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(Some Drunkard)   Tell YOUR amusing drunken story. Voting enabled.   ( guinness.com) divider line
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4419 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Aug 2002 at 1:15 AM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2002-08-25 02:37:50 PM  
I commandeered a stolen Chicago bus but I also was on a lot of drugs at that moment so does that disqualify me?
2002-08-25 04:15:22 PM  
Onsh upona time, zer was zis...pershon...and..::Passes out::
2002-08-25 05:42:03 PM  
This one time at band camp........

Okay, so it wasn't band camp. Anyway, one hot looong summer day. My friends and I decided to kill a case of beer while hanging around doing some yardwork. We started drinking around noon. On Tuesday. We just pretty much hung around and drank beer, instead of doing the work we were supposed to be doing. The next thing you know, the ice was all melted and the beer was running at an intolerable 2 beers left. We stopped doing the yardwork much earlier than that. We decided to get more beer and clean ourselves up a bit and go out that night. After a change of clothes and a few shots of deodorant, we were headed to the liquor store. Yep, we jonesed for weak beer no more! We proceeded to control our minor stumbling and bought a bottle of 151 and some tequila. (We were young) We stopped off at a friends house to await the darkness. He had just purchased a mass load of illegal substance (re:weed) and had it all out on the table in the living room. We cracked open the 151 and started passing it around. We Bs'ed and watched the game for awhile as we drank shots right out of the bottle. I was getting really really woozy, it wasn't even 8pm yet. We did have plans, believe it or not. When the bottle came around to me, I just stuck my tongue in it as I lifted the bottle up, so everyone would think I was still taking shots. I didn't want to be called a pussy. I HAD to catch my snap. Anyway, this skinny friend of mine was sitting in front of the coffee table in front of all the illegal substance and it was his turn for a shot. He lifted the bottle up and took a huge gulp. I think it got away from him, and I'm sure he didn't mean to drink so much. Next thing you know, he projectile puked all over the weed!! My friend went totally ballistic! The skinny guy was like, "I'll clean it up man, don't worry!" Ahahahah, we all laughed our asses off. My friend was not amused. He was sifting through the puke filled weed, pulling out buds. Hilarity ensued. Needless to say, our laughter wasn't met with a warm reception and he got all pissed off at us. "Get the fark out of my house!" he yelled. I think we were still giggling as we stumbled out the door. We walked a few blocks, chugging out of the 151 bottle as we strolled down the road. We ended up at my friends girlfriends house. She wasn't amused by our drunkenness. She had made plans to go out with her friends. Well, guess what? They started showing up while all of our drunk asses were still there. She had some hottie friends. I swear we looked like a bunch of drunken perverts just oogling the women as they came in. Sheeesh. I was embarrassed to actually have friends like this. But....they did drink much more than I did. Keep that in mind for later. That same skinny guy tried to get up off the floor to go pee and he stumbled and crashed head first into this chics glass stereo cabinet. Yep, glass went everywhere! We rushed to his aid. Of course he was alright, aren't all drunks when that sort of thing happens? The stereo cabinet, however.......So, out we go. My friends girlfriend starts yelling at him to, yep, you guessed it. "Get the fark out!" He stumbles out of the doorway and drops what's left of the 151. *Crash* More glass. I couldn't help but laugh, because her doorway was gonna reek like 151 forever now! He smiled up at me and says "Well, good thing we bought that tequila!" Her door slammed shortly after that...HARD. The skinny guy chimes in.."I wanna go to a club man! I feel like dancing!" you just have to picture this guy to know just how funny that statement is. The three of us go to the corner store and we see an old friend there. We haven't seen him in ages. He was one of the ones who got smart and moved away. He was visiting his mom or something. You know how people get when they haven't seen someone in a long time? He was happy to see us.....for now. We jump in his truck and head for the local pool hall. Once we arrive, we begin to catch our snap a little more. We've settled on drinking just beer and eating the free popcorn they gave away there. This place had a lot of road signs hanging all around. My genius friend, says, "I'd sure like a stop sign for my apt." He attempts to climb up on the tiny bar table and tugs on the sign. I'm like "Dude WTF?" We manage to get his drunk ass down before anybody important saw him. The guy who brought us there kinda sneaked out when we weren't looking. Smart move. I'm sure he could see what asses we were making of ourselves. It's getting late and the skanks start to arrive at the pool hall. Just like clockwork. My skinny friend..barely able to walk at this point, says he's gonna go and get pussy for all of us. *laf* He approaches the very first little set of skanks and suddenly we hear *smack* This rather burly woman slaps the hell out of my friend and freakin' knocks him out! I swear! Here we go, rushing to his aid once again. He is totally unconscience. The manager gets involved at this point and checks to make sure my friend is still alive. He calls an ambulance anyway. Crap. My other friend and I look at each other. You know when it's time to go. We kinda whistle as we sneak out the door. The gurney, being pushed by the paramedics rolls past us towards our, out of it friend. Zip, out the door we go. We get about halfway down the block before we even realize that we didn't even pay the bar tab! We laugh, it's much to far to walk all the way back to the bar. 2 blocks is a looong way when you're wasted. We settle onto one of those little forts at a nearby park and begin to take shots of the tequila. After about 5 or 6 shots and about 14 cigarettes. I lay my head back and I'm just glazing in and out of reality. Back and forth....round and round. I have to sit up or else. I hear my friend behind the merry go round *Rrrrrrrrallphhh!!* over and over again. I feel it coming and next thing you know, we're both hurling everything we drank that night and then some. I swear we puked for a freakin' hour..............gross. I remember waking up with a frog staring at me. Scared the hell out of me the next morning.
2002-08-25 05:42:54 PM  
Holy shiat! I kinda rattled on there didn't I?
2002-08-25 06:01:35 PM  
I'll say! I'll try to finish it when I have more strength.

Think of of attention deficit minds, John.
2002-08-25 06:06:50 PM  
I tripped and fell down the stairs in a club once, falling prone. Everyone laughed at me, even the bouncers. Luckily, I wasn't that drunk so they let me stay.

I know, that was very, very boring. meh.
2002-08-25 06:20:06 PM  
A few loose guidelines I can share, from some recklesser days:

1. If you're drunk, underage, and trying to ditch a cop, let your friend drive your car for the getaway so you can hang your head out the passenger window and puke all over your rear door and fender. Then, after you've slept it off and the entire neighborhood has had a chance to see, go out the next afternoon to clean it off.

2. The 2:00 am waitress at Bob's Big Boy with the "try our iced tea" badge of flair does not respond when you repeatedly call her "Miss Iced Tea" in some form of mangled English.

3. If you ever have to work a shiat temp night job on New Year's Eve, don't take your various bottles of champagne and St. Ide's Malt Liquor to the beach the next morning and then attempt to walk on the rocks along the surf. That is a surefire way to end up ass over elbows tumbling in the riptide, fully dressed.

4. A full pancake meal at IHOP, with lots of syrup, is NOT the cure when you're hung over on plain-label Scotch. I'm pretty sure my bed wouldn't have spun the next 24 hours if it weren't for that.

5. Do not let your friend drink the entire bottle of scotch within the first hour when you take your other friend out in a limo for her 21st birthday, then fill him with Chicken McNuggets and let him puke all over the backseat and floor of the limo. The driver doesn't like that, and the birthday girl doesn't like that, at least she didn't seem to as she dragged his ass out onto the middle of the road, kicking him repeatedly and calling him names I'd never heard before (but have used since, and I appreciate her for that).

The great followup to that last story is, somebody at work would also rent that very same limo the following week to take her family out (I had referred her to the driver, before our deeds were done). She came back the next day and went on about how much it reeked.
2002-08-25 08:17:06 PM  
I went to a sports bar with a few buds. After an hour or so of drinking who else but Michael Ironside walks in with an entourage. He was in town making a movie. At first I was considerate knowing that the guy probably just wanted to relax and didn't want anyone bothering him. But 1 hour and 5 drinks later I didn't care. As I approached the table I had three bouncers line up behind me. Michael waved them off though saying "Nah, Nah this guys alright." Mike is one dam cool guy. We wound up shootin the shiat for a couple hours before he had to leave. I can't remember most of the conversation, although I wish I could.

Later (and after many more beers) I went back to my apartment. It was a three bedroom place where me and some friends were staying while we were at collage. I ran around the place yelling "Guess who I just met. Michael farkin Ironside!!!!" I was outta control at that point. Finally I passed out.

This was 5 years ago but still everytime i'm watching TV with my friends and Michael Ironside is on they go "Look John it's Michael farkin Ironside!!"
2002-08-25 08:47:16 PM  
When I was 15, I was in a bar in Mexico. Being 15 and all, I thought I was 'Mr. Badass' drinking my Tecate. As I was walking up some stairs that lead up to a small elevated dance floor, I lost my footing. I fell. My left leg got lodged between stair 4 and 5, my right leg between stair 5 and 6. My 'jewels' were right in the middle of stair 5. It hurt so bad, tears rolled down my face. My nuts were hurting for about 3 days after that. My ego is scarred to this day.
2002-08-25 10:03:00 PM  
I got in a fight with Zed from Pulp Fiction because I wouldn't stop saying, "Zed is dead baby Zed is dead"
2002-08-25 11:22:46 PM  
Nothing's wilder after an afternoon of getting fvcked up in Texas than deciding to take a road trip to Boys' Town - no NOT the one that is run by kind old Father Flannery dammit, I mean the one in Mexico with all the whores and donkeys & shiat. Any white guy there is a VIP and every shadey bar is tries to lure you in with drinks and hookers so you drop $20-40, the more money than they know what to do with. So we end up getting lured into this bar that really sucked but we decided to stay and have a few drinks anyways. This one guy who was with us was talking to this manly looking woman, but he was so fvcked up *it* could have been anything. Then we see him dissapearing up the stairs with this testosterone chick. About the same time another guy who was with us and some girl, also from Texas, he met at the bar went up the stairs to hook up. Just as they get out of site the girl who is serving us communicates in broken english and spanish that the man/chick friend #1 went upstairs with did indeed tiene juevos. When friend #2 returned 15-20 minutes later he told us friend #1 was getting head from some biatch upstairs. But to this day, we all know, that was no biatch.
2002-08-25 11:57:20 PM  
2002-08-26 01:17:29 AM  
...and then i wake up with the bottle only slightly protruding from my bunghole.
2002-08-26 01:18:36 AM  
I killed 17 people with a hunting knife. Ha ha, ha ha, ha... ha..
2002-08-26 01:18:48 AM  
2002-08-26 01:20:17 AM  
"MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down...
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
Oh, no!"

[image from monarch.net too old to be available]
2002-08-26 01:23:43 AM  
I was 18
apparently I did a 25 minute version of 'Knockin on Heavens Door'
Er, or so I learned, a day later.
Damn bars that serve people underage.
2002-08-26 01:24:45 AM  
oh, forgot, I only knew the chorus.
2002-08-26 01:25:12 AM  
...and then i wake up with the bottle only slightly protruding from my roommate's bunghole.
2002-08-26 01:25:25 AM  
Not exactly a drunk story, but...

The most amusing was probably the time I took a few hits at work, left to drive home, thought there was a cop behind me, freaked out and turned into a different apartment complex. When the cop followed me in, I got even more freaked out so I pulled over to the side and the cop started to go around me. He stopped,looked over at me, and said "Jamie, what the fark are you doing?"

Turns out the cop was my friend from work who was following me home in his girlfriend's dad's Crown Vic.
2002-08-26 01:26:15 AM  
I remember the first time I got drunk...I was 21 (I'm 22 now) and it was at my friends' birthday party (they are twins). I basically got totally plasted...but it was a casual game of "who can take the most shots in 5 minutes" that wasted me.

I was up against one of the twins, whom I liked at the time, and I ended up taking 5.5 shots in abomut 5 minutes of smirnoff Vodka. Now, so as to size things up, I'm 5'10 and abomut 135 pounds...and I don't drink very often at all...needless to say, I was totally wasted.

Funny thing is..I was the DJ for the party...and well..hehe that turned out rather odd. I think I was mixing ok, but then someone pointed out that the sound wasn't coming out of the speakers (I had headphones on...and was jamming out to the party in my head...oh yeah!)

After many attempts to get the tequilla (why I'm not sure..I guess I'm the type of person who figures..."hell I'm messed up now, why not go for it all the way") I ended up going outside and throwing on a CD and dancing in the yard.

I did a complete front flip (god knows why) and landed all funky like and popped my shoulder out of socket...&pain*

funny thing is..I was so far gone..it didn't bother me that much...just looked rather strange...(no blood or anything, just didn't look hm.. 'right')

So I spent the rest of the evening complaining abomut my arm till I passed out on the couch...the next day..the pains hit...first my stomach...then my head..and finally my arm..

I crawled to the bathroom to puke my mind out...when I realized I had slept all night with my arm out of socket..it hurt like hell..so my solution was to pop it back in (kind of like lethal weapon..only...it hurts lots more)

so.. I was a pathetic mess..I slammed my arm into the ground..it hurt so much I puked all over myself...rather disgusting...I sort of ended up lying on the floor of the bathroom of my friends' house with puke and pain...

so...that was my first time getting drunk...


2002-08-26 01:27:36 AM  
First off I was at this party and completely off my ass and was in the living room and needing to use the bathroom. The most direct route was into the hall bathroom first door on the right. Well one of my friends was there talking with a girl so I didn't want to interrupt and took the 'long' way.

Stagger through the kitchen, through the dining room, and I was now at the far end of the hall. Everything is good. Stagger down the hall, second to last door on he left.

Can't find the light switch, dman but I know where the toilet is. Probably be a good idea to sit down so I don't piss all over myself. Sit on the toilet, relieve myself and all is good. I opened the door and their was 30 people staring at me in disbelief.

I had gotten lost while taking the sceninc route. Went in the closet sat on the vacuum and taken a leak.
2002-08-26 01:29:04 AM  
The first time I got high (does that count??) was in art class, we were working with rubber cement and I noticed how you could see the fumes if you tip the bottle. I was playing with this little marvel until I started giggling. I didn't stop for a couple hours, then I woke up in Geometry with a bad headache.
2002-08-26 01:29:10 AM  
Oh great. A thread about guys bragging how cool they are by how stupid they act.
2002-08-26 01:30:33 AM  
Got drunk once, and pierced my ear. Except I couldn't find a decent pin, so I found the super-sized safety pin my girlfriend used to pin her skirt shut.

I don't remember much from the episode. But the next morning I woke up and there were blood sprays on the walls, and I have an earring hole that *NEVER* closes.
2002-08-26 01:30:33 AM  
Dammit! I didn't enable voting!

Oh well, it's not real if you don't remember it, right?

Then there was the time I busted my boss for cheating on his girlfriend. She was sitting right next to me when I did it.
(No I wasn't the one he cheated with) But some stories should remain untold, wouldn't you say?

heh, I (wisely) quit not too long after that little after hours incident.

Vote here if you don't have the guts to recount your drunk stories on the web.
Because I don't blame you.
2002-08-26 01:30:38 AM  
Being 17 at the time and having nothing to do, we always got plastered after school. One time we wandered on to the local golf course after some beverages and proceeded to steal a golf cart and drive it into the water hazard. Then to top it off, I had to take a dump, so I ended up crapping in one of the holes. We waiting until a group played the hole and we watched the green. One dude chipped in a shot and went to take out the flag and get his ball, only to get a handful of shiat.
2002-08-26 01:31:16 AM  
I got too drunk one night freshman year of college and passed out in my room. Come to find out, I had actually gotten up about an hour after I passed out. I walked out into the dorm hallway and went into the room across from me. I proceeded to whip out my johnson and whiz all over this dude's rug. I guess the guys living there started yelling at me and I said "I've done nothing wrong here" and then I walked out. That always cracks me up every time I think about it.

Oh, it turns out one of the guys living there was my second cousin so I'm sure my whole family knows. :)

2002-08-26 01:31:25 AM  
Freshman year of college:
-Chicago, February of 1997
-Long night of drinking
-Needed smokes
-Didn't think I needed shoes to go get the smokes
-Ended up needing a doctor to treat the frost-bite on my feet

Lesson learned:
You should always wear shoes when the temperature is below zero - no matter how much you've had to drink.
2002-08-26 01:31:31 AM  
i got drunk once and tried to steal the light bar off the top of a police car.
there was a cop in the car at the time.
when he was done laughing at me he gave me a ticket.
2002-08-26 01:32:34 AM  
Which story ya want???

[image from worldzone.net too old to be available]

2002-08-26 01:32:39 AM  
Well, on my senior prom, my mom decided it was a good idea to rent a hotel suite for me & my buds. So far so good.

The day before prom we go out and get an assortment of what we considered to be "decent drinks". Whatever.

The night in question we all go to the prom, get back to the suite, drink up a storm, and some rocket scientist decides to order hawaiian pizza. Everyone (except for the guy who ordered) blows chunks, we end up in a drunken night of reminescing, wizz from the balcony in turns, and that's about the whole story. EXCEPT that I end up blowing chunks in the kitchenette sink, which of course immediately clogs, and buddy tries to cover up the, er, scent using Polo cologne. To this day I cannot detect Polo men's cologne without thinking of a sink-full of vomit.

That's about it, really...
2002-08-26 01:34:43 AM  
Okay, this one time a couple of months ago, abunch of teenagers and I went to one of my friend's houseboat for the Senior Ditch Day. When we arrived, one of our friends, who was African American was offended by a Confederate flag that was hanging off of one of the other boats. He was pissed that someone could be so inconsiderate, but after a couple of beers he calmed down. Well, later that night around 2, everyone was pretty hammered, and a couple of guys jumped in a paddleboat. They said they were going to the dock, so we thought nothing of it. About an hour later, we saw something coming towards us. It turns out, those guys went and took the Confederate flag off of the second deck of the boat, with people on it. They came back waving the flag over their heads, telling us "This is for Marcus."
2002-08-26 01:35:08 AM  
Don't allow your friends to 'help' you up an extremely steep set of stairs. They will let you go at the top. At least my friends did.
2002-08-26 01:36:03 AM  
So, we were teens, we'd just had our graduation night at some hotel. We had rented a room, six or seven of us. REALLY drunk, and stoned. I put a bottle cap on my forehead, and made it stick. They were all looking at me. Like a genius, I said: "Bottle cap forehead". We laughed for close to 45 minutes, so hard we couldn't breathe, like 1000 sit-ups worth of bellyache. Crying laughter that'd make Tammy Faye Baker proud. So moronic and hilarious.
Well, it was funny at the time...
2002-08-26 01:36:51 AM  
Went camping, drank a whole lot, and then stumbled with my buddies to this suspension bridge over this small river. the bouncing motion made me pass out mid-span, and I woke up a few minutes later to find a dog licking my face.

Needless to say, it scared the fark out of me, and I screamed, which caused the dog to bark, which caused me to start crying (?) and crawl to the end of the bridge and puke my guts out for 15 minutes.
2002-08-26 01:38:10 AM  
Hey, SG.. Can I tell the Halloween '99 story? That may be my favorite! :)
2002-08-26 01:39:03 AM  
it was the first time i ever drank. my senior year of high school, my friend had just learned that i had, in fact, never been drunk. he set out to remedy the situation and three days later, he, me and another friend were sitting in an abandoned apartment two towns over with some absolut, jose cuervo, captain morgan, and a farkload of beer. anyway, we start drinking and i've had plenty and am feeling quite trashed. i start calling out for somebody to make me a screwdriver because i've lost the ability to walk. this pissed off my friend, who was tired of my yelling; so he walked over, slapped me across the face, and told me to shut the fark up, which i promptly did.

fast forward to two weeks later. we're sitting in the back of the bus on the way to a meet, and he's sitting across from me. out of the blue, i remember that he slapped me, i yell out 'you farking asshole!', haul off and farking deck him. he peels himself off the floor and asks what the hell that was about, and i tell him it was for slapping me. he thought that was about the funniest shiat he'd heard in weeks, and fell down laughing. all the while this is on the floor of a moving bus - and just as he fell down laughing, the busdriver made a really short stop, so my friend's face met with the seat in front of him quite forcefully. he had a kickass bruise on his cheek for about three weeks from that. funny how a bus seat could do so much more damage than i could. . . mmm. . .absolut. . .
2002-08-26 01:39:18 AM  
Oh god -- where to begin?

How 'bout this one...

Waaaay back when, the "new" fad was to mix Sprite with wine, creating a "Wine Spritzer" (early 80's). A local bar had "25 Cent Spritzer Night" every Monday. Four for a dollar!!! The cool thing was that each drink had that little stirrer straw in it... so the next morning you could count your little straws and determine how much you had to drink the night before.

Anyway -- After spending many many many dollars I decided it was time to leave. I then remembered that a friend had dropped me off at the club, promising to return. He didn't. So, I walked home.

Or so I thought. Just before sunrise the next morning I woke up in my friend's front yard. It was COLD outside and I had to pee something awful (no pun intended). I was also pissed at my friend for leaving me at the club. So, in a drunken stupor I made it to his front door and BEAT THE HELL out of it, yelling "OPEN THE FARKING DOOR, YOU BASTARD!
" among other things.

After my initial verbal assault the cobwebs cleared a bit and I realized it was EARLY in the morning... then I realized I WAS AT THE WRONG HOUSE!!!! I had apparently left the club on foot, walked into a stranger's front yard, and passed out in the driveway.

Well, I hauled ass to my house (about 2 blocks away) and snuck to the back door (still living w/ parents)... AND CAN'T FIND THE DAMN HOUSE KEY!!! I r-e-a-l-l-y had to take a whiz so I decided to get that out of the way first.

I didn't make it. Ended up pissin all over myself. Finally got the door unlocked and made it into my room, grabbed a change of clothes and headed for the shower.

Just as I finished the shower and headed back to my room, my dad got up (oblivious to the prior half-hour's events).

"Up early today, son? I like a man who starts the day off early - you'll get a lot more accomplished like that!"

If he only knew...
2002-08-26 01:39:48 AM  
We were in university and it was BOTH my roomates' birthday on that day (by sheer coincidence they were exactly the same age, but from different states). We decided to all go out and get riotously drunk.

The mob was to meet in the pub for drinks. When my friend and I arrived late, everyone was still nursing their drinks. Between him and me, I think we bought about 30 pitchers of assorted alcohol... and everyone went nuts!

I remember after the 3rd pitcher of double-strength rum and cola, I was feeling really sick and drunk (hadn't eaten the whole day) so I sat down, put my head on the table and started to puke under the table. In between hurling, I looked right, and there was another guy (my brains are pickled so I can't remember who) beside me upchucking too.

From what I know, 2 other guys were making floor of the men's room really wet and gross with puke, and 1 girl was throwing up into a potted plant.

Then one of the mob stood up, announced that he needed to go to the men's room, and proceeded to projectile vomit while turning his head... a HELICOPTER!

At this time, the bartender and a couple of bouncers came over and threw all of us out...

Mostly, I can't remember what happened later, but everyone who was there woke up with severe hangovers.
2002-08-26 01:40:06 AM  
transactiod, you're always farking naysaying. you farking fark, farking fark. fark... c0ck ayass!
2002-08-26 01:40:10 AM  
I had taken a bunch of cold medicine and went out to nickel beers night at Top of the Stairs in Blacksburg VA. After several, I started feeling sick and instead of going outside, where nobody was due to a light drizzle, I headed to the mens room and lurched over to the "piss trough," a communal urinal sorta like a skinny bathtub about knee high.

I spent the next 20 minutes eye-to-eye with a parade of urinating dicks about 6 inches from my head. When I finally recovered, every dude in the bar elbowed his buddy as soon as he caught a glimpse of me and made the puking motion while describing my ordeal.
2002-08-26 01:40:25 AM  
One time, I got really loaded on Zombies, and as I was driving home, I ran over this elderly gentlem-

2002-08-26 01:40:58 AM  
The first time I got drunk at age 15, I drank an entire fifth of Ronrico 80-proof then got about a quart of the way into a bottle of 141-proof.

I have never drunk rum again. And by the way, I lived.

My blood alcohol level must have been ridiculous.
2002-08-26 01:41:15 AM  
Yeah I already forgot the good ones. The usuall, Mexico, lots of alcohol, having some native sucker punch my buddy, getting into a huge bar fight, walking 5 miles along a Mexican highway, having a cabbie with 2 15 year old girls ask if we needed any Suki-Suki. She even sounded like the asian girl in Full Metal Jacket. Suki-Suki must just be universal. Good Times.

oh yeah I had to respectfully decline, I'd guess they were 15 and they looked 15. Now if they were 15 and looked 17/18 we would of been in buisness. Although they probably would of just drove us out of town, shot us and left us in the desert.
2002-08-26 01:41:38 AM  
That would be a quarter of the way into a bottle of 141-proof.
2002-08-26 01:41:45 AM  
I went to Star Wars, the first, in the seventies or so. (I'm in Canada on the west coast, so it isn't really a drinking story.)

While waiting in line, I looked over at the popcorn machine, and I saw a row of Storm Trooper boots along the wall. It was like they took their boots off so they wouldn't get the carpet dirty, and they were waiting patiently until the movie started so they could get their boots on again.

2002-08-26 01:41:54 AM  
My name is Ron.
And I am an alcoholic.

Now which story do you want to hear?
The one in which I managed to get thrown in jail during Mardi Gras in New Orleans? Or the one where I was so drunk that i told a policeman that I did not want a breathalizer as they tend to be inaccurate. I demanded a blood test. For those interested it turned out to be .22, which is not just drunk but painfully drunk.

Lemme know I'll recount one or the other. Those are the only two that ended with a trip to the pokey. Some other good ones in between. Quit after the DWI.
2002-08-26 01:43:04 AM  
for voting please refer to previous post.
2002-08-26 01:43:39 AM  
Joe drinks.
Friendly girl decides she must sleep with drunk Joe. "Do you have a place we can go?"
Joe lives with his parents (he's 19 ferchrissake) so thats out. But in his drunken, fevered, teenage, libidenous mind he remembers his friend (who has his own apartment) is out of town. "Yea, I got a place, babe"
Joe and friend head to apartment. Front door is locked, of course so they head around to back door. No luck. "Are we locked out?" she says is a breathless voice, a little disappointed?
"No problem" Joe says as he takes one step back and KICKS IN HIS FRIENDS DOOR.
Joe and the friendly girl proceed to do many friendly things for a long, long while in several rooms and on top of many pieces of furniture. Neatness is not foremost in their minds. Rutting is.
Joe and the Miss Friendly leave the ransacked apartment after about 6 hours of friendship.
Three days later, Joe is going to meet his friend who has returned from his trip and fess up for the imposition (It never occurs to 19 year old Joe to clean up his mess as he can be a bit of an obnoxious arsehole). But Joe is troubled to see the police cars parked in front of his friends apartment. Joe decides to just call the next day instead.
"Dude, somebody farking tore up my place! What kind of arsehole who do something like this?" Joe's friend asked when he phoned.
Joe lent his friend his full support and even nobly offered to come and help him clean it up (but, dangit, he and his mom had already done after the cops had left).
To this day (10+ years later) Joe's friend has no idea.
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