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(Some Weirded out Gal)   What's the weirdest thing ever said to you on a date? LGN, VE   ( google.ca) divider line
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17160 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Jan 2007 at 12:25 AM (11 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2007-01-14 01:35:41 AM  
"Do you want to visit the cadaver lab?"

- Said visiting a girl while getting a tour of her college. I declined.
2007-01-14 01:35:47 AM  
A chick once tagged me in the forehead with a dinner roll in the middle of eating, completely and utterly randomly, crowded restaurant even and on the first date. The weirdest part, she made me try on her dress before we made out later. What a wacko, good fun though.
2007-01-14 01:36:13 AM  
Alleyoop: //yep, she was a blonde
///my theory: boob size and I.Q. are inversely proportional

Oddly, I went after this girl who was a blonde with d-cups... yeah, turns out to be the smartest person I've ever met in my life. Genius doesn't begin to describe her.
2007-01-14 01:36:20 AM  
Unreconconfederate: In my youth I kid you not, etched in my brain forever. My first blind date in Houston, right out of college.

"Hi, I'm so and so...
Who do you work for? and other small talk about what I do, smoke?, drink?, drugs?

"I'm just two months pregnant."

Poor kid.

Don't feel bad. My now EX-wife informed me, after sex, less than 8 hours after we had met, that she was 3 months pregnant, and didn't know who th father was.

/Yeah, I was a very dumb, very horny kid.
//Not so dumb anymore
2007-01-14 01:36:26 AM  
"I think Linux is sexy. Can I blow you?"
2007-01-14 01:36:27 AM  
Great Janitor: "Is it totally wrong that I wanna fark that Esurance girl's animated brains out?"

Dude, I don't know about you, but a 2-dimensional girl with pink hair is a keeper in my book.
2007-01-14 01:36:33 AM  
understimulated: HomerSamson113: "Just so you know, I'm allergic to latex."

Hey I know her!!!

You both dated my wife's ex girlfriend?
2007-01-14 01:37:01 AM  
So, a friend of mine set me up on a blind date in my Boobies-marital dating situation.

I meet the date at a restaurant. She's HUGE. I mean, not like 200 lbs but almost Gilbert Grape-quality GIGANTIC. At least 325+lbs.

Okay fine, maybe deep down she's a swell person.

"Do you have kids?" she asks.

"Yes, I have two."

"That's wonderful! I'm not allowed around kids anymore, though," she says, wolfing down her sixth mozzarella stick.

She worked at a day care center, but then got arrested for leaving SIX KIDS IN A VAN while she went into a supermarket to BUY SNACKS.

"It was only for like ten minutes, tops, but some woman FREAKED OUT and called 911 on me. Are you going to eat those rolls?"

/first and last date
/needed to find my set-up "friend" and kill her, too.
2007-01-14 01:37:29 AM  
Not really something she said, but I once dated a girl whose snooch smelled like, I shiat you not, onions. I never called her back after that.
2007-01-14 01:37:32 AM  
She said, "I gave a State Senator a handjob at work. I mean it was an accident and all." She was a massage therapist, and this was 5 minutes in to our first date.
2007-01-14 01:37:46 AM  
met a girl at a bar in DC

her: "i'm going to meet my friend at so-and-so bar at xyz"
me: "ok, I'll meet you there in an hour"

littel did I know, it was a gay bar. and she was late.

PSA to single women: if you're going to have a guy meet you at a gay bar, you should at least warn him. and show up on time.

/not that there is anything wrong with that
2007-01-14 01:38:19 AM  
this is my interpretation of a story I heard from a friend in college.

her-" yea, just dont call me before 9pm because my boyfriend is on work release (from prison) and he could be home. He has anger issues."
2007-01-14 01:38:31 AM  
Cordwainer Deathbird: "You're so cute! I could almost stop being a lesbian for you!"

It's the almost that kills you, man.

"I'm not a lesbian...I'm bisexual!"

[image from img237.imageshack.us too old to be available]

Oh, snap!
2007-01-14 01:38:35 AM  
This thread is pretty good, but pales in comparison to the "What's the weirdest thing you've ever said or heard during sex?" thread. God that was good.
2007-01-14 01:39:05 AM  
So, a friend of mine set me up on a blind date in my Boobies-marital dating situation.

GREAT filter!
2007-01-14 01:39:57 AM  
"You can cum in me if you want, I had my tubes tied after my last abortion."

She said this while we were still out eating, I didn't let the date get that far.

"Most guys like me ticking my finger in their ass."

Yea well I don't, thats something you should prob ask about first. When you say most guys, it sounds like you have farked the whole trailer park.

"You were my first."

I didn't believe her but thats still something a bit odd to say to a guy right after sex. I would feel a bit guilty being someones first on a first date. It would explain why she wasn't all that good tho.

I have plenty more... the girls in this area are... strange.
2007-01-14 01:40:09 AM  
Gals Panic: She said, "I gave a State Senator a handjob at work. I mean it was an accident and all."

How come those kind of accidents never happen to me :(
2007-01-14 01:40:54 AM  
I want to meet about 35% of these chicks.

\\loves me some crazy poon
////hates me some next day recolections
2007-01-14 01:41:13 AM  
"Do you want to fist me?" I swear to god... I think I may have heard crazier though.. lemmie think
2007-01-14 01:42:37 AM  
"Listen.. Your cute, and smart, and I think I would like to fark your brains out, but I cant stand body hair..and from looking at your arms, you have a bunch. Can I shave you, then fark you?"

/never wear silk shirts waiting for chest hair to grow back.
//It was a hell of a ride though
2007-01-14 01:43:45 AM  
Are these date quotes only, or can we throw mid-coitus quotes in as well?
2007-01-14 01:43:51 AM  
i forgot one of my personal favorites.....

"Theres condoms behind the passenger seat, but you dont need to use one, and we have to be quick because I told my boyfriend I would have his car back by 11 so he could get to work"

didnt end up screwing her that night, but damn. She borrowed her boyfriends car to take me out for a date.
2007-01-14 01:44:00 AM  
He came out of the bathroom in a black satin teddy, fishnet thigh highs, and a black spiky wig and said "I like to dress up like Cher."

It freaked me right out.

/I met him while raising money at student senate for the GLBA bus trip to the gay rights rally in DC- he was on the finance comittee, I was president of GLBA.
//He was from the midwest. Seemed so normal.
///But he wasn't. He told me he thought I'd understand, because I 'was freaky too." Yeah, not that freaky, bro.
2007-01-14 01:45:27 AM  
2007-01-14 01:43:45 AM Shadow Blasko

any funny quote is good with us
2007-01-14 01:46:08 AM  
"You cant stick anything in me tonight, I dont have my surgery for another two weeks." Apparently this chick had some kind of undeveloped vaginal and was born without a uterus and some other important hardware. I just couldnt see myself waiting the other 6 months while she healed and I got to try out a 'fake vaginal.'
2007-01-14 01:46:08 AM  
"My ex-boyfriend told me my pussy smells bad."

/Upgraded to a room with a hot tub
2007-01-14 01:48:10 AM  
"call 911... no wait.. drive me to the hospital. Now"

/Mistress after a "cardiac event" during one of those "non-stop orgasm" events.
//Was fun explaining at the ER. The attending doc actually laughed and gave us both a "high five" for being honest, and entertaining.
///She was dehydrated, and had a medication reaction.
2007-01-14 01:48:10 AM  
Shadow Blasko: or can we throw mid-coitus quotes in as well?

I've got some good ones...

Like one day, we were getting into to telling these really bad jokes, like...

"Hey, ask me if I'm a tree."
"Are you a tree?"

And we were sober, but finding them totally hysterical. So, mid-coitus, she's er.. umm, you know, on her knees bent over, and I had this sandwich in my hand (don't ask... it was dinner time) and so, I put the sandwich down on her back, and kept going...

So she says,
"Hey, ask me if I'm a table?"
"Are you a table?"
"No! Now get that farking sandwich off my back"

I laughed myself flaccid.
2007-01-14 01:48:55 AM  
Shadow Blasko
Are these date quotes only, or can we throw mid-coitus quotes in as well?

Well, actually we'd all appreciate it if you could stick to the subject at ha-- YES FOR GOD'S SAKE MAKE WITH MID-COITUS QUOTES!
2007-01-14 01:49:09 AM  
"Jesus Christ.. you have a huge c0ck. I never would have thought.... "

Still seeing her. :)
2007-01-14 01:49:43 AM  
2007-01-14 01:48:10 AM Crackhead Ben [TotalFark]
2007-01-14 01:48:10 AM Shadow Blasko [TotalFark]

yessssss, mid-coitus quote simul-post
2007-01-14 01:49:58 AM  
Oh. Oh, this survey was made for me. I date headcases, exclusively.

Girl 1

After a brief makeout-session:
Her (upset): "Thanks a lot."
Me: ???
Her (sincerely annoyed, not joking): Now I'll never get to sleep tonight.

See, she'd gotten aroused, and being a good Christian, she couldn't do anything about it, for fear that the Lord would get pissed. So she was worried that she would be up all night crawling out of her skin like a cat in heat.

Girl 2

Her: "Ok Stop! Don't make me come!"
Me: ???
Her: "I'm saving it for my husband."
Me: "Just the orgasm?!?!"

Girl 3

Her (groggily, sweetly): "You can have sex with me, if it will help you sleep. Just try not to wake me up too much, ok?"

Girl 4

Two minutes after the condom broke:

Me: "Well, try not to worry too much right now."
Her: "Not worry? I could be pregnant with your child!!!"
Me: "Um, actually... no."

Girl 5

Her: "So my mom is making phallic salad tonight when you come over."
Me: "Ph... Wha?"
Her: "Oh yeah, it's great. There's a cucumber sticking up out of it, with a dollup of mayonaise on the tip of it. Dollup. I love that word. Dollup. Haha."
2007-01-14 01:51:43 AM  
Second date with a girl, and she just pops out and says "Can you build stuff?"

Me "Build stuff?"
Her "Yeah, like with wood and stuff."
Me "I guess so, my dad had a wood shop when I was growing up and I helped him do a few things with it. Why?"
Her "Because if we get married and have a daughter I want to know if you can build a playhouse for her."
2007-01-14 01:51:55 AM  
"Have you ever gotten a girl pregnant?"

2007-01-14 01:52:08 AM  
"Apparently, there are places called "coffee shops" where young persons can meet for a first date."

I think you may have been dating an alien.

Did they ask you how to do the thing that Earth people called love?
2007-01-14 01:52:20 AM  
me- "do you have a dog?"
her- "no, why?"
"Something is licking my foot"
"Oh, thats probably my roommate. She takes a lot of ecstacy, and gets kind weird some time. She's safe though"
"So... she's not going to stop then?"
"We can lock her in the bathroom if you want, but she's kinda fun in bed if you want her to join us"

/You can guess my answer.
2007-01-14 01:52:27 AM  
This thread is pretty good, but pales in comparison to the "What's the weirdest thing you've ever said or heard during sex?" thread. God that was good.

2007-01-14 01:53:00 AM  
My favorite is actually something I said once, and it's due to the fact that I have absolutely no filter between my brain and my mouth. I was dating a black girl I'd met at work, and when I kissed her for the first time she was very tentative, very restrained. I asked her what was wrong and she said, "I've never kissed a white man before."

So my rational mind sort of glazed over for a second and I said, "That's okay, I've done it dozens of times."

She started laughing so hard I thought she was gonna choke. But her kissing got much more relaxed after that. :)
2007-01-14 01:53:08 AM  
I worked in a restaurant, and used to casually date a lot of the wait staff. Not in a whorish sort of way to work through all the new T&A, but friendly. I take one of the nicer women out - picture her age 32, lives with her brother, cute face, adorable southern lilt in her voice, but a hugely out of proportion ass. Always wearing skirts, because pants are definitely not flattering to her figure. Halfway through dinner, she drops this gem of a conversation on me:

"I'm a virgin. My brother calls me the 32-year-old-fat-ass-virgin. I wouldn't do it on a first date, but I'd be kind of easy."

There wasn't a second date. She was ALWAYS having bad cases of cold sores and fever blisters around her mouth. She's not fooling me, that's herpes. Maybe a virgin, but definitely has the look like she's sucked miles of dick . . .
2007-01-14 01:53:26 AM  
I've been pretty hard up at times in life.
Never so hard up that I wanted to date a freaking virgin-masquerading ghoul.

Ok, now this one actually made me LOL. I think I woke up my wife.
2007-01-14 01:53:38 AM  
Her: You and me would never work out.

Woke up on her living room floor the next morning (naked).

That was 12 years ago, she is sleeping 10 feet away as I type this.

/one ticket please.
2007-01-14 01:53:49 AM  
The weirdest thing said to me on a date, and keep in mind this was a blind date and a first date, was "will you marry me?"

/no kidding.
//he was completely serious.
///he didn't get a second date.
////he was fifteen and I was sixteen.
2007-01-14 01:54:25 AM  
2007-01-14 01:46:08 AM tmoneycbe06

The word is VAGINA!
2007-01-14 01:54:46 AM  
This gem affects me to this day:

She was telling me a story from her previous job as a wedding planner. Her customer got pregnant three months before the ceremony, and wanted to wait until after the child was born because she didnt want to be pregnant in her wedding pictures. My date says to her "well, then get rid of it"

I could not contain my laughter
2007-01-14 01:55:57 AM  

"Apparently, there are places called "coffee shops" where young persons can meet for a first date."

I think you may have been dating an alien.

OOF! Swing and a-MISS!

/check the homepage bro
2007-01-14 01:56:57 AM  
Not so much a quote, but a rather embarrassing story (not really embarrassing for me)...

Met this chick on line and after a few months we finally hooked up. She had three little kids so I just went over to her place. It was late so her kids weren't up much longer (thankfully) and it wasn't long after that before we made our way to her queen sized bed. We farked a few times throughout the night. It was about 3 am, she was on her back, her legs in the air, ankles resting on my shoulders and given' 'er all I've got when it suddenly gets brighter in the room. Living with her and her kids was a red headed female roommate. I thought it was her (hoping really), and I'm an exibitionist. People have watched me have sex before, that this didn't phase me, I kept hittin' it until she looked over and told to stop, her seven year old son was standing in the door.

That killed the mood for about 10 minutes, then we started back up again.

I saw slept with her one other night and that was it. That was about 5 years ago. Every other girl I dated since who had children was smart enough to make sure that the kids weren't around when I showed up (they'd rather keep the kiddies out of the picture until they were certain or not if things were going to last).

Today I'm dating a girl who has never had children. Things are good.
2007-01-14 01:57:22 AM  
first date, at a basketball game- "What would you do if i jumped off a bridge?"

I ended up dating him another 6 miserable months.
2007-01-14 01:58:37 AM  
Cool Hand Luke


There ya go. No html for you:)
2007-01-14 01:59:15 AM  
ensign_noname: That was 12 years ago, she is sleeping 10 feet away as I type this.

Stalker. Go home and go to bed, it's cold out.

/no weird date stories
//must pick on others
2007-01-14 01:59:18 AM  
Shadow Blasko: /You can guess my answer.

Yes, please?
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