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(Press-Republican)   If you're a middle-aged fat guy looking to pick up college chicks, this local paper has a step-by-step guide... if you don't mind the ensuing jailarity. (with mugshot goodness)   (pressrepublican.com) divider line
    More: Dumbass  
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29313 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Nov 2007 at 6:42 AM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



96 Comments     (+0 »)


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2007-11-30 3:40:50 AM  
Imagine that guy with a boner.
 
2007-11-30 3:45:25 AM  
35 ain't middle aged, subby.
 
2007-11-30 3:50:35 AM  
SuperCatBarf: Imagine that guy with a boner.


No.
 
2007-11-30 4:07:31 AM  
I am NOT middle aged!
 
2007-11-30 4:39:14 AM  
Jesus...that guy even makes ME look good by comparison.
 
2007-11-30 5:06:28 AM  
Okay, the guy's an asshat for doing what he did, but that woman has to be mega-dumb to fall for it. Either that or she was getting a thrill playing the game too.
 
2007-11-30 5:51:13 AM  
CruiserTwelve: 35 ain't middle aged, subby.

Uh, yes it is, CruiserTwelve. 35-50 is middle aged.
 
2007-11-30 6:28:41 AM  
SuperCatBarf: Imagine that guy with getting a PMITA boner.

Fixed, but not really that much better. Just a little.

/boner
 
2007-11-30 6:46:59 AM  
NYMoogle: CruiserTwelve: 35 ain't middle aged, subby.

Uh, yes it is, CruiserTwelve. 35-50 is middle aged.


Middle age starts at 40. Long established "fact" in most western nations.
 
2007-11-30 6:47:16 AM  
CruiserTwelve: 35 ain't middle aged, subby.

Looking at that picture, I'd say he's well past middle age. He'll probably have a massive heart attack by the time he's 40.
 
2007-11-30 6:47:27 AM  
Was the chick really that dumb though? And if he was that clever, how come he couldn't get some the old fashioned way. It sounds like he was atleast outgoing enough to have had something going with her prior to the blackmail. I call bs.
 
2007-11-30 6:49:17 AM  
[image from img401.imageshack.us too old to be available]
 
2007-11-30 6:52:18 AM  
[image from images.cnhi.zope.net too old to be available]
nndb.comView Full Size


/squeal like a blackmailing pig
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2007-11-30 6:56:30 AM  
Thanks for the tip, submitter, but the college chicks I know haven't confided in me about sex tapes. Any other advice? (I don't like the smell of chloroform.)
 
2007-11-30 6:57:11 AM  
He kind of looks like Porky Pig
 
2007-11-30 6:57:36 AM  
CruiserTwelve: 35 ain't middle aged, subby.

Current average lifespan is 77, so it's not far off.

/almost middle-aged.
 
2007-11-30 6:58:49 AM  
If he hasn't got humor, blackmail is his last resort. e's got fark-all else to work with

.
 
2007-11-30 6:59:27 AM  
[image from img406.imageshack.us too old to be available]
 
2007-11-30 7:04:33 AM  
Wow, just wow. Whatever happened to getting a chick drunk and lying about how successfull/awesome you are?

Why yes, I really am an astronaut fireman racecar-driver engineer, can I buy you another drink?
 
2007-11-30 7:05:46 AM  
SuperCatBarf:
Imagine that guy with a boner.

Javacrucian:
No.


i laughed. twice.
 
2007-11-30 7:06:54 AM  
wow. This guy must have a real problem meeting girls if he has to pull such a crazy stunt as this. Pretending to be two people...so strange.
 
2007-11-30 7:07:02 AM  
That information allegedly fueled a scam that led Sweeney to blackmail the young woman into having sex with him, claiming he, "Vinny," wanted her to engage in sex acts with his friend, Sean.

Is it me or are they referring to sex as something that can be bought now more often? There was that case with a prostitute being raped and the guy charged with "Theft of Services". Either way i can't believe i'm saying this but she seemed to get off by this. Judging that she was having sex with both men repeadetly.

/Maybe she really likes sex?
 
2007-11-30 7:08:33 AM  
yarnothuntin: Wow, just wow. Whatever happened to getting a chick drunk and lying about how successfull/awesome you are?

Why yes, I really am an astronaut fireman racecar-driver engineer, can I buy you another drink?


Now you have a chance.
 
2007-11-30 7:12:55 AM  
Atomic Jonb
heh, good point. The hard part was explaining why I drive a Geo and live in a 2 room apartment.

/the car is a rental, and this is just where I stay when I'm in town
 
2007-11-30 7:15:57 AM  
[image from img407.imageshack.us too old to be available]
 
2007-11-30 7:17:40 AM  
CruiserTwelve: 35 ain't middle aged, subby.

It sure as hell ain't young. Reminds me of my brother getting all bristly when I said I was "middle aged" (48) and bro is older than me. "You aren't middle aged till you're 55," he said. I reminded him that most people don't make it to 110.
 
2007-11-30 7:22:21 AM  
FarkofTheSea: Either way i can't believe i'm saying this but she seemed to get off by this. Judging that she was having sex with both men repeadetly.

/Maybe she really likes sex?


Dude... there was only one guy. He created the other guy, sort of like a fat, rapist-style version of John Shooter if you know what I mean?

Much fatter though, and MUCH more rapey.
 
2007-11-30 7:25:12 AM  
CruiserTwelve: 35 ain't middle aged, subby.

You're only as old as the woman you feel.
 
2007-11-30 7:25:54 AM  
How stupid is this girl? Why would anyone blackmail you for sex with their friend? Didn't she think it was odd that the one secret she told him was the one piece of blackmail he had? Anyway, he gives me the creeps. Eww.
 
2007-11-30 7:26:43 AM  
See ladies? This is why you NEVER trust anyone named "Vinny".
 
2007-11-30 7:27:30 AM  
ciocia: CruiserTwelve: 35 ain't middle aged, subby.

It sure as hell ain't young. Reminds me of my brother getting all bristly when I said I was "middle aged" (48) and bro is older than me. "You aren't middle aged till you're 55," he said. I reminded him that most people don't make it to 110.


Dude... there are some things in America you can't legally do till you're 35 (like run for president). It's plenty young.

35... the new 21.

/Not defensive
//Really
///I'M NOT
 
2007-11-30 7:29:36 AM  
PfizerX: Dude... there was only one guy. He created the other guy, sort of like a fat, rapist-style version of John Shooter if you know what I mean?

Much fatter though, and MUCH more rapey.


I thought there was two guys? I must have misread the thing. Thought that she met Sean and Vinny. Must have misread the part were he called himself Vinny online that's why i thhought she met Sean had sex with him for a while, then met vinny and had sex with him.

/It's really late
//My bad
 
2007-11-30 7:34:01 AM  
Tat'dGreaser: See ladies? This is why you NEVER trust anyone named "Vinny".

Unless he's your cousin, posing as a lawyer trying to get the false murder charges against you dropped in a deep south courtroom, of course.

Oh... and you have to be one of two "Yutes".
 
2007-11-30 7:35:56 AM  
logruszed: CruiserTwelve: 35 ain't middle aged, subby.
Current average lifespan is 77, so it's not far off.


The average life expectancy for an american white male (as of 2004) is 75.7 ... so middle-aged is (was) 37-38 y/o.

This typically goes up a little every year, but I've got to image that with people like that (both health and intelligence-wise), it could be going downward soon.

http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0005148.html
 
2007-11-30 7:41:31 AM  
PfizerX: Unless he's your cousin, posing as a lawyer trying to get the false murder charges against you dropped in a deep south courtroom, of course.

Oh... and you have to be one of two "Yutes".


You're really pushing it here. I'd agree with you but you'd have to be Italian to begin with for that to work, and that means you already fail.
 
2007-11-30 7:41:38 AM  
elkboy: logruszed: CruiserTwelve: 35 ain't middle aged, subby.
Current average lifespan is 77, so it's not far off.


The average life expectancy for an american white male (as of 2004) is 75.7 ... so middle-aged is (was) 37-38 y/o.

This typically goes up a little every year, but I've got to image that with people like that (both health and intelligence-wise), it could be going downward soon.

http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0005148.html


Did you mean to send this to me? I'm saying that 35 is about middle aged.
 
2007-11-30 7:46:03 AM  
Middle Aged has meant 40+ for a long time. It is not based on a calculation. At least, not on a calculation of half of the life expectancy according to the last census. Geez people!

The Middle Ages, when did they occur, in our 6000 year written history? 1000 BC at the halfway mark? Don't be so literal with everything....

/damn
 
2007-11-30 8:01:20 AM  
Dude's more than middle aged. He'll die of heart disease or stroke well before he's 70.
 
2007-11-30 8:03:50 AM  
elkboy: The average life expectancy for an american white male (as of 2004) is 75.7 ... so middle-aged is (was) 37-38 y/o.

I'm actually one-third aged. I'm 41 and plan to live to 120. I should know, my birth certificate doesn't expire until the year 2086.
 
2007-11-30 8:04:38 AM  
elkboy:The average life expectancy for an american white male (as of 2004) is 75.7

If the average life expectancy is 75, and your adult life starts at 18, halfway between those two points is 46. THAT'S where middle age starts.

/rationalizing, since I turn 39 next week...
 
2007-11-30 8:05:23 AM  
elkboy: logruszed: CruiserTwelve: 35 ain't middle aged, subby.
Current average lifespan is 77, so it's not far off.


The average life expectancy for an american white male (as of 2004) is 75.7 ... so middle-aged is (was) 37-38 y/o.

This typically goes up a little every year, but I've got to image that with people like that (both health and intelligence-wise), it could be going downward soon.

http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0005148.html


Sorry, that's not what it means
 
2007-11-30 8:05:42 AM  
Tat'dGreaser: You're really pushing it here. I'd agree with you but you'd have to be Italian to begin with for that to work, and that means you already fail.

LOL at the comment originally, LMFAO at this coming from a farker with the name: Tat'dGreaser. Farking Italians with their sausage and mafia and hair grease and boot shaped countries and so on and so on. :)

/Enjoys potatoes, alcohol and impregnating his wife with dozens of ginger-topped, freckle-covered catholics.
 
2007-11-30 8:09:15 AM  
Oh_Enough_Already: You think I'm in Iowa City for the culture?

Heh.


LOL

(fist-bump)
 
2007-11-30 8:12:23 AM  
Holy Shiat. Given the choice between posting some sex tapes I made on the internet or having that profusely hideous, sweating, blubbery, snarling, mass of walrus on top of me; I'm going with the tapes.
 
2007-11-30 8:16:28 AM  
PfizerX: LOL at the comment originally, LMFAO at this coming from a farker with the name: Tat'dGreaser. Farking Italians with their sausage and mafia and hair grease and boot shaped countries and so on and so on. :)

/Enjoys potatoes, alcohol and impregnating his wife with dozens of ginger-topped, freckle-covered catholics.


Hey, most greasers aren't Italian. We're greasy by choice, not genetics.

/Also enjoys potatoes and alcohol. Wishes I had a wife to beat and knock up.
 
2007-11-30 8:22:38 AM  
The womenfolks in my family have a tendency to make it to their early-mid 90's. therefore I contend my middle age doesn't start until at least 45.

Anyway I'm smarter and stronger than I was at 18. Youth is overrated.

\36
\\+1 to STR, DEX, INT, WIS
\\\don't look too close for crowsfeet and I won't get a -1 on CHA (AD&D old school!)
 
2007-11-30 8:24:26 AM  
GIS for "middle age man"
images.jupiterimages.comView Full Size
 
2007-11-30 8:29:08 AM  
The funny thing is that my default image for "college girl" is some hot little chick with a lower back tattoo. In all likelihood, the girl in this case is some porker (it was Iowa, wasn't it?)
 
2007-11-30 8:29:11 AM  
 
2007-11-30 8:29:17 AM  
Tat'dGreaser: Wishes I had a wife to beat and knock up.

Dont we all.
 
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