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(Chick)   New Chick tract   ( divider line
    More: Amusing  
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11657 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Sep 2002 at 4:20 AM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

154 Comments     (+0 »)

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2002-09-04 11:19:36 AM  
What is with all these crazy christian comics?
2002-09-04 11:23:29 AM  
So god is a vengeful, controlling puppetmaster. Sounds about right. Thanks Jack!

I'd rather go to hell than pray for my boss.
2002-09-04 12:11:38 PM  
Nobody's going to just walk in and take over my life god dammit. Jeebus or no Jeebus. When's somebody going to pull the plug on this guy? He obviously been brain dead for quite some time now.
2002-09-04 12:14:55 PM  
i see A.J. didn't get his wife back, proving god works in mysterious ways.
2002-09-04 12:27:38 PM  
If his secretary cannot make a decent cup of coffee, she deserves to get some shiat.
2002-09-04 02:34:10 PM  
mmmmmmmm chicken tracts.
2002-09-04 03:18:51 PM  
All right. Another Chick Tract.

[image from too old to be available]
2002-09-04 03:23:52 PM  
So god takes money & success away from people who don't believe in him?

Gee, someone better tell Marilyn Manson.
2002-09-04 03:34:18 PM  
Shouldn't this guy have been visted by THREE ghosts? I think Chick ripped off Dickens, here. I'm sure he's spinning in his....whatever hell he's burning in.
2002-09-04 04:32:09 PM  
There's Bob again. He's bound to be a cliche someday.
2002-09-04 07:08:46 PM  
Why does every Chick tract have one character look like he just walked off the set of a 70's porno?
Kat [TotalFark]
2002-09-04 08:51:50 PM  
SuperCMC, sexual repression.
2002-09-04 09:16:56 PM  
man. chick is so gay.
2002-09-04 09:58:04 PM  
Super: I think that guy is supposed to look like Chick. that should tell you something.
2002-09-05 04:24:34 AM  
Where were all the laughing devils? HAW HAW
2002-09-05 04:26:11 AM  
"Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death." -Albert Einstein
2002-09-05 04:29:36 AM  
"Fark, is it hot in here." - Ed Gein
2002-09-05 04:37:36 AM  
Chick looks like a vampire. A Rainbow pirate (think about it) vampire.
2002-09-05 04:38:42 AM  
So that'how we deal with the fat-cats, pray for them!

cheers Chicky!
2002-09-05 04:39:07 AM  
I wonder if Chick even does all the drawing anymore. Maybe he has a creative team, now. And if he does, that would mean...crap, he could be immortal!
2002-09-05 04:41:19 AM  
Oh yeah, Chick seems to have a fetish or obsession with drawing this one type of dog. Look on the back of the guy's shirt. Read through his other tracts, and I swear you'll see that dog there.
2002-09-05 04:44:33 AM  
That is just...just...obscene.

God must be rolling in his grave.
2002-09-05 04:47:29 AM  
Every christian I know personally uses the "belive in God and share in his love" line. Chick seems to prefer the "if you don't believe in God he'll shaft you proper" approach
2002-09-05 04:50:04 AM  
Now, clean up this mess! You dumb broad!

oh man. I gotta remember that insult! Hittin' where it hurts!
2002-09-05 04:50:56 AM  
ummm.. gay
2002-09-05 04:55:24 AM  

I work sooooo hard to save thine souls, ye heathens, and all I get are uproariously hysterical comments.


2002-09-05 04:56:44 AM  
i didn't have time to finish, someone want to give me the jist of it?
2002-09-05 05:00:07 AM  
So now gawd likes to fark with people all the time? Praying against someone (and their family, apparently) seems rather like a curse, doesn't it? So the moral is, if you are greedy, you will have to roam naked and eat grass for 7 years? I still say that the old Zeus ways were better--he just zapped people with thunderbolts whenever he was even mildly pissed. Much better than these abstract biblical punishments that Chick always comes up with.

Also, aside from not getting his wife back, his daughter is also pregnant and his son is up for dealing..
2002-09-05 05:04:11 AM  
Jack Chick does more harm than good when it comes to Christianity. Alot of my Christian friends can't stand his comics and think they're trash.
2002-09-05 05:07:07 AM  
Repent ye sinner! Or no beer for you....

This is a new low even for Chick. Christians have been 'selling' their god for a while, but this is ridiculous.

Did you notice that he's selling a book for people to buy _after_ they become "saved"?

At least it's cheaper than Scientology.
2002-09-05 05:10:51 AM  
Such a shame that People like Jack Chick have to embarass other Christians this way
2002-09-05 05:11:52 AM  
This guy is not a Christian, just a hateful bastard. I'm not eveb going to bother going through the details but he is basically a heretic.
2002-09-05 05:16:13 AM  
2002-09-05 05:17:09 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
2002-09-05 05:24:41 AM  
Correct me if I'm wrong but from what I remember of Christianity (casting mind back here) bad things happened to people who did not accept Christ _after_ they were dead, not before. In addition, I don't remember Jesus ever saying anything about bad things happening to bad people and good things happening to good people - isn't that a Buddist thing (whole new realms of ignorance potentially being displayed here)? I thought the whole point of Christianity was that we were all bad and that we all needed saving - not just assholes. I also remember that good things happened to bad people and bad things happen to good people all the time and that our reward for deeds on earth was in heaven or the new Jerusalem or something. Correct me if I'm wrong but I'm not sure that this Chick blokie is even vaguely in tune with Christian theology. I recon he just makes it up.
2002-09-05 05:27:34 AM  
ScudEast you are correct.
2002-09-05 05:30:48 AM  
Huh...usually the bad guy says "no" to Jebus and then suddenly dies two days later and goes to hell after being cast out by the badly drawn lightbulb-headed God.

Did the MONSTER'S daughter magically become a virgin again after his conversion? What about the wife?
2002-09-05 05:31:40 AM  
Haw Haw.
2002-09-05 05:35:07 AM  
Sort of off-topic, but why don't Christians dump the KJV already? Do KJV fans prefer text books from the 1800s?
I think the RSV and NIV are more accurate translations, aren't they?

I know the KJV quotes sound more hell fire and damnationy when you're laying the god smack down on someone's ass, but it's a biatch to read.
2002-09-05 05:36:58 AM  
[image from too old to be available]

Nice to see Lord Lucan is still in gainful employment.
2002-09-05 05:37:30 AM  
I've been Jesus. It's a hard job. Chick don't know sh!t.
2002-09-05 05:39:31 AM  
Man, that's gotta be the worst office in the world to work at. The funny part is, I'd get along better with the boss than the fundies. I'd stand beside him like Hecubus from Kids In The Hall.

Boss: Now, clean up this mess! You dumb broad!

Me: And while you're at it, make me a sandwich, biatch!

Then we'd laugh and high-five each other.
2002-09-05 05:47:13 AM  
ahh nothing gets me going like christian propaganda, its all so formulaic, im gonna try my hand at it:

3 construction workers are talking, 2 are saying that god doesnt exist, the other says that he does, and he quotes some scripture to "prove his point" the 2 atheist(never as good looking as the christian) just mock him, then one falls off of a high beam and dies and goes to hell, but first he chats it up with jesus, jesus quotes a few lines of scripture about how he died for the mans sins blah blah blah, then the next day, the 2 remaining construction workers are talking and and the bible thumper quotes some scripture and the other gets on his knees and starts crying.and the bible thumper tells him to attend church with him next sunday and that its not to late to save himself from eternal damnation.

end of story, so chick, howed i do?
2002-09-05 05:52:06 AM  
and chick, how do you justify it when several bad things in a row happen to a good christian, the most ignorant fundie ive ever met had his wife leave him and one of his children die in the same year, but by all accounts he was a good christian, so your insinuating that if something bad happend to a christian its because of chance, but when something bad happens to a nonchristian its because of a hateful god?

seems like your making causation/correlation errors to me.
2002-09-05 05:52:15 AM  
meanwhile the boss' (presumably 'innocent')son is still in prison and his (also presumably 'innocent')daughter is headed off to single mum world.
2002-09-05 05:53:42 AM  
"God will GET you for this, A.J.!"

My, my, my. What a benevolent and Christian thing to say.
2002-09-05 05:54:46 AM  
Great! Now all that's left is to pray for a miscarriage for his daughter, his wife to come back to him, and his son to be let off with a suspended sentence.

I wonder, should he pray for just a normal miscarriage, or for there to be some form of terrible accident...
2002-09-05 05:55:01 AM  
Imnotabuddhist: good story but you missed the bit where the good looking christian guy compares the non believer to someone in the bible and tells the bible story
2002-09-05 05:59:04 AM  
Poor A.J. certainly has some ugly people working for him, hasn't he?
2002-09-05 06:04:37 AM  
ScudEast, absolutely. It's what some call pulling something out of one's ass. Like some modern-day parable, only trying to sound like reality with no basis in it. No, I don't know how that's supposed to make sense. It's an insult to pretty much everyone. If Chick wanted to evangalize, he should do so by example, like one guy I know. I won't go into details, but... you'd really have to see this guy in action. Truly an ideal Christian if there ever was one. I can't explain it... well, I can, but it'd take a couple paragraphs.

ArnoldLayne, very true. Well, they're not necessarily more accurate, but just in more understandable English (although some argue that KJV is more accurate in certain parts). I guess people that use KJV think they're sticking to some kind of standard. If they wanna stick to a standard, why not Greek? Or Latin? Or, even better, aramaic?

Back on topic. I have no idea what this person's been smoking, but give me half.
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