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(The Sun)   U.S. professor of aerospace engineering shows how Santa can deliver gifts around the world in one night using electromagnetic waves, computer science, nanotechnology, genetic engineering and the space-time continuum. Oh, and a relativity cloud   (thesun.co.uk) divider line
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4323 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Dec 2006 at 2:40 AM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



43 Comments     (+0 »)
 
2006-12-12 12:24:47 AM  
But my teacher told me Santa isn't real?!?!
 
2006-12-12 12:35:46 AM  
but what happens when you put a bag of holding into a tardis?
 
2006-12-12 2:44:21 AM  
Santa is an imaginary character, and therefore you can come up with an infinite number of interesting ways for Santa to deliver all those presents in time. For instance, maybe he has the power to freeze time. Or maybe he can split off millions of copies of himself. Or maybe he really teleports all those presents into position, and the personal deliveries are a myth.
 
2006-12-12 2:44:26 AM  
you get beat up for being a nerd
 
2006-12-12 2:46:40 AM  
eventually, all engineers go mad.

Its happening to me already :D
 
2006-12-12 2:48:11 AM  
What a stressful job this guy must have? And I bet the tax payers shelled out quite a bit to fund his research!
 
jlo
2006-12-12 2:50:05 AM  
meh, people do the same bending over backwards reasoning to justify their belief in other religious characters...
 
2006-12-12 2:50:26 AM  
Santa contracts out to parents.
 
2006-12-12 2:50:41 AM  
so i'm going to college for 5 years to learn to prove santa exists?
 
2006-12-12 2:51:27 AM  
Time well spent.

/hopefully tax dollars were spent on this as well.
 
2006-12-12 2:55:10 AM  
Ha ha ha! Engineer humor! That's funny. Did I say funny?, I meant stupid.
 
2006-12-12 2:56:39 AM  
Relativity cloud = Mommy and Daddy
 
2006-12-12 2:57:14 AM  
Stupid rocket scientists
 
2006-12-12 2:57:43 AM  
Here comes the science.

Good for them, really.
 
2006-12-12 2:58:09 AM  
j0ndas
Santa is an imaginary character, and therefore you can come up with an infinite number of interesting ways for Santa to deliver all those presents in time. For instance, maybe he has the power to freeze time. Or maybe he can split off millions of copies of himself. Or maybe he really teleports all those presents into position, and the personal deliveries are a myth.


What an amazing imagination you must have to present the fact that imaginary characters may complete imaginary tasks using imaginary means! That headache you have now is due to the fact that I just folded space and punched you in the head.

Merry Christmas.
 
2006-12-12 2:58:17 AM  
I want a nanobot that can build me a PS3 out of soot.
 
2006-12-12 2:58:38 AM  
Jeez... Doesn't this guy know about the quantum superposition of all possible Santas?

Get with the latest research, Chet!
 
2006-12-12 3:08:43 AM  
Two words: beaming technology.
 
2006-12-12 3:27:32 AM  
"It would be much quicker just to use sub-space."

[image from seabreezecomputers.com too old to be available]
 
2006-12-12 3:27:35 AM  
These days, Santa just e-mails printable gift certificates to all the parents, who in turn take them to the local electronics and toy stores. It's a lot easier on him, but you gotta think of all the poor elves that were laid off since Santa doesn't deliver actual toys anymore.
 
2006-12-12 3:31:01 AM  
Look, it's simply an engineering problem. It's easier if you consider the earth a sphere...
 
2006-12-12 3:39:53 AM  
The character concept of Santa Claus was based on a similar holiday involving Odin. The All-Father, it was believed, went around to all the good people and delivered gifts as a reward for their loyalty to him. That's why Santa's pre-Coca-Cola outfit was a heavy, brown, fur-lined outfit. Applying the idea to Saint Nicholas was convenient, so it stuck.

So if you think of Santa as being an incarnation of the all-knowing, all-seeing (monocularly), unbound-by-time Odin, then I guess the ol' guy can do whatever he damn well pleases.

Feel free to print this out and show it to your kids when they ask how Santa works.
 
2006-12-12 3:40:12 AM  
Look, it's simply an engineering problem. It's easier if you consider the earth a sphere...

Kids, pretend this nutsack I'm holding is actually the Earth. And these veins right there are actually Santa's 'relativity cloud'...
 
2006-12-12 3:43:39 AM  
superchump
Kids, pretend this nutsack I'm holding is actually the Earth. And these veins right there are actually Santa's 'relativity cloud'...

Actually, the concept of "chestnuts roasting on an open fire" began similarly, during the Solstice-time feasts in the Scandinavian region, when the men went on a great hunt or fought a great war with neighboring clans...

/not really
//going to bed now
 
2006-12-12 5:13:28 AM  
If he's making toys out of soot then I hope he has a license to make them.
 
2006-12-12 5:56:10 AM  
nah, holmes.. it ain't that space time nano whatever... it's the magic dust, man.. i know... i played with that cat... me and the bass player sat in with him at the fillmore... his old lady made the best brownies in town.
 
2006-12-12 5:57:55 AM  
Great Janitor

I wonder if they'd go the extra mile and brew you up an HD cable to go with it.
 
2006-12-12 7:18:29 AM  
Larry Silverberg should research how Hannukah Harry gets all those dreidels and foil wrapped chocolate coins delivered to the bubalas who get to celebrate 7 times as many holidays as the goyims so he has to do 7 times the traveling as that alta kocker Santa. It probably involves the string theory and quantum foam somehow.
 
2006-12-12 7:23:12 AM  
I love stuff like this. Just like I love how NOAA and NORAD track Santa on Christmas Eve....

/nerd
 
2006-12-12 7:32:58 AM  
She comes in colors everywhere: but what happens when you put a bag of holding into a tardis?


Nice. But the Doctor never wore a beard.
 
2006-12-12 8:16:11 AM  
i hope al the other aerospace engineers make fun of him for this crap.
 
2006-12-12 8:21:20 AM  
"Relativity cloud"?

You didn't get a second opinion on something called a "relativity cloud"?
 
2006-12-12 8:38:57 AM  
[image from olestig.dk too old to be available]

Sinterklaas ownz u all.
/teh original santa claus.
//santa is a ripoff.
 
2006-12-12 8:44:22 AM  
I find it saddening to humankind that people still fabricate the Santa story for their children. We teach our two kids that common sense and honesty are a couple of the best traits to have; I'm not about to start lying about a mythical figure on a made-up Christian holiday to my children. They know quite well who they get their presents from for the Yule season.

And this professor has far too much spare time.

/yes, I realize most parents will disagree with my parenting style
//no, I don't care :p
 
2006-12-12 8:48:05 AM  
Guess you had to have been there, but I'll bet it was kinda along the lines of this....

[image from lonelymachines.org too old to be available]
 
2006-12-12 8:56:03 AM  
Hrm, not bad. A proper response to that one physicist who figured out that Santa.US would end up being incinerated from air friction, and would have to have fission-powered reindeer.
 
2006-12-12 9:31:28 AM  
[image from santa-claus-news.newslib.com too old to be available]

I'm in ur relativity cloud, stuffing ur socks.
 
2006-12-12 9:45:43 AM  
so magic, ok check.
 
2006-12-12 9:51:58 AM  
For his next trick, he's going to show how the universe was made in only 6 days.
 
2006-12-12 10:09:43 AM  
Interesting. And even more credible than that other Christmas myth
 
2006-12-12 11:28:45 AM  
gods_hackey_sac: so magic, ok check.

Sufficiently advanced science is indistinguishable from magic.
 
2006-12-12 1:26:11 PM  
eng-in-eers...fark yeah!!!
 
2006-12-12 1:26:54 PM  
coming to save the motherfarking day-yeah!
 
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