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(Chick)   A collection of Jack Chick's Halloween works (some repeats)   ( divider line
    More: Amusing  
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156 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Oct 2002 at 11:03 PM (19 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook

143 Comments     (+0 »)

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2002-10-21 10:31:39 PM  
Some used the patented Jack Chick "HAW HAW HAW!" in a thread earlier today, and it got me to thinking that we haven't had a good tract in quite a while...

Time to introduce the new Farkers to an old Fark tradition.

And yes Slayer, that's exactly what they do.

2002-10-21 11:10:35 PM  
I got "The Accident" handed to me while I was in high school, working at a food court Dairy Queen. I read it to the end, realized it was Xian garbage, and promptly ripped it up and tossed it out.

Thus, I was introduced to Jack T. Chick. Didn't know he had a website till someone I work with introduced me to fark. I love the internet.
2002-10-21 11:11:13 PM  
i gotta wonder how he justifies making crap up. i mean, druids with ankhs? thought those were egyptian, and when was halloween the most holy and solem "pagan" holiday? if memory serves, it's the solstices.
2002-10-21 11:11:35 PM  
Why does anyone give this guy a platform....much less a link?
2002-10-21 11:14:00 PM  
LilMuffinBoy: Cuz he be funny to those who know. Woe is he who doesn't.
2002-10-21 11:14:30 PM  
As I remember, the ankh pendant is one of the many archaic symbols of the druids. I did a report on them for a high school history class. I was fascinated with that stuff for a while.

As for Halloween, I've always believed that it was a holiday made mainstream by the candy companies. To this day, I'm surprised I didn't get a single cavity eating all those packets of Smarties (tiny cylinders of sugary death that they are).
2002-10-21 11:14:35 PM  
Tia : Hmm....I can live with that.
2002-10-21 11:17:20 PM  
ankh is egyptian, flyboy
2002-10-21 11:17:34 PM  
FRKBOY Samhain (aka Halloween) is one of the neo-pagan high holidays, and usually a favorite. It's a day to remember the dead, to feast, and party. Many traditions also look at it as the start of a new year. It's fun.
2002-10-21 11:18:19 PM  
We link to Chick for the same reason we link to CAP, because it's fun to point and laugh at the fundies.

Heck, you'll probably have a hard time finding any tracts that haven't been linked on Fark already.

2002-10-21 11:19:14 PM  
Slayerswine: A friend of mine's mother was Pentacostle (spl?). One Halloween, we decided to sieze the rather large stash of candy she had set out by the front door. Our loot:

Two bowls of mini chocolates
A bowl of gum drops
A bowl of Chick tracts
2002-10-21 11:19:34 PM  
Not to mention that Jack-o-lanterns, at least in his depiction, are made a pumpkins, a vegetable not available in the old world until well after the druids fell from any semblance of power.
2002-10-21 11:19:48 PM  
3horn: Heheh...I concede to your point.
2002-10-21 11:20:32 PM  
I miss the days when X-E used to post the chick cartoons and mock them...

My favourite will always be the 'conveyor belt to hell' followed closely by the 'angel tossing the damned in the fire'

This guy kills me...
2002-10-21 11:20:44 PM  
Jesus didn't start all this stupidity.
It was his promotional agent, Paul, who started this Christer frenzy while selling his monotheism to nice, Greek housewives.
2002-10-21 11:21:14 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

that's classic...

2002-10-21 11:21:40 PM  
Is it just me, or do all these tracts have the same storyline?

Good kid gets turned to worshipping satan by bad friend, bad friend dies in a freak accident, goes to hell, good kids parents use this to turn him/her to christianity.

Is using more than one basic premise a sin or something? C'mon, at least put some effort into it, Jack.
2002-10-21 11:23:04 PM  
Samhain is also a kickass band... Did anyone else think it was funny that "the Trick" features a satanic nun named "Charity"?
2002-10-21 11:23:15 PM  
Since Satan, Lucifer, was an angel... does he actually have a birthday? Is there a part of that myth someone forgot to tell me?
2002-10-21 11:23:29 PM  
How much would it suck to be the angel that got stuck with the job of tossing people into the lake of fire?
2002-10-21 11:23:56 PM  

yup, that's chick alright.

my favourite tract with that storyline has to be the Dungeons & Dragons one. that one kept me laughing for quite a while.
2002-10-21 11:24:02 PM  
I think it's funny that pagans make such a big deal out of halloween when it's named for a day on the christian church calendar (yeah, I know the druids celebrated it before that, but still).
2002-10-21 11:24:04 PM  
I thought the jack-o-lantern was about the headless horseman, not crazy druids that would leave a "scary" pumpkin outside their victims window....Anyways everybody knows that halloween was invented by large confectionary corporations.
2002-10-21 11:24:13 PM  
Yeah its funny but I think if somebody put that crap in my kid's bag on Halloween I'd egg the motherfarker's house myself.

Must go... time to sacrifice the goat.
2002-10-21 11:24:48 PM  
Jex: It sounds fun to me.
2002-10-21 11:25:31 PM  
Chick need to get laid or at least buy some pron and kill a few kittens.
2002-10-21 11:26:12 PM  

I'd rather be the angel that has to toss souls into the lake of fire than one of the angels that hangs-out over the beds of pubescent boys to watch them jack-off.
2002-10-21 11:26:15 PM  
Hey Yoderizer we all need an excuse to eat like pigs, get drunk/stupid, and pretend there's a purpose for it. Pagans just enjoy doing it more, I think.
2002-10-21 11:26:22 PM  
If there's anything that I hate, its those SPOOKY DRUIDS!!
2002-10-21 11:27:04 PM  
Bobatt - You left out the handy John Waters/Hitler Christian whom nobody listens to. But they regret it!

My favorite tract has to be the one with the angel with the camcorder. Classic. As I recall, there was a conversation with the bad guy saying to Bob, "Go to hell!" Bob responds, "Sorry, John, we can't. Jesus saved us."
2002-10-21 11:27:23 PM  
My favorite part about Chick comics is how, when the doomed character is facing judgment and is found to be sinful, Jesus literally picks them up and throws them off the cloud.
2002-10-21 11:28:22 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

satan told me not to read this part, so i stopped there.

gotta admit, if satan is going to be my eternal master, i'm gonna suck up a lot!
2002-10-21 11:28:29 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

Bwhahaha, that is classic. Even Chick has a sense of humor.
2002-10-21 11:28:43 PM  
I farking hate Jack Chick, but that first Boo! is farking halarious. Hahahaha
2002-10-21 11:29:16 PM  
i win, FifthColumn :)
2002-10-21 11:29:32 PM  
Bah, Gbejrlsu!
2002-10-21 11:29:34 PM  
These aren't the Druids you're looking for.
2002-10-21 11:29:55 PM  

I seriously read a book that said it was also a part of the ancient Druidic tradition as well. Note that Aleister Crowley and other Satanic cults also use Egyptian mythos as part of their theology. I don't mean to argue, just reiterate what I remember reading.


Also note that Paul was the one who ordered the priests of Baal, and their sex slaves, executed as part of the will of God. No one really had a choice in accepting Jesus, even though the Baal worshippers returned (before being cast out, once again, by Xians).
2002-10-21 11:30:21 PM  
All I can say is Haw Haw
2002-10-21 11:30:49 PM  
Geez, you know I start to read this crap thinking I'll find it funny, but then it just gets so neurotic, what these people believe and what people in powerful positions (Bush/Al Qaida) still believe and then they tried to get all of us HERE to believe this nonsense (1950's--)...lemme try it again. Maybe it'll be funny this time.

/would rather throw cream pies singing "For He's a Jolly Fellow" at the top of my lungs
2002-10-21 11:31:36 PM  
Man, all these stories about having those Chick POS's shoved into halloween bags make me glad I grew up in Quebec...

I mean, we may all be (lapsed) catholics out there, but I've never seen such dumbass things... a Fark classic indeed, although those tracts are so amazingly unsubtle I find myself feeling sorry for people who believe them, more than I find them amusing.
2002-10-21 11:32:49 PM  
Satan looks remarkably like the Count from Sesame Street.
2002-10-21 11:33:01 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

That is so farking funny... and I'm not even high....
2002-10-21 11:33:31 PM  
I hope this embedded image works... I can be quite a loser at times...

I love how the kid's friends are total knobs in this picture:

[image from too old to be available]

but when mom describes them, they look like Hell's Angels groupies:

[image from too old to be available]
2002-10-21 11:33:39 PM  
You're one of the farkers who seems to understand where I'm coming from.
2002-10-21 11:33:46 PM  
You have to wonder, with most of chick's hits probably coming from here, has he ever been to fark? I wonder if he would do a special tract just for farkers?
2002-10-21 11:33:49 PM  
Chick's message is quite clear: Even if you are a good person, you will go straight to the Xian hell unless you worship Jesus. Conversely, you can be the meanest little shiat that ever walked the Earth, but as long as you worship Jesus, you will go to the Xian heaven.

No wonder many Xians are little shiats...
2002-10-21 11:34:15 PM  
Bah! Maybe if I hadn't wasted so much time reading those useless comics I would have been able to slip my post in before Jex beat me to it. Curses!
You'll get yours, Jex. You'll get yours.
2002-10-21 11:35:53 PM  
2002-10-21 11:36:07 PM  
gawddamit... how in the hell do you post images in this forum...
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