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(Registerbee.com)   Letter to the editor writer complains that homophobes won't accept him because he's "bisectional." Submitter has half a mind to write back and set his grammar straight   (registerbee.com) divider line
    More: Stupid  
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5234 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Dec 2007 at 6:41 PM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2007-12-05 3:56:45 PM  
Submitter has half a mind

Well at least you got that part right.
 
2007-12-05 4:33:19 PM  
I actually really like the one above, where the woman starts by talking about some old mills that are being destroyed, and then rambles on about getting good grades, bread lines and how we should have elected Kerry.

Why is this newspaper printing the crazy ramblings of an old person's mind?
 
2007-12-05 4:38:23 PM  
what_now: Why is this newspaper printing the crazy ramblings of an old person's mind?

Playing directly to their only remaining target market?
 
2007-12-05 5:10:33 PM  
Bisectional: a piece of furniture made up of modular units capable of use separately or in various combinations, for the purpose of teh ghey buttsecks.
 
2007-12-05 5:26:53 PM  
what_now: I actually really like the one above, where the woman starts by talking about some old mills that are being destroyed, and then rambles on about getting good grades, bread lines and how we should have elected Kerry.

Why is this newspaper printing the crazy ramblings of an old person's mind?


The local newspaper has a section they call speak out. They list a phone number you can call and leave a message on. They then print it in an upcoming paper. I thought my ramblings were too crazy to print, but I was wrong. The best though was when other people would respond to you, although it might have just been my brother messing with me.
 
2007-12-05 5:40:17 PM  
[image from tbn0.google.com too old to be available]

Im a hobophobe.
 
2007-12-05 6:37:04 PM  
I don't mind bicyclists. It's the homocyclists you have to watch out for.

/or is that unicyclists? Anyway, the ones that don't have brakes.
 
2007-12-05 6:45:02 PM  
Bernie and Phyl's has the largest selection of bisectionals you'd ever want to lay your family jewels on.
 
2007-12-05 6:46:11 PM  
Interesting. I once dumped a guy because he wanted to buy sectionals. I'm more of a traditional couch and love seat kind of gal.
 
2007-12-05 6:46:40 PM  
Story also featured in earlier Best of the Web Today with exact same "path" info in URL. Coincidence?
 
2007-12-05 6:47:11 PM  
That's nothing, my couch is tri-sectional:


pompy.comView Full Size
 
2007-12-05 6:47:18 PM  
Snarfangel: I don't mind bicyclists. It's the homocyclists you have to watch out for.

/or is that unicyclists? Anyway, the ones that don't have brakes.


I'm a unicyclist and am greatly offended by your post.
 
2007-12-05 6:48:22 PM  
Bisectional - a choir member who can sing more than one voice part.

/actually had someone use that to describe their voice part.
 
2007-12-05 6:48:49 PM  
LMAO!!! Hilarious...

/and they printed it?!
 
2007-12-05 6:49:01 PM  
KOOLmike
I'm a unicyclist and am greatly offended by your post.

Only teh gheys ride unicycles.

/Never could ride one.
//Jealous.
 
2007-12-05 6:49:22 PM  
logruszed: That's nothing, my couch is tri-sectional:

I came here to mention that my trisectional has a recliner on one end, but this magnificent bastard beat me to it.

/golf clap to you sir
 
2007-12-05 6:49:33 PM  
FTFA: "Having sung in a local church choir for years . . ., I wonder if he would welcome me into his fold knowing that I am bisectional."

Maybe he sings both tenor and baritone?

/not a singer
//not bisectional either
 
2007-12-05 6:50:03 PM  
I, on the other hand, cannot be bisected.
 
2007-12-05 6:52:29 PM  
Has anybody told subby what an idiot he is for not getting an obvious pun?

Yes?

Well I will anyway.
 
2007-12-05 6:53:00 PM  
I was a bisectional in college, but it was just a phase.
 
2007-12-05 6:53:34 PM  
amazing_live_seamonkeys: Im a hobophobe.

Scared of bums?
 
2007-12-05 6:54:37 PM  
tallpat: amazing_live_seamonkeys: Im a hobophobe.

Scared of bums?


Well played.
 
2007-12-05 6:55:21 PM  
ippolit: Story also featured in earlier Best of the Web Today with exact same "path" info in URL. Coincidence?

No, this happens almost every day.
 
2007-12-05 6:56:37 PM  
OK, I see two possibilities. First, maybe the paper used text-to-speech at some point; the words do sound fairly similar.

Second, the person sings in the choir; if he's in the choir, he has a section.. unless his/her voice is able to fit multiple criteria (bass/soprano etc...), in which case he'd be "bisectional" ... meaning he made a play on the word.
 
2007-12-05 6:57:46 PM  
Buysexual...if I want sex I have to buy it.
 
2007-12-05 6:59:19 PM  
Bisectional?
Two butt cracks? Stereo farts.
 
2007-12-05 7:00:02 PM  
Somebody should call that guy a bambulance.
 
2007-12-05 7:00:12 PM  
Savage Belief: KOOLmike
I'm a unicyclist and am greatly offended by your post.

Only teh gheys ride unicycles.

/Never could ride one.
//Jealous.


I've never farked a queer, although I once farked a guy who farked a queer.

/Kidding
//Maybe not
///You'll never know!
 
2007-12-05 7:01:02 PM  
tallpat: amazing_live_seamonkeys: Im a hobophobe.

Scared of bums?


I see what you did there.
 
2007-12-05 7:03:09 PM  
ExcessNeckSkin: Buysexual...if I want sex I have to buy it.


I've never had enough money to buy any sex so I've been forced to just rent it on several occasions.
 
2007-12-05 7:03:27 PM  
Danville, Virginia is dead. The Register Bee is merely the papery death rattle of the town.

Fun fact 1: once Danville was the capital of the Confederacy.
Fun fact 2: a guy I hung out with in high school got with a Danville girl who claimed to be 15 at the time. Yup, she was actually 12. Yup, she was bisectional too.
 
2007-12-05 7:05:03 PM  
postmodernbarney.comView Full Size


/DNRTFA
//came up with this under a search for "don't ask don't tell"
///lolz...
 
2007-12-05 7:06:11 PM  
He detaches at the waist? That's freak'n awesome
 
2007-12-05 7:07:34 PM  
Shevaresh: OK, I see two possibilities. First, maybe the paper used text-to-speech at some point; the words do sound fairly similar.

Second, the person sings in the choir; if he's in the choir, he has a section.. unless his/her voice is able to fit multiple criteria (bass/soprano etc...), in which case he'd be "bisectional" ... meaning he made a play on the word.



You're way overthinking it.
Occam's Razor says: He's probably just kind of dumb.
 
2007-12-05 7:12:16 PM  
I once had a friend who was one of those "bifurcated" people you hear so much about.

He was at a real crossroads in his life.

/Please don't judge me. I'm rusty.
 
2007-12-05 7:13:21 PM  
Hmm. Presumably, the minister, if open-minded, would support anyone in a monogamous relationship. Good luck with monogomous bisexuality, Alan.
 
2007-12-05 7:13:34 PM  
Oh! Well, that's different!
eiaonline.comView Full Size

Never mind!
 
2007-12-05 7:17:21 PM  
While I beleive that homosexuality is wrong, homophobes piss me off, *especially* if they themselves would engage in aduterous relations outside of marriage
 
2007-12-05 7:24:27 PM  
ne2d: No, this happens almost every day.

You should see it via TF. Some days Taranto's entire column is cut and pasted within minutes of publication, one quip at a time. Some times none of it at all so I suspect it's one submitter who misses a day here and there.

I do think it's sad that some idiot Farker thinks they can do to Opinion Journal what Fark despises Annanova (and morning DJs) for doing to Fark. It sure doesn't do much to make us look any better than them.
 
2007-12-05 7:27:53 PM  
+1
 
2007-12-05 7:30:12 PM  
I Like Jokes: ExcessNeckSkin: Buysexual...if I want sex I have to buy it.


I've never had enough money to buy any sex so I've been forced to just rent it on several occasions.


If I am being honest I am not buying the sex as much as I am buying the tranquility that comes after she leaves.
 
2007-12-05 7:30:27 PM  
omtc
Hmm. Presumably, the minister, if open-minded, would support anyone in a monogamous relationship. Good luck with monogomous bisexuality, Alan.

He's his own best friend!

rockfordracing.com
 
2007-12-05 7:34:03 PM  
Does anyone else remember the Taxi episode where Latka talked about having bisexuals in his country and they ride them during the day and chain them up at night so no one steals them.
 
2007-12-05 7:36:18 PM  
Moonbarker Osbourne the Rainbow Wolf not gay: While I beleive that homosexuality is wrong, homophobes piss me off, *especially* if they themselves would engage in aduterous relations outside of marriage

Well, that's some sort of progress, I guess.

Points for calling out hypocrites, though. That's one of my most-favorite hobbies.

Headline was good. Not great.
 
2007-12-05 7:40:02 PM  
omtc
Hmm. Presumably, the minister, if open-minded, would support anyone in a monogamous relationship. Good luck with monogomous bisexuality, Alan.


I swear to God Almighty, there was an Ann Landers column about this.

She basically said "look, if you're bisexual, it's cool, but that doesn't give you permission to cheat outside your marriage. You don't have an inherent need to be with a man and a woman*; you just like both. It would be just as wrong as if a straight woman cheated on her husband with another man, since you took those vows and all. So, Virginia, there is such a thing as bisexual monogamy."

If anyone could find that column for me, I'd be extremely grateful. I remember reading it maybe a decade ago and thinking "Damn, that's really good advice. Damn, Dear Abby completely sucks in comparison."

She really does.

* [unless you're a polygamous bisexual, I guess.]
 
2007-12-05 7:45:31 PM  
sinfest.netView Full Size
 
2007-12-05 7:47:52 PM  
Moonbarker Osbourne the Rainbow Wolf not gay: Senator Craig? How YOU doin'?

/not gay
 
2007-12-05 7:48:05 PM  
illuminaeti

That is beautiful in so many ways.

/sniff
 
2007-12-05 8:11:12 PM  
You know who else was bisectional? (new window)

/sucker!
//you thunk I was gonna Godwin the thread, didn't you?
 
2007-12-05 8:17:27 PM  
We used to park our bisectionals in racks every night.
 
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