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(Salt Lake Tribune)   It's true that Mormons don't drink coffee because of the caffeine, but that doesn't mean they don't need get a kickstart in the morning. They just add rocket fuel to their water supply   (sltrib.com) divider line
    More: Scary  
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14513 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Jun 2007 at 12:59 PM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2007-06-27 11:56:45 AM  
It's true you don't see many dwarf women; in fact, they're often mistaken for dwarf men.
 
2007-06-27 12:01:23 PM  
its not the caffine in coffee that they cant drink. Its hot drinks in general. bat shiat crazy.
 
2007-06-27 12:03:10 PM  
I thought it was the caffiene. Can they eat soup??
 
2007-06-27 12:04:59 PM  
The original "revelation" counsels against hot drinks (among other things). Modern prophets have clarified the revelation to forbid coffee and tea.
 
2007-06-27 12:30:27 PM  
Yeah, a mormon who works here said it's basically "hot caffinated beverages", so, they can drink a Mountain Dew.

I didn't ask about a luke warm room temperature Mountain Dew though, although that is just disgusting.
 
2007-06-27 12:33:18 PM  
dletter: so, they can drink a Mountain Dew.

Seems that Mormons are as ignorant of their religion as all other religious people. I live in Idaho, where there are metric assloads of Mormons and each and every one of them has a different idea of what can and can't be imbibed.
 
2007-06-27 12:42:27 PM  
Seems that Mormons are as ignorant of their religion as all other religious people. I live in Idaho, where there are metric assloads of Mormons and each and every one of them has a different idea of what can and can't be imbibed.

Some commandments are intentionally ambiguous. For example, what does it mean to "remember the sabbath day, and "keep it holy"?

Church leaders have made it clear that coffee and tea are obvious violations of the "Word of Wisdom" - the revelation regarding alcohol, tobacco, etc. Church leaders have avoided clarifying the doctrine further than that. Personally, I think that's good.

Many mormons look to BYU standards to fill in the gaps. While it is easy to find a Mountain Dew in Provo, good luck finding a Mountain Dew in a campus vending machine.
 
2007-06-27 1:04:27 PM  
I was just thinking about this 10 minutes ago when i bought my Sobe energy drink.. well not this exact topic specifically, but "the certain religions can't consume caffeine" rule dealy.

When their religious scripture of choice was invented back in the day, they didn't have caffeine narrowed down, or singled out (right?).. so the followers today just blanket policy something written years back, interpret it as they wish and call it doctrine?
Is that a cop out or what?

I dont know much about religion, go easy.
 
2007-06-27 1:05:25 PM  
The reason is not the caffeine, the reason is that their Invisible Sky Wizard told them not to drink it.
 
2007-06-27 1:07:54 PM  
I dated a girl from a Mormon family for two years (so I'm really getting a kick out of these replies), and I can back up the idea that they pretty much just make up what is or is not okay based on what they feel like drinking.

One day it's "we're not supposed to drink hot drinks like coffee or tea", the next day, over a cup of decaf, it's "we're not supposed to have caffeine". The following weekend, while drinking Pepsi, it's "we're not supposed to have hot drinks with caffeine in them".

I gave up asking them about their rules as it became obvious that there really weren't any, at least as far as drinking things go.

They were stricter on other things... like how you had to stockpile food. And other, even more bizarre stuff.

Absolutely batshiat.
 
2007-06-27 1:07:56 PM  
My understanding was that it used to be no caffiene until Pepsi made nie with them (and by nice I mean a huge check) so now Pepsi & Pepsi products are OK. So you see kids, the Morman faith can be bought. Its just a question of how much.
 
2007-06-27 1:08:41 PM  
Caffiene is not against the teachings of the LDS church. Some LDS people choose not to drink caffiene. I am not one of them. I love my coke. Coffee and tea are not allowed. No iced tea. No iced coffee. But there are no 'rules' against caffeine.
 
2007-06-27 1:08:43 PM  
Was a member of a Boy Scout troop sponsored by a Mormon temple. Was the first to reach Eagle Scout. Because I wasn't Mormon, they didn't acknowledge it in their big plaque on the wall. Says a lot.

/not bitter
//no, really
 
2007-06-27 1:09:26 PM  
It's not because of the caffeine, its because of another chemical that's in coffee, and in dark tea. And yes they drink hot drinks, what kind of IDIOT thinks they don't? The uninformed people that post on here constantly amaze me. Try reading up on things before posting Trepidity.
 
2007-06-27 1:10:09 PM  
Were they talking about Rocket Fuel Malt Liquor?

/DAYUM!
//I miss Phil Hartman
 
2007-06-27 1:10:47 PM  
Magic Underwear... Next thing they will be eating human flesh and drinking blood in some sort of ritual of loyalty to their God.
 
2007-06-27 1:14:05 PM  
7of7 and every one of them has a different idea of what can and can't be imbibed.

It's almost as if the rules aren't really made by an all powerful being but are strictly the product of humans. Hmmmm.
 
2007-06-27 1:14:42 PM  
so the followers today just blanket policy something written years back, interpret it as they wish and call it doctrine?
Is that a cop out or what?


Mormons believe that God continues to reveal his will to the current prophet. Thus, if there's anything wrong with the way the scripture is being interpreted by the general membership, God will let the prophet know, and he will tell the people.

Some time ago, the current prophet led Mike Wallace to believe that mormons drink "no caffeine." Many mormons felt this was an indication that caffinated soft drinks were out. Others chose not to worry about it.

Basically, mormons are taught that they can receive personal revelation - so long as it isn't inconsistent with current teachings of the church. Mormons have plenty of letter-of-the-law stuff to feel guilty about. Most just do the best they can.
 
2007-06-27 1:16:29 PM  
The only people who should drink Mountain Dew are the extreme skater kids that it's marketed to. Ideally, they'd drink several cans and bottles a day, every day, for the formidable years of their life. That way, they'll think its fine for them to consume items just like it and by the time they turn 30, they'll have developed adult onset diabetes...I don't know where I'm going with this.

Silly mormons.
Mountain Dew sucks.
Skater kids are useless.
Diabetes should never be wished on anybody (except skater kids).
 
2007-06-27 1:16:29 PM  
Tinfoil hat alert:

FTFA:

Christian Heap, who also was filling blue water bottles Tuesday, said, "I think I'm going to trust Mother Earth over [the city's] pipes."

Jim Gieber has been drinking water from Artesian Wells Park for more than 10 years. On Tuesday, he was filling several 5-gallon bottles, because, he said, it tastes better than the water in Bountiful where he lives. "I'll take my chances," Gieber said. "I trust it. I've never gotten sick or anything."

West Jordan resident Angela Roberts said she worries more about the fluoride cities use to spike their water supplies than about perchlorate. She visits the well about twice a month to fill two dozen 1-gallon water bottles. She and her three daughters, ages 2 to 7, use it for drinking and eating.


GOLD, Jerry, Gold!
 
2007-06-27 1:17:10 PM  
My understanding was that it used to be no caffiene until Pepsi made nie with them (and by nice I mean a huge check) so now Pepsi & Pepsi products are OK. So you see kids, the Morman faith can be bought. Its just a question of how much.

http://www.snopes.com/cokelore/mormon.asp


I tend to try to avoid caffeine for the most part, but that's because too much caffeine (and by too much I mean more than one pepsi a week) makes my body feel like crap.
 
2007-06-27 1:17:54 PM  
IdleHands 2007-06-27 01:08:41 PM
Caffiene is not against the teachings of the LDS church. Some LDS people choose not to drink caffiene. I am not one of them. I love my coke. Coffee and tea are not allowed. No iced tea. No iced coffee. But there are no 'rules' against caffeine.
===================================================================
Starbucks will fix that. May take a large donation, but it will happen.
 
2007-06-27 1:18:44 PM  
G.O.B.: If you didn't have adult onset diabetes, I wouldn't mind giving you a little suger.

Mrs. Van Skoyk: Oh, G.O.B., you could charm the black off a telegram boy!
 
2007-06-27 1:18:45 PM  
JDAT: Its just a question of how much.

Is that where the hot Pepsi idea came from?
 
2007-06-27 1:18:55 PM  
Hmm, that explains why my buddy's place never has caffiene.
 
2007-06-27 1:19:02 PM  
JDAT: My understanding was that it used to be no caffiene until Pepsi made nie with them

Nie?

luminescencias.blogspot.comView Full Size
 
2007-06-27 1:19:28 PM  
Don't we all?
 
2007-06-27 1:20:09 PM  
tarkus1980:

Damn..... Thanks for setting me straight.
 
2007-06-27 1:20:25 PM  
It's not the caffeine it's the tannons that are in coffee and black tea. I can drink all the herbal tea I want. In fact if I really wanted I could drink all the coffee I wanted. The church is about choice, and there are consequences for some of your choices. You choose to drink coffee and smoke....fine. You just don't get into the Temple. You don't get kicked out.

/loves me some DrP
//can't live without it
///caffeine...wheeeeeee
 
2007-06-27 1:20:36 PM  
But what about hot chocolate?
 
2007-06-27 1:20:50 PM  
did anybody else read that as "morans"

//Get brains
 
2007-06-27 1:21:01 PM  
Mormons believe that God continues to reveal his will to the current prophet. Thus, if there's anything wrong with the way the scripture is being interpreted by the general membership, God will let the prophet know, and he will tell the people.

Some time ago, the current prophet led Mike Wallace to believe that mormons drink "no caffeine." Many mormons felt this was an indication that caffinated soft drinks were out. Others chose not to worry about it.

Basically, mormons are taught that they can receive personal revelation - so long as it isn't inconsistent with current teachings of the church. Mormons have plenty of letter-of-the-law stuff to feel guilty about. Most just do the best they can.


Mormons also believe that somebody who has to be instructed in every little detail about what is right and what is wrong about a specific doctrinal topic are spiritually lazy. In certain matters, the leadership of the church will simply say, "You deep down know what it means to keep this commandment. Either you're doing what is right or you're not."

The Word of Wisdom basically says, "Don't put stuff in your bodies that will do harm to you." This is why the WoW also says to eat meat sparingly (which most Mormons, myself included, are very bad about).
 
2007-06-27 1:21:29 PM  
Maud Dib:

I do wish fark had a spell checker.
 
2007-06-27 1:21:34 PM  
I know they're not supposed to drink rocket sauce.
 
2007-06-27 1:22:28 PM  
Mormons also believe that somebody who has to be instructed in every little detail about what is right and what is wrong about a specific doctrinal topic are spiritually lazy.

Mormons also apparently believe that noun-verb number agreement is a sin. Blurrgh.
 
2007-06-27 1:23:12 PM  
I'm at work for another 40 minutes and desperately need this thread to turn into Mormon horror stories to keep me entertained.


And...go!
 
2007-06-27 1:24:05 PM  
DECMATH:

Hot Pepsi? That sounds about as bad as the green ketchup idea.
 
2007-06-27 1:25:28 PM  
tarkus1980

Once upon a time, there was a good article floating around the net about "Iron Rod" Mormons versus "Liahona" Mormons. If you haven't read it, you should.
 
2007-06-27 1:26:09 PM  
I think it was South Park that told me Mormonism was founded by a guy who found some writings on plates in the woods.. but wouldnt show anyone what they said.
The people went with his sales pitch and bought off on it.. despite never seeing the supposed plates?

Or was I drunk and way off on this one? Perhaps I shouldn't get my religious knowledge from a cartoon featuring children that swear.
 
2007-06-27 1:27:00 PM  
tarkus1980:

Word of Wisdom? What is that?
 
2007-06-27 1:27:35 PM  
tarkus1980: You forgot the part where mormons believe that God told joseph smith that dark skinned people are dark skinned because they sided against god in an epic battle.

Mormons aren't christians, so it would be nice if you all stopped trying to lump yourself in with us.
 
2007-06-27 1:27:56 PM  
Never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever take a Mormon fishing with you. He'll drink all your beer.

If you do have to go fishing with a Mormon, take two, then they won't touch it.

/lived in Bountiful, Utah for 10 years---the nerve center of Mormondom
//not a Mormon
///the white salamander is watching you fark off at work
 
2007-06-27 1:29:23 PM  
Dr.Knockboots

The South Park mormon thing was pretty accurate, but the few things they got wrong were pretty misleading.

Smith had witnesses sign a statement that they saw and handled the golden plates (source of the Book of Mormon). Folks argue around the clock about the witnesses' credibility, but there are signed statements.
 
2007-06-27 1:29:29 PM  
I think it was South Park that told me Mormonism was founded by a guy who found some writings on plates in the woods.. but wouldnt show anyone what they said.
The people went with his sales pitch and bought off on it.. despite never seeing the supposed plates?


They were shown to 11 other people. 3 of them were shown them by an angel, 8 of them were shown them by Smith himself (who let them hold the plates). Everybody in that 11 (a total of 8) who wasn't a relative of Smith eventually left the church; some of them became major enemies to Smith. None of those 8 ever recanted their testimonies, though (their testimonies are found in the front of copies of the Book of Mormon).
 
2007-06-27 1:30:20 PM  
 
2007-06-27 1:32:41 PM  
The "Word of Wisdom" (amazingly enough) "revealed" to Joe Smith the day after his wife started biatching that guys were spitting tobacco juice on her floor.

I guess no buttsecks for Joe until he came up with a new revelation.
 
2007-06-27 1:32:54 PM  
brendanmbm

There's a whole crap-load of Mormons who would disagree, and say they are absolutely, 100% Christian.

/I guess the Lord works in rocket-fuely ways
 
2007-06-27 1:32:54 PM  
brendanmbn
Mormons aren't christians, so it would be nice if you all stopped trying to lump yourself in with us.

Deal. Have fun in hell.
 
2007-06-27 1:33:42 PM  
Meh, it's just perchlorate. No big deal.
 
2007-06-27 1:34:11 PM  
I'm Mormon. Love my Mt. Dew. Coke. Dr. Pepper. Good stuff. I drink about a liter a day of one of the above.
I'm also loving the iced coffees, but I wouldn't drink one in front of my Bishop. Not sure what the stand is on those, but they are tasty.
 
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