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(Gazeta.Ru)   Russian officer sentenced for beating privates with dildo (   ( divider line
    More: Silly  
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75 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Oct 2002 at 3:26 AM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

47 Comments     (+0 »)
2002-10-22 03:31:04 AM  
Or next time you'll get more than a dildo in the face!!! -Mr. Show
2002-10-22 03:31:05 AM  
Should've used a wet noodle like any other normal pervert would.
2002-10-22 03:31:14 AM  
Hello "Silly" tag.
long time no see.
2002-10-22 03:32:51 AM  
That's an, um, interesting picture with the story.
2002-10-22 03:33:34 AM  
he must have watched lock stock and two smoking barrels one too many times.
2002-10-22 03:33:37 AM  
Think about it: "...beating privates with dildo."
2002-10-22 03:34:02 AM  

2002-10-22 03:35:14 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
this makes baby jesus cry.
2002-10-22 03:35:30 AM  
"a real man must take the hardships of military service with patience" - LOL
2002-10-22 03:37:13 AM  
Love the picture.
2002-10-22 03:37:15 AM  
heh. he said privates.
2002-10-22 03:42:55 AM  
"The dildo-beaten soldiers spoke in defence of their commander and recounted his merits as an officer and as a man."
Oh my god, I can't stand this... bwaaaa haaaaa haaaaa
2002-10-22 03:44:19 AM  
$oviet Russia comment in 3...2...1...
2002-10-22 03:45:04 AM  
Most. Ironic. Headline. Ever.
2002-10-22 03:45:15 AM  
Well, if one is to discipline his privates, one would be best served to beat his privates with a fake private.
2002-10-22 03:45:52 AM  
[image from too old to be available]

Private Benjamin says, "Dildo? Sign me up!"
2002-10-22 03:45:54 AM  
Commie Bastards!
2002-10-22 03:48:36 AM  
Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels...
Me, Myself and Irene...
and now this.
2002-10-22 03:50:21 AM  
I think someone needs to explain to them that that's not how cock fighting is supposed to be done.
2002-10-22 03:52:09 AM  
woah there's a 5oviet russia filter?
2002-10-22 03:54:53 AM  
It turned out that the captain carried out so-called ''night formations'' in his unit - waking the soldiers at night and lining them up to check their uniforms. Those who were not looking after their uniforms properly were beaten with the aforementioned ''black latex baton...''

And he just couldn't get any sleep after doing one of those.

In unrelated news several dead kittens were found in the surrounding area.
2002-10-22 03:56:53 AM  
in russia, penis beats you.
2002-10-22 03:58:47 AM  
it may be because it's 3 A.M. here though
2002-10-22 04:01:06 AM  
The captain walked into the room and suddenly the game of whak-a-mole turned ugly.
2002-10-22 04:08:00 AM  
WTF is a "silly" tag? I aint not never seen that.
2002-10-22 04:09:38 AM  
He's lucky, if he kept beating his privates he could go blind.
2002-10-22 04:11:19 AM  
Announcer: Mount Everest. Forbidding, aloof, terrifying. This year, this remote Himalayan mountain, this mystical temple, surrounded by the most difficult terrain in the world, repulsed yet another attempt to conquer it. (Picture changes to wind-swept, snowy tents and people) This time, by the International Hairdresser's Expedition. In such freezing, adverse conditions, man comes very close to breaking point. What was the real cause of the disharmony which destroyed their chances at success?

(Hairdresser #1 is a snowy, bundled up climber with a very gay voice. Hairdressers #2 and #3 are even more gay and windswept.)

Hairdresser #1: Well, people keep taking your hairdryer on every turn.

Hairdresser #2: There's a lot of biatching in the tents.

Hairdresser #3: You couldn't get near the mirror.
2002-10-22 04:24:27 AM that a naked Freddie Mercury hugging those boots?
2002-10-22 04:39:34 AM  
Dimator check the archives
2002-10-22 05:26:14 AM  
Grizzled Sgt. Grinkov of Spaetnaz 9 (Class of 1976-79) says:

(bad Russian accent)-"New Russian soldier is babushka compared to my soldiers! When on night formation, I use my enormous Georgian Êiëàñà for same task. We did not need corrupt capitalist western sex toy! Baaah! Where is my Vodka!"
2002-10-22 05:29:40 AM  
LOL...the language filter translated the pasted CYRILLIC characters to english, and God help me, I'VE never heard that word. I was trying to find the anglicized Russian word for sausage, but then I....never mind.


2002-10-22 05:41:01 AM  
Why is this odd? It's commonplace for an officer (or a prison guard) to use a Bull's pizzle for disciplinary actions. (This is why they call guards "Bulls" in the first place.)

Beating someone with a big ol' penis is a time-honoured tradition, which probably has its roots in basic primate pyschology. Nothing new or unusual.

So.. this guy used an artificial one instead of the genuine article. Big fat hairy deal. If anything, it's a bit less wierd.

I must say I like the illustration, though. Puts me in the mind of Jack Chick's Doomtown.
2002-10-22 05:44:21 AM  
Ahem. Test: "Soviet Russia." Carry on.
2002-10-22 05:49:12 AM  
Let me tell you about Hatchet Harry. Once there was this geezer called Smithy Robinson who worked for Harry. It was rumoured that he was on the take. Harry invited Smithy round for an explanation. Smithy didn't do a very good job. Within a minute Harry lost his temper and reached
for the nearest thing at hand, which happened to be a fifteen-inch black rubber cock. He then proceeded to batter poor Smithy to death with this; that was seen as a pleasant way to go . . . Hence, Hatchet Harry is a man you pay if you owe.
2002-10-22 05:57:17 AM  
So that's the way to get paid. A 15" black rubber cock. And me trying to get by with a 12" red rubber chicken. Silly ass.
2002-10-22 06:59:40 AM  
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
2002-10-22 07:14:46 AM
2002-10-22 07:15:32 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
2002-10-22 09:04:54 AM  
This is terrible! People pay good money to get flogged by dildoes here, and there in Russia they are getting it for free!
2002-10-22 09:30:18 AM  
The French Tickler surrenders!
2002-10-22 09:45:57 AM  
He had already served 14 months of his 24-month national service and was therefore one of the more privileged 'grandfathers' who are not subject to bullying. He was found a short time later, sleeping in the stairwell of a Yekaterinburg apartment block, embracing his gun.

Not gonna ask....oh what the hell. Did he get caught in the stairwell flogging the bishop?
2002-10-22 11:46:54 AM  
What is the extra bracket at the end? Is that symbolic of a dildo beating?
2002-10-22 12:25:36 PM  
I thought the article was going to be about an "act of self-love"; I didn't connect privates with soldiers.

Also since when does Tom of Finland do illustrations for news articles?
2002-10-22 01:52:55 PM  
Russian officer sentenced for beating privates with dildo
Which "privates"?

2002-10-22 02:09:19 PM  
You know, if they'd done a bit more research for the Tom of Finland picture they probably could have found one depicting russian soldiers being hit with their officer's "baton", of course it would require an NSFW tag.

I understand the russian military makes most of its money from gay porn now, so maybe this is related to that. I wonder if there was a camera present at these "inspections".
2002-10-22 03:51:30 PM  
Of course, in the event of a dildo we're always supposed to use the indefinite article "a" dildo, never "your" dildo.
2002-10-22 07:59:29 PM  
I bet he was turning-out some damned fine soldiers.
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