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(St. Petersburg Times)   Pizza man gets tired of cars using dirt short-cut in front of his restaurant, buries knives blade-up in it. What could possibly go wrong?   ( sptimes.com) divider line
    More: Florida  
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28305 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Oct 2006 at 8:32 AM (11 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2006-10-12 08:11:44 AM  
Pizzaman looks and talks tough, as a guy from the streets of Queens should, and his arms are thick with muscle from decades of kneading dough.

And from fighting all those rival pizzamen in the mean streets of Queens.

But he says his pizza contains more than red sauce and Grande cheese.

Wait for it...

He says it is made with love.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww... *retch*
2006-10-12 08:36:52 AM  
"Get off my lawn!!"
2006-10-12 08:37:28 AM  
What the hell was the point of that whole story.
2006-10-12 08:37:50 AM  
Hahaha, NY owns all.

Guy sounds like a dick though.
2006-10-12 08:37:56 AM  
What a great anecdote to remind me exactly why I don't miss living in the big city. Go back to New York, indeed.
2006-10-12 08:39:08 AM  
Good for him. The average citizen needs frequent lessons about the limits of personal freedom.

\\Get this man some landmines
2006-10-12 08:39:10 AM  
I'm mad as hell, and I'm gonna take it any more!

Good for the pizza man. I'm tired of the mob mentality squashing the individual.

I think this is a pretty good plot for an IFC movie.
2006-10-12 08:39:29 AM  
That wasn't an article, that was a story. Articles aren't usually written like

She stopped short.

There, beneath the sign that said "Real New York Pizza By The Slice," a serrated blade glinted in the sun.
2006-10-12 08:44:47 AM  
A photo would have been helpful.
2006-10-12 08:46:30 AM  
Where's the hero tag? The mom is a crabby-ass broad with the world's strangest sense of entitlement. He should install a one-way spike strip like the ones they have at rental car places. mmmm severe tire damage on the way to school.
2006-10-12 08:46:53 AM  
2006-10-12 08:47:11 AM  
What a stupidly written piece.

Anyway, once the guy tells you to stay off his property, don't be supirsed when he take measures to prevent you from doing it again.
2006-10-12 08:47:52 AM  
Captainspud Good for him. The average citizen needs frequent lessons about the limits of personal freedom.

You are kidding, right?

Seriously kidding, right?

Being a new homeowner, I was honestly suprised to learn that if my neighbor kids fell off my retaining wall, even if they were there without asking, I was still liable.

This man is in the same position.

Possible solutions:
-erect a fence
-pave it with speedbumps
-put a "burm" around it
-burn a lower-case 't' in the lot
-something else with "erect" in it...

While the people should have due-regard for the land they trespass on, it doesn't mean they lose all rights as humans when they trespass.
2006-10-12 08:48:12 AM  
I would have just put a fence with barbed wire....make it look ghetto fabulous.
2006-10-12 08:48:48 AM  
[image from img134.imageshack.us too old to be available]

/I like to read news stories and find the locatins on Google map
2006-10-12 08:49:19 AM  
In other news, a writer with degree in Journalism secretly wishes to trade in the profitable BA for a useless BA in Creative Writing.

/not bad, but not newswriting
2006-10-12 08:49:31 AM  
The way the article was heading I thought pizza man and shortcut mom would be going at it doggie style before the 3rd paragraph.

//well maybe more relieved
2006-10-12 08:50:02 AM  
theFword holy crap that's a long left.

Yeah, I'd be a pissed off pizzaman too, but I wouldn't throw knives at the problem.

Erect a fence.

Plant a tree.

Plant a hippy.
2006-10-12 08:52:02 AM  
A fence or trench would have been a better choice.

or a tollbooth?
2006-10-12 08:52:24 AM  
Wow. I'm sure that will do great things for his popularity, not to mention his business. I think he's stabbing himself in the foot.
2006-10-12 08:54:32 AM  

..or a lemonade stand.
2006-10-12 08:54:53 AM  
His frustration swelled Friday, when he returned from a long trip to find the parking lot covered in garbage and dirt. He said he spent three hours cleaning it up, and the dust turned his white hair brown.

I see what the author did there. Three hours to clean up some crap that blew in/was tossed from the cars? Come on.

On another note, it's always important for a businessman to connect with his customers by threatening to maim them. Wait, this wasn't actually IN Queens? Nevermind.
2006-10-12 08:55:10 AM  
I was enthralled by that story.... well done, journalist.

He's a man on the edge, people.... that pizza isn't made with love any more, it's made with firey rage.

/ at'sa SPICY meat-ball!!!
2006-10-12 08:55:46 AM  
I like the part where little Red-haired Trevor has been taught to be so oblivious to the world that he "walked between a knife and wooden stake, apparently not noticing them."

Sheep do that, too.

When he gets himself Darwin'd, his mother will be blaming everyone but him/herself. Maybe she'll blame Pizzaman.

/don't blame pizzaman.
2006-10-12 08:56:19 AM  
[image from uploadfile.info too old to be available]

/can I have unsound business pratices for $500 please Alex?
2006-10-12 08:56:43 AM  
2006-10-12 08:56:43 AM  
Taking measures is one thing... but when I was a kid, I was a pretty damned clumsy thing. (Still am...) Fell down all the time. Sticking knives in the ground blade up feet away from a bus stop for children is attempted murder in my opinion. I'd be pissed if that was my kids bus stop...
2006-10-12 08:57:31 AM  
dear god- I only read about 10% of the article before I lost my will to live. What a boring little turgid fart the writer must be.
2006-10-12 08:57:45 AM  
I forsee the following.

Pizzaman: Get off my lawn!
Crazy soccer mom: Get off my state!
Pizzaman: Get off my lawn!
Crazy soccer mom: Get off my state!
Pizzaman: Get off my lawn!
Crazy soccer mom: Get off my state!
2006-10-12 08:57:53 AM  
Most theatrical journalist ever?
2006-10-12 08:58:00 AM  
HERO tag!
2006-10-12 08:58:16 AM  
A friend has a similar problem with traffic from a local shopping center cutting through his driveway. Apparently it is legally a private road, but there is some law that prevents him from blocking it off. So he has let it deteriorate rather badly. He often finds mufflers and suspension parts that people have left behind...
2006-10-12 08:59:01 AM  
It's like news but told in a narrative way...

...it's a newsvel.

/Of course, it's barely news and the prose kinda sucks so it's really neither
2006-10-12 09:02:25 AM  
I see what the problem is. Isn't Perez a brown persons name? Yes it is all their fault.

/hopefully you farkers understand sarcasm.
2006-10-12 09:02:29 AM  
Plant trees... big ones... a little landscaping does wonders for the property value.

/and throw up an earth berm in front of the trees
///my navel lint is demanding squatters' rights
2006-10-12 09:04:48 AM  
Plus, FTFA:

His thin-crust pie delivers a gratifying burst of butterfat.

You've gotta be kidding me with that sentence. How could a human being that writes for a living, or for that matter, knows english finish that thought and think, "Yup, that's perfect"?

While we're on the subject, what in the fark is Grande cheese? I've heard of all kinds of cheese on a pizza, but never this mythical grande.
2006-10-12 09:05:17 AM  
Lookin' at that map, I'd be pissed, too. Of course, depending on how long people have been using his property that way, it may become a public right of way when he tries to fight it. Just plant some trees there, and block it off, or a moat. Definitely a moat.
2006-10-12 09:09:33 AM  
I'm proud of him. That woman sounds like a see-you-next-tuesday to me.
2006-10-12 09:10:21 AM  
Mercutio I think grande cheese is from the dick cheese family.
2006-10-12 09:10:47 AM  
Notice there's another dirt path going right, into the parking lot for the business at the intersection. These people on the dead-end street are just lazy and feel they're somehow entitled to cut around traffic.
2006-10-12 09:11:51 AM  
This story needed a happy ending, it left the reader dangling like Johnny Holmes at a nudist colony.

Like perhaps the kid impaling his foot on the knife, causing his Mom to run into traffic to get help, which led to a 15 car pileup ending with an 18 wheeler driving right thru the Pizza Parlor. Now thats a happy ending!

[image from iclassics.com too old to be available]
2006-10-12 09:13:07 AM  
I have heard they have invented this thing called a fence that can supposedly help with these kinds of issues...
2006-10-12 09:14:15 AM  
It's called a "Man Trap" or a "Death Trap" and if someone gets hurt HE WILL BE HELD RESPONSIBLE.

You cannot intentially set dangerous traps for criminals, this isnt the dark ages.
2006-10-12 09:15:07 AM  
He should have used roofing nails.
2006-10-12 09:15:49 AM  
His name is Bill Najmark. Not exactly Italian, so um, yeah..you can stop with the "atsa spicy meatball" and nazi jokes, I guess.
2006-10-12 09:16:35 AM  
Totally stupid. Why not just block the path with something substantial? You know, like a concrete barrier or old telephone pole. Would only cost a couple hundred bucks including equipment rental to move it into place. Then no one would be able to get through there.

But I guess that would be too simple.
2006-10-12 09:16:54 AM  
Maybe pizzaman should erect a self service metal gate and accidently attach some nice voltage to it so's when the trespassers grab ahold of it their butterfat gets nice and crisp.
2006-10-12 09:17:52 AM  
"... starts nearly 20 years ago, when a native Floridian named April Perez was still in elementary school. She lived on Lake Shore Drive, then as now, a dead-end road ..."

"Perez, now 25, arrived via the shortcut to pick up her 8-year-old son ..."

So, whore who got knocked up at 16 and still lives with parents (or, almost as bad, lives next door to them!) vs. obnoxious knife-burying New Yakker trying to protect his property ... that's a seriously tough call!

I'm gonna have to side with Pizzaman, by a hair; though I agree, if it bugs him that much (and apparently it does) he should build a more-permanent and less-potentially-lawsuit-incurring obstruction.
2006-10-12 09:18:10 AM  

Totally stupid. Why not just block the path with something substantial?

Because he likes to fight with people. Being from New York he needs additional stress to keep his heart beating.
2006-10-12 09:18:56 AM  
He should just take care of it the way a shop owner did in my town.
Stagger some parking bumpers in the area.

Pattern along the lines of |/\/|\.

Something that people can hurt themselves on is pretty short sighted.
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