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(Reuters)   Scientists prove that shoe size and penis size are not linked. Cure for cancer not expected for 10 billion years   ( divider line
    More: Weird  
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11012 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Sep 2002 at 1:55 PM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2002-09-30 01:22:47 PM  
Now I can sell my clown shoes.
2002-09-30 01:34:30 PM  
"the researchers measured the penis when gently stretched"

Jeepers! It's not a god-damned slinky.
2002-09-30 01:59:59 PM  
"Because it wasn't feasible to measure the length of the erect penis"

Not feasible? Just get a hot looking candy striper to touch it...problem solved.
2002-09-30 02:00:06 PM  
"No, keep stretching it... yes, that's it... "
2002-09-30 02:01:08 PM  
Not feasible? Just get a hot looking candy striper to touch it...problem solved.

I'll second that request!
2002-09-30 02:01:45 PM  
"No cure for cancer" headlines are just completely lame.
2002-09-30 02:01:58 PM  
I coulda told them that.

my peener's way bigger than my feet.
2002-09-30 02:02:29 PM  
In other news, researchers have discovered that there is indeed a very, strong correlation between whoever smelt it and whoever dealt it.
2002-09-30 02:02:54 PM  
Thank God, i wear a 9 and a half wonder it's hard to get farked.
2002-09-30 02:03:15 PM  
Its not the length of your package but the depth of the mail slot.
2002-09-30 02:04:15 PM  
Peener... hehehe. That's now my word of the day.
2002-09-30 02:05:19 PM  
So i tell my friends in school about this article and one respond "i knew that, i have big feet and i am hung like a field mouse..." I laughed.
2002-09-30 02:05:19 PM  
"I have some ideas that I am currently putting together as a research proposal," the researcher added. "There must be some part of the body that is predictive of penile length...the search continues."

There must be? Why must penile length be proportional to some other body measurement? Why is this more imporant than Cancer or HIV research? Do these reasearchers have a union? Besides everyone knows size doesn't matter, right? Ladies? Size doesn't matter, right?

Oh, Fark.
2002-09-30 02:05:30 PM  
Scientists discovered something midgets have known for ages! Impressive!
2002-09-30 02:05:36 PM  
"There must be some part of the body that is predictive of penile length...the search continues."

Keep looking... Lower... Lower... That's it.
2002-09-30 02:05:47 PM  
Every time the mods post a "No cure for cancer" tag line, they should donate $1,000 to a Cancer Research Program.

Has anyone ever been to a hospital with hot looking candy-stripers? Or candy stripers of any ilk?

I'd wait a couple of days for the contrary report to come out with exactly the opposite findings.
2002-09-30 02:05:55 PM  
...but this study relied on men self-reporting their own penis length and shoe size.

so in other words the science people just asked questions? could have done this in a mall and saved a whole bunch of money. asshats.
2002-09-30 02:06:39 PM  
Admins. I meant Admins. I had Mods on the brain.

Unless mods also post headlines, in which case I meant mods.
2002-09-30 02:08:21 PM  
Hey man, its not the size of the wave...aww hell, i have a big penis, i dont have to even say that.
2002-09-30 02:08:25 PM  
In related news, the "scientists" doing all this "research" were actually just gay men looking for excuses to "gently pull" on other men's penises.

They are said to be beginning work on the black vs white penis size immediately.

Gay Guys Research...Your one stop for all your penis information.
2002-09-30 02:08:48 PM  
Admittedly my peener isn't that big in measurement until I convert the size using Canadian measurements, then I come out better than John Holmes ! Thank jeebus for Canadian conversion.
2002-09-30 02:09:21 PM  
hey...I invented peener.
2002-09-30 02:10:28 PM  
Now clowns will never get any, and you thought women liked them for their sense of humour...
2002-09-30 02:11:13 PM  
NOOOOO! all hope is gone, i have these huge clodhoppers, and i was sooo sure i had one growth spurt left, now those damn limeys have crushed all hope. Perhaps some farketts would care to take a look and be kind and tell me its big to boost my self esteme. *goes off to rent an unfurnished cabin and buy some rope and an iceblock*
2002-09-30 02:11:19 PM  
I don't know. An appendage is an appendage, generally speaking (as a straight woman who has 'inspected' various penises) A man with large hands and feet does have a proportionately large penis.
The largest I've measured was 10.5 erect and he has size 12 feet, but average to small hands.

(Femme, the retired penis researcher)
2002-09-30 02:12:11 PM  
"Peener" to be a cliche' in 5...4...3...2..1.
2002-09-30 02:12:18 PM  
I hate Trey Anastasio..I want to killllllllllllll him...dumb smug looking dork fark.
2002-09-30 02:12:44 PM  
"Gently Stretched" - none for me thanks.

Maybe in the melting pot that is Britain(sic) that's true.
But this man of size 13 shoes/feet finds the ratio to be 5:3(ft/ps)
2002-09-30 02:13:06 PM  
Just 'cause you got a big pencil don't help your panmanship
2002-09-30 02:13:19 PM  
Are all these "scientists" latent homosexuals? Why else would they devise a study in which they got to play with "peeners" all day? That's the only thing I can think of.
If they weren't they'd be trying to find some relation between breast size and something else but keep complaining the sample size wasn't large enough...
2002-09-30 02:13:22 PM  
Did they measure while erect or flaccid? In what temp room?
2002-09-30 02:14:25 PM  
Humour=humor. I'm going to have to start typing with my hands.
2002-09-30 02:14:29 PM  
Round here..I like to have sex....Round here my penis is big...round here I have lots of groupies...round here.
2002-09-30 02:14:41 PM  
Our governments pour money into studies of the most pointless things, and then they wonder why there aren't enough beds in the hospitals and not enough doctors and operating tables available.... Un-farking-believeable. I know that there are private sponsors also, which fund these useless studies. Why don't they put their money into something useful that would also get them good PR? Something like the Red Cross, the center for cancer research, or another major medical foundation, rather than figuring an alternate method for guessing how big a guy's manhood is?
2002-09-30 02:14:54 PM  
Wow, Femme - you seem to be quite the penis inspector...
2002-09-30 02:15:34 PM  
tarvuz - mr jones have small peeners
2002-09-30 02:15:37 PM  

(waiting 11 seconds)
2002-09-30 02:16:28 PM  
Perfor8edv - Its not the length of your package but the depth of the mail slot.

thats one of the funniest things i ever read. but i have a question. if my girlfriend has a big mail slot what does that say about my slong.....
2002-09-30 02:16:45 PM  
In a related story:

The size of a woman's head has absolutely no correlation to booby size.
2002-09-30 02:16:46 PM  
You mean to tell me i had surgery on my feet for NOTHING?
2002-09-30 02:17:01 PM  
FLA - it was a good job while it lasted...
*laf* I have 100 new hits on my profile.
2002-09-30 02:17:23 PM  
Ohh thanks..
2002-09-30 02:20:53 PM  

Hmmm, if you convert your penis size to Angstroms it sounds alot more impressive.

(length in inches)*254000000=(length in angstroms)

or for those in more enlightened countries

(length in centimeters)*100000000= (length in angstroms)

So my peener is one trillion, seven hundred and sevety eight billion angstroms long.

2002-09-30 02:20:53 PM  
If you're well endowed with tiny feet wouldn't you have problems with balance?
2002-09-30 02:20:53 PM  
I wonder if they are taking volunteers for this little experiment..
2002-09-30 02:20:53 PM  
I got a twelve inch dick and a dozen roses...and a pickup truck..hubba hubba hey..

that's all I wrote..figured all I would need.
2002-09-30 02:21:04 PM  
I wear a size 9 1/2 shoe, and I only have 9"!!! Damn!!! guess I need to wrap my feet like ancient chinese secret. see you all in hell!!!
2002-09-30 02:21:17 PM  
I have a theory that you can judge how smart a woman is by how far aparther eyes are.

try it.
2002-09-30 02:22:09 PM  
... Is that what women are doing when they do the little "hand measure" thing? You know what I'm talking about? Like when you go out on a couple dates with a girl, at some point they'll take your hand and do some sort of palm-to-palm measurement thing.

Hrm... those sneaky women.
2002-09-30 02:22:21 PM  
"if my girlfriend has a big mail slot what does that say about my slong..."

So, is it like feeding a tic-tac to a whale, or like throwing a hot-dog down a hallway?
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