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(Bangkok Metropolitan)   Man wins 'Worst Job in Singapore': Collects sperm from zoo and wildlife preserve animals   ( bangkokmetro.com) divider line
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1580 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Aug 2001 at 5:08 AM (16 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

41 Comments     (+0 »)
2001-08-05 05:45:48 AM  
did anyone see that dude on The Daily Show with his head stuck up that elephant's ass...
that was a pretty shiatty job....

irst,fay ost.pay
2001-08-05 05:46:16 AM  
the best part about this article.

"The chimpanzees always want to be hugged afterwards"
2001-08-05 07:33:59 AM  
I like the closing sentance, about how the animals can't be bothered actually having sex... because they now have a human sex slave!!
love to be one of those animals!
2001-08-05 08:23:56 AM  
"Each time my wife initiates sex, these ejaculating hippos keep floating through my mind."

Taken out of context that statement could get you locked away pretty fast.
2001-08-05 08:54:59 AM  
Every day? He does this every day?
Is the world that short of chimp spunk?
2001-08-05 10:38:16 AM  
The first thing that came to mind was the old phrase "must be like jacking off a tiger in a phone booth". I don't think this would make the top 10 in career choices.
2001-08-05 12:22:18 PM  
I wonder how this guy does his "warm up excercises" before he goes out on the job each morning. ;)
2001-08-05 01:02:02 PM  
Just wait, a couple of years from now we'll be reading another article about how he's taking the zoo to court for repetitive strain injury.
2001-08-05 01:24:37 PM  
I guess that guy really knows how to Bangkok. *ducks*
2001-08-05 01:27:23 PM  
lol tASTY j
2001-08-05 02:13:33 PM  
I saw on Discovery channel once this team of zoologists collecting sperm from a hippo. They had "stimulate" for like half and hour before anything happened...
2001-08-05 03:43:43 PM  
Yeah, Skwidd I have two bros that live there- Singapore is really great, although horribly repressed and reserved...
2001-08-05 03:47:15 PM  
Well at least Tom Green has a career waiting for him after he goes the way of Paulie Shore. (note: do not click the link except for masochistic purposes).
Kat [TotalFark]
2001-08-05 04:14:58 PM  
for awhile, i thought this was a joke. im realising now it isnt. and now that i know it isnt, its funnier.
2001-08-05 04:39:53 PM  
FYI.. this IS a joke. Several sites have picked it up and posted it in all seriousness but it's actually from Singapore's "premier satirical humour website" www.talkingcock.com

I spent the last four years of my life living in Singapore, and this story looked really fishy to me. It's not such a bad place. Never picked up on the 'horribly repressed and reserved' vibes, except for the local education system. They overwork their students like crazy. Thankfully, I was at an international school.

btw, I'm pretty sure that's not how you extract sperm. I remember seeing Chinese scientists trying to get some from a panda, and I'm pretty sure it wasn't pleasant. He had to be sedated everytime and woke up in a foul mood.
2001-08-05 04:54:09 PM  
Owned Well, next time you're in Sing, try going to a mall or something and screaming. People seem to be very afraid of calling attention to themselves in that way, and everyone will wig out and be very afraid of you. Now try that in NYC. People will just ignore you. just cultural, I guess.

But it's for sure one of the coolest places I've ever been, and that includes 30+ different countries...
2001-08-05 04:56:47 PM  
Owned! I just posted that (above) and then went to "What's wrong with Indians" comments, and saw that you had ALSO just posted a "cultural" quote. Weird!
2001-08-05 05:18:42 PM  
Well, as far as countries go, I'd rank Singapore pretty much up there. I've lived in a lot of places - my dad's a diplomat so we travel a whole bunch.. hectic, but fun. I lived right on Orchard Road (pretty much Singapore's downtown), and I NEVER got bored. And I'm not really all that wild anyway, so it doesn't get to me... Many Americans have such stereotypical views of Singapore (you know, Michael Fay, the Thought Police, ruthless suppression of free speech by the govt. etc.). It wouldn't hurt for some of you to culturally educate yourselves.

the only cons I can think of are the high standard of living and the accent.. you can barely understand the locals till you start slipping into it yourself... lah (oops). Singaporeans, by nature, are reserved... but you could say that about pretty much all of Asia. I'm Pakistani (yes, from right next to India) and acting that way is pretty much ingrained if you grow up with conservative parents.

I just decided to start posting.. I've been lurking on Fark for about a year.. got sick of not taking part in some interesting discussions. :D
2001-08-05 05:38:00 PM  
The worst job in the world is 'Assistant Crack Whore' we all know this.

The second worst job in the world is sandblasting the insides of sewer pipes. Little flakes of shiat all over you. Joy
2001-08-05 05:43:00 PM  
Owned good to have ya. I think it's charitable to say that many Americans have views of Singapore. In reality, I think very few Americans have any views of Singapore at all. It's like my Romanian friend that asked me what Americans thought of Romanians. Answer: they don't. You're right- very few people in the USA know shiat about the rest of the world.
2001-08-05 06:02:18 PM  
"It's important to have a job that means something. That's why I manually masturbate zoo animals for artificial insemination."
2001-08-05 06:06:12 PM  
Plus, there aren't too many Mormons in Singapore
2001-08-05 06:08:49 PM  
Skwidd How so? 6 dollar beers, massive uniformity, unquestioning adherence to laws, public order, strict social codes... maybe I mean reserved more than repressed.

This is not necessarily a bad thing, and don't get me wrong I love Singapore! But it is extremely structured amd ordered...
2001-08-05 06:18:21 PM  
??? Boy that was downright funny... but I feel sorry for both him and the animals...

2001-08-05 08:17:13 PM  
Octer, I think you're right to a certain extent. But I don't think it's done anything bad for the country. It's certainly not hard to have a good time. Many kids in my school regularly went to bars but, then again, most of them were expatriates. Nobody breaks the law.. and that's a bad thing? Well, it happens once in a while. The police force is great - hi-tech and efficent, and neighbourhood communities do their part. The public transit system is among the best in the world. But you're probably right about the structure and orderliness of things - its hard not to get the feeling that Singapore is sterile and overly-planned.

I recommend reading Senior Minister Lee Kuan Yew's book "From Third World to First: The Singapore Story 1965-2000", if you're interested in why Singapore is the way it is. It's quite fascinating how he defends the decisions he made bringing Singapore to where it is today. Take it with a pinch of salt, you might like it.
2001-08-05 09:13:22 PM  

I don't think it's sterile- just orderly. The wet markets? Far from orderly. I have said repeatedly, I love the place. It's amazing. I wasn't trying to say there's anything wrong with zero (practically) unemployment, crime, etc. But a few things would bother me- the ERP and vehicle laws suck (yes, I know Sing is too small, and they have to atch the number of vehicles), and you give up certain freedoms when you allow yourself to be mailed speeding tickets, etc.

Still, that place is amazing- I'll for sure check out the book!
2001-08-05 09:48:50 PM  
I found the fact that he was calling the tiger "Sayang" (Malay for darling/honey) a little disturbing...
2001-08-05 10:51:54 PM  
ERP and COE.. ugh, don't get me started. Glad to know you appreciate Singapore for what it is.
2001-08-05 11:43:17 PM  
ERP= everyday rob people
2001-08-05 11:43:36 PM  
coe= certificate of entitlement?
MBK [TotalFark]
2001-08-05 11:50:32 PM  
can't believe no one brought up clerks yet...

"its good to have a job thats worthwhile, i manually masterbate zoo animals" (or something like that)
2001-08-06 12:08:28 AM  
08-05-01 06:02:18 PM Macfrugal
"It's important to have a job that means something. That's why I manually masturbate zoo animals for artificial insemination."

Someone did bring it up MBK...
2001-08-06 12:12:14 AM  
MBK Slow, slow. MacFrugal offered up the word for word quote almost six hours before your post.

How about,
"You know, I miss the old days. When a man could just go to work and put in a good eight hours clubbing baby seals, then go home and have a beer with a clean conscience."
Now if I could only remember where that was from...I'm thinking Jack Handey, but I'm not sure.
What I'm really surprised at is that nobody has brought up this image yet:
[image from timwit.com too old to be available]
2001-08-06 12:25:10 AM  
Octer: yeah.. its a complicated process of bidding and quotas and stuff.. i'm still in the dark about some of it.. the important thing is - it's farking expensive! as if cars weren't expensive enough. Here are some figures I just pulled off a Singapore site about average car prices:

Your average Toyota Corolla LX (automatic) is approx US$36,000.. now add your COE and it's almost US$49k. Keep in mind that this is just the list price. Add insurance, road tax and more options and it'll be quite a bit more. Not fun.

Thank God for the MRT, or personally, a government-owned chauffeured Mercedes (ahh.. the spoilt-brat life of the ambassador's kid for me). Actually, I'm pretty new to the States.. arrived in March via Japan (brr... cold - Singapore makes the rest of the world seem terribly cold). The Bay Area is awesome and still (relatively, slightly) cheaper.
2001-08-06 02:29:13 AM  
2001-08-06 03:21:39 AM  
I only have a problem with it being a dude in this job. I gotta think there are some chicks around in the area that would quite dig it.

A dog humped my leg once. It was gross.
2001-08-06 08:05:13 AM  
I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination.
2001-08-06 09:15:46 AM  
Skwidd, 0wned, Singapore is pretty repressed - try going to the movies there, they cut out everything sexual, including kissing. Indeed, kissing in public is illegal and sex before marriage is baaaad news.

They're pretty farked up.
2001-08-06 11:44:06 AM  
The job was even worse before they let him use a container for collecting the stuff in.
2001-08-06 04:16:38 PM  
kissing in public is illegal? sex before marriage is "baaad news" how? Both of them happen all the time.. get your facts straight. have you ever been there? you're right about the censorship in movies, but they do not cut out kissing.. steamy sexual scenes get through just fine. Have YOU ever seen a movie in Singapore? They're strict about movie ratings (they are different in Singapore than in the US) and enforcing age-restrictions. To watch an R rated movie, you have to be 21 at least. The next level down is NC-16, which is what Hannibal was. Please. Movies are just as violent, profane and dirty in cinemas there.

But its not hard to get pirated uncensored copies if you really want to.. made in Malaysia, sold at local stores (well, it wasn't until the beginning of this year.. police are really starting to crack down on piracy). Porn is also available and probably whatever else you want, like software.

Thankfully, they're not pretty farked up. They don't seem to be as quick to jump to conclusions about other countries as others do.
2001-08-06 05:10:06 PM  
well when Japan occupied Singapore. They made that women do the exact same thing. Except they were doing it to the soldiers
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