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(Some Guy)   First look at Scientology's upcoming "Super Power" training. The Lawnmower Man approves   (cs.cmu.edu) divider line
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11642 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Dec 2007 at 11:50 PM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2007-12-05 9:58:40 PM  
It's like looking at the 1982 Sears catalog again. But this time for Super Powers!
 
2007-12-05 11:54:26 PM  
WTF?? these people are crazy.
 
2007-12-05 11:54:34 PM  
What is wrong with these people?
 
2007-12-05 11:56:05 PM  
You know, people make fun of us Christians all the time, but at least Jesus never said he could get rich if he made a religion.
 
2007-12-05 11:56:16 PM  
rcain: Who needs "Super Power" when you have REAL ULTIMATE POWER!

I don't know why that kid needs nunchuks, he already is as strong as 10 men. And smarter than a Scientologist.
 
2007-12-05 11:56:19 PM  
Do I get a placenta if I sign up?
 
2007-12-05 11:58:02 PM  
How about the power to kill a yak?
... from 200 yards away ...
... with MIND BULLETS????!!!!!!
 
2007-12-05 11:58:24 PM  
Anyone else getting a mental image of John Travolta and Tom Cruise having a phsycic "Battle Royale" a la cartman from Southpark?
 
2007-12-05 11:58:55 PM  
I'd like a rundown. I'd like to rundown the CoS. With like.....
a Komatsu D355A!

Paging Marvin John Heemeyer! Please pick up the red phone!
 
2007-12-05 11:59:28 PM  
Too bad Scientology doesn't advocate sterilization because the people who believe crap like that shouldn't reproduce.
 
2007-12-05 11:59:33 PM  
Scientologists are just plain wacky.
Yeti worship is where it's at.
 
2007-12-05 11:59:37 PM  
If I ever get brainwashed into joining a cult, I hope it's this one.
 
2007-12-06 12:00:04 AM  
Names of Scientologist superheroes:

*Captain Dianetic
*Terror Tethan
*Marvel Cruise
*Mr. Hubbard
 
2007-12-06 12:00:18 AM  
cs.cmu.eduView Full Size


Sign Me UP!
 
2007-12-06 12:02:52 AM  
If anyone actually develops any sort of super powers, I will eat my own crap live via webcam.
 
2007-12-06 12:03:13 AM  
Oznog

How about the power to kill a yak?
... from 200 yards away ...
... with MIND BULLETS????!!!!!!


That's telekinesis, Kyle.
 
2007-12-06 12:03:13 AM  
faroutshirts.comView Full Size



I call it
 
2007-12-06 12:05:44 AM  
Spontaneous Defenstration: That's telekinesis, Kyle.

How 'bout the power of flight? That do anything for ya?

I less than three scientology. It's provided hours upon hours of entertainment. I've become something of an armchair scholar on the subject. I amaze and astound friends and coworkers. That's a super power.
 
2007-12-06 12:06:04 AM  
Kaybeck: If I ever get brainwashed into joining a cult, I hope it's this one.

Better hide your money first...

from yourself.
 
2007-12-06 12:06:34 AM  
TheGreatZarquon: If anyone actually develops any sort of super powers, I will eat my own crap live via webcam.

You better refine your statement before someone comes out of that place claiming that the ability to throw up just by thinking about spinning around in one of those things is a super power.
 
2007-12-06 12:06:57 AM  
Check this out:

xenu.netView Full Size


More info here
 
2007-12-06 12:07:08 AM  
funkonomics

eat the flesh of gods fruit-sack
 
2007-12-06 12:09:36 AM  
I want the power to sniff out cash in a wallet at 500 yards.
 
2007-12-06 12:10:43 AM  
It's a theme park for the stupid.
 
2007-12-06 12:12:40 AM  
Has anyone said that Scientology is a dangerous cult yet? Cause thats sort of my thing. And they are.
 
2007-12-06 12:12:46 AM  
spleef420: It's a theme park for the stupid.

You forgot "and plenty of cash".
 
2007-12-06 12:13:42 AM  
I understood maybe 2/3 of the words in that article.
/WTF is a perceptic?
//and org board sounds kinky...
 
2007-12-06 12:15:42 AM  
I want to point out that the "Super Power" regimen is based on an obscure sci-fi series called "Doc Savage." And not obscure in the /obscure? sense, but actually legit obscure.

It's been pointed out on the internet before, but the internet's memory tends to rival that of Goldfish. As in, the cracker.
 
2007-12-06 12:16:09 AM  
as an atheist, i love scientology, because i get to watch christians unknowingly mock themselves and their own lifestyle at least once a month

go tomcat!
 
2007-12-06 12:18:12 AM  
From the link in TFA: Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard taught that people have 57 "perceptics." They include an ability to discern relative sizes, blood circulation, balance, compass direction, temperature, gravity and an "awareness of importance, unimportance."

"An ability to discern relative sizes"? WTF? "This apple is smaller than that chair."

/That'll be a thousand dollars please.
 
2007-12-06 12:18:45 AM  
[image from architecture.nd.edu too old to be available]

But, of course, this is OK, mostly due to the lack of Star Trekkyness.
 
2007-12-06 12:18:48 AM  
sezzme: Check this out:

More info here


Be careful. Bad things happen to people who tell the truth about Scientology. I'm surprised Operation Clambake still exists.
 
2007-12-06 12:19:07 AM  
Scientologists? Bath-water-drinking, shiat-eating nuts? Why, poppycock! How could you even allude to such a thing?

Once again, Scientology proudly proves to be one hop behind the bunch left behind by Comet Hale-Bopp. Also, people who make up words like "perceptic" ought to be driven from the planet.

Therefore, let's ship them all to an off-world colony.

/"Quaiiiiiid! Start the reactor!"
//They're ALL made-up religions. Some are just more made-up than others.
 
2007-12-06 12:19:18 AM  
One F Jef: as an atheist, i love scientology, because i get to watch christians unknowingly mock themselves and their own lifestyle at least once a month

go tomcat!


Please read my ...uh... hmm, what to say that won't get turned into boobies? I wouldn't even have boobies if I stayed in better shape. OK, Please read the first thing that I said through the written word in this thread.
 
2007-12-06 12:22:34 AM  
mercatfat: I want to point out that the "Super Power" regimen is based on an obscure sci-fi series called "Doc Savage." And not obscure in the /obscure? sense, but actually legit obscure

Obscure? Are you kidding me?

img.photobucket.comView Full Size


Disagrees.
 
2007-12-06 12:22:38 AM  
TuxedoTshirt: I understood maybe 2/3 of the words in that article.
/WTF is a perceptic?
//and org board sounds kinky...


From the sound of it, it goes in your rectum
/Damn near killed 'im.
 
2007-12-06 12:23:30 AM  
You hit it on the head TuxedoTshirt! Half that shiat sounds like it came out of a 1950's SCiFi comic book......err....wait

/so they're forming like a Justice League for nutjobs?
 
2007-12-06 12:25:01 AM  
The only reason you guys criticize Scientology is that you are criminals yourselves. Why don't you just tell me, how many crimes have you committed today?
 
2007-12-06 12:26:52 AM  
I remember "Doc Savage." Not that obscure.
 
2007-12-06 12:30:02 AM  
How many posts does it take on a vaguely religous oriented thread to bash christians? Surprisingly, after 32 posts the only 2 comments on christianity didn't cross the bad taste or hatred line. Now, am I really farked in the head enough to stay awake just to see if someone will post something asinine...
 
2007-12-06 12:31:19 AM  
how does one go about getting added to the Scientology Enemies List
that's a looooong farking list.
 
2007-12-06 12:31:28 AM  
 
2007-12-06 12:34:42 AM  
spleef420: how does one go about getting added to the Scientology Enemies List
that's a looooong farking list.


And that was in 1992!
 
2007-12-06 12:35:17 AM  
mercatfat: I want to point out that the "Super Power" regimen is based on an obscure sci-fi series called "Doc Savage." And not obscure in the /obscure? sense, but actually legit obscure


Dunno, I've read Doc Savage books, not so obscure.
 
2007-12-06 12:35:22 AM  
Oznog

How about the power to kill a yak?
... from 200 yards away ...
... with MIND BULLETS????!!!!!!

Spontaneous Defenstration: That's telekinesis, Kyle.


How about the power of Operating Thetan Level III? That do anything for ya?
 
2007-12-06 12:35:58 AM  
Listen to me. I drive a Dodge Stratus !

aftermathnews.files.wordpress.comView Full Size


and so can you.
 
2007-12-06 12:37:45 AM  
Spontaneous Defenstration: Oznog

How about the power to kill a yak?
... from 200 yards away ...
... with MIND BULLETS????!!!!!!

That's telekinesis, Kyle.


How 'bout the power to move you?
 
2007-12-06 12:38:21 AM  
I_Approve_Of_This_Message: But, of course, this is OK, mostly due to the lack of Star Trekkyness.

Well, yeah, exactly. Anyone can appreciate the inside of a cathedral, because they are farking beautiful. You don't need to believe in God to see that.

But believing in the beauty of a gyrospin placed in the set of 2001: A Space Odyssey requires getting rid of all your pesky body-thetans.
 
2007-12-06 12:40:14 AM  
Dr.Zom: The article linked in TFA is full of all sorts of crazy win.

My favorite part is the last paragraph: The Super Power program will be ready to go the moment the new building is completed, he said. Scientology officials promise that will be 2007.

You've got a little over 3 weeks left, Scientology. That building was started in 1998 and has been sitting idle for years and years. I was once told by a Sea Org member that it would be finished in April. April 2002.
 
2007-12-06 12:40:33 AM  
As the light turned green, the boy bolted into the street, ahead of his mother. Feshbach perceived a pickup truck bearing down on the boy, driven by a young woman.

He yelled and saved the boy's life by a quarter of an inch, he said.



AAAAAAAAHAHHAHA!
Didn't happen to hear or see that pickup truck?
Just 'superpower perceived' it?


Reminds me of this chick...
[image from f.screensavers.com too old to be available]

"He yelled and saved the boy's life by a quarter of an inch, he said."

Unless the guys yell actually somehow lifted the boy out of harms way and to safety....
Guess who just lost alot of money to learn that regular things are SUPERPOWERS. That's right... Mr. Feshbach.

Feshbach.
Flashback.


Knowing the church, I wonder if thats even a real name.


"Matt Feshbach believes he has super powers."

Sure does. He works there.

http://www.truthaboutscientology.com/stats/by-name/m/matt-feshbach.html
 
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