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(Fark)   Fark's 2007 HEADLINE OF THE YEAR contest (details in thread)   (fark.com) divider line
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4946 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Dec 2007 at 1:47 PM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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2007-12-31 1:30:25 PM  
Hello and welcome to Fark's Headline of the Year contest for 2007, Round 4. After a long year, we finally got around to doing this. For those of you who have been patient in waiting for this, HERE IT IS!! (um, w00t). For the rest of you, we collected the best headlines from each month and let you vote on the best

Quarterfinals for Jan-Mar (new window)
Quarterfinals for Apr-Jun (new window)
Quarterfinals for Jul-Sep (new window)
Quarterfinals for Oct-Dec (new window)

These are the 5 best headlines from each of those contests, and you get to vote on the one you think is the best.

Note: In addition to these, there were some categories that we felt were worthy of their own separate voting thread. There will be a Headline of the Year contest this weekend for the four main subtab categories (Sports, Geek, Showbiz, Politics), and a few other worthy contests that worked out well last year, including a Dumbass of the Year contest, a Parent of the Year contest, and one that features clever wordplay. That one is mostly puns, but it's not exclusively puns. There have been a few ASCII/Braille/Morse code ones-type headlines this year that got some love, but not really enough for their own contest (and really, after the ASCII shark headline, it's never reached its zenith again).

Now some of your favorites might not be on here. That's for two reasons. Reason 1: there were well over 23,000 greenlit headlines on Fark this year-and that's just for the main page. It takes a long time to sort out the best and sometimes some really good headlines get lost in that mix. For those, I apologize. There are also some that you might not see here because they've been moved to a separate contest (puns especially fall into this category). Reason 2 is that the headlines need to be able to stand on their own. There were some incredibly funny Fark links this year that were awesome because the headline on its own wasn't funny, until you clicked the link, then it was AWESOME. But in this contest, the people that never saw the original linked article wouldn't get it. Feel free to link to any awesome headline you like to share the love, but don't enable voting.
 
2007-12-31 1:33:57 PM  
By the way, these contests would have been impossible without help of the whole TF community in general, but the following people in particular, who agreed to help select and sort through literally thousands of headlines to help get this contest off the ground. I owe a deep debt of gratitude to the following:

Alice_Liddell, amishjihad, Bandman614, Barnacles!, BigBaldRon, Burninate, CarcinogenCrunchies, CarolynLibrarian, Catastrofark, clear_prop, Croooow!, drevil877, ducTape, eqtworld, fishrockcarving, gilgamesh, i_hate_milk, JackAssHole, JerryVO, Jolonco, jill_off, kanderson321, Krom , La Belle Chienne, MickeyD, MorningBreath, Ooshatielf, Outtaphase, Paryb, SAvoodoo, Sgt. Expendable, shivashakti, SomeBrunette, Spad31, and TheHustler.

So many helped, I may missed thanking them here. If you helped, but I missed listing you here, please accept my thanks.

And thanks to the many, many submitters that spent the time to create these and other phenomenal headlines that make us all laugh every day. Cheers to you all.

And now, without further ado, here's the contest...enjoy!
 
2007-12-31 1:34:47 PM  
One-third of all public school students can't use. Periods correctly


http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=2540369
 
2007-12-31 1:35:03 PM  
"Popular among evangelical Christians in the teen abstinence movement are 'purity balls,' elaborate parties that young women and girls attend, gowns and all, with their dads." It's like a car show, but for hymens


http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=2586941
 
2007-12-31 1:39:20 PM  
Popping vitamin pills could increase your chance of dying by five percent. Great, now I have a 105 percent chance of dying


http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=2651799
 
2007-12-31 1:40:00 PM  
We still don't know who put the "hot" in 'hottentot', or the "ape" in "apricot," but police have captured the man who put the "semen" in "the girls locked in his basement"


http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=2652445
 
2007-12-31 1:40:20 PM  
Girl, 14, impaled while having fun with friends. More fun than you can stake a chick at


http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=2677137
 
2007-12-31 1:40:45 PM  
Old-school vinyl records are still hanging on to a...still hanging on to a...still hanging on to a...still hanging on to a


http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=2740732
 
2007-12-31 1:41:18 PM  
Men would rather die than admit we have had a gay affair. They, I mean. They


http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=2744264
 
2007-12-31 1:41:44 PM  
This story about gas prices says prices are "flirting with $3 a gallon." Where submitter lives they stopped "flirting with $3" months ago and have been giving it big sloppy blowjobs and buttsecks ever since


http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=2782964
 
2007-12-31 1:42:32 PM  
Muhammad Ali receives honorary doctorate from Princeton, shakes own hand


http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=2849449
 
2007-12-31 1:42:56 PM  
No Child Left Behind' continues to struggle with the fact that some kids are just stupid. Not yours though


http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=2854302
 
2007-12-31 1:43:28 PM  
Bear attack victim had 'tender heart,' according to friends, family, bear


http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=2879322
 
2007-12-31 1:43:54 PM  
Blind man reunited with missing seeing eye dog (as far as he knows)


http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=2879347
 
2007-12-31 1:44:13 PM  
Chinese officials say bridge collapsed "like a blade slicing bean curd". Technicians from the International Metaphor Standardization Agency have been dispatched to introduce them to hot knives and butter


http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=3002179
 
2007-12-31 1:44:32 PM  
Man who beat his girlfriend with a flashlight charged with assault. Flashlight charged with battery


http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=3037346
 
2007-12-31 1:44:49 PM  
British spy agency spied on George Orwell for decades after fearing what he thought and said was a danger to the state. If only there was a word to describe such a concept


http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=3044467
 
2007-12-31 1:45:09 PM  
A confused moose thinks he's a cow. Will Rocky find him before he's shipped to the stockyard? Don't miss our next episode: "Milk of Amnesia" or "It's not just an udder day"


http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=3114060
 
2007-12-31 1:45:25 PM  
Tornado strikes Amish community. Hundreds without power


http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=3146613
 
2007-12-31 1:45:46 PM  
First 450 people who show up at Cleveland's convention centre this Saturday with a working handgun will get a $100 gas card. The first person to think this through will get $45,000 in gas cards


http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=3195080
 
2007-12-31 1:46:01 PM  
You might ask yourself what's going through the mind of a man who walks around a flashing railroad signal while on the phone. If you answer "A locomotive," you'd be right


http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=3250845
 
2007-12-31 1:46:23 PM  
Homosexuality can be turned on and off in fruit flies, allowing them to just be flies


http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=3258730
 
2007-12-31 1:49:33 PM  
Oh man the thread we all have waited for!
 
2007-12-31 1:53:14 PM  
Not that it would have won, but there was a headline this year - can't even remember if it went green - about the decline in Hmong culture. The headline was written entirely in Hmong, which confused a lot of people.

I can't find it for the life of me, anyone want to help?
 
2007-12-31 1:53:18 PM  
voting goodness
 
2007-12-31 1:54:43 PM  
Headline of the Year candidate: "Popular among evangelical Christians in the teen abstinence movement are 'purity balls,' elaborate parties that young women and girls attend, gowns and all, with their dads." It's like a car show, but for hymens


http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=2586941


Heh..."purity balls" in an abstinence article.

Can't make that up.
 
2007-12-31 1:54:51 PM  
It is hard to choose just one. There are so many great ones....
 
2007-12-31 1:56:50 PM  
Funny Stuff This Year...
 
2007-12-31 1:58:46 PM  
I went with this one. It made me LOL (though the Ali one made me laugh too):

Man who beat his girlfriend with a flashlight charged with assault. Flashlight charged with battery
 
2007-12-31 1:59:03 PM  
No love for any of the "Burma Shave" headlines? Too bad.

/Including my own.
 
2007-12-31 1:59:20 PM  
If I'm picking one, I'm going with the tender heart headline. Second is girls locked in basement, third is $45,000 in gas cards.
 
2007-12-31 1:59:34 PM  
Great job, awesome headlines.
 
2007-12-31 1:59:54 PM  
not even a look-in for Kirk Hammett's dog story :(
 
2007-12-31 2:01:12 PM  
I knew that I would forget somebody in my opening list. In this case, it's goeniegoegoe.

My bad, dude.
 
2007-12-31 2:01:30 PM  
It is hard to choose just one. There are so many great ones....

It looks like this is basically an approval-voting system, so you don't have to choose just one. Pick the ones that stand out to you.
 
2007-12-31 2:01:33 PM  
trackstr777: Oh man the thread we all have waited for!

Britney died?
 
2007-12-31 2:01:35 PM  
Barnacles!: It is hard to choose just one. There are so many great ones....

Good thing you can vote for as many as you want!
 
2007-12-31 2:02:21 PM  
The Steak a Chick makes me giggle every time I read it. That was fun though.
 
2007-12-31 2:03:11 PM  
Unfreakable: By the way, these contests would have been impossible without help of the whole TF community in general, but the following people in particular, who agreed to help select and sort through literally thousands of headlines to help get this contest off the ground. I owe a deep debt of gratitude to the following:
...
JackAssHole, ...


You're welcome, I suppose. I don't know what I did though. I volunteered to go through and pick some favorites from what I presumed would be thousands headlines which would then be voted on, but I never got a list. Unless perhaps it was the voting threads from a couple of days ago here in TFD and maybe they were only visible to volunteers?

*shrug*
 
2007-12-31 2:03:22 PM  
gilgamesh23: Good thing you can vote for as many as you want!

img518.imageshack.usView Full Size
 
2007-12-31 2:03:24 PM  
"man dies in tragic lawnmower accident" is still my favorate.
 
2007-12-31 2:03:56 PM  
trackstr777: Oh man the thread we all have waited for!

Yes, I have been waiting for this shiat to end.
 
2007-12-31 2:04:14 PM  
Girl, 14, impaled while having fun with friends. More fun than you can stake a chick at

Seriously, I laugh harder reading this repeatedly than any of the others. Go impaled girl, go!
 
2007-12-31 2:04:16 PM  
I am humbled. Will try harder next year.

Happy merry, everybody!
 
2007-12-31 2:04:19 PM  
All of them are good. I picked 6
 
2007-12-31 2:05:21 PM  
There are some funny motherfarkers here.

I love you guys/gals (but not, you know, like that....). Happy New Year.
 
2007-12-31 2:05:47 PM  
OK, so, I believe that the Xerox founder's death headline that went mainpage last year AFTER the Headline Of The Year votng occured should be included here.

/just saying.
 
2007-12-31 2:06:30 PM  
My favorite headline did not make the list. I'm useless at searching, and cant quote it exactly but it was about a man who robbed a woman for a watch and a hammer police looking for a man killing time. I dont know who wrote that headline, but this comment is just to say thanks subby, it was great.
 
2007-12-31 2:06:31 PM  
Barnacles!

i2.tinypic.comView Full Size
 
2007-12-31 2:08:42 PM  
What does it say about me, that my two favorites involve girl being molested or killed?

/where'd the babysitter go?
 
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