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(USA Today)   The top 101 people who never actually existed. List must be bogus because "Farker's girlfriend" not included   ( divider line
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51492 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Oct 2006 at 2:09 PM (11 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2006-10-17 02:40:53 PM  
"25. Nora Helmer"
"85. Luke Skywalker"
/He should be further up the list (if it's in order - which I doubt)
":32. Archie Bunker"
/What about Archie Andrews!?!
2006-10-17 02:41:01 PM  
What? No [image from too old to be available] yet?
You farkers are slacking.
2006-10-17 02:41:59 PM  
There are quite a few important non-persons on there, but The Second Shooter/Gunman really ought to be near the top 20. Without him, the conspiracy theoriests would be a bit more quiet today.

/Is one himself
//Don't get me started on 9/11
2006-10-17 02:43:10 PM  
What is subby talking about? There's plenty of Farkettes with girlfriends.
2006-10-17 02:43:16 PM  
No Stewie Griffin? What the deuce?

/will rule us all
//with slashies!
2006-10-17 02:44:16 PM  
/strange highs and strange lows
//not sure what this has to do with the list

Dr. Strangelove was on the list. Just got me thinking of the song.

And you're right about the lyrics. I was just to lazy to look them up.

/words are very unneccesary
//they can only do harm.
2006-10-17 02:44:20 PM  
Submitter - I think you meant farkers', with the ' after the s to indicate plural possessive.
2006-10-17 02:44:32 PM  
Tony Clifton is not amused. NOT AMUSED!
2006-10-17 02:44:38 PM  
what, no S Morgenstern?
2006-10-17 02:44:52 PM  
I nominate Galen_Rasputin for the win.
2006-10-17 02:44:55 PM  
Lillith, Adams first wife. The one that would not obey, and the original proginator of sin.
2006-10-17 02:45:27 PM  
fredbox What is subby talking about? There's plenty of Farkettes with girlfriends.

Pics plz.
2006-10-17 02:45:28 PM  
I definitely agree with . BtVS but no Harry Potter? WTF?

Ahhh, and all the loffly real people on there.

Of course, now I have the Tom Lehrer song "Oedipus Rex" stuck in my head. Off I go to purge it with some Lily Allen.

/needs caffeine
//and britrock
///and for it to be 5 already. It's not even noon yet...
2006-10-17 02:46:05 PM  
List is complete bullshiat. Several real figures, selected gods being "fake" whilst others are presumably "real", etc.

Awesome journalism.
2006-10-17 02:46:48 PM  
John Doe - whats influential about this one? it's just a placeholder name. I can at least understand how many of the fictional characters listed had some effect on or so perfectly define an archetypal character in literature and therefore could be considered influential on pop culture but this one makes no sense at all.

I guess they really liked the TV show.
2006-10-17 02:47:06 PM  

"I have a theory that people who despise Rand so much are just as misguided and uninformed as her blind followers."

First, I love Ayn. Secondly, I think it's hysterical that people who claim to value individuality have this cult about her.

"We're invididuals because Ayn told us to be. Join us. Joinnnn usssss..."
2006-10-17 02:47:09 PM  
Santa clause isn't real, but Saint Nichloas was.

This article sucks.
2006-10-17 02:47:12 PM  
They left off Jethro Tull, Lynrd Skynrd, Pink Floyd, and Steeley Dan
2006-10-17 02:47:26 PM  
Shylock damn well does exist. He comes around every week to collect the vig.
2006-10-17 02:49:23 PM  
Who is John Galt?
2006-10-17 02:49:56 PM  
no John Yossarian?
2006-10-17 02:50:05 PM  
I don't think Bevets really exists either.
2006-10-17 02:50:15 PM  
Like 10 of those "people" aren't even human. WTF?!?!? The Ugly farkin Duckling is listed, but no Tony Montana???!?!?! That's farked up, mang.
2006-10-17 02:51:03 PM  
The NeoCons very favorite:

[image from too old to be available]

/I got nothin'
2006-10-17 02:52:03 PM  
Godot doesn't exist. I waited for that farker forever...
2006-10-17 02:52:06 PM  

/dracula sucks vigor from poster
2006-10-17 02:52:33 PM  
If you add up the number of double entries where two people are listed, and subtract the entries that aren't actually "people" (e.g. Godzilla), you end up with less than 100.
2006-10-17 02:52:44 PM  

2006-10-17 02:52:50 PM  
What the fark? USA today is lifting stories off of 3rd grade school papers?


2006-10-17 02:53:07 PM  
So wait.. WAIT a damned minute.

According to this list, Lilith- A character in most versions of the Bible- is NOT real, but via their omission of Jesus Christ and Jehovah/God they're saying that the latter two AREN'T fictional?

Either Lilith was real, or Jesus and God aren't. You cannot have it both ways. Either the Bible is the 100% farking truth of God's Word, or it's a bunch of bullshiat stories told by sheepfarking primitives and manipulative monarchs.

Which one is it? Is the Biblical account of the existence of the mother of all succubi/vampires (and God's first mistake) real, or is the Biblical account of the existence, death, and resurrection of the demigod son of God false?
2006-10-17 02:53:10 PM  
I second the complaint of Digitalstrange.

Read E. C. Abbott's We Pointed Them North and you will have read the true story of American cowboys. Maybe they weren't exactly like they are often remembered in the popular imagination (though relatively close), but neither are most historical figures.
2006-10-17 02:53:16 PM  
That sucked because it included real people that only get on the list because of myths that where build up around them. If they can do it then how about Washington, he has lots of myths and wasn't really how we see him today. In fact every person in history can go on to the list. Basically the whole list is crap.
2006-10-17 02:53:52 PM  
Sorry but Big Brother is very real

2006-10-17 02:55:50 PM  
No voting?

I'll go w/ Keyser Soze, the "real" O.J. killer, and Tony Clifton so far, and would like to add "Compassionate Conservative" to the list.
2006-10-17 02:56:16 PM  
Real people on this list:

Arthur (attested in historical sources, but probably wasn't a king)
St. Nicholas (as to Santa Claus, no position is taken - the theory that millions of people give gifts and seek to avoid credit is just too far-fetched)
The American Cowboy
William Tell
Hiawatha (although the Hiawatha in the poem would go in the "based on real people" list)

Legendary, possibly real:

Robin Hood
St. Valentine
Helen of Troy

Fictional, but based on real people (this list could be expanded):

Hamlet (probably)
Rosie the Riveter
Alice in Wonderland
Citizen Kane
G.I. Joe

Smokey Bear is fictional, although a real bear subsequently was given that name.
2006-10-17 02:56:48 PM  
no Rollo Tomasi?
2006-10-17 02:57:27 PM  
Wait, how did Marlboro Man get #1? I mean, above Santa Claus?
Well Santa didn't murder millions of people with agonising cancer. I'd say the Marlboro man was pretty influential in their lives.
2006-10-17 02:58:01 PM  
So wait.. WAIT a damned minute.

According to this list, Lilith- A character in most versions of the Bible- is NOT real, but via their omission of Jesus Christ and Jehovah/God they're saying that the latter two AREN'T fictional?

Lilith ain't in the Bible, Holly.
2006-10-17 02:58:08 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

I'm sure the photographer set this one up.
All the Indians too.
2006-10-17 02:59:23 PM  

I thought the Illiad and the Odyssey were based on real people and that Homer threw all the other stuff in to make good TV.
2006-10-17 02:59:51 PM  
Gallant (Goofus told me they made him up to sell magazines)
2006-10-17 03:00:25 PM  
6. Dr. Frankenstein's Monster

33. Dracula

You think it takes talent to do Frankenstein? It's all makeup! And grunting! GRRRRR! Dracula requires presence. It's all in the eyes, and the voice, and the hands...
2006-10-17 03:00:55 PM  
luke but no Vader? jeebus....
2006-10-17 03:01:57 PM  
Does anybody else notice the suspicous lack of Asain characters in this list?
2006-10-17 03:02:26 PM  
23. Apollo and Dionysus

Isn't that two? Why should they be together? And if we're putting gods on there, why not God? And why these two?
2006-10-17 03:02:28 PM  
The cat in the hat is hardly a person.
2006-10-17 03:03:16 PM  
They left off Jethro Tull, Lynrd Skynrd, Pink Floyd, and Steeley Dan

What makes you think Jethro Tull didn't exist?

Yeah, it's wiki, but come on.

Lynyrd Skynyrd was Leonard Skinner, the band members' gym teacher.
2006-10-17 03:03:35 PM  
All of these non-existent people - I could care less. I just can't wait til one day when I get to meet the Terminator. I'm gonna get him to do that really neat trick where he rips all the skin off of his hand.

/I'll make sure to get pictures
2006-10-17 03:03:44 PM  
18. Mickey Mouse
21. Smokey Bear
31. The Little Engine That Could
38. Godzilla
41. Bambi
55. The Ugly Duckling
56. Loch Ness Monster (Nessie)
66. HAL 9000
67. Kermit the Frog
74. King Kong
78. Joe Camel

None of those are/were people.

And if they're going to list non-people, too, then why not list the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy? Are they saying that those exist?
2006-10-17 03:04:06 PM  
damn, plausdeny, beat me to it.

Ellsworth Monkton Toohey ftw.
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