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(Some Guy)   Top ten people America wants to kick in the balls   ( divider line
    More: Amusing  
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247 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Oct 2002 at 8:29 AM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2002-10-27 08:35:27 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
2002-10-27 08:39:18 AM  
That list has to be old... how in the world does Osama Bin Laden stay off that list?

Oh wait... maybe he doesn't have any balls to kick... nevermind.
2002-10-27 08:40:29 AM  
That was pretty good, although, I don't think Alan Greenspan should have been in the runner up list. You aren't willing to lose money on the stock markets, don't invest. It's your own greed that's at fault.
2002-10-27 08:41:07 AM  
This list has to be from early 2001. Farkers, we should do our own list. What do you think?
2002-10-27 08:43:11 AM  
Bush if he had any

On the other, all the people who voted for him!
2002-10-27 08:45:45 AM  
Yeah, add Cheney, Saddam, Osama and the asshat sniper to that list.
2002-10-27 08:50:54 AM  
Who would I kick in the balls? "Balls" being used loosely here....any wife that a man can put the letters "ex-" in front of. Biatches...all of 'em!

That doesnt' sound bitter does it?
2002-10-27 08:55:56 AM  
Add SethMonroe to the list.
2002-10-27 08:57:29 AM  
Vince McMahon only at #5? Damn.
2002-10-27 09:04:37 AM  

I agree with all of those.

nice work.

although bush would have been higher.
2002-10-27 09:06:45 AM  
Asscroft, definately. Without him and Cheney, Bush is just another playboy, ex-coke freak.
2002-10-27 09:31:16 AM  
Where does Jesse Jackson, Al sharpton, and Jerry Fawell fit in?
2002-10-27 09:33:23 AM  
In no order:

Grey Davis
Hilary Clinton
Al Gore
John "Maverick" McCain
Charles Schumer
Joe Lieberman
Mike DeWine
Rocky Anderson
Tom Daschell
Michele Moore
Steven Spielberg
And all the leaders from the following countries:
North Korea

Oh I have some more too:
All the head officer and VPs from the following companies:
SOYO (the mother board people)
Cisco Systems
Nortel Networks
Voice Stream Wireless
Qwest (the phone company)
Quest (Natural gas company in Utah)

Let's not stop there...

The whole state of California, Maryland, Floriduh, and New York.

My Philosophy Prof at college.
My Junior High School art teacher "Mr Diaz" in Tacoma Washington.

Any man that would hit a woman or child.

Drunk drivers.

People into kiddie porn.

The guy in line in front of me at the ATM that decides to conduct a hostile take over of some medium sized publicly owned corporation when all I need is a farking 20 dollar bill.
2002-10-27 09:51:28 AM  
Carrot Top. Hands down.
2002-10-27 09:51:39 AM  
Let's lock Bush and Osama in a small space capsule, let them kick it out and shoot them at the sun.
2002-10-27 09:53:08 AM  
To continue on Mad Ogres' theme:
People who get onto elevators withought letting people off first and the jokers who sit in the reserved seats on a bus and won't move their fat asses when a 90 year old lady gets on. Oh, and the assholes who pull into intersections after the lights have changed and block the whole freaking thing.
2002-10-27 10:02:01 AM  
I'd like to add my Political Philosophy professor from back in my University of Alberta days. She was a militant lesbian on loan from the Woman's Studies department. She taught the class all about how Plato and Socrates were man-hating toga-wearers. Seriously. She thought "The Cave" was some sort of mysoginistic piece of propoganda, and she did her best to pound that into the heads of everyone in the class. Needless to say those who called her on it, and I was one of them, did not make it out of there with high marks.

She was also one of the major forces behind getting SPACE MOOSE pulled from the University of Alberta Gateway student newspaper over the "Take Back the Night" series of strips. Thankfully that decision was eventually overturned.

God... she was a terrible professor.
2002-10-27 10:05:56 AM  
Anyone who's even been in a Subway commercial. Jarod, Clay Henry, Gilbert Godfried and that blonde farker who's calls all the "sandwich artists" by their first names.

Oh yeah, Madame Wilkes, my grade 9 French teacher. I'm sure she had balls. 15 years later, and I'd still love to kick them.
2002-10-27 10:07:32 AM  
Fred Durst beating out Lance Bass? I don't think so.
2002-10-27 10:17:34 AM  
"...rap lovin' snoochies..."

Snoochie boochies!
2002-10-27 10:25:30 AM  

2002-10-27 10:27:04 AM  
People who leave their phone numbers on voice mail too fast at the end of a looooooong message.

People who talk on the phone while driving.

People who don't use turn signals.

Drivers who only signal when it doesn't matter anymore.

People who have massive body-piercings.

Every person living in Trenton, Ontario

People who think it's their God given right to act like an asshole on the Internet, simply because they cower behind an anonymous nickname.

People who treat newbies with a condescending manner, as if to say they themselves were never a newbie at one time or another.

The people who came up with those "Shock the Monkey and Win" GIFs and it's ilk.

People who don't think their software piracy is actually stealing.

Companies who charge an arm and a leg for software that is worth only a tenth of the sticker price.

Hilary Rosen and all her RIAA cronies.

Jack Valenti and all his MPAA cronies.

People who make commercials that insult your intelligence.

Dan Matheson from CTV News 1 (and I thought Larry Stout was a bad anchor)

People who blame violent video games for the corruption of our youth.

Protestors who think that tossing a mailbox through a window is a political statement.

People who walk slow.

People who abuse statistics to garner favour to their cause.

People who swear every other word. I have nothing wrong with swearing, but it should be a spice to your language, not the main course.

People who run slow ad servers on an otherwise fast website.

Brett Hull. Several times, in fact.
2002-10-27 10:30:12 AM  
Are you kidding me? Hillary bur not Bill! WTF!!!

2002-10-27 10:34:21 AM  
People who try and contribute by adding names to the list, but just end up naming people hwo disagree with them politically.
2002-10-27 10:34:23 AM  
Ok-here's mine...People who accuse or even imply that you did something wrong and don't apologize or even acknowledge that you were right when you prove them wrong.

[/personal rant]

By the way...where does the line start?
2002-10-27 10:35:50 AM  
Does someone who thinks that their software piracy is stealing but does it anyways still get kicked in the balls?

I haven't downloaded software, but I have lots of music and porn I didn't pay for. Are my testicles safe?
2002-10-27 10:36:21 AM  
Well, he's a bit of a gelding now, but it's the thought that counts:
[image from too old to be available]
2002-10-27 10:37:40 AM  
What, no Jesus?
Was he #11 or something, or do they have to be real?
2002-10-27 10:38:39 AM  
Jesus Christ. Those are some whiny mother fhucking reasons to justify kicking someone in the fhucking balls. Sheeit. Perhaps fhucking whiners should be on that fhucking list as fhucking well.

And no one mentioned Martha Stewart.
2002-10-27 10:38:39 AM  
Bill Bennett is the guy that really deserves it the most.
Karl Rove
William Rhenquist
Jeff Skilling
Smirk and Snarl
Douche Limbaugh
Sean Hannity
Bill O'Reilly
Rupert Murdoch
Oh, Ollie North
Secord, Poindexter, Poppy..
I can't nut-bust somebody who doesn't have a chance to know why, so don't even go there...
James Baker
Steve Largent
Heston, for sure
Yes, Seth Monroe needs one, if it even has testes (in fact I still don't understand why he didn't get booted in the nuts permanently for making threats in Fark threads)
Phil Gramm
Trent Lott
Jerry Fallwell
Bob Barr
Dan Burton
Lidsey Graham
Henry Hyde
2002-10-27 10:43:24 AM  
What about ME?

America likes to kick ME in the balls.
2002-10-27 10:50:15 AM  
Lord_Venom: I always say, software piracy is a moral decision that you make between yourself and your God (or just yourself, whatever the case may be). If you can live with the fact that you're stealing someone else's hard labour, then all the power to you. However, don't try to justify what you're doing in order to convince everyone that you're not really stealing.

So, yes, you're testicles are safe, at least from me. ;)

Permafrost Nah. If we were to kick every whiner in the balls, every red-blooded human being on the face of this planet would be keeled over in agony.
2002-10-27 10:54:57 AM  
Anybody who walks through a door (usually with many people behind them) and then just stops immediately outside the door. MOVE IT ALONG.
2002-10-27 11:05:14 AM  
WsKne add to that the area at the top/bottom of the stairs, or in front of the elevator. Yes, I think you've picked the people that need it most. Stopping to yack in the middle of a critical ingress/egress point, seemingly oblivious to the assloads of people who are trying to squeeze past them.

Probably are also passing lane chokers.
2002-10-27 11:16:43 AM  
10. Fred Durst
The man is currently the lead singer of the overwhelmingly popular hip-hop/rock group Limp Bizkit. His in your face attractive and successful Caucasian-American lyrics and attitude started a movement that is bringing true rock to its knees. Having a hardcore mismatched fan base from Gangster rap lovin' snoochies to suburban-Mtv-teenybopper-ghetto-superstars will ensure this asshole and his band longevity and profit.

How did the word "attractive and successful Caucasian-American" become acceptable? Just out of curiousity. To me, it's just as bad as the "n-word" (which I would spell out, but I think it's filtered.)
2002-10-27 11:18:40 AM  
Mad Ogre -

Micheal Moore rules!
2002-10-27 11:19:38 AM  
Where the FARK is Steven Seagal at #1 ?!
2002-10-27 11:25:57 AM  
- Anyone who does anyhing that at all inconveniences me.
- Anyone who I disagree with politically.
2002-10-27 11:26:46 AM  
Let me get this straight - the bigoted, oil-whorish asshole who wants to get us into an invasion of Iraq so his oil cronies can make a few bucks more is at #7? Has the whole world gone nuts?
2002-10-27 11:36:35 AM  
Brenda... she works in Resource and Personelle Management for our corporation. Everyone here knows damn well that with her # of occurances, she should have been shiat canned months ago, but they hang onto her because she's been around longer than God.
2002-10-27 11:40:45 AM  
Why the hell did they have to put Bush in there?

This article is no longer funny to me as it was written by a left-wing, factless asshole. "State he failed to govern properly" my ass, he fixed a LOT of problems in Texas. Alcohol AND COCAINE abuse? Where the hell do these idiot leftists get their "facts?"
2002-10-27 11:41:33 AM  
"People who don't think their software piracy is actually stealing.
Companies who charge an arm and a leg for software that is worth only a tenth of the sticker price."

This a bit contradictory. The reason software companies charge 10X the "value" for software is because they anticipate that for every one unit sold, ten people will use it. They do what they do to stay in business.

By the way, early 2001 seems about right on the date, based on the reference to "the fledgling XFL."

My top 10, in no particular order:
Darth Ashcroft
Jar Jar Bush
Jared from Subway
Bill O'Reilly
my ex-roommate, who was stealing from me
any Enron executive
the judge that voted that "under God" wasn't a violation of the separation of church and state
Osama bin Laden
the Dell dude
2002-10-27 11:48:33 AM  
dear catapultic...

I live in texas, I'm not a leftist...

but WTF?? What, exactly, did GWB fix in texas?? The governor of this state has NO function, none, nada. How could he have possibly fixed anything?

What a putz. (oh, that's for you AND gwb)...
2002-10-27 11:50:05 AM  
Many ballots to boot Bush in the balls came from the African American community of Dade and Broward counties with the usual addition "at least this vote will count."

Yeah, like we're supposed to believe that residents of Borward and Dade can read, much less write.

And where is Bill Clinton? Cleaning up his incompetent messes is why we're going to have to take on the Middle East and deal with a nuke-equipped North Korea.
2002-10-27 11:51:32 AM  
Catapultic: It's not funny because they put GWB in there? Perhaps because you are another boring partisan Republican (or Democrat or whatever).
They also had Hilary Clinton.
2002-10-27 11:52:44 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
And she IS getting her ass kicked. :)
2002-10-27 11:57:11 AM  
ok, somethin to read.
2002-10-27 12:18:44 PM  
Poor Urkel.
2002-10-27 12:23:39 PM  
Finally, a Fark article where I can vent.

Pauly Shore
every member of *NSYNC
James Carville
Brit Hume (even the name says "prick")
O.J. Simpson
Chris Kattan
Norm MacDonald
Vince McMahon
Eric Bischoff
Vince Russo
Strom Thurmond
Joe Lieberman
Barbra Streisand and her hubby
Carrot Top
Randy Moss
the Phillie Phanatic
anyone who admits to being a Cincinnati Bengals fan
Aaron Lewis of Staind (quit whining, and start SINGING, ***dammit!)
Bud Selig
Pete Rose (just admit you screwed up already!)
John Rocker (self-explanatory)
Marty McSorley (ditto)
the Music Geek
Justice Antonin Scalia
James Traficant's toupee
Lance Ito
Marc Fuhrman
Michael Eisner
Steve Case
Kathie Lee Gifford
Rosie O'Donnell
Andy Rooney
Al Gore
Saddam Hussein
Osama bin Laden
Yasser Arafat
Ariel Sharon
Michael Jackson
Yoko Ono
Tommy Mottola (just for the hell of it)
ppl hoo alwys typ liek dis withot usng splchk n sy thngs liek "hahaha i 0wnz0rd j00 f4g"

I would have added more, but unfortunately the members of the RIAA could not be reached for comment.
2002-10-27 12:24:22 PM  
"This a bit contradictory. The reason software companies charge 10X the "value" for software is because they anticipate that for every one unit sold, ten people will use it. They do what they do to stay in business."

Yes, it's one of those catch 22's in life. One of the biggest reasons people pirate software is because software is so expensive, and one of the biggest reasons software is so expensive is because people pirate software. It's a vicious cylce.

However, it's important to note that I wasn't supporting piracy. I was mearly stating that those people who think they aren't stealing need to get kicked sqwar in tha nads.

But, at the same time, don't tell me that software companies aren't using the "piracy boogey man" to jack up prices, much like the RIAA is. It pisses me off that I have to pay $500+ for software that should only be half that. There's a point where you stop trying to keep your business afloat, and start trying to make it hover in mid-air.

And yes, I know for the most part a company has no obligation to provide everyone with affordable software, however, at the same time, they shouldn't act surprised when people start stealing it.
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