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(Local6)   Floridians angry that police aren't taking seriously complaints about a squirrel that has attacked seven people. I'm telling you, that squirrel's dynamite   (local6.com) divider line
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    More: Florida  
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4550 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Aug 2006 at 2:30 PM (16 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



112 Comments     (+0 »)


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Devin172
2006-08-11 2:33:47 PM  
Nice reference submitter.
 
DulceEtDecorumEst
2006-08-11 2:33:59 PM  
no more frontal assaults
 
neonrisk
2006-08-11 2:34:05 PM  
RUN AWAY!
 
BlazeTrailer
2006-08-11 2:34:10 PM  
I told you this day would come. I told you about the return of the master squirrel race.
 
Balchinian
2006-08-11 2:34:41 PM  
"The squirrel's nuts...grab 'em!"
 
dstanley [TotalFark]
2006-08-11 2:34:59 PM  
Actual headline from Florida Today:

C. Florida attack squirrel free of rabies

/Holy Hand Grenade, anyone?
 
fj
2006-08-11 2:35:06 PM  
what, no one has a pellet gun?
 
dosethemost
2006-08-11 2:35:08 PM  
That squirrel's got nuts!
 
serpent_sky
2006-08-11 2:35:09 PM  
GO SQUIRRELS.

There have been a lot of animals attacking humans story lately. This is making me so happy.
 
Korben_Dallas
2006-08-11 2:35:19 PM  
Winter Park received notice from the Florida Department of Health Epidemiology stating that the results on the squirrel were negative for rabies.

So, they put the squirrel back... Right?
 
Tentacle
2006-08-11 2:35:20 PM  
JESUS CHRIST!
 
Shadow Blasko [TotalFark]
2006-08-11 2:35:25 PM  
I, for one, welcome our new squirrely overlords.


/Our Lord and Master, Foamy.
 
EightyEight
2006-08-11 2:36:03 PM  
Perhaps a Holy Hand Grenade would help.
 
Shadow Blasko [TotalFark]
2006-08-11 2:36:09 PM  
Korben_Dallas: So, they put the squirrel back... Right?


When was the last time you saw a rabies test done on a live animal?
 
bump
2006-08-11 2:36:12 PM  
How I wish that I had Jessie's squirrel...
 
Walker [TotalFark]
2006-08-11 2:36:38 PM  
But did his nuts hang low and did they swing to and fro?
 
MisterRPG
2006-08-11 2:36:42 PM  
You guys are laughing. But you haven't been attacked by a squirrel.

// When I was, it was everyone else who was laughing.
// So I guess it makes sense.
 
WarpZone
2006-08-11 2:37:28 PM  
One, two, FIVE!

Three, sir!

THREE!
 
fernandez
2006-08-11 2:37:30 PM  
Look at the BOOOONES!
 
EdgeRunner [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2006-08-11 2:38:16 PM  
Do not taunt the dynamite squirrel?
 
symbelmyne7
2006-08-11 2:38:25 PM  
would have been more effective if there was a picture of the child's injuries...
 
Der Poopflinger
2006-08-11 2:38:58 PM  
DYN'O'MITE!
/got nothin'
 
Shadow Blasko [TotalFark]
2006-08-11 2:39:03 PM  
MisterRPG: You guys are laughing. But you haven't been attacked by a squirrel.

Like hell I haven't.

I have many squirrel scars.

/I still laugh
 
traderkirk
2006-08-11 2:39:28 PM  
Boris and Natasha surrender
 
Gawja Boy
2006-08-11 2:39:29 PM  
Hmmm, sea turtle, squirrel. . . the Florida animal attack trifecta is now in play.

Beware those evil manatees.
 
Doooom
2006-08-11 2:39:34 PM  
But did the squirrel go berserk?
 
Ayukawa
2006-08-11 2:40:11 PM  
[image from images.quizilla.com too old to be available]
 
ateksuni
2006-08-11 2:40:17 PM  
The day the squirrel went berserk
In the First Self-Righteous Church
In the sleepy little town of Pascagoula
It was a fight for survival that broke out in revival
They were jumpin' pews and shoutin' Hallelujah!
 
jaygerson
2006-08-11 2:41:13 PM  
I soiled my armor!
 
techmom
2006-08-11 2:41:17 PM  
... I was attacked by a bunny the other day...

/no, really
//fu**er drew blood
///stop laughing!
 
totalsecurity
2006-08-11 2:41:40 PM  
Just kill and eat the damn thing.

How hard is that?
 
ramell
2006-08-11 2:41:56 PM  
Are they sure it was a squirrel?

[image from mwscomp.com too old to be available]
 
BassPlayinManiac
2006-08-11 2:42:12 PM  
thank god for monty python. I need to watch that movie again...
 
Timbomb
2006-08-11 2:42:17 PM  
MisterRPG: You guys are laughing. But you haven't been attacked by a squirrel.

I saw a squirrel practice Kung-fu once. Round house kicks and such. We backed away and watched from a distance. We named him "little squirrel Chuck Norris". Sorry you got your ass kicked by him, but that is what happens when you tangle with the cyclone.

If the squirrel does not have the rabies doesn't that imply that he naturally crazy. Great.
 
jarbabyj
2006-08-11 2:42:35 PM  
DON'T FOOL YOURSELF BILLY. Given the chance a squirrel would kill you and everyone you care about:

[image from i8.tinypic.com too old to be available]
 
Shadow Blasko [TotalFark]
2006-08-11 2:42:36 PM  
macross87: Just for you


We see what you did thar!

[image from shadowsrealm.com too old to be available]
 
Seymour's Fat Lady
2006-08-11 2:42:43 PM  
Some people now say the attacking animal should have been captured sooner.

A groundbreaking line in a poignant article.

/I am now dumber for having read that
 
Korben_Dallas
2006-08-11 2:43:50 PM  
MisterRPG: You guys are laughing. But you haven't been attacked by a squirrel.

Mental Image: being pummeled by their tiny fists of fury.
 
BarkingPumpkin
2006-08-11 2:44:05 PM  
[image from img242.imageshack.us too old to be available]

...damn squirrels.
 
Supercheeks
2006-08-11 2:44:59 PM  
The day the squirrel wen berserk
In the First Self-Righteous Church
In the sleepy little town
Of Pascagoula
 
TDUsGamer
2006-08-11 2:45:37 PM  
[image from marvunapp.com too old to be available]
 
lilbastardo
2006-08-11 2:45:44 PM  
Sorry, Champ. I think I ate your chocolate squirrel.
 
tlay
2006-08-11 2:46:25 PM  
This is just one of the many minions of the squirrel master.


[image from t-lay.com too old to be available]


...as long as they stay away from my cocktail fruit.
 
HumbleGod
2006-08-11 2:47:15 PM  
Maybe if the squirrels were holding up protest signs?
 
Ikaru
2006-08-11 2:47:20 PM  
[image from enchantertim03.tripod.com too old to be available]DEATH AWAITS YOU WITH BIG SHARP POINTY TEETH!
 
trenchael
2006-08-11 2:48:22 PM  
[image from signs-up.com too old to be available]
 
trenchael
2006-08-11 2:49:22 PM  
Your squirrel wants nuts.... YOUR NUTS! AHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA
 
agentzero
2006-08-11 2:50:43 PM  
gis for "squirrel bomber"
[image from img153.imageshack.us too old to be available]
Ok, who's responsible for this? C'mon, fess up.
 
totalsecurity
2006-08-11 2:51:53 PM  
Here's a story:

One time as I was driving up the Alaska Highway, I camped in Judas Creek (that's in Canada). I met a couple of stoners at the campground, and we all drank beer and ate cookies. One of them passed out on a picnic table.

I awoke the next morning to screaming. This guy has about a dozen squirrels all over him. They were going for the cookie crumbs.

Compared to the squirrels in the small states, the ones we have here aren't even worth cleaning. A hot dog has more meat on them.
 
wpmulligan
2006-08-11 2:51:56 PM  
BlazeTrailer: I told you this day would come. I told you about the return of the master squirrel race.

My high school biology teacher, Mrs. Avery, used to claim that super smart squirrels would eventually take over the Earth. She postulated that the dumb ones were getting run over by cars while the smart ones ran along the power lines. A few generations of such selection and, viola, super smart and very agile squirrels. We wouldn't know what hit us, or from where.
 
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