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(Chicago Sun-Times)   Candy Association study concludes that kids want candy for Halloween   ( divider line
    More: Obvious  
•       •       •

56 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Oct 2002 at 10:35 AM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

46 Comments     (+0 »)
2002-10-30 10:38:17 AM  
Best use of obvious tag, ever.
2002-10-30 10:38:28 AM  
*puts razorblade flavoured apples away*
2002-10-30 10:38:33 AM  
This just in from the Sun-Times - it's also been found that you need air to live! Fire is hot! Gravity pulls you downwards!
2002-10-30 10:38:42 AM  
Ok, I understand the Candy Association putting out this info. Why the hell is the Chicago Sun Times printing it? PR flackery poofery b-s-ery.
2002-10-30 10:38:43 AM  
In other news: Male Farkers prefer Boobies over a swift kick to the groin.
2002-10-30 10:39:35 AM  
it was true when i was a wee lad, too: NO popcorn balls, NO apples. CANDY.

cookies were OK, though.
2002-10-30 10:41:40 AM  
. . . except in ghetto neighborhoods, where, in true Charlie Brown fashion, they want a rock.
2002-10-30 10:43:41 AM  
[image from too old to be available]

"Jim, his mind is telling me the bleeding obvious. Logical, but utterly dull"
2002-10-30 10:45:27 AM  
And I thought those AOHell disks were IN this year...
2002-10-30 10:45:57 AM  
Gee, I hope the candy association didn't `spin' the results. (sarcasm)
2002-10-30 10:46:34 AM  
That was a newspaper infomercial.

Did you know kids expect toys for Christmas?
2002-10-30 10:49:11 AM  
I didn't see anything mentioned about cancer in this study.
2002-10-30 10:49:48 AM  
Kids like candy? WTF!
Why didn't anyone tell me this before?
Next they are going to tell me that kids prefer cartoons to political debates.
2002-10-30 10:50:09 AM  
Gotta re-use.

[image from too old to be available]
2002-10-30 10:50:29 AM  
I personally am giving out pretzels to the little beggars this year. I'll be damned if I'm gonna contribute to future fatties and rotten teeth.

Of course, the pretzels are packaged in cute little bags with pumpkins on them, so the kids will just suspect it's candy. By the time they get home and open it, they'll have forgotten where they got it from. I may be healthy, but I still don't want to be cleaning up eggs this weekend.
2002-10-30 10:51:09 AM  
OT: Does anyone else see this:
img.fark.netView Full Size

Thats freakin hillarious!
2002-10-30 10:51:17 AM  
Sure, go ahead and be lead around by the nose by BIG CANDY.

You thought big tobacco was bad.
2002-10-30 10:52:49 AM  
The kids only said that because prOn wasn't an option.
2002-10-30 10:53:38 AM  
Hey hey! I re-newed my TotalFark subscription today, why is my badge gone?!
2002-10-30 10:56:03 AM  
Candy? You don't say? But that guy on tv said kids like to worship the devil and eat babies on halloween...

Hmmm, candy....

2002-10-30 10:58:25 AM  

That's only those satanist kids that read that Harry Potter propaganda....
2002-10-30 11:00:57 AM  
By the way, why not buy your children's costumes at WAL-MART. Yes, that's right, folks, WAL-MART.
Make your children unique, just like everybody else.
Chewbacca wins.
2002-10-30 11:04:54 AM  
make shure to get your kids a good costume like this one folks, thell get more of that candy that we just found out they like.
2002-10-30 11:06:18 AM  

/me throws Candypants in his sack
2002-10-30 11:15:53 AM other news, still no cure for cancer.
2002-10-30 11:17:31 AM  
Still no cure for lots of Shiznit!
2002-10-30 11:17:51 AM  
man. yesterday I submit a headline with Bengals misspelled. Gets posted. Today, Association is misspelled and posted.

I really need to start typing headlines into Word first, run spell-check, and then paste it in.
2002-10-30 11:30:22 AM  
Holy crap! I'll have to add that to my list of things I learned from industry-sponsored studies! Along with: Eggs aren't bad for you - ignore the cholesterol numbers (Egg Board), Women need soy for reproductive health (Soy Growers Assn.), and Cigarettes don't cause cancer (Tobacco Assn.).

Wow. The things you learn, and all paid for by the industries out of the goodness of their hearts in order to educate us...
2002-10-30 11:34:46 AM  
That's my tax dollars at work.
2002-10-30 11:36:45 AM  
"I love eggs; from my head down to my legs"....

Boy was THAT some great marketing...
2002-10-30 11:38:21 AM  
I was planning to pass out cigarettes and whiskey this year.. but If they really want candy... I need to get those liqour filled chocolates...
2002-10-30 11:47:02 AM  
Fellow Farkers - I have a problem. My wife has bought small bottles of soft drink to hand out on Halloween. The clincher is these bottle are called `chubby's' (feel free to laugh). Should I take my own kids out tricker treatin' & let the wife hand these out or should I stay at home & risk death or injury.
(armed) father - `What did the ugly man give you, Sally?'
Sally - `A chubby'
Father- `That bastard's dead' (shoots gun)
2002-10-30 11:48:52 AM  
In Pittsburgh kids don't want candy, but rather....

Beaver man gave boy drugs for sex, police say

Wednesday, October 30, 2002

Associated Press

State police charged a man with 60 counts of indecent assault for allegedly having sex with a 15-year-old boy in exchange for alcohol, drugs and gifts.

Richard W. Dunkerley, 62, of New Brighton, was already facing charges of sexual misconduct after nude photos of the boy were allegedly found on his personal computer.

Dunkerley has an unlisted phone number and could not be reached for comment. He remains free on $10,000 bond.

The additional charges were filed against Dunkerley this week after the boy, now 16, told police the two had sex.

State police continue to investigate the involvement of another man who allegedly introduced the boy to Dunkerley, said Trooper Rocco DeMaiolo.

The boy's mother asked him who was giving him gifts and then went to authorities, who eventually searched Dunkerley's home.
2002-10-30 12:24:37 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size

News Flash: Strippers like cocaine!!!
2002-10-30 12:27:18 PM  
Ohh, and since I haven't done this in a while. It's time for relevant song lyrics time.
I know a girl who's tough but sweet
She's so fine she can't be beat
She's got everything that I desire
She sets the summer sun on fire

I want candy
I want candy
I want candy
I want candy

Go to see her when the sun goes down
Ain't no finer girl in town
You're my girl, what the doctor ordered
So sweet, you make my mouth water

I want candy
I want candy
I want candy
I want candy

Candy on the beach there's nothing better
but I like candy when it's wrapped in a sweater
Someday soon I'll make you mine
Then I'll have candy all the time

I want candy
I want candy
I want candy
I want candy

Candy in the morning time
Candy in the hot sunshine
Candy baby can't you see
All I want is your candy
2002-10-30 12:30:42 PM  
The one and only place I've seen the video for that was on Beavis and Butthead.
2002-10-30 12:36:48 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
Candy O, I need you so
2002-10-30 12:48:27 PM  
Candycandycandy!! And lots of it!! I wanna be known in my neighborhodd as the house with the best haul for Halloween candy. Husband and I spent some time analyzing what we liked and didn't like in our bags as kids, and settled on the 5 most popular candies.
Candypants Pretzels? Really? Hmmmmmmmm.....
2002-10-30 01:20:05 PM  
Anyone else watch Adult Swim?

I want candy, bubble gum and taffy
Skip to the sweet shop with my sweetheart Sandy
Got my pennies saved so I'm a sugar daddy
I'm her Hugh Cronyn, she's my Jessica Tandy, I want candy!

Gonna get ya asses kicked
Do it to your daddy, embarass your own family
Just 'cause you came in front of a kid and his candy
I need candy
Any kind'll do
Don't care if it's nutritious or "FDA approved"
It's gonna make me spaz like bobcats on booze
A hyperactive juice that only I can produce

Use a giant dril
Bore straight into hell
Releasin ancient demons from a sleep forever spell
So they can walk upon the earth
And get resituated

And hawk the diet pills that MC Pee Pants have created

Mess up the mix, mix up the mess
Come on down yo, here's the address
I said six, one-two Wharf Avenue
Six, one-two wharf avanue
2002-10-30 01:21:25 PM  
Pennies? Excuse me? Pennies? When was the last time anyone handed out pennies? When they could buy a whistle with it?
2002-10-30 01:25:13 PM  
...And how much money did this "study" cost??

Yes, dignity indeed.
2002-10-30 02:00:24 PM  
Dattaway and Brocolli both beat me to the cancer punchline.

Kudos guys.
2002-10-30 02:26:19 PM  
I got pennies for Haloween one year when I was about 8 (about 14 years ago). We egged their house.
2002-10-30 03:33:44 PM  
Good, now can we find a cure for cancer now, stupid institutes?
2002-10-30 04:26:29 PM  
NEWSFLASH: In a recent study sponsored by Gilette it was determined that kids love getting razor blades in their treats.

Hey, what am I doing in this handbasket?
2002-10-30 07:55:30 PM  
Ok... honestly, I need to get a job working for one of these agencies... Its farking sad when people can get grant money to tell us things WE ALREADY KNOW!!!!!

This just in:
99.99%* of people agree, fire is hot!
99.99%* of doctors agree, you need to breathe in order to live!
99.99%* of Farker's agree, researchers are stupid!

* note: all figures accurate to within .01%

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