vote for Obama. He will be McGoverned, Mondaled, Dukakised. Obama can't even close out the nomination of his own party. Dems will flock to McCain, especially since the Maverick image hasn't completely worn off even though it's obviously bs. McCain's biggest problem is the conservatives, but they aren't voting for anyone but him.

And once again, a Republican offers sage advice to the Democrats.

Here's your problem: those three verbs (and a fourth one, "swift boated") are well known. You're gonna have to come up with a new one, but even the Republicans' most knee-jerk supporters are starting to recognize that shade of pink in the emperor's clothes.
 
2008-05-14 6:38:09 AM  
We can dump her...in the Thames.
 
2008-05-14 6:38:22 AM  
She turned me into a newt!

/I got better
 
2008-05-14 6:38:49 AM  
Bleeding demised!
 
2008-05-14 6:41:26 AM  
RemyDuron:

Were you the type who was saying Dean would be screwed in the general, that we needed a moderate like Kerry?


I was a Dean supporter even though I'm not a Democrat. He was the best candidate to put forth and could have conceivably won.

How can you suggest that the bourgeois liberal John Kerry is indistinguishable from Bush? Kerry was a run-of-the-mill standard bourgeois liberal. I was actually surprised when he got the nomination. It made little sense, but the Democrats tend to be a curious collection of political idiocy (come on, who hires Bob Shrum? Really).
 
2008-05-14 6:43:14 AM  
CROWD: A witch! A witch! A witch! We've got a witch! A witch!
VILLAGER #1: We have found a witch, might we burn her?
CROWD: Burn her! Burn!
BEDEMIR: How do you know she is a witch?
VILLAGER #2: She looks like one.
BEDEMIR: Bring her forward.
WITCH: I'm not a witch. I'm not a witch.
BEDEMIR: But you are dressed as one.
WITCH: They dressed me up like this.
CROWD: No, we didn't... no.
WITCH: And this isn't my nose, it's a false one.
BEDEMIR: Well?
VILLAGER #1: Well, we did do the nose.
BEDEMIR: The nose?
VILLAGER #1: And the hat -- but she is a witch!
CROWD: Burn her! Witch! Witch! Burn her!
BEDEMIR: Did you dress her up like this?
CROWD: No, no... no ... yes. Yes, yes, a bit, a bit.
VILLAGER #1: She has got a wart.
BEDEMIR: What makes you think she is a witch?
VILLAGER #3: Well, she turned me into a newt.
BEDEMIR: A newt?
VILLAGER #3: I got better.
VILLAGER #2: Burn her anyway!
CROWD: Burn! Burn her!
BEDEMIR: Quiet, quiet. Quiet! There are ways of telling whether
she is a witch.
CROWD: Are there? What are they?
BEDEMIR: Tell me, what do you do with witches?
VILLAGER #2: Burn!
CROWD: Burn, burn them up!
BEDEMIR: And what do you burn apart from witches?
VILLAGER #1: More witches!
VILLAGER #2: Wood!
BEDEMIR: So, why do witches burn?
[pause]
VILLAGER #3: B--... 'cause they're made of wood...?
BEDEMIR: Good!
CROWD: Oh yeah, yeah...
BEDEMIR: So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood?
VILLAGER #1: Build a bridge out of her.
BEDEMIR: Aah, but can you not also build bridges out of stone?
VILLAGER #2: Oh, yeah.
BEDEMIR: Does wood sink in water?
VILLAGER #1: No, no.
VILLAGER #2: It floats! It floats!
VILLAGER #1: Throw her into the pond!
CROWD: The pond!
BEDEMIR: What also floats in water?
VILLAGER #1: Bread!
VILLAGER #2: Apples!
VILLAGER #3: Very small rocks!
VILLAGER #1: Cider!
VILLAGER #2: Great gravy!
VILLAGER #1: Cherries!
VILLAGER #2: Mud!
VILLAGER #3: Churches -- churches!
VILLAGER #2: Lead -- lead!
ARTHUR: A duck.
CROWD: Oooh.
BEDEMIR: Exactly! So, logically...,
VILLAGER #1: If... she.. weighs the same as a duck, she's made of wood.
BEDEMIR: And therefore--?
VILLAGER #1: A witch!
CROWD: A witch!
BEDEMIR: We shall use my larger scales!
[yelling]
BEDEMIR: Right, remove the supports!
[whop]
[creak]
CROWD: A witch! A witch!
WITCH: It's a fair cop.
CROWD: Burn her! Burn! [yelling]
 
2008-05-14 6:45:09 AM  
Suicidal Writer: Dems will flock to McCain, especially since the Maverick image hasn't completely worn off even though it's obviously bs.

It hasn't worn off because it hasn't been questioned. Obama and surrogates will attack it - unlike the "liberal media." Also, aside from bitter feminists seeking revenge, people will eventually get over it and realize Obama and Clinton - policy-wise - are nearly identical, while McCain is quite far away (his 100% rating from pro-life orgs alone will sway many to stay at home, if not grit their teeth and go for Obama). A few will go with JM, but it will in no way be a "flock."

McCain's biggest problem is the conservatives, but they aren't voting for anyone but him.

Some may go to the Libertarian candidate (likely Bob Barr, famous anti-Clinton crusader), and many will stay home. Given his wife's vast wealth, money won't be a huge problem, but his poor fund raising is an unsettling indication that even his colleagues aren't all that hopped up on McCain. Running unopposed in WV, he still only managed to pull in 76% (last I checked) of the votes. He has received only token contributions even from Congressional Republicans since securing the nom.

In short, things aren't going all that well for McCain, the media (especially the teevee media that most people get their "news" from) are too focused on the Dems to cover it, though.

His flip-flopping makes John Kerry look like a fkn amateur, and it has all led in one direction: towards Bushian policies. That is a very ripe orchard for Obama and his allies to pick from, all of which reinforces the McCain = Bush's 3rd term meme.

And the recent trend (up to three now, I believe) of Democrats winning Congressional seats in deeply red districts no doubt has the entire party shiatting their pants. Things aren't great for McCain, and they are positively UGLY for the GOP as a whole.
 
2008-05-14 6:46:44 AM  
Kublai Khan: Here's hoping that Clinton finally gives up...and becomes a lumberjack.

Not likely. She'd have to start wearing women's clothing.
 
2008-05-14 6:49:28 AM  
SUBBY:You know your campaign has become a joke when the Washington Post mocks you via a Monty Python skit

Ummmm... no. No, she apparently doesn't.

/still it must be nice for West Virginians, to have their primaries finally count for a change.
//Ummmm... wait. No, my mistake.
///But I don't like Spam.
 
2008-05-14 6:55:25 AM  
Maybe she woulda' done better if she had huge... tracts of land.
 
2008-05-14 6:55:34 AM  
Lionel Mandrake: This candidate has ceased to be!

WIN
:)
/coffee
 
2008-05-14 6:56:15 AM  
Abner Doon: Definitely not an eater.

I just threw up in my mouth a little.
 
2008-05-14 6:57:29 AM  
Dear Sir,

I object to being objected to by the last letter, before my drift has become apparent. I spent many years in India during the last war and am now a part-time notice board in a prominent public school.

Yours etc.,

Brigadier Zoe La Rue (deceased).

PS Aghhh!
 
2008-05-14 6:57:48 AM  
taking up on the inital comment? This is how the primaries have gone for some time:
Hillary Clinton :
None shall pass.
Obama:
What?
Hillary Clinton :
None shall pass.
Obama:
I have no quarrel with you, good Candidate, but I must get this nomination.
Hillary Clinton :
Then you shall die.
Obama:
I command you, to stand aside!
Hillary Clinton :
I move for no man.
Obama:
So be it!
Obama and Hillary Clinton :
Aaah!, hiyaah!, etc.
[Obama chops the Hillary Clinton 's left arm off]

Obama:
Now stand aside, worthy adversary.
Hillary Clinton :
'Tis but a scratch.
Obama:
A scratch? Your arm's off!
Hillary Clinton :
No, it isn't.
Obama:
Well, what's that, then?
Hillary Clinton :
I've had worse.
Obama:
You liar!
Hillary Clinton :
Come on, you pansy!
[clang]
Huyah!
[clang]
Hiyaah!
[clang]
Aaaaaaaah!
[Obama chops the Hillary Clinton 's right arm off]

Obama:
Victory is mine!
[kneeling]
We thank Thee Lord, that in Thy mer--
Hillary Clinton :
Hah!
[kick]
Come on, then.
Obama:
What?
Hillary Clinton :
Have at you!
[kick]
Obama:
Eh. You are indeed brave, candidate, but the fight is mine.
Hillary Clinton :
Oh, had enough, eh?
Obama:
Look, you stupid bastard. You've got no arms left.
Hillary Clinton :
Yes, I have.
Obama:
Look!
Hillary Clinton :
Just a flesh wound.
[kick]
Obama:
Look, stop that.
Hillary Clinton :
Chicken!
[kick]
Chickennn!
Obama:
Look, I'll have your leg.
[kick]
Right!
[whop]
[Obama chops the Hillary Clinton 's right leg off]

Hillary Clinton :
Right. I'll do you for that!
Obama:
You'll what?
Hillary Clinton :
Come here!
Obama:
What are you going to do, bleed on me?
Hillary Clinton :
I'm invincible!
Obama:
You're a looney.
Hillary Clinton :
The Hillary Clinton always triumphs! Have at you! Come on, then.
[whop]
[Obama chops the Hillary Clinton 's last leg off]

Hillary Clinton :
Oh? All right, we'll call it a draw.
Obama:
Come, Michelle.
Hillary Clinton :
Oh. Oh, I see. Running away, eh? You yellow bastards! Come back here and take what's coming to you. I'll bite your legs off!
 
2008-05-14 7:00:30 AM  
"Oh! Mrs. N*ggerbaiter's exploded."

"Good thing, too."

"She was my best friend."

"Oh, mother, don't be so sentimental. Things explode every day."

"Yes, I suppose so. Anyway, I didn't like her all that much."
 
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