Skip to content
Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Some Guy)   Today's "Incoherent Headline" award goes to: "Found Guilty Evangelical Christian Navy Chaplain Says Hell Appeal"   ( divider line
    More: Amusing  
•       •       •

5082 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Sep 2006 at 4:02 PM (16 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook

67 Comments     (+0 »)

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

2006-09-18 4:04:05 PM  
not worthy.
2006-09-18 4:04:20 PM  
my vote is for

"So one ex steals your car, then your other ex took the car back, uses another ex to attempt to return it and managed to make an ex of the car as well. Sounds simple, right?"
2006-09-18 4:04:21 PM  
Are there evangelical non-christians?
2006-09-18 4:04:39 PM  
worthy not.
2006-09-18 4:04:42 PM  
Punctuation. Learn it. Use it.
2006-09-18 4:05:00 PM  
Found Guilty of being the life of the party maybe he was, YES!
2006-09-18 4:05:45 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

/amongst other punctuation
2006-09-18 4:06:45 PM  
That's just good writing.
2006-09-18 4:06:50 PM  
"Hell Appeal"? But did it freeze over?
2006-09-18 4:06:57 PM  
I'm hoping they'd hammer that asshat.
Cmdr says ''Don't wear your goddamn uniform to the protest''
Chaplan wears the uniform to the begining of the protest, but later changes to civie attire...
Cmdr says ''What the fark did I say... here, this is Article 31.
2006-09-18 4:07:44 PM  
The lieutenant claims he was silent before his accusers and patterned his defense after Isaiah 53:7.

That verse prophesied that "when Jesus was put on trial, 'he was led like a sheep to the slaughter and he did not open his mouth,'"


What a dummy......patterned his defense after that one, huh?
See what happened to the last guy who did that, faddah?

2006-09-18 4:08:18 PM  
Me fail English? That's unpossible.
[image from too old to be available]
2006-09-18 4:08:42 PM  
Where's "Bob the Angry Flower"?
2006-09-18 4:09:56 PM  
Don't worry, the mods will correct his headline spit-spot!
2006-09-18 4:10:46 PM  
In other words, "Fark you, Navy...orders are for pussies!"

Next time, remember to render unto Caesar and don't wear your uniform while doing non-Navy work. You keep on prayin'...we'll see if God miracles your ass out of the brig (or discharge...whichever).
2006-09-18 4:13:26 PM  
Chaplain Klingenschmitt says any government official who requires non-sectarian prayers is forcing his government religion on Christian ministers like himself, chaplains who want to worship their creator and pray in Jesus' name, in an effort to "censor, exclude and punish" them for their actions.

Dear Asshat;

The United States Military is a vast organization that consists of individuals from a wide variety of belief systems. These people may be Christian, Jewish, Shintoist, Buddhist, Muslim, Hindi, Eckankar or any number of other religions. While we have all chosen our religious belief and we have decided to serve our country, we cannot control the faith of the chaplain assigned to our unit. Due to the preponderance of Christian chaplains within the Armed Forces, there stands a good chance that non-Christian service members will be saddled with one such as yourself.

Out of respect for our personal beliefs, your superior officers have requested that you utilize non-sectartian prayers at official functions. This is not meant to force a religious ideology on you, but to respect the religious diversity of your unit. We are here to serve, not to provide you with a pool of potential converts. Your unit is not your own personal proselytizing party.


The vast diversity that made our country great.
2006-09-18 4:13:34 PM  
Further proof that all christians are retarded.
2006-09-18 4:13:55 PM  
Must have been written by the guy on the right:

[image from too old to be available]
2006-09-18 4:14:19 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2006-09-18 4:15:04 PM  
Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.

/An example of a sentence that's easier to understand.
2006-09-18 4:17:27 PM  
"And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and preach on the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, they shall never know me, for they have their reward already.

But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly."

Matthew 6:5 - biatch...
2006-09-18 4:26:24 PM  

What a dummy......patterned his defense after that one, huh?
See what happened to the last guy who did that, faddah?

[image from too old to be available]
2006-09-18 4:27:33 PM  
I heard about this trial last week. He even had "10 Commandments" Judge Roy Moore lined up to testify for him.
2006-09-18 4:28:59 PM  
Check out the ad for on the left side. A body builder that Guckert/Gannon would love.
2006-09-18 4:29:32 PM  
Lieutenant Klingenschmitt disobeyed a direct order from his CO not to wear his uniform to a public event. He was found guilty, end of story. My CO has ordered us not to wear our flight suits off base for security & safety reasons. I'd recommend the Lt. learn to follow orders. There are plenty of chain of command paths to question standing & specific orders, he should have used one of them. Unless you think the order is illegal or immoral then it's usually a good idea to follow orders, it's how our military & government are set up. Sounds like the evangelical christians have talked another lamb into taking one for the team. Religious fundies & terrorists have alot in common. Extremes in anything never works.
2006-09-18 4:31:38 PM  

You know what would make the military better?

If soldiers evangelized each other!

Just imagine how cohesive units will be when they're telling each other that they're going to hell. Gay sex has got nuffin on that.
2006-09-18 4:32:15 PM  
FLYNAVY: Extremes in anything never works.

Never? Isn't that a bit extreme?
2006-09-18 4:33:12 PM  
I dunno why, but the first thing I thought was

John Jacob Gordon Klingenschmitt
his name is my name too.

2006-09-18 4:36:03 PM  
Guys, those who are slapping Submitter for the headline must not have RTFA.

As for an appeal, in the UCMJ a conviction is reviewed automaticly, unless you take it out of the military system. I don't think you can do that until The Court of Military Appeals has a shot at it.
2006-09-18 4:37:04 PM  
Chaplain chaplain Chaplain chaplain chaplain chaplain Chaplain chaplain.
2006-09-18 4:38:37 PM  
Lieutenant Klingenschmitt disobeyed a direct order from his CO not to wear his uniform to a public event. He was found guilty, end of story.

What's the holy man's problem??? He disobeyed an order.
2006-09-18 4:38:52 PM  
This is a bad sign for parenthetical evangelicals.
2006-09-18 4:43:43 PM  
submitter: Today's "Incoherent Headline" award goes to: "Found Guilty Evangelical Christian Navy Chaplain Says Hell Appeal"

Since when did Yoda start writing headlines for christians?
2006-09-18 4:45:08 PM  
I'm not sure which is worse, the headline or this guy's twisted sense of entitlement/persecution.
2006-09-18 4:46:17 PM  
2006-09-18 04:29:32 PM FLYNAVY [TotalFark] sold out and went Total Fark.

2006-09-18 4:48:59 PM  
Would have preferred "vows hell appeal", but I'm not one to quibble.

Editor doesn't like punctuation marks? Would have been fixed easily:

"Evangelical Christian Navy Chaplain Found Guilty, Says He'll Appeal "
2006-09-18 4:49:58 PM  
Ty: "Me winning isn't, you do!"

Danny: "Nice grammar."

2006-09-18 4:52:59 PM  
I hope they transfer him to a nice quite duty station where he can work on his appeal. I'd suggest Bumbfark Egypt.
2006-09-18 4:54:55 PM  

Sheriff Of Rottingham: "Deer know don't you at forest! King illegal is it kill at!"
2006-09-18 4:55:17 PM  
I can't wait to read "Danger Road" sounds like a modern parable of redemption.
2006-09-18 4:58:34 PM  
Clint Zombie:

What, are you nuts?

\You buy a hat like this I'll bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? Oh, it looks good on you, though!
2006-09-18 5:05:32 PM  
2006-09-18 04:49:58 PM Clint Zombie

When the heck is Caddyshack obscure?

"On my death bed, I'll have total consciousness, so I got that going for me!"
2006-09-18 5:07:34 PM  
mcsestretch: When the heck is Caddyshack obscure?

"ohh la la, Madonna with Meatballs."
2006-09-18 5:09:22 PM  
He disobeyed and order. Lemme guess this guy will claim he takes his orders from Jebus. I hope they throw him in military prison for a long time.

He's just lucky he didn't get pitched off a ship in the ocean somewhere for being a PITA.
2006-09-18 5:12:41 PM  
2006-09-18 04:46:17 PM squernt:
2006-09-18 04:29:32 PM FLYNAVY [TotalFark] sold out and went Total Fark. Wanker

Not on my payrate, haha. Thanks to whomever forked over the $5 USD. I should put it in next months budget but stuff like food pops up. So I'll raise you a wanker & call.

/sold out to the man about 4 years ago.
2006-09-18 5:13:36 PM  



2006-09-18 5:19:19 PM  
Dear Xians (I'm looking at YOU, Mija):

Being convicted of a crime when you, as a member of the military, have counter-manded direct orders, is NOT "persecution".
2006-09-18 5:26:54 PM  

Are there evangelical non-christians?

Well, the 5th enty at says, "marked by militant or crusading zeal", so based on that, yes.
2006-09-18 5:47:05 PM  
does anybody know of a town in USA where there are no churches? Or a place where churches are not allowed?
2006-09-18 5:49:00 PM  

Wait one were, at one time at least, allowed to wear your flight suit off-base?!?! WTF!!! I am not allowed to wear my poopie suit anywhere "outside the general vicinity of the ship (ie. the pier)", and only then when involved in "work that may soil my uniform". This is crap, CRAP I SAY!!!!

/11 days and a wake up...
Displayed 50 of 67 comments

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter

  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.