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(Uncyclopedia)   List of weapons that don't exist, but should   ( divider line
    More: Spiffy  
•       •       •

43875 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Dec 2006 at 12:11 PM (16 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook

93 Comments     (+0 »)

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2006-12-03 12:14:13 PM  
They had me at Sharpened Hampster.
2006-12-03 12:14:27 PM  
no one has anything to say about this?
2006-12-03 12:15:16 PM  
This makes the main page, but the dude on demerol and grap soda doesnt?

2006-12-03 12:15:41 PM  
2006-12-03 12:17:33 PM  
I may upgrade to TotalFark, just to see what "grap soda" is...
2006-12-03 12:17:46 PM  
Um, what about the list of Fark articles that should not have been greenlit?
2006-12-03 12:19:35 PM  
I always thought armed monkeys was a good idea. Too bad Lawnmower Man crapped all over it.

/monkeys+guns= fun!!
2006-12-03 12:19:44 PM  
*points and laughs at the liters*
2006-12-03 12:20:17 PM  
DDR-camouflage land mine

I have prayed for this for some time.
2006-12-03 12:21:11 PM  
What about the bowel disruptor?
[image from too old to be available]
2006-12-03 12:21:28 PM  
I've always wanted a teleportation weapon, particularly on the Souther California roadways. Do some ass-hat move on the roads and I zap your ass with it. No death. No destruction. You and your car are simply teleported to an empty spot in the Disneyland parking lot.

Would I abuse it? You are damn right I would. Suffice to say that Disneyland would need additional parking spots post haste.
2006-12-03 12:22:11 PM  
My favorites were Armed Monkey, Laser-Guided Polar Bear, and sniper kitty
/Wish I had a sniper kitty
//So cute, with the tiny automatic weapon
2006-12-03 12:22:25 PM  
Gorillas on PCP made me laugh quite a bit.

So did "Forget game over, hit the wrong button and it's life over."
2006-12-03 12:22:40 PM  
that list looks like something maddox might have written when he was six years old.
2006-12-03 12:23:21 PM  
That is so, so stupid. Written by an uncreative 13 year old.
2006-12-03 12:23:28 PM  
I love the "Catapult that catapults catapults"... talk about mass destruction!
2006-12-03 12:23:50 PM  
Where's the "laser sword that shot other swords" from "How to Kill a Mockingbird?"
2006-12-03 12:23:53 PM  
It is often mistakenly believed that the US Army has already employed a monkey. This is not true. George W. Bush was never actually in the army; he merely had papers saying that he was.

2006-12-03 12:24:11 PM  
"Minitrue mark article doubleplusungood crimethink. Miniluv remake goodthink fullwise."

I didn't know if I should laugh when I saw this at the top of the article, or if I should cry because I didn't have to read the Oldspeak translation below it.
2006-12-03 12:25:40 PM  
2006-12-03 12:26:44 PM  
Someone or someones put a lot of time and effort into creating this complete waste of time and font.

I think I can be critical because I, too, spend a lot of time creating stuff that no one but me finds funny.
2006-12-03 12:27:04 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2006-12-03 12:32:09 PM  
Lameness meter ejected the article after the first paragraph.
2006-12-03 12:32:11 PM  
What, no banana bombs? I cry foul:

[image from too old to be available]
2006-12-03 12:37:26 PM  
Since when are Wiki articles news?

Seriously, getting sick of them.
2006-12-03 12:38:26 PM  
Who the hell is manning the green lights today?

Must be smoking pcp.
2006-12-03 12:39:23 PM  
How about remote controlled zombies?
2006-12-03 12:39:39 PM  
Oh come on, the alligator with alligators for limbs was pretty good.

2006-12-03 12:39:52 PM  
This article is kind of funny too.
2006-12-03 12:40:50 PM  
My head hurts from the sheer stupidity of that list.
2006-12-03 12:42:33 PM  
Board with a nail in it!!!
2006-12-03 12:43:31 PM  
It's not news. It's

Stop complaining about greenlights on a Sunday.
2006-12-03 12:44:23 PM  
What about dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you?
2006-12-03 12:44:46 PM  
Thanks to the Fark filters, the F-bomb has been rendered ineffective.

/except in photoshop threads
2006-12-03 12:47:13 PM  
C@ck rocket?

2006-12-03 12:48:18 PM  
Quit whining. That fractal crocodile was pretty clever.
2006-12-03 12:49:28 PM  
Is that really all it takes to qualify as "Spiffy" these days?
2006-12-03 12:50:23 PM  
I could not stop laughing during that article
2006-12-03 12:51:32 PM  
Apparently you guys don't know the point of Uncyclopedia? Its a wiki that strives to be INcorrect.

Browse it and laugh, or edit it.
2006-12-03 12:52:22 PM  
From a few years back, in another part of the Net:

> Take a relativistic projectile of sufficient mass, aim it at a planet
> such that it would *just* hit the ground.

How about: use a needle-like lump of unobtanium moving along the long axis. (Adjust shape to suit if tumbling were likely to be a problem.) Aim at the antipode of the target. Set up sectional density and velocity such that projectile (and large entrained mass of planetary core) would emerge beneath target at speeds _just under_ escape velocity.

For extra credit, set things up so you could use the planet again afterwards.

...I think they should use this idea in the next "aliens attack Earth" movie. Real problem is that if the aliens had technology of this level, not even Scarlett Johansen, Bruce Campbell, and Chuck Norris working together could defeat them in a way that wouldn't break everyone's suspension of disbelief.
2006-12-03 12:55:09 PM  
Gorillas on PCP We should drop these guys by the ton in our next war. Hell stick some suicide vest on them even to show Hizbollah how we roll back in the west.
2006-12-03 12:55:29 PM  
6.6 Girl-foxassin

Many forget that there are two asses in assassin.

Aw, maybe they meant it to be spelled that way.
2006-12-03 12:57:08 PM  

Mega-props on the Transmetropolitan reference.

As to the weapons personal favorite had to be the mazel tof cocktail.

2006-12-03 12:57:34 PM  
A few more:

Torque Bow

Chainsaw bayonette

2006-12-03 1:01:35 PM  
All I need is a redeemer.
2006-12-03 1:11:15 PM  
What no dogs that shoot bees from their mouth?
2006-12-03 1:14:22 PM  
im personally a fan of the "reverted holocaust"

///throw the jew down the well
////so my country can be free
2006-12-03 1:18:07 PM  
Anything class 3 thats transferrable to us normal people (with background check yada yada) that was made after 5/86....
2006-12-03 1:25:17 PM  
galaxy bazooka
2006-12-03 1:43:40 PM  
Phase 4 plasma eradicator in the 40 watt range.

//or just old?
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