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(USA Today)   The top 101 people who never actually existed. List must be bogus because "Farker's girlfriend" not included   ( usatoday.com) divider line
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51492 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Oct 2006 at 2:09 PM (11 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



350 Comments     (+0 »)
 


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Parental_Eunich
2006-10-17 02:40:53 PM  
"25. Nora Helmer"
/Who?
"85. Luke Skywalker"
/He should be further up the list (if it's in order - which I doubt)
":32. Archie Bunker"
/What about Archie Andrews!?!
 
untrustworthy
2006-10-17 02:41:01 PM  
What? No [image from home.comcast.net too old to be available] yet?
You farkers are slacking.
 
GAT_00
2006-10-17 02:41:59 PM  
There are quite a few important non-persons on there, but The Second Shooter/Gunman really ought to be near the top 20. Without him, the conspiracy theoriests would be a bit more quiet today.

/Is one himself
//Don't get me started on 9/11
 
fredbox
2006-10-17 02:43:10 PM  
What is subby talking about? There's plenty of Farkettes with girlfriends.
 
CoyoteAl
2006-10-17 02:43:16 PM  
No Stewie Griffin? What the deuce?

/will rule us all
//with slashies!
 
PorkChopSndwich5
2006-10-17 02:44:16 PM  
vinylgirl:
/strange highs and strange lows
//not sure what this has to do with the list

Dr. Strangelove was on the list. Just got me thinking of the song.

And you're right about the lyrics. I was just to lazy to look them up.

/words are very unneccesary
//they can only do harm.
 
Worst_Login_Ever
2006-10-17 02:44:20 PM  
Submitter - I think you meant farkers', with the ' after the s to indicate plural possessive.
 
Dorf11
2006-10-17 02:44:32 PM  
Tony Clifton is not amused. NOT AMUSED!
 
pinguin
2006-10-17 02:44:38 PM  
what, no S Morgenstern?
 
Fellate O'Fish
2006-10-17 02:44:52 PM  
I nominate Galen_Rasputin for the win.
 
Galen_Rasputin
2006-10-17 02:44:55 PM  
Lillith, Adams first wife. The one that would not obey, and the original proginator of sin.
 
wmoonfox
2006-10-17 02:45:27 PM  
fredbox What is subby talking about? There's plenty of Farkettes with girlfriends.

Pics plz.
 
freckles42
2006-10-17 02:45:28 PM  
I definitely agree with . BtVS but no Harry Potter? WTF?

Ahhh, and all the loffly real people on there.

Of course, now I have the Tom Lehrer song "Oedipus Rex" stuck in my head. Off I go to purge it with some Lily Allen.

/needs caffeine
//and britrock
///and for it to be 5 already. It's not even noon yet...
 
Eochada
2006-10-17 02:46:05 PM  
List is complete bullshiat. Several real figures, selected gods being "fake" whilst others are presumably "real", etc.

Awesome journalism.
 
Galen_Rasputin
2006-10-17 02:46:48 PM  
John Doe - whats influential about this one? it's just a placeholder name. I can at least understand how many of the fictional characters listed had some effect on or so perfectly define an archetypal character in literature and therefore could be considered influential on pop culture but this one makes no sense at all.


I guess they really liked the TV show.
 
BizarroHulk
2006-10-17 02:47:06 PM  
EatYourHeartOut

"I have a theory that people who despise Rand so much are just as misguided and uninformed as her blind followers."

First, I love Ayn. Secondly, I think it's hysterical that people who claim to value individuality have this cult about her.

"We're invididuals because Ayn told us to be. Join us. Joinnnn usssss..."
 
2 grams
2006-10-17 02:47:09 PM  
Santa clause isn't real, but Saint Nichloas was.

This article sucks.
 
austin_millbarge
2006-10-17 02:47:12 PM  
They left off Jethro Tull, Lynrd Skynrd, Pink Floyd, and Steeley Dan
 
stlblue
2006-10-17 02:47:26 PM  
Shylock damn well does exist. He comes around every week to collect the vig.
 
plausdeny
2006-10-17 02:49:23 PM  
Who is John Galt?
 
moosen
2006-10-17 02:49:56 PM  
no John Yossarian?
 
untrustworthy
2006-10-17 02:50:05 PM  
I don't think Bevets really exists either.
 
Dire
2006-10-17 02:50:15 PM  
Like 10 of those "people" aren't even human. WTF?!?!? The Ugly farkin Duckling is listed, but no Tony Montana???!?!?! That's farked up, mang.
 
Cardinal Carnage
2006-10-17 02:51:03 PM  
The NeoCons very favorite:

[image from i6.photobucket.com too old to be available]

/I got nothin'
 
PorkChopSndwich5
2006-10-17 02:52:03 PM  
Godot doesn't exist. I waited for that farker forever...
 
hotter than the ads
2006-10-17 02:52:06 PM  
how did THE LITTLE ENGINE THAT COULD beat out DRACULA????

/dracula sucks vigor from poster
 
Sid_6.7 [TotalFark] [BareFark]
2006-10-17 02:52:33 PM  
If you add up the number of double entries where two people are listed, and subtract the entries that aren't actually "people" (e.g. Godzilla), you end up with less than 100.
 
EatYourHeartOut
2006-10-17 02:52:44 PM  
BizarroHulk

Agreed.
 
Danger Mouse
2006-10-17 02:52:50 PM  
What the fark? USA today is lifting stories off of 3rd grade school papers?

!EXTRA! BATMAN NOT REAL! GODZILLA FAKE!


EXTRA TODD FLANDERS SMELLS!
 
Holly_Wight
2006-10-17 02:53:07 PM  
So wait.. WAIT a damned minute.

According to this list, Lilith- A character in most versions of the Bible- is NOT real, but via their omission of Jesus Christ and Jehovah/God they're saying that the latter two AREN'T fictional?

Either Lilith was real, or Jesus and God aren't. You cannot have it both ways. Either the Bible is the 100% farking truth of God's Word, or it's a bunch of bullshiat stories told by sheepfarking primitives and manipulative monarchs.

Which one is it? Is the Biblical account of the existence of the mother of all succubi/vampires (and God's first mistake) real, or is the Biblical account of the existence, death, and resurrection of the demigod son of God false?
 
JeffTL
2006-10-17 02:53:10 PM  
I second the complaint of Digitalstrange.

Read E. C. Abbott's We Pointed Them North and you will have read the true story of American cowboys. Maybe they weren't exactly like they are often remembered in the popular imagination (though relatively close), but neither are most historical figures.
 
Thisbymaster
2006-10-17 02:53:16 PM  
That sucked because it included real people that only get on the list because of myths that where build up around them. If they can do it then how about Washington, he has lots of myths and wasn't really how we see him today. In fact every person in history can go on to the list. Basically the whole list is crap.
 
dc-kid
2006-10-17 02:53:52 PM  
Sorry but Big Brother is very real

/runs
 
amoricanCrowe
2006-10-17 02:55:50 PM  
No voting?

I'll go w/ Keyser Soze, the "real" O.J. killer, and Tony Clifton so far, and would like to add "Compassionate Conservative" to the list.
 
Duke of Logreus
2006-10-17 02:56:16 PM  
Real people on this list:

Arthur (attested in historical sources, but probably wasn't a king)
St. Nicholas (as to Santa Claus, no position is taken - the theory that millions of people give gifts and seek to avoid credit is just too far-fetched)
The American Cowboy
Midas
William Tell
Hiawatha (although the Hiawatha in the poem would go in the "based on real people" list)


Legendary, possibly real:

Robin Hood
Oedipus
Odysseus
St. Valentine
Helen of Troy


Fictional, but based on real people (this list could be expanded):

Hamlet (probably)
Rosie the Riveter
Dracula
Alice in Wonderland
Citizen Kane
G.I. Joe


Smokey Bear is fictional, although a real bear subsequently was given that name.
 
High Karate
2006-10-17 02:56:48 PM  
no Rollo Tomasi?
 
evildwarf
2006-10-17 02:57:27 PM  
Wait, how did Marlboro Man get #1? I mean, above Santa Claus?
Well Santa didn't murder millions of people with agonising cancer. I'd say the Marlboro man was pretty influential in their lives.
 
Fellate O'Fish
2006-10-17 02:58:01 PM  
Holly_Wight
So wait.. WAIT a damned minute.

According to this list, Lilith- A character in most versions of the Bible- is NOT real, but via their omission of Jesus Christ and Jehovah/God they're saying that the latter two AREN'T fictional?

Lilith ain't in the Bible, Holly.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lilith
 
pchef
2006-10-17 02:58:08 PM  
[image from picture-history.com too old to be available]

I'm sure the photographer set this one up.
All the Indians too.
http://www.picture-history.com/old-west-index-001.htm
 
wingnut396
2006-10-17 02:59:23 PM  
odysseus?

I thought the Illiad and the Odyssey were based on real people and that Homer threw all the other stuff in to make good TV.
 
Trippy_the_8th_Dwarf
2006-10-17 02:59:51 PM  
Gallant (Goofus told me they made him up to sell magazines)
 
BillDarryl
2006-10-17 03:00:25 PM  
6. Dr. Frankenstein's Monster

33. Dracula

You think it takes talent to do Frankenstein? It's all makeup! And grunting! GRRRRR! Dracula requires presence. It's all in the eyes, and the voice, and the hands...
 
GreyHavenGirl
2006-10-17 03:00:55 PM  
luke but no Vader? jeebus....
 
d_unit
2006-10-17 03:01:57 PM  
Does anybody else notice the suspicous lack of Asain characters in this list?
 
JRHoward
2006-10-17 03:02:26 PM  
23. Apollo and Dionysus

Isn't that two? Why should they be together? And if we're putting gods on there, why not God? And why these two?
 
ThatFoolMatt
2006-10-17 03:02:28 PM  
The cat in the hat is hardly a person.
 
Nacho Daddy
2006-10-17 03:03:16 PM  
They left off Jethro Tull, Lynrd Skynrd, Pink Floyd, and Steeley Dan

What makes you think Jethro Tull didn't exist?

Yeah, it's wiki, but come on.

Lynyrd Skynyrd was Leonard Skinner, the band members' gym teacher.
 
Pair-o-Dice
2006-10-17 03:03:35 PM  
All of these non-existent people - I could care less. I just can't wait til one day when I get to meet the Terminator. I'm gonna get him to do that really neat trick where he rips all the skin off of his hand.

/I'll make sure to get pictures
 
gradatim
2006-10-17 03:03:44 PM  
18. Mickey Mouse
21. Smokey Bear
31. The Little Engine That Could
38. Godzilla
41. Bambi
55. The Ugly Duckling
56. Loch Ness Monster (Nessie)
66. HAL 9000
67. Kermit the Frog
74. King Kong
78. Joe Camel

None of those are/were people.

And if they're going to list non-people, too, then why not list the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy? Are they saying that those exist?
 
griffer
2006-10-17 03:04:06 PM  
damn, plausdeny, beat me to it.

Ellsworth Monkton Toohey ftw.
 
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