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(Yahoo)   Huffington Post says Bush is going to put anyone trying to buy food or medicine in secret prisons. After that the article gets a little weird   (news.yahoo.com) divider line
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1972 clicks; posted to Politics » on 16 Jul 2007 at 12:47 PM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



48 Comments     (+0 »)
 
janepuke
2007-07-16 11:35:13 AM  
Wait... what?
 
Moonbat
2007-07-16 11:40:21 AM  
Nothing a joint session of congress wouldn't solve.
 
Weaver95
2007-07-16 12:17:19 PM  
I'm as big a fan of conspiracy rants as the next guy - but that was over the top, even by MY standards!
 
Marcus Aurelius [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2007-07-16 12:30:17 PM  
There's only 18 months left. How much more harm can Bush possibly do in that time frame? Besides starting a nuclear war with Iran, of course, or illegally imprisoning thousands of Americans without charges?
 
Weaver95
2007-07-16 12:35:30 PM  
Marcus Aurelius: There's only 18 months left. How much more harm can Bush possibly do in that time frame? Besides starting a nuclear war with Iran, of course, or illegally imprisoning thousands of Americans without charges?

I don't see him doing that tho. Let's face it - something like that takes planning, organization and guts to pull off. I don't think this adminstration has the organization or planning skills necessary to do it. I think we can all concede that the President has the brass balls for it tho.

Besides, declaring country wide martial law would upset certain corporations. And one simply does not upset the daily cash flow of fortune 500 companies if one wants to get campaign donations.
 
MasterThief
2007-07-16 12:49:54 PM  
AFTER that?
 
FlashLV
2007-07-16 12:55:55 PM  
W T F?

Keeping this for the next times says huffington post is a great news source.
 
protectyourlimbs
2007-07-16 12:58:18 PM  
Marcus Aurelius - that is unless something happens that would keep him in office...Bush and Company's fingers crossed
 
Hideously Gigantic Smurf
2007-07-16 12:58:51 PM  
It's an editorial, people.

Editorials are hit and miss.

This one missed.
 
vernonFL
2007-07-16 1:01:14 PM  
Was this from a middle school newspaper? That was terrible.
 
Great Caesar's Toast
2007-07-16 1:02:28 PM  
Opinion - HuffingtonPost.com

Yeah let's pretend like the op-ed pieces are real news. Just like o'reilly and nancy grace.
 
valloned
2007-07-16 1:03:15 PM  
...and THAT, children, is why LSD is bad for you.

Any questions?
 
choice and consequence
2007-07-16 1:05:53 PM  
"Terrah-ist Attack on the NewNited States of Murka."

"Eric Malone is a long time contributor to Huffington Post and has a 3.2 GPA at North Central Middle School. His interests are leading the uprising against 'the man' and funding research into creating actual Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles."
 
Hang On Voltaire
2007-07-16 1:07:21 PM  
Surely this is a parody
 
Newbaca
2007-07-16 1:09:29 PM  
It's. an. opinion. piece. nimrods.

I'm guessing you guys have never read op-eds by people like Maureen Dowd or any other big op-ed writer. They often delve into fantasy and satire to make a point or poke fun at things. It's tongue-in-cheek. It's not meant to be read literally. My god, I could find hundreds of examples of op-ed pieces and blog posts exactly the same as this one.
 
Sammy Jenkins
2007-07-16 1:09:36 PM  
I think that without the SATIRE tag, people get a little confused.
 
tryptik [OhFark]
2007-07-16 1:09:58 PM  
I think she's trying to say something important, but all the pejorative crap makes her sound like an idiot.
 
pmccall
2007-07-16 1:15:16 PM  
Marcus Aurelius: There's only 18 months left. How much more harm can Bush possibly do in that time frame?

Well, if you read the other Fark Political links this morning, you know he can start a war with Iran in that time...and is leaning towards that option.

But, hey, it's not like two protracted conflicts with extremist Islamists in the chaos-ridden middle-east is causing us any harm, why not go for the trifecta!

/Article's conclusion is grade A looney, but sadly the root facts check out - including the martial law powers and the prison camps
 
mrexcess
2007-07-16 1:15:23 PM  
Relax folks. As if someone like our President would break the law, or disregard the Constitution.
 
SpectroBoy [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2007-07-16 1:16:13 PM  
Too retarded to finish.
Must stop reading.
Brain starting to hurt.
Parody or not, pain too great.
aggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
 
FlashLV
2007-07-16 1:22:04 PM  
mrexcess: Relax folks. As if someone like our President would break the law, or disregard the Constitution.

Apologist!

I didn't think they existed for Huffington, but now I know.
 
ArkyBeagle
2007-07-16 1:24:12 PM  
Uh.... huffing *what* again?

70.84.248.232View Full Size
 
mindbuzz
2007-07-16 1:24:27 PM  
Author is skookum?
 
MessyDwarf
2007-07-16 1:29:28 PM  
Guns and flags people.
 
Sunny Ray
2007-07-16 1:30:23 PM  
President Bush just knows that the Libs are too big of pussies to start a War on Iran, so he is going to have to do it himself. He probably wants to wait a little longer, but his term is going to expire too soon.
 
Deneb81
2007-07-16 1:35:06 PM  
I've never actually read the Huffington Post before, but I glanced at the article and could tell it was just someone trying too hard to be funny. So I did a google search and came up with this:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/eric-malone

Eric Malone

Eric Malone has been penning his own barbed brand of seditious humor since the last Imperial Presidency and plans on pointing out naked emperors, threadbare tyrants, and other fascist faux pas no matter who steals the next election. Eric has worked as a journalist in print, radio, and TV desperately clinging to his integrity and mordant sense of humor. Currently he is training geeks on the Infobahn in Silicon Valley and remaining eternally vigilant for dictators in patriots' garb who would destroy this wonderful idea of a country ... as Thomas Jefferson and Abbie Hoffman advised him to do.

It's just crappy satire, not a real conspiracy theory. This is apparently the only 'article' he's done for the Huffington Post as of yet.
 
Maud Dib
2007-07-16 1:38:00 PM  
mindbuzz: Author is skookum?

Bizarro Skookum.
 
Pro Zack
2007-07-16 1:38:14 PM  
I am surprised this hasn't hit CNN yet.

or been quoted by Obama/Clinton.
 
SkinnyHead
2007-07-16 1:38:18 PM  
Sounds like Huffington Post is advocating overthrow of the government by force and violence. I wonder if there are any laws against advocating stuff like that?
 
SpeshilEdjukashin
2007-07-16 1:39:03 PM  
[image from img522.imageshack.us too old to be available]

Huffer: I recommend you start stocking up on medicine, food, gallons of water, toilet paper, reading material, Potassium Nitrate, Charcoal powder, and Sulfur. Because soon you will notice that things will start drying up from lack of interstate commerce, shortly after the upcoming Terrah-ist Attack on the NewNited States of Murka.

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

img511.imageshack.usView Full Size


Huffer: It's already been announced by Michael Chertoff, though he neglected to provide us with a specific date. And today the Justice Department (a wholly-owned subsidiary of the Fourth Black Branch of Shadow Government) paved the way for the impending declaration of Martial Law in the wake of said Attack, as provided for in Son of the Patriot Act and the Military Sins of Commission Act, both passed last year.

AAAAAAHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

img356.imageshack.usView Full Size


Huffer: Those "laws" make it painfully clear that the Executing Branch of Government can order FEMA and the Military to round up anyone who threatens the New American Century People (formerly known as US) and throw them in one of the 13 new Federal prisons built to house dissenters. Alls it takes is one big friggin' disaster (like a Katrina or a 9/11) and the POTUS can jail us.

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

img96.imageshack.usView Full Size


Huffer: No. I think we have to take matters into our own hands and round up what's left of the National Guard in each state. We then cut off the power to the White House and blockade the mother so no food or water can get inside. Then we start pumping marijuana smoke in until they have to evacuate the building. Smoke 'em out, to quote a famous military leader, the one with the codpiece on the flight deck.

LOL, CONSPIRACY! AAAAAHAHAHAHA!

[image from img234.imageshack.us too old to be available][image from img234.imageshack.us too old to be available]

Huffer: And Justice is, of course, serving the pleasure of the President. Sounds like a porn film, dudn't it?

YUP! It does. MUAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!1

img260.imageshack.usView Full Size

img403.imageshack.usView Full Size
 
keithmccants
2007-07-16 1:41:01 PM  
visit from secret service in 3..2..
 
Hang On Voltaire
2007-07-16 1:46:06 PM  
Deneb81:

It's just crappy satire, not a real conspiracy theory. This is apparently the only 'article' he's done for the Huffington Post as of yet.

True. But if you spend enough time on democraticunderground.com it is hard to see the difference.
 
Headso
2007-07-16 1:52:25 PM  
wow, the trying too hard award goes to *drum roll* SpeshilEdjukashin... *crickets*
 
Smellvin
2007-07-16 1:52:26 PM  
FTFA Those "laws" make it painfully clear that the Executing Branch of Government can order FEMA... to round up anyone... and throw them in one of the 13 new Federal prisons

This guy might have played Deus Ex a few too many times.
img131.imageshack.usView Full Size
 
Bloody William
2007-07-16 1:56:06 PM  
Incoherent and poorly written. Fortunately, Eric Malone seems to be a pretty minor blogger for HuffPo, little different than the various extreme nutbars who keep diaries on DailyKos. Not representative of either site as a whole, and certainly not representative of any political stripe.

That you have to dig this deep to look for someone as crazy-sounding as Coulter or Savage, that's the funny thing. Eric Malone doesn't make appearences on TV or have his own radio show.
 
Phil Moskowitz
2007-07-16 1:57:01 PM  
SpeshilEdjukashin

You're a walking ban. Bubye. You'll make a great first ignore.
 
Phil Moskowitz
2007-07-16 1:58:04 PM  
Headso: wow, the trying too hard award goes to *drum roll* SpeshilEdjukashin... *crickets*

He's a real hit on genericfreaks.com
 
Deneb81
2007-07-16 2:03:17 PM  
Hang On Voltaire: Deneb81:

It's just crappy satire, not a real conspiracy theory. This is apparently the only 'article' he's done for the Huffington Post as of yet.

True. But if you spend enough time on democraticunderground.com it is hard to see the difference.

Well, the nut jobs that prefer Blue to Red have to have somewhere to go too.
 
Hagbardr
2007-07-16 2:11:06 PM  
I've been pondering this thought for the past.... oh, 30 seconds...

HOW THE FARK DO YOU SHARPEN A CUDGEL?

Isn't the point of a cudgel to be a big blunt skull-crushing stick?
 
Headso
2007-07-16 2:15:32 PM  
Hagbardr: Isn't the point of a cudgel to be a big blunt skull-crushing stick?

heh, usually they have small spikes or sharp corners...maybe that is what is being sharpened...
 
Diogenes [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2007-07-16 2:19:19 PM  
Marcus Aurelius: There's only 18 months left. How much more harm can Bush possibly do in that time frame? Besides starting a nuclear war with Iran, of course, or illegally imprisoning thousands of Americans without charges?

Not to give this piece any credibility, but if something were to happen it would have been planned long before today. And it wil be made to look unexpected.

This guy's clearly a nut. But you can't deny that most of the pieces are firmly in place for something like this "coup" to occur.
 
neapoi [TotalFark]
2007-07-16 2:19:20 PM  
Who uses the ignore feature anyways...
 
Bloody William
2007-07-16 2:25:01 PM  
Headso: Hagbardr: Isn't the point of a cudgel to be a big blunt skull-crushing stick?

heh, usually they have small spikes or sharp corners...maybe that is what is being sharpened...

I don't know if this counts as a cudgel, but I want it at my desk anyway.
 
Treygreen13
2007-07-16 4:01:36 PM  
I found a photo of the writer's car...

regmedia.co.ukView Full Size
 
ohdoublereally
2007-07-16 4:20:26 PM  
The "National Security and Homeland Security Presidential Directive," with the dual designation of NSPD-51

The directive loosely defines "catastrophic emergency" as "any incident, regardless of location, that results in extraordinary levels of mass casualties, damage, or disruption severely affecting the U.S. population, infrastructure, environment, economy, or government functions."

When the President determines a catastrophic emergency has occurred, the President can take over all government functions and direct all private sector activities to ensure we will emerge from the emergency with an "enduring constitutional government."

I'm sure he wouldn't do anything on his own to get this invoked since things are going so well for him.
 
Loki-L
2007-07-16 6:25:16 PM  
The good news is that such a scenario is extremly unlikely.

The bad news is that this is not because the powers and prisons mentioned in the article do not exist or because the current administration is to ethical to do something like that. The sad truth is that they are simply way to incompetent to pull anything like this off.
 
Gyrfalcon [TotalFark]
2007-07-17 12:14:32 AM  
Obviously, the writer's upset he spent so much time & money preparing for Y2K; and wants to make sure 2012 is a guaranteed apocalypse.

However, I'm going to go work for Blackwater just in case.
 
OperationGladio
2007-07-17 12:29:12 AM  
They're so incompetent that they just lucked into a near open dictatorship situation.
 
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