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(Right Wing News)   America isn't an empire, it's the planet's designated driver   ( divider line
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4885 clicks; posted to Main » and Politics » on 22 Aug 2002 at 4:29 AM (20 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook

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2002-08-21 9:00:35 AM  
2002-08-21 2:41:59 PM  
Heh...this outta be good.
2002-08-21 3:25:55 PM  
America's the designated driver, but our 'leader' has a history of DWI. I'm scared.
2002-08-21 5:35:29 PM  
We have to deal with the Aussie & British press, Israeli spies, New Zealand's anti-nuclear policy, Russia's sales of nuclear material to our enemies, Canada's desperation to prove that they're not just 'America North'

Damn those Kiwis for being against the most destructive force ever discovered!! Damn them all to hell!!

As for Canada, we don't need to prove anything. It's not that hard to tell Canucks from Yanks, it's just that we're not conviniently 'colour coded' like the rest of the world to tell us apart.
2002-08-21 6:37:24 PM  
And the answer why is
"We say so."
2002-08-21 9:19:17 PM  
If I understand the analogy correctly, I think that makes me the kid in the back seat saying:
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
2002-08-22 2:39:24 AM  
S, that reminds me of this Fark headline: Uruguay calls Argentina names. Paraguay wants to stop for ice cream. Brazil threatens to turn car around.
2002-08-22 4:34:11 AM  
do we really need military bases in europe? i mean...they act as if europe is defensless without us, and that everyone is trying to attack them if we wern't there. Arghhh...evil right wingers get a clue.
2002-08-22 4:37:35 AM  
yeah, just a damn shame the guy behind the wheel just stole his dads station wagon and ran over the neighbours struggling, famine ridden third world nation.
2002-08-22 4:40:21 AM  
The article said we should care about the Middle East. My Question is Why?
2002-08-22 4:41:04 AM  
To be honest, the rest of the world is a throbbing pain in our neck. We don't "need" them. I mean, not like they need us. Heck, if it weren't for us, all of Europe would be wearing swastikas and speaking German right about now, hailing the fuhrer. Africa would be a mass graveyard. All of Asia would be one huge (and communist) "China." There certainly wouldn't be a South Korea, nor a Japan... America is the best thing to happen to the planet, plain & simple.
2002-08-22 4:43:52 AM  
"Now, If you kids don't stop your fighting and complaining, I SWEAR TO GOD, I'm driving this mother farker right off a cliff. And you spoiled brats should also know that I'M NOT KIDDING THIS TIME! ! ! !"
2002-08-22 4:44:27 AM  
I totally agree with AynRandIsGod.

Granted, I make fun of all aspects of American life, it's leaders, etc... But, hell, they give us the freedom to do so. The United States rocks, and I am proud to live there.
2002-08-22 4:48:16 AM  
AynRandIsGod! : To be honest, the rest of the world is a throbbing pain in our neck. We don't "need" them.

Yep, it's not like the US needs oil or anything...

How quickly the trolls forget that if it wasn't for the Brits, Americans would probably be speaking Dutch.
2002-08-22 4:50:50 AM  
Ah, there's nothing like YellowTimes followed by RightWingNews.

As for the Middle East, I try not to care, but I still get pissed off when the Palestinians blow people up, or the Israelis go stab some 14-year-old. My view is, pretty much. fark it. They're all scum, and they're all farked, and I'm glad I don't live there.

And yeah, the U.S. is cool, though right now I'm very pissed off with it.
2002-08-22 4:51:03 AM  
Ah, America.

Truly an astounding country.

While some people in the country condemn us and call us the Great Satan, others lie, cheat, and steal to get in to reap what they see as great benefits. Love us or hate us, there is no ignoring.

Is America the oldest country around? No. Is it the STRONGEST? Yes. Did it get that way by being as nice and nonexpansionist as it would like other countries to be now? Of course not! We did our own lying, cheating, and stealing 200 years ago, and now we play all high and mighty. For a long time, it seemed to me that America was the teenager of the world: young, arrogant, and not giving a flying goddamn WHAT anybody else thought, except for a few friends chosen for their sympathetic views. Now, America has become the middle aged parent: feeling the need to protect the status quo, and insisting that everybody else play nice--denying all the hell that was raised in its own formative years. Do as I say...because I said so.
2002-08-22 4:51:29 AM  
If you believe we have a right to do whatever we want, there's probably a few middle eastern tyrannies that share that belief that you can live with.
2002-08-22 4:52:05 AM  
AynRandIsGod! - gotta agree with you on all your points, but...

Doing a lot of right things doesn't give you the right to turn around and do a lot of stupid, wrong shiat 1, 5 or 50 years later and then go "If it wasn't for us you'd be speaking german, neener, neener, so stfu and let us do what we want."

Or do you expect to be allowed to punch someone you don't like since you gave to charity earlier? and hear no complaints?. USA isn't *perfect* ya know :)
2002-08-22 4:58:54 AM  
blah blah blah...."if it wasn't for us you'd be speaking German".....I hate that argument. Not only because its wrong.

The American's didn't defeat Germany in WWII. The Russians did...almost singlehandedly, as the Allies liked to shortshaft aid to them (and even delayed the opening of a second front so as to extend their "let fascism and communism wipe each other out" policy) in one was easily the most massive conflict between two nations in human history.
2002-08-22 5:00:10 AM  
Actualley, "let fascism and communism wipe each other out" seems like an excellent policy.
2002-08-22 5:00:26 AM  
Canada aughta invade... what with our.... toque slinging... and.... broken hockey stick jabbing....

Well we can at least cut off their lumber and oil and power..... (we give the US more oil than the Middle East, ya know, and we power significant portions of some of the higher states....)
2002-08-22 5:01:25 AM  
" Oh and how sweet it would be to tell the United Nations and everyone in the EU except for Britain to take a hike."

A ignorant, yet utterly classic statement straight out of middle-class America. Strikes me as something Homer Simpson might say (Or some other sitcom dad a cut above intelligence wise).
2002-08-22 5:02:43 AM  
I love it when the Yellow Times or Right Wing News reduce the world situation to a neat little diatribe, which ignores all the facts apart from the ones that make the point they're trying to get across. Articles from these sites should automatically have an amusing tag, they're almost self-satirising. I just hope like shiat nobody seriously believes it.
2002-08-22 5:05:15 AM  
"The American's didn't defeat Germany in WWII. The Russians did...almost singlehandedly, as the Allies liked to shortshaft aid to them (and even delayed the opening of a second front so as to extend their "let fascism and communism wipe each other out" policy) in one was easily the most massive conflict between two nations in human history."


That is exactly what someone who is more informed about WW2 then the average American might say so offhandedly. The truth is however, very different. Whether or not you will have the time or inclination to broaden your knowledge of World War II is a tenuous bet, but rest assured that the more one learns, the more they tend to come around to the opinions they held before they knew anything. So, I won't even bother rattling off a post which would only appeal to a scholar (this is fark afterall!) and just let you know how very wrong you are...

Without America entering WW2, Fascism would have emerged in one form or another, indisputably dominant. Most serious scholars agree.
2002-08-22 5:06:34 AM  

I believe everything the internet says.
2002-08-22 5:06:38 AM  
Bleh. I just have to say.... Read "The Creature from Jekyll island"

You'll be just like me then.... :)
2002-08-22 5:08:09 AM  
If the United States had wanted an empire, we would have kept Mexico and Cuba after the Spanish and Mexican Wars. We also would have gotten around to taking Canada during WWII. But we don't have to do that. We do just fine screwing up other countries for our own gain. We have enough oil for our own country to power ourselves for a good while. We also have the technology to get off of fossil fuels, which we would get around to using when we ran out.
2002-08-22 5:09:42 AM  
Also, the US and England made the second front once Russia seemed to be winning, so they could keep communism out of at least part of Europe.
2002-08-22 5:11:30 AM  
Australia's press is the worst thing you could come up with about us?

Good example of how good allies we are. Not like those whining French
2002-08-22 5:18:13 AM  

My, what a pompous, condescending, pretentious git you are. Would you care to back up your assertation? I am a former history major, after all, so reading and writing thesis' that ponder what-if scenarios of historical significance is nothing new to me. Quite the contrary, its a personal specialty.

Suffice to say, the Russian winter did more damage to the German army than France, Germany, and America combined. Saying that America's involvement helped Russia defeat Germany is like saying Australia's involvement in the Pacific Theatre helped America defeat Japan.

And Fascism was already in place in Europe long before the European Theatre of operations already started, I'm sure you'll agree. As for the war itself--it started in 1933.
2002-08-22 5:19:22 AM  
they have the internet on computers now?
2002-08-22 5:19:41 AM  
08-22-02 04:34:11 AM Caitiff
"do we really need military bases in europe? i mean...they act as if europe is defensless without us, and that everyone is trying to attack them if we wern't there. Arghhh...evil right wingers get a clue."

I agree totally with this sentiment. Over the last few centuries, Europe has not really had any external enemies threatening our home soils. Most of those states currently hostile towards European states, seem to be more pissed off at our friendship with the US (and actions taken due to that friendship), than at anything much else.

Now, just to make my point of view clear once and for all (I say quite a few not so nice things about the USA in my posts here):

I have no problem with the USA, they have been great friends to Europe in the past, and will continue to be, with the inevitbale hiccups and episodes, for the forseeable future. I have big problems with their current administration, especially the "on our side, or on the terrorists' side" mentality. This leaves little room for being on the side of rational thought.
2002-08-22 5:20:42 AM  
errr...that should say "France, Britain, and America combined"
2002-08-22 5:21:42 AM  
This desreved the Obvious tag

Face up to the fact that all things considered; all factors added up together. The United States of America is basically the most proud, free and great nation to ever grace the earth
2002-08-22 5:23:31 AM  
Heh. Guess that is what I get for working in a bookstore.
"Fark You, you bookworm!"

.. Just hope the coder chix find me sexy.....
2002-08-22 5:24:00 AM  
And Ishkur

Australia helped defend itself as well as assist in other regional defences, now that wasn't all for nothing

Ishkur: And as for the USA, even if they didn't make a difference as you think, if they hadn't entered the war, Germany would have become totally communist, probably along with France and Italy in a while

Canadian = Spiteful inferiority complex
2002-08-22 5:28:02 AM  
Stupid RWN.... Woke up the trolls....
2002-08-22 5:28:47 AM  
wonder what cracker whore is up too..... hmmm.
2002-08-22 5:34:53 AM  
There's an old saying that springs to mind: Pride goeth before a fall.

Every great empire thought they were invincible and would last forever. The Greeks, the Romans, the Brits ("The Sun Never Sets On The British Empire!"). I wonder how long the American Empire will last?

Oh, and Chrisifia, *rofl*, but you forgot the /sarcasm tag on your 5:21am post.
2002-08-22 5:39:53 AM  
I'm saving up to buy a small Pacific island somewhere far, far away from everywhere else cos I can't take any more of this crap. Any takers? Preferably female. Carpentry skills a plus.
2002-08-22 6:07:30 AM  
(non-arrogant post ahead)

Cultural Differences Explained

Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.
Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.
Americans: Believe that people should look out for & take care of themselves.
Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job.

Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.
Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.
Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.

Aussies: Are extremely patriotic to their beer.
Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.
Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them.
Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem.

Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.
Canadians: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels.
Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch four channels.
Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no-one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.

Americans: Love to watch sports on the idiot box.
Brits: Love to watch sports in stadiums so they can fight with other fans.
Canadians: Prefer to actually engage in sports rather than watch them.

Americans: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball, and basketball.
Brits: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer, and rugby.
Canadians: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice, playing baseball.
Aussies: Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms in every sport they play them in.

Americans: Spell words differently, but still call it "English".
Brits: Pronounce their words differently, but still call it "English".
Canadians: Spell like the Brits, pronounce like Americans.
Aussies: Add "G'day", "mate" and a heavy accent to everything they say in an attempt to get laid.

Brits: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
Aussies: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
Americans: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country.
Canadians: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country.

Americans: Drink weak, pissy-tasting beer.
Canadians: Drink strong, pissy-tasting beer.
Brits: Drink warm, beery-tasting piss.
Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it.

Americans: Seem to think that poverty & failure are morally suspect.
Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect.
Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success and failure are inherited things.
Aussies: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.

Canadians: Encourage immigrants to keep their old ways, and avoid assimilation.
Americans: Encourage immigrants to assimilate quickly, and dump their old ways.
Brits: Encourage immigrants to go to Canada or America.

Canadians: Endure bitterly cold winters, and are proud of it.
Brits: Endure oppressively wet & dreary winters, and are proud of it.
Americans: Don't have to do either, and couldn't care less.
Aussies: Don't understand what inclement weather means.

Aussies: Have produced comedians like Paul Hogan and Yahoo Serious.
Canadians: Have produced many great comedians, like John Candy, Martin Short, Lorne Michaels (SNL producer), Jim Carrey, Michael O'Donohue (SNL writer), the Kids in the Hall, Dan Akroyd, and all the rest at SCTV.
Americans: Think that these people are American!
Brits: Have produced many great comedians, but Americans ignore them because they don't understand subtle humor.

Brits: Are obsessed with the Queen, and royal family peccadilloes.
Americans: Are obsessed with the President, his family, and even their cat.
Canadians: Would gladly settle for Prince Charles having an affair with a Canadian girl.

Brits: Are justifiably proud of the accomplishments of their past citizens.
Americans: Are justifiably proud of the accomplishments of their present citizens.
Canadians: Prattle on about how some of those great Americans were once Canadian.
2002-08-22 6:09:02 AM  
Bluefrogprince: I'm Australian: it's 8pm here. And what I said wasn't sarcastic
2002-08-22 6:15:17 AM  
shiat, didn't know it was that long. =/
2002-08-22 6:16:20 AM  
You're true on the alcohol. America must be hell with 21 drinking age

you reckon the "g'day" thing will actually help me get laid somewhere? I doubt it

and Australian weather: Endure mild winters, warm summers and love it
2002-08-22 6:27:50 AM  

For a history major, you are terribly misinformed. Which suggests that you are bullshiatting me, or your definition of "history major" is that you passed it in high school.
2002-08-22 6:33:04 AM  
Yeah, and THATS why nobody likes us!

Were so goddamn high and mighty and yet we still do cruddy, embarassing things that we disagree on and make excuses for.
2002-08-22 6:37:59 AM  
Pull over dude, I gotta piss...and we need more beer. Wheres my lighter? Who farted? Im hungry? Watch out. Slow Down. Wheres the weed? Puff, puff pass , man come on. Are you sure you know how to drive? I think Im gonna be sick....

And on and on and around and around we go.
2002-08-22 6:41:47 AM  
Chrisifa : I'm an Aussie, but I don't believe you are. You live there, sure, but anyone who honestly believes that "Face up to the fact that all things considered; all factors added up together. The United States of America is basically the most proud, free and great nation to ever grace the earth" is most definitely NOT a true-blue Aussie. If the US is so great and proud and free, why aren't you living there?

Australians enjoy vastly more freedom than the Yanks, and we're just as proud - but without the blind obedience to our so-called "leaders". As for "great", that's totally subjective. Personally I don't think a country that imposes it's will on the rest of the world using the threat of military force comes anywhere near "great". If America was a person it'd be the fat, immature bully that goes around stealing everyone's lunch at school.

Oh, and it's 11:30am where I am - I was referring to the time that appears next to your name on your posts (but you knew that).
2002-08-22 6:45:00 AM  
Ikshu - You seem to forget two points:

1) The MASSIVE amount of aid the U.S. gave to Russia before we invaded. This included food, weapons, ammo, tanks, planes, trucks, etc., etc. As a history major you'd probably know that Russians nick-named American hams "the second front" and why they did so.

2) Without Montgomery driving the Nazis out of North Africa (with plenty of U.S. aid once again), the invasion of Italy and the invasion of Normandy the Russians would have had to face the undivided attention of Germany. They wouldn't have stood an ice cubes chance in hell.

All this while the U.S. was fighting a second front of our own in the Pacific. You can bet your sweet bippy that Russia would have also had to contend with the Japanese had we not been keeping them busy.

So your point, in retrospect, needs more consideration on your part.
2002-08-22 6:53:10 AM  
Bluefrogprince: I myself am a proud Australian, but that does not disqualify me in appreceating the United States. And what gives you the "blind following" impression of the US anyway?

By thw way, the reason i'm not living there is because i'm 17

but trust me i will be
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