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(CBS News)   Tips to prevent you from being a sniper target (but exposing you to every other crime)   ( divider line
    More: Ironic  
•       •       •

62 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Oct 2002 at 4:24 PM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

90 Comments     (+0 »)

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2002-10-22 04:33:39 PM  
Those are some pretty dumb tips.
2002-10-22 04:33:59 PM  
Don't leave home.
2002-10-22 04:35:39 PM  
comments against use of ironic tag...5...4...
2002-10-22 04:35:41 PM  
heres a tip, move out of DC
2002-10-22 04:36:39 PM  
Tip #6
Only travel at night down deserted alleyways in dark clothes and hooded jacket.
2002-10-22 04:39:23 PM  
Cower in a fetal position under the bed.
2002-10-22 04:39:51 PM  
Like my 2 year old niece, just close your eyes. It makes you invisable.
2002-10-22 04:40:17 PM  
Kevlar, and lots of it.
2002-10-22 04:40:52 PM  
tip number one: take away guns from the public (if your not a farmer you don't need one)
2002-10-22 04:41:06 PM  
That's the worst advice since "Buy Enron."
2002-10-22 04:41:18 PM  
"Shop and buy gas in dark, out-of-the-way places"

verdict: so he can switch to a knife and stab you from behind.

"If you are traveling in open spaces, especially those surrounded by woods or rolling terrain, keep moving"

verdict: Strafe to left twice, zig when you ought to zag.

"When you're out for a walk or jog, Quiet, country roads may be safer than high-traffic, "target rich" areas"

Verdict: you might get knocked by a white van travelling at high speed.

"Be extra aware if you are standing in an area where you are visible from more than 80 to 100 yards away -- such as a brightly lit gas station"

Verdict: if he wont get you, the aliens will.
2002-10-22 04:41:53 PM  
I find strafing and heavy return of fire works wonder.
2002-10-22 04:42:23 PM  
I find strafing and heavy return of fire works wonders.
2002-10-22 04:42:54 PM  
* Carry lots of cash, displayed prominenty
* Leave your door unlocked
* Pick up strangers

Gotta love those "tips" from helpful "news" sources.
2002-10-22 04:43:42 PM  
It's sensational-rific!
How low can these idiots go?
2002-10-22 04:43:49 PM  
Ok, the probably of getting raped while jogging alone at night it waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay higher than getting shot at by the sniper. Doesn't DC have the highest crime rate in America??? Aren't there some stupid amount of murders like ten a day or something?? This is abso-farking-lutely ridiculous. I can't believe they'd tell people to do this stuff. I am really cheesed off!

"Yes ladies, why not run around late at night in the dark. And all you joggers and bicyclist, get rid of those reflector thingies."

Anyone who follows this advice and gets ran over will sue CBS, the way things are today. I wouldn't be surprised if this advice killed more people than it saved.

While we're at this smart stuff I'll strut around in my bikini around 2:30 tonite when the bars let out. That's another way to avoid snipers!!!
2002-10-22 04:44:57 PM  
Tips #5 to prevent you from being a sniper target :
Don't hang out at gas stations with a sign saying: "If the sniper wasn't such a dickless p.ussy, he'd come fight me mano a mano."
2002-10-22 04:45:28 PM  
The only person safe from the sniper is the sniper.
2002-10-22 04:45:31 PM  
and these OTHER helpful hints:

X) ALWAYS pay with cash, and show large amounts of cash in your wallet.

Y) Walk alone.

Z) Walk late at night.

AA) Boobies
2002-10-22 04:46:02 PM  
Leap back and forth and hold down the "fire" button until you have six rockets loaded up, then empty them at the most likely place a sniper would hide. Repeat.

If you get hit, make sure to call your attacker a "sniper b*tch", bringing him/her out of hiding in disgust. Then after you respawn you can get the kill, as long as you don't mind being branded a "rocket mama humper".
2002-10-22 04:47:47 PM  
Invest in one of these. Its only fair to shot back.
[image from too old to be available]
2002-10-22 04:48:20 PM  
tip number one: take away guns from the public (if your not a farmer you don't need one)

Bad, bad, smelly flamebait.

The 2nd Amendment flamewar is a few threads down, and the dunderheads have already lost that one. Please mosey along and join them.


(And learn the difference between your and you're.)
2002-10-22 04:51:06 PM  
Great Tips! Put yourself in situations where you will be the only target.
2002-10-22 04:51:24 PM  
LOL, SabreWulf07.... unreal....
2002-10-22 04:51:31 PM  
once again i agree with Xsgoddess. there have only been a few people shot by the sniper. many rapes and murders happen everyday in VA and MD but we just dont hear about them. this is like how pussies are afraid to fly b/c airplanes crash. you have a higher risk of getting killed by a car than an airplane crash, just like you have a higher risk of being raped than being shot by a sniper

/although if you are a guy, then being raped may not be so bad...unless its by another guy an...nevermind
2002-10-22 04:52:57 PM  
As any deer hunter know, Blazing in orange will help prevent you from getting shot. :)
2002-10-22 04:54:00 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2002-10-22 04:55:09 PM  
sometimes i wounder if the news ppl are cheerin this person(s) sure feels like it
2002-10-22 04:55:11 PM  
Stand behind fat people

Stand next to politicians

Stand in a theater showing the new Madonna movie
2002-10-22 04:56:48 PM  
i wish this sniper would cap off some of these damned sensationalist reporters
2002-10-22 04:57:04 PM  
Shop and buy gas in a more congested part of town where you can get farther away from escape routes. Do not visit places close to vacant wooded areas. Send you kids to relatives to go to school out of that area.
Or just shoot yourself before he gets the chance to.
2002-10-22 04:57:41 PM  
"Shop and buy gas in dark, out-of-the-way places" - Like the back of vans, farmer marketsm, or better yet, make the items you would buy yourself. Except don't shop at Micheals...

"When you're out for a walk or jog, Quiet, country roads may be safer than high-traffic, "target rich" areas" - make sure you don't wear refective tape, you will become more visiable during your jog, and therefore increase your target-ability, exp at night

"Be extra aware if you are standing in an area where you are visible from more than 80 to 100 yards away -- such as a brightly lit gas station" - if you have difficulty judging that distance, have some sort of gage, like a football fiend, close at hand...
2002-10-22 04:57:47 PM  
Oh gee Mommy please can't we get into a stupid flame war again. Cause, you know, they really do make people change their minds. just one more Mommy, please please please

2002-10-22 04:58:25 PM  
What about "be invisible?" nobody has thought of that one eh? You farkers think you're so, so smart...
2002-10-22 04:58:40 PM  

You type fater than I do- BAD kitty!

2002-10-22 04:59:38 PM  
BB) Move to Canada.
2002-10-22 04:59:39 PM  
Pedantic I missed that one & in my haste to start a new one I spelt that damn word wrong

I hate it when that happens
2002-10-22 05:01:02 PM  
tip # 11: sit on fark all day at work, then there is no chance for the sniper to see you

/im glad to see that most of you are abiding by this one. thats why none of you have gotten shot yet
2002-10-22 05:02:57 PM  
offsubject but damn mayoboy i didnt know it was possible for ALL the memberts of the family to have the same hairstyle! maybe you should move to alabama near me. i think you "yall" would fit in with the locals perfectly
2002-10-22 05:03:34 PM  

You type fater than I do-

And only about as goodly.

BAD kitty!

Oh, no. I have _good_ kitties. No bad kitties allowed.
2002-10-22 05:04:21 PM  
That should of been a photoshop
2002-10-22 05:06:06 PM  
Just_Another_Arsehole, come down to Alabama and try to take our guns away. Here's a hint; mine looks like this.
[image from too old to be available]
2002-10-22 05:08:54 PM  

You just have to keep the T-tops on the Camero off and the big hair comes naturally.
2002-10-22 05:09:34 PM  
Well, I really don't think jogging on a country road is too much of a good idea either.

You might'n run into a feller like this:

[image from too old to be available]

"Now let's you just drop them pants."
2002-10-22 05:13:43 PM  
dude NoGods you are from alabama too? we are the only people on FARK from AL! yeah and Just_Another_Arsehole there are some real hillbillies down here (as you could imagine) that beat of to Guns And Ammo and if you tried to take theor guns away they would don white outfits with pointed hoods, burn down your church, shoot your wife, put a burning cross in your yard and call you a ni...oh wait, they would probably just shoot your wife
2002-10-22 05:14:55 PM  
Here's MY gun!
2002-10-22 05:15:50 PM  
mayoboy i think you should take CaptainTimmy's and submit that as a photoshop. that would be hilarious. when was that taken anyway?
2002-10-22 05:18:32 PM  
well guys i gotta get back to work. they arent paying me to sit around, ya knw. (actually they have been for the past 1 and 1/2 hours!!!) see you.
2002-10-22 05:18:54 PM  
dammit.. HERE it is!

[image from too old to be available]
2002-10-22 05:19:00 PM  
Become the embodiment of Baal, Lord of Destruction. Engulf all that surrounds you in an apocalyptic wave of living flame.
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