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(Some Guy)   Remote Alaskan village shocked when teens trade the town's berries for weed   ( divider line
    More: Amusing  
•       •       •

9999 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Oct 2002 at 11:27 AM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

50 Comments     (+0 »)
2002-10-15 06:10:29 AM  
Lazy kids.

I hear you can grow some great pot outdoors in Alaska. Not a whole lot of air patrols for eradication up there.
2002-10-15 08:45:14 AM  
why are they shocked ? I thought the corner 'Trading Post' is the thing up there.
2002-10-15 10:36:59 AM  
I don't know why, but this is the first thing I thought of.

[image from too old to be available]
2002-10-15 11:31:10 AM  
RandyJohnson tee hee hee
2002-10-15 11:31:21 AM  
RandyJohnson: Strangely enough, me, too

Were they magic berries? Or magic pot?
2002-10-15 11:31:58 AM  
Now what'll they going to eat when they get the munchies?
2002-10-15 11:33:12 AM  
[image from too old to be available]

Smoke THIS!
2002-10-15 11:34:10 AM  
ahh, to be a primitive tribal community in west Alaska and trade berries for pot.

Freekin' berries for pot.
2002-10-15 11:34:14 AM
2002-10-15 11:34:24 AM  
"There is supposed to be no drugs and no alcohol imported to this village, and we are making a stop to this," Murphy said.

Man I find that hard to believe. Anyone who has ever been to Alaska, and had the unfortunate luck to run into one of the natives, can tell you that a vast majority of them are so drunk they can barely walk.

Schluck tuck n'yuck tuck sh'nuck tuck.
2002-10-15 11:35:28 AM  
WTF is Eskimo Ice cream?
2002-10-15 11:35:53 AM  
Yeah, man.

[image from too old to be available]
2002-10-15 11:36:49 AM  
im guessing some sort of berry ice cream...
2002-10-15 11:37:22 AM  
I'd hit it.
2002-10-15 11:38:05 AM  
43%: that cereal rocked, man
2002-10-15 11:38:24 AM  
Here it is in its entirety, the Yellow Snow Suite!

Dreamed I was an Eskimo
(Bop-bop ta-da-da bop-bop Ta-da-da)
Frozen wind began to blow
(Bop-bop ta-da-da bop-bop Ta-da-da)
Under my boots 'n around my toe
(Bop-bop ta-da-da bop-bop Ta-da-da)
Frost had bit the ground below
(Boop-boop aiee-ay-ah!)
Was a hundred degrees below zero
(Bop-bop ta-da-da bop-bop Ta-da-da)
And my momma cried:
Boo-a-hoo hoo-ooo
And my momma cried:
Nanook-a, no no (no no . . . )
Nanook-a, no no (no no . . . )
Don't be a naughty Eskimo-wo-oh
(Bop-bop ta-da-da bop-bop Ta-da-da)
Save your money: don't go to the show
Well I turned around an' I said:
Well I turned around an' I said:
Well I turned around an' I said:
An' the Northern Lites commenced t' glow
An' she said
(Bop-bop ta-da-da bop . . . )
With a tear in her eye:

Well right about that time, people,
A fur trapper
Who was strictly from commercial
(Strictly Commershil)
Had the unmedicated audacity to jump up from behind my igyaloo
(Peek-a-Boo Woo-ooo-ooo)
And he started in to whippin' on my fav'rite baby seal
With a lead-filled snow shoe . . .
I said:
With a lead
A lead-filled snow shoe
He said Peak-a-boo
With a lead
With a lead-filled snow shoe
He said Peak-a-boo.
He went right up side the head of my favorite baby seal
He went WHAP!
With a lead-filled snow shoe
An' he hit him on the nose 'n he hit him on the fin 'n he . . .
That got me just about as evil
As an Eskimo boy can be . . . so I bent down 'n I reached down 'n I scooped down
An' I gathered up a generous mitten full of the deadly . . .
The deadly Yellow Snow from right there where the huskies go
Whereupon I proceeded to take that mitten full
Of the deadly Yellow Snow Crystals
And rub it all into his beady little eyes
With a vigorous circular motion
Hitherto unknown to the people on this area,
But destined to take the place of THE MUD SHARK
In your mythology
Here it goes now . . .
THE CIRCULAR MOTION . . . (rub it) . . .
(Here Fido . . . Here Fido)
And then, in a fit of anger, I . . .
I pounced
And I pounced again
I jumped up 'n down on the chest of the . . .
I injured the fur trapper
Well, he was very upset, as you can understand
And rightly so
The deadly Yellow Snow Crystals
Had deprived him of his sight
And he stood up
And he looked around
And he said:
(DO . . . DO DO-DO DO DO DO . . . YEAH!)
(DO . . . DO DO-DO DO DO DO . . . YEAH!)
(DO . . . DO DO-DO DO DO DO . . . YEAH!)
(DO . . . DO DO-DO DO DO DO . . . WELL!)
NO . . . I . . .
He took a dog-doo sno-cone
An' stuffed it in my right eye
He took a dog-doo sno-cone
An' stuffed it in my other eye
An' the huskie wee-wee,
I mean the doggie wee-wee
Has blinded me
An' I can't see
Well the fur trapper
Stood there
With his arms outstretched
Across the frozen white wasteland
Trying to figure out what he's gonna do
About his deflicted eyes
And it was at that precise moment that he remembered
An ancient Eskimo legend
Wherein it is written
On whatever it is that they write it on up there
That if anything bad ever happens to your eyes
As a result of some sort of conflict
With anyone named Nanook
The only way you can get it fixed up
Is to go trudgin' across the tundra . . .
Mile after mile
Trudgin' across the tundra . . .
Right down to the parish of Saint Alfonzo . . .

Yes indeed, here we are!
At Saint Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast
Where I stole the mar-juh-reen
An' widdled on the Bingo Cards in lieu of the latrine
I saw a handsome parish lady
Make her entrance like a queen
Why she was totally chenille
And her old man was a Marine
As she abused a sausage pattie
And said why don't you treat me mean?
(Hurt me, hurt me, hurt me, oooooh!)
At Saint Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast
(Hah! Good God! Get off the bus!)
Where I stole the mar-juh-reen . . .

Saint Alfonzo
Saint Alfonzo
Saint Alfonzo
Saint Alfonzo
Ooo-ooo-WAH . . .

Get on your feet an' do the funky Alfonzo!
Father Vivian O'Blivion
Resplendent in his frock
Was whipping up the batter
For the pancakes of his flock
He was looking rather bleary
(He forgot to watch the clock)
'Cause the night before
Behind the door
A leprechaun had stroked, yes . . .
The night before
Behind the door
A leprechaun had stroked (he stroked it) . . .
The night before
Behind the door
A leprechaun had stroked . . . his . . .
Ahhh (stroked his smock)
Which set him off in such a frenzy
An' he topped it off with a . . .
An' he topped it off with a . . .
An' he topped it off with a . . .
As he stumbled on his ____
He was delighted as it stiffened
And ripped right through his sock
Oh, Saint Alfonzo would be proud of me
He shouted down the block
Dominus Vo-bisque 'em
Et come spear a tu-tu,
Won't you eat my sleazy pancakes
Just for Saintly Alfonzo
They're so light 'n fluffy-white
We'll raise a fortune by tonite
They're so light 'n fluffy-white
We'll raise a fortune by tonite
They're so light 'n fluffy-brown
They're the finest in the town
They're so light 'n fluffy-brown
They're the finest in the town
Good morning, your Highness
I brought you your snow shoes
Good morning, your Highness
I brought you your snow shoes
2002-10-15 11:39:18 AM  
...stockpile enough to make Eskimo ice cream through the winter

Ice cream? In the winter? In Alaska?
2002-10-15 11:39:55 AM  
can you say waste of space.

Oh, yeah, and what a lengthy post, too.
2002-10-15 11:40:58 AM  

Eskimo Ice Cream-Akutaq

Eskimo dessert

The word "akutaq" is Yup'ik (from Alaska) for "the blended one, the mixture." This simple and tasty dessert is also known as "Eskimo Ice Cream."

This dessert can be made with many different types of berries. The favorite is Salmonberries, also known as Cloudberries, which grow on the tundra in the short summer months. You can also use blueberries, cranberries, or blackberries.

Traditionally, Akutaq is made using Caribou tallow (oil) as a binder for the berries, and snow is mixed in, as well! In this modern version, you will use yogurt. For this reason, it must be eaten right away, before the yogurt gets runny.

For each serving of Akutaq, you will need:
1 cup berries
1/2 cup premixed raspberry yogurt
Pinch of sugar
Couple of drops of lemon juice

Add sugar, yogurt, and lemon juice together, and whip with a wire whisk or in a blender. With a spatula or large spoon, carefully fold berries into the mixture. Serve immediately, or chill in the bowl, and enjoy!
2002-10-15 11:41:28 AM  
Mmmmmmm. I've been there. I've eaten the salmon berries they are speaking of. Come to think of it...

Note to self- Go to back to Alaska next summer. Gorge self on ample salmon berry harvest. Mmmmmmmm /note
2002-10-15 11:41:42 AM  
Sorry, I just had to do it.
2002-10-15 11:42:13 AM  
I liked my headline better.
"Berries for marijuana drive goes to pot"
Why did they take the articles posted off of people's bios section?
2002-10-15 11:42:37 AM  
What about their pic-a-nic basket? I hope that didn't get confiscated.
2002-10-15 11:46:19 AM  
Sounds like a good trade.
2002-10-15 11:47:05 AM  
I didn't think there were still people in America who had to live off of berries.

Forget giving food to 3rd world countries - let's get these guys some McDonalds!
2002-10-15 11:48:34 AM  
They're shocked because you can get even more high off of the damned berries!
2002-10-15 11:49:17 AM  
"Remote Alaskan village"

I don't think a place of residence has ever appealed to me more.
2002-10-15 11:51:07 AM  
*parks a dump truck full of yellow snow on top of JohnathanChance*
2002-10-15 11:51:14 AM  
I didn't catch the exchange rate. Was it like, a quart of berries for a nick, or what?
2002-10-15 11:55:12 AM  
WickedWanda: I too was pondering that myself. Hmmmmm
2002-10-15 11:56:46 AM  
"It was a lot, believe me," Paul said. "Each Ziploc bag had different writings on them and different
dates on them so we seized all of them."

Note to self...Mark all bags of weed with the same writing and dates so cops won't seize them.
2002-10-15 11:59:51 AM  
The punishment they give kids up in those Indian villages are pretty cool. I remember when these two teenagers robbed someone, ( i think it was a dominoes delivery guy, but i can't remember) they sentenced them to live out on some island in the middle of nowhere for 6 months. they were given a few simple tools a little food and left out there. If they were seen in town i guess they would get the state to put them in jail.
-back when i lived there i heard you would legally have 2 plants on your property, but it didn't matter too much to me then, i was 5
2002-10-15 12:03:59 PM  
Yes, Zappa was good. Ray White was a great singer. But for fark's sake, ain't nobody but the .03% of humanity that loves FZ wants to read 3 pages of lyrics.

Speaking of which, there's a Land Rover owned by a neighbor of mine with the vanity plates "F ZAPPA." Let me properly emphasize: a Land Rover with F ZAPPA on the plates.

Couple of weeks ago, some drunk/crackhead/idiot type plowed into this truck in the middle of the night, really doing a number on the vehicle. I noticed it when I was walking to the "L". The entire rear left quarter was completely caved in, the wheel was knocked off the bolts, the bumper was all mangled, etc. It got hit hard. In the middle of this twisted hulk of metal were the unscathed vanity plates -- F ZAPPA -- shining through in iridescent white and red paint...

Just when you've almost totally cast off your Catholicism, along comes a sign that there is life after death, that spirits do exist, and that some of these spirits have a real problem with some yuppie fark slapping said spirit's name on the back of their SUV.
2002-10-15 12:05:32 PM  
Those guys are assholes. They should have been handcuffed to the squad car overnight.
2002-10-15 12:05:44 PM  
The berry bush is a good place to hide your weeeeed.
[image from too old to be available]
2002-10-15 12:07:49 PM  
There has got to be something them kids can find to smoke!
2002-10-15 12:11:15 PM  
Wow, after those kids get a good buzz they will be wishing they had some berries to munch on.
2002-10-15 12:11:16 PM  
A prohibition society encourages the growth of gangs and cartels, drunk on the power of berries.

Remember, the lust for berries is the root of all evil.
2002-10-15 12:11:47 PM  
"There is supposed to be no drugs and no alcohol imported to this village."

Man, I cant believe the government is really that stupid. I thought pro-hibition was stopped decades ago, cos it didnt stop ppl getting it, but does push it underground and make people do stuff like this.

If it wasnt completely eliminated, this wouldnt have happened.
2002-10-15 12:32:40 PM  
This sounds about right....
This is kind of long- but it needs to be to explain this situation to those who don't understand the underlying culture and society involved in this article. In it, I explain many basic terms referenced in the article, so please read it! :)
My mother was a teacher in a remote Alaskan village out on the tundra- no running water, no cars, etc. Everyone rode around on snowmobiles (alaskans call them snowmachines) and 4- wheelers.
Every spring/ summer, the women of the village would all go out on the tundra and find berries, which are, in fact, used to make eskimo ice cream.
What is Eskimo ice cream? hehehehehehe......
Remember that in an eskimo society, it is advantageous to have a little bit of fat on your body for insulation. So, they do try to eat a diet which is considerably higher in fat than ours. Enter eskimo ice cream, or agurtak as it is called in the Yup'ik language/culture of the area my mother lived in. It is some kind of fat, previously animal fat, now generally they use crisco, mixed with berries and frozen. That's it- crisco and berries. Sounds gross, however, I have tried it, it isn't bad at all.
Where does the pot come in? well, this is a very remote village. There are no nightclubs, no movie theaters, no pizza shops, and certainly no bars (alcohol was totally forbidden in this village, and is in most others because many Native Americans are genetically predisposed toward alcohol- you cannot even posess it. In fact, the store in this village did not carry Lysol, because alcoholics would actually go to that extreme... The closest town, Bethel (the armpit of alaska- this area, the lower part of the Kuskokwim delta is often called the armpit of Alaska, as it really is lacking is any kind of natural beauty) is 70 miles away, accessible only by airplane, and it also does not have much to offer in the way of entertainment- it is basically a large- scale Eskimo village, only with more white people, and it exists solely for the purpose of keeping the villages in the area supplied. Basically, if you live in Bethel, you are there because of work, and that work is in some way connected to keeping the area's villages stocked with provisions.
Basically, there's nothing much to do for entertainment, and modern technology has enabled the natives to speed up many of their daily tasks, so that they have more free time. One consequence is larger families- kids tend to be born 9 months or so after the harshest parts of winter when everyone pretty much stays inside...
another is that kids search for other ways to amuse themselves, and pot is one of them. It being that eskimo cuture is largely one of subsistence, where you live off the land and make many of your household goods, the average income, before permanent fund checks, is around $5,000/year (the Alaska permanent fund pays anyone, regardless of age, a certain amount of money each year as long as they have lived in Alaska for that calendar year. the amount is around $1,000/head) in a family of 7, which is a common size, the total income might be $12,000. Therefore, there is not a lot of cash lying around. So, how do you obtain your pot? by trading goods. Drug use is, in fact a major issue in these villages. Also, whenever the Eskimos have a party, they really whoop it up- the entire village is usually invited, and they really keep the tables stocked and the music playing. They also find any excuse they can to party, as well.
2002-10-15 12:33:38 PM  
hero tag? gotta do SOMEthing whilst up in the frozen tundra.
2002-10-15 12:45:03 PM  
J. Chance...You are a freakin' Poop.
Oh..By the way... Is it just me or shouldn't they be trading them for Smurf Berries?

2002-10-15 12:53:40 PM  
Hi I live in Atlanta

I have a lot of packs of these:
[image from too old to be available]

Will trade for kind bud. Please call.
2002-10-15 01:00:51 PM  
so, is THAT why the moose in northern exposure looked so stoned when it was walking thru the town?

did it also trade its cache of berries for 'enhancements'?
2002-10-15 04:39:55 PM  
I thought I heard somwhere that marijuana was legal in Alaska.

Guess I was wrong.
2002-10-15 06:26:59 PM  
""They were being smart alecks," Paul said. "So the trooper escorted them out and handcuffed them to the Honda for about an hour.""
[image from too old to be available]

Hick cops drive the darndest things.
2002-10-15 06:33:12 PM  
Eskimo Ice Cream consists of Crisco with berries on top. I lived in Bethel, AK for a few years and I never had any eskimo ice cream, but my native friends swore by it.
2002-10-15 08:52:50 PM  
From, law section, by state:


Possession of marijuana is a criminal offense. Possession of less than 8 ounces of marijuana is a misdemeanor, punishable by up to 90 days in jail and a fine of up to $1,000. Possession of less than one pound of marijuana is also a misdemeanor punishable by up to one year in jail and a fine of up to $5,000. Possession of one pound or more of marijuana is a felony punishable by up to five years in prison and a fine of up to $50,000.

Possession of less than 25 plants is protected under the Alaska Constitution's right to privacy (See Ravin v. Alaska). Possession of 25 or more marijuana plants is "Misconduct involving a controlled substance in the fourth degree" and is punishable by a fine of up to $50,000 or five years in prison.

Any possession within 500 feet of school grounds or a recreation center or possession on any school bus is a felony punishable by up to five years in prison and a fine of up to $50,000.

Sale of marijuana of less than one-half ounce and sale, delivery or manufacture of an amount from one-half ounce up to one ounce is a misdemeanor and is punishable by up to one year in jail and a fine of up to $5,000. For amounts of one ounce or greater, the crime is a felony which can be punished with a sentence of up to five years in prison and a fine of up to $50,000.

It is an affirmative defense to possession, manufacture or delivery that the offender is a patient or caregiver who is registered with the state for medical use of marijuana.

Maintaining any structure or dwelling, including vehicles, to use for keeping and distributing marijuana, is a felony offense and punishable by up to five years in prison and a fine of up to $50,000.

The legal Alaskan pot thing didn't last long. Also, if we are talking about federal RESERVATIONS, the laws may be different.

For the last four years or so, there have been native farmers trying to grow HEMP (NON psychoactive pot relatives) on the Pine Ridge Reservation in the Dakotas. Each and EVERY YEAR, the feds swoop down and tear out the crop. Again, this is HEMP, not pot.

So much for the 'sovereignty' of the reservations, huh?

By the way, I know LOTS of folks from dry counties throughout the south...their take is:

We are a dry county, and we have the drunks to prove it.


2002-10-16 01:27:43 AM  
i live in alaska, actualy the town this paper is from. everyyear for as long as i can remember legilization has been on the ballot in november, and every year it almost passes but falls just short.

as far as the berries for weed thing, those berries are farking great. so so so tasty. cant say the same for the ice cream cuz ive never tried it (i dont live anywhere near that region of the state)

oh and Bel4sucks if you said that here you would get your ass kicked very quickly.
2002-10-16 05:35:25 AM  
grenito:oh and Bel4sucks if you said that here you would get your ass kicked very quickly.

no, if you say it in front of white people it will get you laughs.

i live in fairbanks(its in the middle of the state pretty much) and down town is almost ruined by the presence of about 50 "chronic inebriates"(people that routinely stumble around the bar section of town) its almost impossible to walk down the street in about a 4 block area with out being hassled by one of these people, basically all they do is bar hop for a couple hours during the afternoon until they are completely wasted and stagger about down town harassing people and damaging property as well as stealing things to pawn so that they'll have money to get drunk tomarrow. because of this tendency, natives in this city have been given a bad reputation.

and i hear anchorage isnt much better, didnt some kids get arrested fro driving around down town and selectively shooting paintballs at the drunk natives?
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