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(Some Guy)   "Experts say it's too hard to fall over accidentally." In related news, the inability to fall down accidentally is a problem requiring expert intervention   (nashuatelegraph.com) divider line
    More: Amusing  
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5267 clicks; posted to Main » and Fandom » on 10 Apr 2007 at 5:10 PM (16 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



45 Comments     (+0 »)
 
2007-04-10 5:11:50 PM  
[image from longviewlibrary.org too old to be available]

Begs to differ.
 
2007-04-10 5:14:07 PM  
The trick is to miss the ground when you fall over.
 
2007-04-10 5:14:52 PM  
"Many of these incidents involve the excessive use of alcohol."

Sounds pretty easy to me.
 
2007-04-10 5:15:10 PM  
Damn it!
I knew the gods where out to kill me!
 
2007-04-10 5:15:33 PM  
fifthhorseman

The trick is to miss the ground when you fall over.

Well that reference was pulled out way sooner than I expected.
 
2007-04-10 5:16:40 PM  
fifthhorseman

No, that's the trick to flying.

The trick to falling over accidentally is drinking.
 
2007-04-10 5:17:01 PM  
Also begs to differ....

"I've fallen....and I can't get up"
[image from img.photobucket.com too old to be available]
 
2007-04-10 5:17:14 PM  
I bet I could convince someone to jump off a ship if I told them, "Go ahead dude. It's cool. I totally saw it on mythbusters. Just remember to keep flapping your arms."
 
2007-04-10 5:17:30 PM  
Also, "falling over" is not the same as "falling off a cruise ship," smitty.
 
2007-04-10 5:17:32 PM  
There is an art, it says, or rather, a knack to flying.
The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Pick a nice day, it suggests, and try it.
The first part is easy.
All it requires is simply the ability to throw yourself forward with all your weight, and willingness not to mind that it's going to hurt.
That is, it's going to hurt if you fail to miss the ground.
Most people fail to miss the ground, and if they are really trying properly, the likelihood is that they will fail to miss it fairly hard.
Clearly, it is this second part, the missing, which presents the difficulties.
One problem is that you have to miss the ground accidentally. It's no good deliberately intending to miss the ground because you won't. You have to have your attention suddenly distracted by something else when you're halfway there, so that you are no longer thinking about falling, or about the ground, or about how much it's going to hurt if you fail to miss it.
It is notoriously difficult to prise your attention away from these three things during the split second you have at your disposal. Hence most people's failure, and their eventual disillusionment with this exhilarating and spectacular sport.
If, however, you are lucky enough to have your attention momentarily distracted at the crucial moment by, say, a gorgeous pair of legs (tentacles, pseudopodia, according to phyllum and/or personal inclination) or a bomb going off in your vicinity, or by suddenly spotting an extremely rare species of beetle crawling along a nearby twig, then in your astonishment you will miss the ground completely and remain bobbing just a few inches above it in what might seem to be a slightly foolish manner.
This is a moment for superb and delicate concentration.
Bob and float, float and bob.
Ignore all considerations of your own weight and simply let yourself waft higher.
Do not listen to what anybody says to you at this point because they are unlikely to say anything helpful.
They are most likely to say something along the lines of, 'Good God, you can't possibly be flying!'
It is vitally important not to believe them or they will suddenly be right.
Waft higher and higher.
Try a few swoops, gentle ones at first, then drift above the treetops breathing regularly.
DO NOT WAVE AT ANYBODY.
When you have done this a few times you will find the moment of distraction rapidly becomes easier and easier to achieve.
You will then learn all sorts of things about how to control your flight, your speed, your manoeuvrability, and the trick usually lies in not thinking too hard about whatever you want to do, but just allowing it to happen as if it was going to anyway.
You will also learn about how to land properly, which is something you will almost certainly cock up, and cock up badly, on your first attempt.
There are private flying clubs you can join which help you achieve the all-important moment of distraction. They hire people with surprising bodies or opinions to leap out from behind bushes and exhibit and/or explain them at the critical moments. Few genuine hitch-hikers will be able to afford to join these clubs, but some may be able to get temporary employment at them.
 
2007-04-10 5:18:00 PM  
fifthhorseman

The trick is to miss the ground when you fall over.

Well the people in the article seemed to have worked out that trick.
 
2007-04-10 5:18:08 PM  
[image from ellenvandenberg.nl too old to be available]

This certainly helps me stumble, but oddly enough hardly ever fall over, unless pushed.
 
2007-04-10 5:18:09 PM  
i thought that said "in retarded news" which seems more appropriate
 
2007-04-10 5:18:35 PM  
On most cruise ships, fall over the railing and you will land on the deck below.
 
2007-04-10 5:19:23 PM  
Smitty fails to point out this is related to falling over the rails on a cruise ship for those obviously not R'ingTFA.
 
2007-04-10 5:20:00 PM  
FTFA: "At the end of March, a 22-year-old man and a 20-year-old woman went overboard the Grand Princess. They were found four hours later 150 miles off Galveston, Texas. Neither was seriously injured, and they asked the cruise line to keep their names and the circumstances that led to the fall private."

Celine Dion music was suspected to be involved...

"I'm King of the OH SHHHIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiii...."
 
2007-04-10 5:20:23 PM  
well i do stumble a lot more often than i actually fall.
 
2007-04-10 5:21:03 PM  
Chevy Chase unimpressed.
 
2007-04-10 5:21:05 PM  
Counter_Intelligent: Also, "falling over" is not the same as "falling off a cruise ship," smitty.

The headline is the same headline as on the actual article, which I'm willing to bet smitty did not write.
 
2007-04-10 5:22:34 PM  
Sixty percent of the 2,200 people who responded to the unscientific online survey said, "Yes, if you're drunk and stupid."


I think this response should be an option on every survey.
 
2007-04-10 5:23:29 PM  
MyNameIsNotMervGriffin
The headline is the same headline as on the actual article, which I'm willing to bet smitty did not write.

I'll take that bet.
 
2007-04-10 5:25:30 PM  
Counter_Intelligent: I'll take that bet.

You'd lose.

/smitty
 
2007-04-10 5:27:15 PM  
MyNameIsNotMervGriffin
You'd lose.

/smitty


Liar, liar, pants on fire.
 
2007-04-10 5:28:02 PM  
So all those times I thought I fell over accidentally, I actually fell over on purpose?

My GOD. The conspiracy against me has grown so vast, even I'M against me and I never knew! I'll have watch myself carefully from now on... Clearly I can't trust me anymore.
 
2007-04-10 5:42:07 PM  
Stupid submitter, I thought it was something cool like if you tried to put yourself off-balance in a way that made falling inevitable, your cerebellum would foil you. I doubted that, so I tested it. (Your brain resists, but it isn't hard to beat it.) That was kind of fun, but I was awfully disappointed when I clicked on the article.
 
2007-04-10 5:49:37 PM  
I liked the morning news people who alluded to the fact that the couple who went overboard were engaged in some sort of "adult activity".
 
2007-04-10 5:49:56 PM  
Boritom: FTFA: "At the end of March, a 22-year-old man and a 20-year-old woman went overboard the Grand Princess. They were found four hours later 150 miles off Galveston, Texas. Neither was seriously injured, and they asked the cruise line to keep their names and the circumstances that led to the fall private."

Celine Dion music was suspected to be involved...

"I'm King of the OH SHHHIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiii...."


exactly what I was thinking...
 
2007-04-10 5:52:17 PM  
Thank you Walker, that's what I came here to see.
 
2007-04-10 6:18:31 PM  
Shouldn't the description read "Still no cure for cancer.."?
 
2007-04-10 6:19:40 PM  
I must be a master at it.

2 years ago at Xmas I managed to fall over (after many drinks mind you) on a perfectly flat & dry surface and break my ankle badly enough to require a plate and 6 screws to put it back together.

9 months ago I managed to fall over (while stone cold sober) on grass and snap both my tibia and fibia requiring them to insert a rod from my knee to my ankle.

I'm gonna give it another 6 months or so then go for an arm :-)
 
2007-04-10 6:21:15 PM  
grackle
I thought it was something cool like if you tried to put yourself off-balance in a way that made falling inevitable, your cerebellum would foil you. I doubted that, so I tested it.


You are a very strange person.
 
2007-04-10 6:35:56 PM  
I once was a 22-year-old drunk man on the Grand Princess, so I am really getting a kick out of these replies...

/didn't fall overboard
//you'd have to be a dumbass
///big farkin' ship
 
2007-04-10 6:55:57 PM  
 
2007-04-10 6:58:52 PM  
I'm really good at falling over on purpose. The more it hurts, the more realistic it looks.
 
2007-04-10 7:08:21 PM  
I tend to fall down a time or three when I go camping. HICUPP!@!!
 
2007-04-10 7:09:22 PM  
"If you push something hard enough, it will fall over: Fudd's First Law of Opposition."

A cookie for the first person to identify it.
 
2007-04-10 9:34:09 PM  
quasimodem: A cookie for the first person to identify it.

Firesign Theatre.

You may deliver my cookie to me in person. My name is George; I live at 1600 W Pennslyvania Ave., Washington, D.C. Ask for me by name; be sure to wave your arms around a lot and scream so I'll know it's you.
 
2007-04-10 10:26:14 PM  
last summer, this guy johnny who bartends at the lake I stay at, was walking up some stairs holding a cigarette and a glass of whiskey/coke, he tripped and was determined to not spill his drink or lose his smoke. he did ok and didn't lose anything, but spent the remainder of the summer with his jaw wired shut. I don't know what kind of accident you call that but it was semi-intentional how he fell on his face...

johnny if you're a farker, see you soon asshat
 
2007-04-10 11:47:33 PM  
simpsonfan: Alfred Hitchcock once directed a TV episode about this.

that was actually a short story by Roald Dahl (same guy who wrote Charlie and the Chocolate Factory).
 
2007-04-11 12:00:15 AM  
Okay, I appreciate the trip down memory lane with the HHGTTG references. I can say definitively, however, that it is not hard at all to fall accidentally. I did it just last week, without even drinking anything. Of course, battling MS-induced dizziness while trying to avoid cats in the dark MIGHT have had something to do with it, but I digress...

That is the ONE good thing about MS, I get all the pleasure of being "drunk" without having to spend a dime on booze....

\not really good. I don't recommend it.
 
2007-04-11 1:48:10 AM  
Pinko_Commie: 2 years ago at Xmas I managed to fall over (after many drinks mind you) on a perfectly flat & dry surface and break my ankle badly enough to require a plate and 6 screws to put it back together.

9 months ago I managed to fall over (while stone cold sober) on grass and snap both my tibia and fibia requiring them to insert a rod from my knee to my ankle.


Crap dude, you got some sort of disease that makes your bones all brittle? I hope you're not some sort of mad genious.
 
2007-04-11 2:48:43 AM  
ejenkins1979: That is the ONE good thing about MS, I get all the pleasure of being "drunk" without having to spend a dime on booze....

Been there, done that, prefer the booze.
 
2007-04-11 3:22:15 AM  
Besides suicide, the most common reason that people fall overboard when they are on a cruise ship is because they are drunk. Personally, I've fallen accidently. In fact the last time I did was because someone had spilled something slippery on the floor at a supermarket & whatever it was blended in with the floor, so I didn't see it. I landed right on my arthritic knee & it hurt like crazy & was swollen by the time I got home. People were walking by me, totally oblivious to the fact that I was on the floor struggling to get up & in obvious pain. The store manager (bless him) got one of the employees to drive me home so I wouldn't have to take a half hour bus ride home & then walk from the bus stop to my apartment.

Lutwidge

While the woman walking away from the podium was out of line for lightly hitting the woman with the papers (or whatever they were supposed to be), the woman that got tapped was being a major drama queen & really over reacting. I can't believe that they thought they should call a doctor or have the woman doing the "hitting" arrested.
 
ABG
2007-04-11 10:06:47 AM  
Steven Tyler disagrees. Prepare to read a long story. Totally worth it.

Aerosmith were in a rut. They were playing the same concert over and over, and were bored of it, so they decided to mix it up a little by playing it in reverse order (in Berlin I think). Anyway, Steven Tyler was apparently so high (if you can believe it), that he forgot, played the first song, thought it was the last, and walked off stage. He then fell into the orchestra pit and knocked himself out, ending the concert.

Probably falls into the 'drunk and stupid' category
 
2007-04-11 2:44:15 PM  
Let's not forget Keith Richards falling out of a tree while on vacation in Fiji. Of course, this is Keith Richards, so God only knows what he had in his system when he fell.
 
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