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(Slate)   Advice columnist lists the advice she gave in 2006 that provoked the most angry e-mails. The winner: Her suggestion that it's good for married couples to have kids   (slate.com) divider line
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16755 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Dec 2006 at 3:12 PM (16 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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rrtt22
2006-12-31 3:01:44 PM  
Political Correctness is alive and well.
You just have to thing the right way is all.
Thinking that two same sex parents is not good is akin to nazism.

Come and take me thought police, I have sinned
 
hillbillypharmacist
2006-12-31 3:02:56 PM  
I see someone has been drinking the Melodramaberry kool-aid.
 
untrustworthy
2006-12-31 3:09:51 PM  
rrtt22: Political Correctness is alive and well.
You just have to thing the right way is all.
Thinking that two same sex parents is not good is akin to nazism.

Come and take me thought police, I have sinned

[image from home.comcast.net too old to be available]
 
serutan
2006-12-31 3:14:43 PM  
The one about meth lab safety must have slipped through the cracks.
 
feepness
2006-12-31 3:14:44 PM  
I don't think it's good for married couples to have kids and I'm in a married couple and have kids.

It's nice to have kids but they are a lot of work and need to be well planned out. It's good for married couples to take a nice weekend trip together. Having kids needs to be done for more reasons than "it's good". Otherwise everyone loses... the parents... the kids... even society.

That said I wouldn't write an angry e-mail about it.
 
stellar_wench
2006-12-31 3:17:54 PM  
i have an 8 week old. someone needs to 'splain to Miss 1950s that people touching you w/o permission is a chargeable offense. It isn't "communal" its obnoxioius and wrong.
 
ciocia
2006-12-31 3:18:19 PM  
It's good for all people to do what they can to see that children born in our society are born and reared in loving, competent situations. For some married people, that could mean NOT having kids. Just because you love each other, it does not mean you love kids, or will be a good parent.
 
Great Caesar's Toast
2006-12-31 3:19:22 PM  
Two kids, that's all you should get. Try to be financially and emotionally prepared when you have them too, thnx.
 
Talondel
2006-12-31 3:19:44 PM  
Just because my wife and I decided to get married, why should we have to bear the burden of raising the next generation? The fact that people think married couples are somehow required to have kids, just for the good of the rest of society, is complete bullshiat.

I think it's time the singles and the homosexuals start taking on their own fair share of the work that is raising children. Stop asking the married heterosexuals to take care of everything for you!
 
andrethered1
2006-12-31 3:20:21 PM  
I think my parents were married when I was born
 
shipofthesun
2006-12-31 3:20:31 PM  
stellar_wench: i have an 8 week old. someone needs to 'splain to Miss 1950s that people touching you w/o permission is a chargeable offense. It isn't "communal" its obnoxioius and wrong.

If your 8 week old is touching you w/out permission, I'm guessing you have more problems than an advice columnist can help with in a single letter...
 
Shocktopus
2006-12-31 3:20:46 PM  
img.fark.net
 
carnage4u
2006-12-31 3:21:17 PM  
I wish everyone would stop having kids.. little brats bug the shiat out of me.
 
bigolstinger
2006-12-31 3:22:14 PM  
It's especially good for married goats to have kids.
 
surrenderyoursushi
2006-12-31 3:22:17 PM  
I don't particularly like kids. But I do want to get married (to someone who does not particularly like kids either).

And anyone who argues that kids solidify a relationship needs to crawl out from under their rock.

Kids are no anchor against divorce.
 
LyleDAL
2006-12-31 3:22:56 PM  
Tonsil Stones? (pops)

The human body ever ceases to amaze me with its ability to be disgusting.
 
synesthesia
2006-12-31 3:24:10 PM  
"I am concerned by the absence of any mention of a wedding in your letter. Are you going to continue to "date" the father of your child while you figure out if he's the guy for you? Yes, your baby was unplanned, but now you have to plan how to create a stable home in which to raise this child."

This is from the columnist's original response to the letter written by a woman concerned about telling her parents she's pregnant by her boyfriend of two years.

The columnist was by no means saying that children are good for married couples. She WAS however insisting that it's good for children if the parents are married. Sorry, lady, this is the 21st century. Household stability does not equate in marriage.

Oh, and what's up with taking the woman's original concern on a complete tangent?
 
educated [TotalFark]
2006-12-31 3:24:12 PM  
"Marriage and motherhood are two of the biggest steps a woman will ever take..."

I thought my biggest decision was lipstick color and whether the ivory or the seafoam green pillow shams went better with the curtains.
 
clifton
2006-12-31 3:25:42 PM  
rrtt22: Political Correctness is alive and well.
You just have to thing the right way is all.
Thinking that two same sex parents is not good is akin to nazism.

Come and take me thought police, I have sinned

It warms my heart that political correctness is still a working boogyman.
 
pianodave
2006-12-31 3:26:25 PM  
Absolutely. Kids are cute sometimes, but unless your goal is to have a family, you'll screw yourself if you go ahead and have them anyway.

People say the greatest happiness is that which comes with having children. Perhaps it's true, but that's not the happiness which I desire. My kind of happiness is spending the rest of my life with my best friend.
 
LyleDAL
2006-12-31 3:27:30 PM  
Talondel: I think it's time the singles and the homosexuals start taking on their own fair share of the work that is raising children.

We do.

Every time the parental types take a sick day to deal with a kid or have to leave the office early or can't work on the weekend. We singles and 'mos are definitely doing our share, thanks.

But that is a discussion for another thread.

/knows singles who decided to have kids alone
//knows gays that decided to adopt/breed kids of their own
///Won't ever have kids. They smell bad and make too much noise
 
ScubaRaf
2006-12-31 3:29:07 PM  
You can knock her advice if you like, but it was refreshing to read a linked aticle that was well written for once. Unlike my last sentence.

PS. Awesomeness of having kids >> work of having kids - for me
 
Mugato [TotalFark]
2006-12-31 3:29:39 PM  
I think people should adopt before they spawn and most people aren't suited for marriage but if you are going to raise a kid, yes, a married couple with a mother and father is the ideal situation. Any other situation and to paraphrase Chris Rock, you can do it but that doesn't mean it's to be done. Sorry, it's the truth.
 
Gone_Feral
2006-12-31 3:30:53 PM  
Talondel

I think it's time the singles and the homosexuals start taking on their own fair share of the work that is raising children. Stop asking the married heterosexuals to take care of everything for you!

Single man here. I don't have kids, and don't want them. I never asked you as a married heterosexual to have kids and raise them for me. If a childless married couple get to make that decision, how does it follow that a childless single person doesn't?

You were off to a good start with your first statement, but I don't see how you got to the second one. Care to 'splain, Lucy?
 
mesmer242
2006-12-31 3:31:50 PM  
synesthesia That's not the letter everybody's referring to. It's the second one down here: http://www.slate.com/id/2142625/
 
technicolor-misfit
2006-12-31 3:32:13 PM  
So, is this gonna be one of those threads in which all the oh-so-edgy and sanctimonious "I hate kids" people get to babble on all self-satisfied about "breeders" and "crotch-fruit" and behave as if their personal decision is the correct one for everyone with the same obnoxiously condescending certainty as the people who act like everyone should have kids?
 
timster
2006-12-31 3:32:43 PM  
Synesthesia, you've confused one reply with another. The statement that it's good to have kids was in response to a woman who asked how to tell people that she didn't want kids.
 
Mister Peejay
2006-12-31 3:33:45 PM  
surrenderyoursushi

I don't particularly like kids. But I do want to get married (to someone who does not particularly like kids either).

I find your ideas intriguing and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

/enough people squirtin' out litters that I find it irresponsible to have kids "just because"
 
estream
2006-12-31 3:34:02 PM  
I think it's time the singles and the homosexuals start taking on their own fair share of the work that is raising children.

Which begat....


We do.

Every time the parental types take a sick day to deal with a kid or have to leave the office early or can't work on the weekend. We singles and 'mos are definitely doing our share, thanks.

But that is a discussion for another thread.

On Friday I sent in the check for my property taxes and noted that a gigantic chunk of it is going towards public school funding. I don't have any children and don't plan on having them. I have no problem with this tax, regardless of the fact that I am not directly benefiting from it. Hey - I benefited from it as a product of public education. I also have no problem when my taxes fund other public services I don't directly use.

So...we tax-paying, single/child-less folks contribute to the raising/education of your children every year. Thanks for having them. Really. I am not ever going to so it is nice to know that the species will continue despite my enjoyment of my high disposable income and relative freedom.
 
puffy999 [TotalFark]
2006-12-31 3:34:16 PM  
Just because you're married, doesn't mean you "should" have kids.

You know who "should" have kids? People who WANT KIDS, who will also take the time out of their work schedule to raise their kids. People who are willing to find way to work with their employers to not just dump your children off to overpaid daycare centers, who do nothing more than make your kid a future ADD patient.
 
hillbillypharmacist
2006-12-31 3:34:41 PM  
technicolor-misfit: So, is this gonna be one of those threads in which all the oh-so-edgy and sanctimonious "I hate kids" people get to babble on all self-satisfied about "breeders" and "crotch-fruit" and behave as if their personal decision is the correct one for everyone with the same obnoxiously condescending certainty as the people who act like everyone should have kids?

And don't forget that breastfeeding in public is almost exactly like defecating in public.
 
rka
2006-12-31 3:35:53 PM  
My wife and I always get the "oh, but your life will change!" line when other people find out we don't want to have kids.

Well, my life would also change if I chopped off both my legs, but I don't feel like doing it for the sake of the experience alone.

I confronted one friend over that line by asking him if before he married a woman who already had a kid and then popping out a couple more before he realized what hit him, did *HE* go through life actually wanting kids?

The answer: No
 
Extractations
2006-12-31 3:35:57 PM  
So, is this gonna be one of those threads in which all the oh-so-edgy and sanctimonious "I hate kids" people get to babble on all self-satisfied about "breeders" and "crotch-fruit" and behave as if their personal decision is the correct one for everyone with the same obnoxiously condescending certainty as the people who act like everyone should have kids?

Probably.

It's why we love Fark, of course.
 
Resin33
2006-12-31 3:36:58 PM  
Did the submitter read the article? The issue wasn't that it is good for married couples to have children. It was her idea that if you are not married and get pregnant you should marry the father.

Completely different!! WTF?
 
Valatar
2006-12-31 3:37:01 PM  
RTFA, the woman didn't write that all married couples should start popping out babies; some girl got knocked up and the woman told her she should consider marrying the "lucky" daddy. I agree with her, insofar as daddy needs to be a fixture of the kid's life; numerous studies have shown that kids growing up in a home with both parents are much less farked-up than kids growing up with just one parent. That doesn't necessarily mean they have to tie the knot; an unmarried couple living together's pretty much the same as a married couple living together, but the kid definitely needs a father present.

Of course, if daddy is some drunk, drugged-out psycho, all bets are off.
 
puffy999 [TotalFark]
2006-12-31 3:37:04 PM  
technicolor-misfit
Do you mean the three people who actually do that?

The people you refer to USUALLY don't say "you can't have kids." They usually say "if you have kids, raise them instead of letting them run around screaming like idiots wherever you go." Then they say "I'll never have kids!"
 
JabbaTheButt
2006-12-31 3:37:52 PM  
I thought all the homosexuals were going to die of AIDS? How can they raise children when they gots da HIV?
I thought the negro's were also all dying of AIDS.

I'd go on against the jews and chinks, but I've overstayed my welcome in this goddammmn political correctness world.

I for one will always fight political correctness.
To me, PC=Lying. Say what you mean or shut up.

Done ranting now..
Go back to stroking yer peckers and I'll go back to f'ing your wife.
 
neonrisk
2006-12-31 3:38:36 PM  
I think the farkers who "never want to have kids" should wait until they aren't kids themselves before considering this issue.
 
puffy999 [TotalFark]
2006-12-31 3:39:21 PM  
And kids IMHO, could use two parents. Even if they aren't living together... unless daddy (or, rarely, mommy... or SO if an adoptive couple is not straight) is a horrible person, they should get to regularly visit and play with their own kids. It's helpful to development... in spite of what some single parents will say.
 
TrevorP
2006-12-31 3:39:33 PM  
Wow shes a farking nut job!
 
Redsrevenge
2006-12-31 3:39:40 PM  
Babies: Fun to make, more fun to eat.
 
Mister Peejay
2006-12-31 3:40:28 PM  
technicolor-misfit

So, is this gonna be one of those threads in which all the oh-so-edgy and sanctimonious "I hate kids" people get to babble on all self-satisfied about "breeders" and "crotch-fruit" and behave as if their personal decision is the correct one for everyone with the same obnoxiously condescending certainty as the people who act like everyone should have kids?

Why is it that any time someone has a different opinion, certain people assume that the first person thinks that is the correct way of thinking for everybody?

I don't want kids. You do. Fine. If it weren't for people having three or four or six kids each, then maybe I could justify bringing a new life into the world. Sadly, I see enough overpopulation that I cannot justify doing something so profoundly HUGE as bringing another person into the world just because it will "make me feel good" or "allow a reflection of myself to live on" or something else equally trite and, under the conditions, irresponsible.

If everyone shared this view, then I'd probably want to have children someday...
 
Oracle of Bandwidth
2006-12-31 3:40:33 PM  
What's up with the stomach touching thing?

That's really creepy, seriously I have the willies from this page.
 
The Duke of Carrot Flowers
2006-12-31 3:41:37 PM  
JabbaTheButt: I thought all the homosexuals were going to die of AIDS? How can they raise children when they gots da HIV?
I thought the negro's were also all dying of AIDS.

I'd go on against the jews and chinks, but I've overstayed my welcome in this goddammmn political correctness world.

I for one will always fight political correctness.
To me, PC=Lying. Say what you mean or shut up.

Done ranting now..
Go back to stroking yer peckers and I'll go back to f'ing your wife.

What you just wrote is one of the most insanely idiotic things I've ever read. At no point in your rambling, incoherent post were you close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this thread is now dumber for having read it. I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul.
 
LyleDAL
2006-12-31 3:42:15 PM  
Resin33: The issue wasn't that it is good for married couples to have children. It was her idea that if you are not married and get pregnant you should marry the father.

I thought it was more like If you are in a very long term relationship (2 years?) and end up pregnant maybe you should consider going ahead and getting married.

Seriously, if you've been shacking for 2 or more years and you end up pregnant you might just as well get hitched. You weren't planning on going anywhere anyway, right?

I think the author got more heat then she should have over that one.
 
mesmer242
2006-12-31 3:43:04 PM  
Here's my opinion on her top three controversial advice topics:

1) Couples should have kids - She explains her reasoning in a second article; She thought she'd never need/want kids, but then she had one and has been grateful for the experience. I disagree with her original opinion (that couples should have kids) but do agree that kids are made out to villians, when in fact that are necessary for a healthy society. It should be everybody's choice, of course.

2) As far as the pregnant woman who wanted the best way to tell her parents, I won't say that marrying the guy is the best answer, but the woman's concerns about how to tell her parents are totally irresponsible, and with that I agree. If you're pregnant, you're officially an adult, and you need to start prioritizing financial stability and health insurance for your kid, not seeking your parent's approval. WTF.

3) Stranger's hands will never touch me without my permission, additional life included or not. She was totally and completely off base.

/Got the updated Emily Post Etiquette book for xmas. Woo!
 
The Invisible Sky Wizard
2006-12-31 3:43:10 PM  
I can't wait to have kids. It would be nice to have someone around to roll me when I'm drunk and not tap me without consent.
 
neonrisk
2006-12-31 3:43:51 PM  
Mister Peejay
I see enough overpopulation...
Where? On TV?

under the conditions, irresponsible.
I agree. If only everyone would be more responsible and not have kids. That would solve our overpopulation problem.
 
Lerxst2k
2006-12-31 3:43:54 PM  
Better yet, have a clone.
 
autothing
2006-12-31 3:44:15 PM  
Well, to continue to the locked Saddam execution video thread...

Just kidding.

Fark isn't news. It's biased people picking and choosing.
 
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