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(Yahoo)   If you're on trial for receiving stolen goods, you might not be able to help farting loudly in court. But if you burst out laughing and get a contempt charge, you have no one to blame but yourself. With photo goodness   ( divider line
    More: Amusing  
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31659 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Oct 2006 at 2:30 PM (16 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook

62 Comments     (+0 »)

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2006-10-10 11:24:36 AM  
"People cover their noses." Man, them caption writers at AP sure are geniuses.

[image from too old to be available]
2006-10-10 11:28:05 AM  
Excellent totally unrelated photo.

magistrate Simon Bridge, sitting in Blackpool

Him, too?
2006-10-10 11:43:22 AM  
That must have been one hell of a fart!
2006-10-10 1:24:27 PM  

Thread over. Well done.
2006-10-10 2:34:49 PM  
So they have Taco Bells over in Blackpool?
2006-10-10 2:34:51 PM  

/fit of giggles
/no apology for you!
2006-10-10 2:35:10 PM  
How immature does it make me that the story gave me the giggles from the mental images?
2006-10-10 2:36:13 PM  
That is an amazing display of gas. It looks like it made it all the way to some sort of females-only airport parking lot in Manila.
2006-10-10 2:36:31 PM  
think it was mistaken for a nuke test?

now THATS a fart!
2006-10-10 2:37:55 PM  
My father says he is sorry about this, and don't go into the lou for about 30-45 minutes.
2006-10-10 2:37:57 PM  
I fart in your general direction!

[image from too old to be available]
2006-10-10 2:38:03 PM  
Was it an all asian jury? Maybe it was the Kung Pao, or the Cabbage!
2006-10-10 2:38:45 PM  
It was at best a 7.

/An 8 would have caused hysteria and panic
//A 9 means you shiat your pants
///A 10 means you shiat somebody else's pants
////It goes to 11
2006-10-10 2:39:47 PM  
The CraneMeister: "People cover their noses." Man, them caption writers at AP sure are geniuses.

notice how all the people pictured are Asian, which kind of hints that the picture may not have been taken in London. Notice also that they did not say that the picture of people covering their noses had anything to do with the actual breakage of wind in question...
2006-10-10 2:40:15 PM  
Fart thread !!

/second only to poop threads
2006-10-10 2:42:35 PM  
The articles that need pictures seldom have them.

But these arseholes thought I needed assistance visualizing what a person holding their nose looks like?
2006-10-10 2:43:18 PM  
Why do they use a stock photo? So farkers won't complain useless without pictures?
2006-10-10 2:43:48 PM  
My first time in court opposing counsel was a young female lawyer who was also recently out of law school. We were both nervous as hell without too much of a clue of what we were doing.

Halfway through the hearing her cell phone in her briefcase starts going off. She tried to ignore it, but the judge stopped my examination of a witness and instructed the other lawyer to answer her phone. She initially declined, but the judge insisted she answer the phone, right in the middle of the hearing, and explain to the caller that she was in a courtroom and could not take the call.

She was so embarrased, and I really did feel bad for her. I bet she never brings a cell phone to a court room again. After the hearing I really smiled because my cell had been on vibrate the entire time and I had missed three calls.
2006-10-10 2:44:37 PM  
I once asked my 90 year old grandfather how old I would be when I stopped finding farts so funny.

He smiled and farted and said, 'Hell, I still find 'em funny' and we laughed until Grandmom came into the room and told us to stop 'all the carrying on'.
Then she crinkled her nose and left the room - the laughter continued until dinner.
2006-10-10 2:44:50 PM  
farking bullshiat photo pisses me off so bad I'm dehydrated from urinating.
2006-10-10 2:45:04 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

These guys did it first.
/The monkey claw is smelly.
2006-10-10 2:45:54 PM  
I just farted in honor of this thread.....much to the dismay of my coworkers.
2006-10-10 2:45:59 PM  
Further proof that the old Freud saying is true:
shiatting is symbolic but a fart is just for fun.
2006-10-10 2:46:50 PM  
Two days later in municipal court
Kilo G on trial cold cut a fart
"Obstruction of the court" says the judge
On the 6-year sentence my man didn't budge

///Rest easy, Eazy!
2006-10-10 2:47:20 PM  
farting is SSSOOOOOOO underrated!!
2006-10-10 2:47:49 PM  
Farts are always funny.

Pull my finger.
2006-10-10 2:48:17 PM  
I shart in your general direction.

\but my boxers took the brunt of the damage
2006-10-10 2:48:25 PM  
Love that photo.

Which is worse: no photo at all or some random-barely-connected-but-totally-misleading photo? The latter is certainly more amusing I guess.

Internet news is currently an abuse of perfectly good technology.
2006-10-10 2:49:07 PM  
So if he just sat there like a flatulant gasbag ripping sharts right and left...they wouldn't have done anything about it? This is how I RTFA.

They only threw him in the pokey for laughing and not apologizing.
2006-10-10 2:49:13 PM  
"The Censure of the Parliament Fart" (~ 1604)

"Never was bestowed such art
Upon the tuning of a Fart."

Downe came grave auntient Sir John Crooke
And redd his message in his booke.
Fearie well, Quoth Sir William Morris, Soe:
But Henry Ludlowes Tayle cry'd Noe.

Up starts one fuller of devotion
Then Eloquence; and said a very ill motion
Not soe neither quoth Sir Henry Jenkin
The Motion was good; but for the stincking

Well quoth Sir Henry Poole it was a bold tricke
To Fart in the nose of the bodie pollitique
Indeed I must confesse quoth Sir Edward Grevill
The matter of it selfe was somewhat uncivill

Thanke God quoth Sir Edward Hungerford
That this Fart proved not a Turdd
Quoth Sir Jerome the lesse there was noe such abuse
Ever offer'd in Poland, or Spruce

Quoth Sir Jerome in folio, I sweare by the Masse
This Fart was enough to have brooke all my Glasse
Indeed quoth Sir John Trevor it gave a fowle knocke
As it lanched forth from his stincking Docke.

I (quoth another) it once soe chanced
That a great Man farted as hee danced.
Well then, quoth Sir William Lower
This fart is noe Ordinance fitt for the Tower.
Quoth Sir Richard Houghton noe Justice of Quorum
But would take it in snuffe to have a fart lett before him.

If it would beare an action quoth Sir Thomas Holcrofte
I would make of this fart a bolt, or a shafte.
Quoth Sir Walter Cope 'twas a fart rarely lett
I would 'tweere sweet enough for my Cabinett.

Such a Fart was never seene
Quoth the Learned Councell of the Queene.
Noe (quoth Mr Pecke I have a President in store
That his Father farted the Session before

Nay then quoth Noy 'twas lawfully done
For this fart was entail'd from father to sonne
Quoth Mr Recorder a word for the cittie
To cutt of the aldermens right weere great pittie.

Well quoth Kitt Brookes wee give you a reason
Though he has right by discent he had not livery & seizin
Ha ha quoth Mr Evans I smell a fee
I'ts a private motion heere's something for mee

Well saith Mr Moore letts this motion repeale
Whats good for the private is oft ill for comonweale
A good yeare on this fart, quoth gentle Sir Harry
He has caus'd such an Earthquake that my colepitts miscarry

'Tis hard to recall a fart when its out
Quoth with a loude shoote
2006-10-10 2:49:40 PM  
After the hearing I really smiled because my cell had been on vibrate the entire time and I had missed three calls.

was your pants?

ps, call me ;-)
2006-10-10 2:50:37 PM  
Farts are the lowest form of comedy! I hate you both, and wish you had cancer.

/head cancer!
//better not be obscure.
2006-10-10 2:51:35 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

2006-10-10 2:52:25 PM  
Farts. ALWAYS Funny.

We were just driving back from Oktoberfest in a small truck and my friend who I will not name to protect the innocent, had good ole beer farts the whole way home.

If we werent in tears from the smell (He would roll up the windows then LOCK them), we were in tears from the laughter.

It was a very long 4 1/2 hour drive.

/pull my finger
2006-10-10 2:52:33 PM  
I've got the farts. I had Taco Bell last night. Had a 1:30am run to Taco Bell after poker. Cant wait to get home and dump a deuce. Seriously, I've got a crapper on deck that could choke a donkey! Ive got a turtle head pokin out.. its all squinchy. Christ, I'm getting all emotional.

/really had Taco Bell last night
//really have to hold the farts in until I go out for a smoke
///drank too much last night.. my kidney hurts..
2006-10-10 2:52:57 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2006-10-10 2:53:26 PM  
atomic age FTW!
2006-10-10 2:53:43 PM  
FLYNAVY beat me to the pull my finger joke by mere seconds.

/pull it anyway
2006-10-10 2:53:57 PM  
This guy from the Offbeat News section looks like he was there too.

[image from too old to be available]
2006-10-10 2:54:54 PM  
now there is a conservative judge....apologise for flatulence, it's not natural
2006-10-10 2:57:54 PM  
Lawdude: I was taking a deposition in a small case involving a minor impact rear end collision.

Me: "Please describe how the accident happened."
Defendant: "I just slowly eased into her rear."

I'm Beavis in a gray suit.

/still laughing
2006-10-10 3:00:37 PM  
At first I read the defendant's name as "Joseph Windy"

2006-10-10 3:01:05 PM  
Hoof Hearted?
2006-10-10 3:02:50 PM  
"Excuse me, M'lud ... my I have an adjournment?"
"Certainly not!"
( P P F F F F H H H H T T T T T )
"Why on earth didn't you say WHY you wanted an adjournment?!?!"
"I didn't know an acceptable legal term M'lud."

/ not gill-cup
2006-10-10 3:03:15 PM  
Thanks, Lawdude. Quoting from memory, no less.
2006-10-10 3:03:26 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

"Excuse me, M'lud ... my I have an adjournment?"
"Certainly not!"
( P P F F F F H H H H T T T T T )
"Why on earth didn't you say WHY you wanted an adjournment?!?!"
"I didn't know an acceptable legal term M'lud."

/ not gill-cup
2006-10-10 3:11:58 PM  
Upon a Fart (1704)
(anonymous, mistakenly attributed to William Byrd)

Gentlest Blast of all Concoction,
Reverse of high ascending Belch,
The only Stink abhor'd by Scotch-men,
Belov'd and practis'd by the Welch.

Softest Note of inward Griping,
Sir Reverence's finest Part:
So fine it needs no pains of wiping,
Except it be a Brewer's Fart.

Swiftest Ease of Cholick Pains,
Vapour from a Secret Stench,
That's rattled by the unbred Swains,
But whisper'd by the Bashful Wench.

Shapeless Fart!, we we'er can shew thee,
But in that noble Female Sport;
In which by burning Blue we know thee,
Th'Amusement of the Maids at Court.
2006-10-10 3:13:55 PM  
damn activist judges.
2006-10-10 3:14:47 PM  
What's so good about that photo?
2006-10-10 3:18:02 PM  
well i've laid a few bad ones in class before, causing a massive lol factor. it's so hard to stop because the more you try to the funnier it is
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