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(Fox News)   Sloooow news day at Fox: "Bar Staff Ask 'Old Fart' to Go Outside to Pass Gas." Bonus: In writing   (foxnews.com) divider line
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    More: Amusing  
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7109 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Dec 2007 at 5:41 PM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



115 Comments     (+0 »)


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OlafTheBent
2007-12-10 3:42:13 PM  
FART THREAD
 
OregonVet
2007-12-10 3:57:57 PM  
A green poop thread? Wow.
 
nashBridges
2007-12-10 3:58:43 PM  
Anyone have a link to the TF thread where some dude crapped himself in the office and maintenance took out a wall trying to identify the stink?
 
Shakespeare's Monkey [OhFark]
2007-12-10 4:08:43 PM  
Yes, and I can tell you I'm not going back there anymore.
 
Control_this
2007-12-10 4:23:44 PM  
Old Fart thread?

I saw "Bar Staff" and read it as "Bart Starr"
 
Hal Jalykakik
2007-12-10 5:06:17 PM  
Dad?
 
OlafTheBent
2007-12-10 5:13:17 PM  
nashBridges: Anyone have a link to the TF thread where some dude crapped himself in the office and maintenance took out a wall trying to identify the stink?

Here you go...
 (new window)

/and it was a fart, not a shart.
 
systerchristian
2007-12-10 5:44:02 PM  
Favorite bumper sticker: Save Gas... Fart In A Jar.
 
thisisntnamtherearerules
2007-12-10 5:44:59 PM  
Fox said he had tried switching from cider to bitter in hopes of alleviating his gas but said the 6 pints of Bass he drinks a day still leave him feeling windy.

Well that explains it
/Brilliant
 
Uchiha_Cycliste [TotalFark]
2007-12-10 5:45:32 PM  
OregonVet: A green poop thread? Wow.

green poop? You need to change what you eat man!
 
unremarkable asterisk
2007-12-10 5:45:43 PM  
FTFA: "...said the 6 pints of Bass he drinks a day still leave him feeling windy."

I have nothing to add. That's just funny.
 
The_Sponge [TotalFark]
2007-12-10 5:45:47 PM  
Hoof hearted? Ice melted!
 
Tooterfish
2007-12-10 5:45:49 PM  
Guys, I just sharted, we gotta get out of here.
 
moops
2007-12-10 5:46:03 PM  
nashBridges: Anyone have a link to the TF thread where some dude crapped himself in the office and maintenance took out a wall trying to identify the stink?

Can't go to TF since I'm back to liter status, but I do remember someone starting a thread about the coworker who would take a dump with the stall door open.

I nearly died laughing when someone posted suggesting that that means the guy wants a blumpkin.
 
DaBishop
2007-12-10 5:46:21 PM  
By the way, if you have friends with an office, the funniest thing you can do is wait until they leave the office, then go in and fart into their office chair.

It usually sticks inside the cushion until they sit down. I get hours of entertainment from doing that.
 
moops
2007-12-10 5:46:59 PM  
Uchiha_Cycliste: green poop? You need to change what you eat man!

Try eating an entire box of saltwater taffy - the next day, it comes out bright yellow.
 
studebaker hoch
2007-12-10 5:47:03 PM  
There is nothing written in the bible that says you may not fart around other people.

Go right ahead and fart while in your favorite bar, restaurant, in elevators or airplanes, or at funerals.

/Everybody else does.
 
SharkInfested
2007-12-10 5:47:44 PM  
HA - my boyfriend is a bartender, and he's said that the smoking ban has made it obvious how many other odors there are, um, floating around. This particular issue is indeed a problem. They just all point at the one old guy who can't hear too well.
 
theorellior
2007-12-10 5:48:05 PM  
This is definitely more newsworthy than destroyed tapes.
 
nashBridges
2007-12-10 5:48:18 PM  
moops: Try eating an entire box of saltwater taffy - the next day, it comes out bright yellow.

Well, I know what I'M doing tonight.
 
nashBridges
2007-12-10 5:49:39 PM  
DaBishop: It usually sticks inside the cushion until they sit down. I get hours of entertainment from doing that.

I work in a small, contained office with eight other guys. Someone we work with let's go in front of the air return so the AC unit disperses it throughout the office.

It's disgusting and funny at the same time.
 
Bombsiteus
2007-12-10 5:49:52 PM  
im tempted to join TF just so I can read that posted thread
 
nashBridges
2007-12-10 5:50:14 PM  
whoops, extra apostrophe up there.
 
torbee
2007-12-10 5:50:30 PM  
You can tell Fox News knows their audience. Having to write (fart) after the quote about breaking wind.
 
moops
2007-12-10 5:51:26 PM  
Bombsiteus: im tempted to join TF just so I can read that posted thread

Just beg like I do. There's no such thing as dignity on Fark.

/please sponsor me
 
k4mi
2007-12-10 5:52:59 PM  
nashBridges: Anyone have a link to the TF thread where some dude crapped himself in the office and maintenance took out a wall trying to identify the stink?

How did that not make the main page!?!?!
That is hillarious and I want to read it!
 
xtex
2007-12-10 5:53:36 PM  
Bass?

Rolling Rock does it to me.

/ugh
 
DaBishop
2007-12-10 5:54:15 PM  
nashBridges: Someone we work with let's go in front of the air return so the AC unit disperses it throughout the office.

It's disgusting and funny at the same time.

That's awesome. I can't help that I was brought up with a step-father who thought farts were funny, and passed that sense of humor down to me.
 
Wasabi-Burn
2007-12-10 5:56:37 PM  
He is also not EVAR allowed to eat the whole jar of pickled eggs again.
 
Five o' Clock Somewhere
2007-12-10 5:56:47 PM  
SharkInfested: HA - my boyfriend is a bartender, and he's said that the smoking ban has made it obvious how many other odors there are, um, floating around. This particular issue is indeed a problem. They just all point at the one old guy who can't hear too well.

So true. I think when people are drunk their noses go numb or something. So many SBDs....
 
DaisyMay
2007-12-10 5:56:59 PM  
In Vegas there is a street called Gass Ave.
I was in a 7-11 and the girl was giving directions to someone and her exact words were "If you pass Gass, you've gone to far"
Everyone in the store laughed histerically!
 
WyndyCity
2007-12-10 5:57:39 PM  
Uberchief

Submitter here.

I knew there would be a problem when the guy across from me came over to my cube and said, "Man, do you smell that?" I just shook my head and said my allergies were flaring up.

"Well at first, I thought you had just ripped an awesome fart," he said.
(By this time, people were gathering, so I couldn't claim it.)
"Nope, if I let something that potent go, I would sure claim it," I replied.
He shook his head. "Well, it smells like something died in here. I'm calling building management."

As I type this, building management is attempting to dismantle the large column behind his cube to see if there is, in fact, something dead in there. Not money well spent. They should just buy me some Gas-X.
 
jpsm
2007-12-10 5:58:52 PM  
DaBishop: By the way, if you have friends with an office, the funniest thing you can do is wait until they leave the office, then go in and fart into their office chair.

It usually sticks inside the cushion until they sit down. I get hours of entertainment from doing that.

You, sir, are my hero of the day. I just laughed like a 12 year old boy at that one!
Bravo!
 
DaBishop
2007-12-10 5:58:56 PM  
WyndyCity: As I type this, building management is attempting to dismantle the large column behind his cube to see if there is, in fact, something dead in there. Not money well spent. They should just buy me some Gas-X.

Where's that 'Hero' tag?
 
gc.c
2007-12-10 6:00:04 PM  
Uchiha_Cycliste: OregonVet: A green poop thread? Wow.

green poop? You need to change what you eat man!

actually green is a healthy poop color it means your getting an abundance of greens.

/NPR picked up this story too, slow news day all around if they had time to fit this into their busy schedule of Iraq quagmires and the presedential race topics
 
studebaker hoch
2007-12-10 6:00:20 PM  
There is no fart that an 8" hose connected to a scrap wood pickup system can't handle.

Really, I gave ours years of testing. You can be right next to somenoe and it's cool. Stick your ass on the hose inlet, and let 'er rip. Zero fart enters the airspace. They could sell those systems for the fart removal alone.

/Added bonus of a delightful cooling breeze in your pants.
 
CheetahOlivetti [TotalFark]
2007-12-10 6:00:25 PM  
DaisyMay: In Vegas there is a street called Gass Ave.
I was in a 7-11 and the girl was giving directions to someone and her exact words were "If you pass Gass, you've gone to far"
Everyone in the store laughed histerically!

I used to live here (new window). The old farts (yeah, I couldn't help myself) told me they used to have a sign on Hwy. 54 saying "You just passed Gas".
 
Radar1980
2007-12-10 6:01:27 PM  
Wasn't this already posted off an English website?
 
fernt
2007-12-10 6:02:25 PM  
Global Warming!
 
Raging Thespian
2007-12-10 6:02:32 PM  
You-Reek-a!
 
WyndyCity
2007-12-10 6:03:12 PM  
I just finished that thread! Good stuff. Good Lord Uberchief, nice work.

Here is a follow-up later on int aht thread from the submitter...

Uberchief
2005-01-06 12:34:44 PM
This is unbelievable. The following is the conversation I had with maintenence, pretty much verbatim.

Building Maintenence Guy: (After sniffing the general vicinity of my cube.) Morning Sir.
Uberchief: Good morning.
BMD: Have you noticed a rancid smell?
Uberchief: Ever? Yeah, my dad has irritable bowel syn...
BMD: No, I mean, around here this morning. We've had some complaints of a rotten egg smell.
Uber: No, but my allergies are pretty bad, so my sense of smell is kind of off. Have you checked that column over on the other side? I could have sworn I heard a rat or something rummaging around in there the other morning...
BMD: Yes, we've checked the column, and everything seems to be in order. What's more, the smell seems to be centralized in this general area. (Waves his hands in the area around my cube.)
Uber: Not sure what to tell you. I haven't noticed anything.
BMD: OK. Well, I may have to come back and take out some of the carpeting around your cube to see if there's any kind of damage that could be causing something like this. (Walks away.)

I can't say I'm not proud. I've never had a fart produce a smell that lasts this long. But now I'm in a moral dilemma, because all these people are spending their time "investigating" the smells that come out of my butt. I may just have to take the rest of the day off.
 
Lasik
2007-12-10 6:03:19 PM  
comparestoreprices.co.ukView Full Size
 
JEEBUS the RUGMUNCHER
2007-12-10 6:03:36 PM  
I just POOPED my pantz
 
CoRrUpTeDbUdGiE
2007-12-10 6:04:20 PM  
And if he ever drank 'Robinsons Best Bitter' for long enough, he could earn a lifetime ban...
 
studebaker hoch
2007-12-10 6:05:05 PM  
Beer + ice cream + pizza =

upload.wikimedia.orgView Full Size
 
I_Can't_Believe_it's_not_Boutros
2007-12-10 6:06:51 PM  
Hey, WyndyCity, I think posting TF content for us plebians is a no-no. I'd hate to see you get a time-out, because that was some funny shiat.
 
50 Cent Jesus
2007-12-10 6:07:26 PM  
the guy should of been wearing "opps I craped my pants"
 
tuna fingers
2007-12-10 6:08:32 PM  
Wow. Talk about a coincidence, I just set my homepage to
www.pullmyfinger.com just 26 minutes ago!
 
WyndyCity
2007-12-10 6:08:55 PM  
I_Can't_Believe_it's_not_Boutros: Hey, WyndyCity, I think posting TF content for us plebians is a no-no. I'd hate to see you get a time-out, because that was some funny shiat.

Worth it...
That should have been green-lit from the get go.

Smell you guys/gals later!
 
DaisyMay
2007-12-10 6:10:08 PM  
CoRrUpTeDbUdGiE: And if he ever drank 'Robinsons Best Bitter' for long enough, he could earn a lifetime ban...

speaking of ban.... oh wait, we werent, but....
(been drinking today so wtf) Read a funny thing today about fark & ban.
Anyone got the story?
would love to hear it in a gasious thread.
All in fun of course!
 
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