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(940 Montreal)   Montreal city worker ruins bar mitzvah by making rude comments, stealing and trying to sell stuff. Then things get weird   (940news.com) divider line
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7443 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 May 2007 at 1:25 PM (11 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



58 Comments     (+0 »)
 


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2007-05-11 11:17:46 AM  
For such a short article, it definitely had a surprise ending.

How do you not lead with that part?
 
2007-05-11 11:44:15 AM  
[image from us.ent4.yimg.com too old to be available]
O RLY?

/ooooh, bar mitzvah...
 
2007-05-11 01:25:03 PM  
Montreal city worker ruins bar mitzvah by making rude comments, stealing and trying to sell stuff. Then things get weird

Jokes a'plenty.
 
2007-05-11 01:29:15 PM  
Charness also got into an argument with the bandleader who suffered a heart attack and was clinically dead

Hope the guy doesn't develop a craving for brains.
 
2007-05-11 01:30:16 PM  
If this was in the US...he would have got 962 million
 
2007-05-11 01:30:20 PM  
Daaammmmmmnnnnnn. When that guy sets out to ruin a party, he really ruins a party.
 
2007-05-11 01:31:22 PM  
The Aristocrats!
 
2007-05-11 01:31:45 PM  
What a dumbass! The last guy I know to argue with the clinically dead got his brain eaten.
 
2007-05-11 01:31:50 PM  
Dan Fogelberg unavailable for comment.
 
2007-05-11 01:31:57 PM  
[image from friedmanarchives.com too old to be available]

~~ i ate a bacon sandwich for lunch. it was yummy
 
2007-05-11 01:32:15 PM  
[image from farm1.static.flickr.com too old to be available]

Seems like there's one in every crowd. Wait, dad?
 
2007-05-11 01:32:41 PM  
Buuuut, "he was resuscitated by Neumann."

/I got better!
 
2007-05-11 01:33:01 PM  
Charness also got into an argument with the bandleader who suffered a heart attack and was clinically dead

Why did the lawyer get into an argument with the band leader and kill him?

/confused
 
2007-05-11 01:33:19 PM  
[image from farm1.static.flickr.com too old to be available]

Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.
 
2007-05-11 01:33:46 PM  
Man I love it when the hometown hits fark!

Especially with a classy story like this...

/we don't get much bestiality up here so we do what we can
 
2007-05-11 01:34:46 PM  
Wait. Is this Charness guy the doctor's lawyer or the bar mitzva crashin' guy's lawyer?

Charness also got into an argument with the bandleader who suffered a heart attack and was clinically dead.

The lawyer got into an argument that nearly killed the bandleader?

That's some hardcore lawyerin'.
 
2007-05-11 01:35:45 PM  
I'm with you, Turfshoe. All I know is that if I ever fark up, I'm hiring this Charness guy.
 
2007-05-11 01:37:47 PM  
Charness also got into an argument with the bandleader who suffered a heart attack and was clinically dead

Wait... was he dead before he got in the argument?

And if so, why is Hotblack Desiatto doing Bar Mitzvas???
 
2007-05-11 01:38:33 PM  
Wow, this is one of the very rare "And then things got weird" headlines that was warranted.

Impressive.
 
2007-05-11 01:38:36 PM  
Charness also got into an argument with the bandleader who suffered a heart attack and was clinically dead. But he was resuscitated by Neumann.

That's a much more interesting story if you assume the bandleader was clinically dead before the argument.
 
2007-05-11 01:40:23 PM  
That's some fine editting, Lou.
 
2007-05-11 01:41:57 PM  
I told you Montreal was a party town!
 
2007-05-11 01:42:51 PM  
FTFA --
*...bandleader who suffered a heart attack and was clinically dead. But he was resuscitated by Neumann.*

Neumann RAISED THE DEAD !!!!
 
2007-05-11 01:44:19 PM  
tcaptain
Man I love it when the hometown hits fark!

Is this Charness guy like a legendary lawyer up there or something? Judging by the article, he can actually argue someone to death. People must piss themselves when they're on the witness stand.
 
2007-05-11 01:46:13 PM  
"Charness also got into an argument with the bandleader who suffered a heart attack and was clinically dead. But he was resuscitated by Neumann."

Most poorly. Written. Article. Ever.
 
2007-05-11 02:06:24 PM  
If you ever have a heart attack, a posh bar mitzvah is the place to do it. You get resuscitated and have lawyers waiting to take your case.
 
2007-05-11 02:06:47 PM  
"His lawyer Jordan Charness says the employee..."

"Charness also got into an argument with the bandleader..."


So the lawyer got into an argument with the bandleader? I can't really see how that would be the city employee's fault, unless he was doubling on trombone at the time...
 
2007-05-11 02:07:11 PM  
Charness is the lawyer the local TV stations go to when they need a talking head on a legal issue. He's a little, meek fellow so I doubt he gave anybody a heart attack. Had him in my office a few years back when he tried to take a dotcom public. I'll probably get sued for saying that.
 
2007-05-11 02:12:38 PM  
This sounds like the next Adam Sandler movie.
 
2007-05-11 02:19:18 PM  
I agree with, Three-Legged Dog; Hotblack Desiatto must have been the dead band leader. The whole thing did turn into a Disaster Area, didn't it ?
 
2007-05-11 02:20:19 PM  
chrisco123: [Charness is] a little, meek fellow so I doubt he gave anybody a heart attack. Had him in my office a few years back..... I'll probably get sued for saying that.

Did you bend him over your desk? :)

/I love Montreal stories 'cos I get to see who the other Montreal Farkers are.
// Fiance writes for the Gazette, so I submit her stories from time to time.
 
2007-05-11 02:22:28 PM  
Does the south-shore count as Montreal ?
 
2007-05-11 02:23:56 PM  
Oops, meant fiancee, not fiance.

We should have a Montreal Fark party this summer.
 
2007-05-11 02:25:22 PM  
No, only the island counts as Montreal
 
2007-05-11 02:28:18 PM  
Une ile une ville, eh ?
 
2007-05-11 02:28:48 PM  
A filthy, ignorant, rude french Canadian?!? Nooooooo waaaay!!
 
2007-05-11 02:48:42 PM  
Lady MacPalmer might be impressed with that lawyer.
 
2007-05-11 02:54:50 PM  
Bug2k: /I love Montreal stories 'cos I get to see who the other Montreal Farkers are.

Yeah, it's nice. It's also useful for spotting the racist dumbasses. For example:

Jake Steed: A filthy, ignorant, rude french Canadian?!? Nooooooo waaaay!!

Tell me, Jake Steed:, did that article really mention that the city worker was a French-Canadian?

/I like the idea of having a Fark party in Montreal this summer.
 
2007-05-11 02:55:27 PM  
does this make more sense?

"Charness [said the employee] also got into an argument..."
 
2007-05-11 03:14:43 PM  
Then things get weird

There are Jews in Canada?
 
2007-05-11 03:15:07 PM  
does this make more sense?

"Charness [said the employee] also got into an argument..."


Yeah, it does and you're probably right. But it's funnier the other way and this is fark, so....omfg lawyerz guy kilt teh band dood!!1!!1!!
 
2007-05-11 03:21:32 PM  
Trivia Jockey: There are Jews in Canada?

Don't tell me you never heard of the almighty Tatsuma!
 
2007-05-11 03:23:06 PM  
Well if its going to be that type of party, I'm going to stick my dick in the mashed potatos.
 
2007-05-11 03:34:12 PM  
The Duke of Carrot Flowers
Trivia Jockey: There are Jews in Canada?
Don't tell me you never heard of the almighty Tatsuma!


Tatsuma is a Jewnadian? I always thought he was a Voltron-like entity constructed from matzah balls in a secret Israeli government lab.
 
2007-05-11 03:37:27 PM  
Doctor Funkenstein: Tatsuma is a Jewnadian? I always thought he was a Voltron-like entity constructed from matzah balls in a secret Israeli government lab.

Well, I didn't say he was born Canadian. I said that he currently resides in Canada. Given his history on Fark, I would say that your theory holds water.
 
2007-05-11 04:05:03 PM  
A Fark Montreal party would be great.
99% of our city workers are french-speaking. And unionised. And you can guess the rest.
My favourite picture on the front page of the Gazette (newspaper) ever was of the 4 city employees asleep in the pickup truck (4 doors), with a box of donuts on the dashboard, and the engine running (it was winter and you could see the tailpipe steam). Their excuse was they had a flat tire and they were waiting for someone to come and help them. They were 20 feet from a garage and a few blocks away from their own depot. This was about 5 years ago...
 
2007-05-11 05:27:30 PM  
The Duke of Carrot FlowersIt's also useful for spotting the racist dumbasses. For example:
Jake Steed: A filthy, ignorant, rude french Canadian?!? Nooooooo waaaay!!


How is that racist? I think the french have a different concept of what race is than everyone else, perhaps its something owing to the origin of the term, but the term "racist" and "racism" is generally applied to race in terms of skin colour and other obvious deliniations, not language and culture. I dunno, it just seems like theres another word that should be used. Or rather, the term racist is thrown out too easily by you Quebequers when a more relevant word should be considered.

Like, for example, if he had said, "A filthy, fat, ignorant, rude American" Is that racism? It's ascribing to a certain group of people certain unappealing characteristics, which may or may not be true in general, but insults too broadly a group of people to be relevent.

It's just a pet peeve of mine when French people say insulting french people is racism. Especially when I hear many prominent French people ascribe derogatory terms like "Anglo" and generally act ignorant of their own racism that might be self justified by historical abuse. Then again, maybe I've overanalysed things.

Tell me, Jake Steed:, did that article really mention that the city worker was a French-Canadian?

Are you serious? A unionised city worker in Quebec.. And you're questioning whether he's French-Canadian? Certainly its not mathematically impossible that he's not, and it shouldn't really matter, as the important thing is that he is a unionized socialist nutjob, not that he's a french Canadian, but c'mon. We all know he probably is.
 
2007-05-11 05:48:53 PM  
Goy Vey!
 
2007-05-11 05:53:01 PM  
Somebody trying to get there money back for a bar mitzvahs? Uhhhm.....welllll....Not even going to go down that road someone else like to oblige?
 
2007-05-11 05:54:46 PM  
I thought Tatsuma was American. Certainly has some views skewing towards the hawkish.

Anna Nicole Smith crashed a bar mitzvah in 1997, and danced with the bar mitzvah boy. I think that was during the Hot Anna Nicole area, so that was one lucky boy.

/only had that mousey blonde chick from my English class at my bar mitzvah
/slow-danced with her
/greatest moment of my 12-year-old life
 
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