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(   Wealthy man chooses heirs from phone book   ( divider line
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8541 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Jan 2007 at 5:49 PM (11 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

33 Comments     (+0 »)
2007-01-14 01:57:11 PM  
What's wrong with that? I choose my dates this way.
2007-01-14 03:53:09 PM  

Do be advised that sitting parked outside their homes with binoculars, raw meat, and a jar of Vaseline is not truly considered a "date."
2007-01-14 05:52:10 PM  
That's what I get for being unlisted.
2007-01-14 05:53:19 PM  
Wow, that's pretty unusual. Brb, phone's ringing...
2007-01-14 05:54:14 PM  
Pick me! Pick me!
2007-01-14 05:54:38 PM  
The crappy movie starring Nicholas Cage begins shooting next month.
2007-01-14 05:54:41 PM  
For a good heir, call Jenny - 867-5309
2007-01-14 05:55:20 PM  

Call me ignorant, but what's the raw meat for?
2007-01-14 05:55:39 PM  
The Nigerian Scammers are all going to register PO Boxes in Lisbon.
2007-01-14 05:57:45 PM  
My will specifies that everything I own and all the money in my accounts be completely burned in front of a crowd of homeless people in the winter time.

And they have to stand at least 100 feet back from the outermost edge of the blaze, so they can't enjoy the heat as much.

//but I wish I wasn't
2007-01-14 05:59:57 PM  
He hates the CANS!

2007-01-14 06:02:39 PM  
Sleestak loves Hayley Mills: The crappy movie starring Nicholas Cage begins shooting next month.

A minute after I read that I was flipping channels and saw Nick Cage and Bridget Fonda arguing about something wacky on Lifetime. I need to block that channel
2007-01-14 06:08:25 PM  
Vladimir Putin: Call me ignorant, but what's the raw meat for?

oh HO!! Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more, say NO MORE!!
2007-01-14 06:08:52 PM  
"Natural causes" at the age of 42? Hmmm.
2007-01-14 06:10:21 PM  
Herder: He hates the CANS!

Came in here just to see if anyone had made a Jerk reference yet, glad to see the Farkers haven't let me down...

/"Sounds like a typical bastard."
2007-01-14 06:12:12 PM  
25k Euros, a car, and a big apartment/condo?

I'm hoping the apt is worth several millions, otherwise there are going to be 70 disappointed folks out there...
2007-01-14 06:12:30 PM  
I had someone I work with try this approach. HR came around and made him assign someone to be the recipient of his default work-provided life insurance policy and 401(k) disbursement. Since he couldn't get out of doing the paperwork, he just grabbed a phonebook and selected someone at random.
2007-01-14 06:16:02 PM  
"Die, milkface!"

/M. Emmet Walsh FTW!
2007-01-14 06:30:42 PM  
FTFA: ...born into a wealthy Lisbon family in 1959 and never married or held a job. He led a solitary life spending most of his time indoors...
What a crappy life. He must have been batshiat crazy eccentric.
/Which just means he was batshiat crazy, except he was rich.
2007-01-14 06:32:58 PM  
Maybe I should list my phone number.
2007-01-14 06:33:12 PM  
I don't like paper work, nor lawyers, so I went with the guy that had the shortest will ever. The entire will was 3 words. "All to wife".

/Miller time.
2007-01-14 06:44:11 PM  
All these years of going by "Zyzynski, Xavier" are about to pay off.
2007-01-14 06:49:56 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2007-01-14 06:58:45 PM  
Iron Felix

IT is a a 12 room APT... that's a pretty nice size for an APT... and he also as a house too...
2007-01-14 07:14:05 PM  
Oliver Q Shagnasty : Maybe I should list my phone number.

Too farking late farker !
2007-01-14 07:18:10 PM  
I don't need to be his heir. The ashtray, this paddle game, and the remote control, and the lamp, that's all I need.
2007-01-14 07:20:41 PM  
Oh, and the matches, for sure. And that's all I need. The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, this magazine and the chair.
2007-01-14 07:36:58 PM  
You can't choose your heirs. Your devisees, maybe, but heirs are by operation of law.

/the more you know
2007-01-14 08:06:11 PM  
Before Fark, I remember a bit about a man who left his entire estate to whomever attended his funeral.

Three or four people signed the funeral book and they got his money. He had no family or heirs.

This is why I always sign the funeral book in legible handwriting.
2007-01-14 09:00:17 PM  
Friend of mine croaked recently, died watching TV in his easy chair.

He left the corpse to the local medical Examiner, to be donated for scientific study, ordered the remains to be cremated and his property distributed by living trust, which means it passes instantly. No courts, no lawyers--no taxes.

I asked about a funeral three days later, and was advised it had already been done.

That old guy did a hell of a good job, both before dying and after.

Food for thought, we all gotta go sometime.
2007-01-14 09:12:10 PM  
Farkers, look up the specifics of a LIVING TRUST:

Basically, it is a bill of sale, where I sell all my property to whomever I please, under the condition that I can use it as I wish all my life and revoke the deal any time, but when I croak it is all theirs.

*** It goes into effect immediately;

*** Saves a mint on lawyers' fees;

*** Cannot be effectively challenged in court;

*** Limits damages to $10 in cash if you lose.

You need to think of it like this: You WILL die some time soon, sooner than you want, that's for sure. So be a big boy, and make your plans.
2007-01-14 10:28:13 PM  
Making a will with no heirs is a difficult thing to do.

You basically have to choose between living relatives you may or may not have any relationship with and charities that you worry might waste the proceeds of your life well lived.

What this man did makes just as much sense as any other idea I have encountered.
2007-01-14 10:29:40 PM  
Dr. Fey:

It is a real date if you substitute your old school vaseline for some teriyaki flavoured lube that doubles as a tenderizer and marinade for the meat (which you cook afterward of course).
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