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(Some Wino)   When Mad Dog just isn't enough: how to brew your own cheap wine   ( divider line
    More: PSA  
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6513 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Jul 2006 at 9:35 PM (11 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2006-07-15 08:09:02 PM  
2006-07-15 08:51:36 PM  
I don't recall wine being brewed.
2006-07-15 09:37:45 PM  
Step one: buy cheap grapes from grocery

Step two: leave them in a bottle for a couple months

Step three: Get drunk
2006-07-15 09:38:34 PM  
Been doing this for a while now back at College. Actually doesnt taste very bad, but will make you crazy (like mentally not right) drunk and gives nasty hangover.

/Senior Year Coming Up
//poor as fark
2006-07-15 09:40:31 PM  
submitter: When Mad Dog just isn't enough: how to brew your own cheap wine

You're kidding, right?
2006-07-15 09:46:42 PM  
The funny thing is, with the addition of about 5 bucks worth of basic gear and yeast from a hobbyist shop, you can make some surprisingly decent stuff. You'll never get anything complex, but you can beat the hell out of mad dog or anything like that without much effort.
2006-07-15 09:52:06 PM  
For Goodness sakes, why?
[image from too old to be available]
2006-07-15 09:53:42 PM  
What'd you call me?

[image from too old to be available]

I'll hunt you and shoot you down like a duck.
2006-07-15 09:53:53 PM  
You can brew wine or beer pretty easily.

Currently brewing a batch of oatmeal stout.
2006-07-15 09:55:55 PM  
And, of course, the link DOES. NOT. WORK.

2006-07-15 09:56:44 PM  
For Goodness sakes, why?

As far as hobbies go, making alcohol isn't a bad one.
2006-07-15 10:00:02 PM  
Everyone likes Cheap wine and a 3 day growth.
2006-07-15 10:01:18 PM  
If you go to a place that has brewing and vinting supplies, you can get vinter's yeast. Sometimes it is in liquid cultures. That will make better wine than baking yeast.
2006-07-15 10:14:56 PM  
page 2 is 403 forbidden
2006-07-15 10:19:09 PM  
Being that a gallon of cheap wine goes for way less than you could ferment it yourself (unless some of your ingredients are free or something,) the object should be to make fine wine. Course my vinyard is currently in hock, so I settle- when I want to be a wino- on the Gallo bag o piss, and risk praising the porcelain goddess.

Brewing beer is better cus even a bad homebrew can be light years better than store bought.
2006-07-15 10:20:16 PM  
heh, back in highschool, my friend and I raided the local library and learned how to make wine because the local liquor store wouldn't take our fake IDs. Your local hobby/brew store can supply you with good yeast and sugar as well as the proper gear to rake, filter, and ferment some pretty stout wine.

/made my first batch from minute maid fruit punch
2006-07-15 10:29:33 PM  
Anyone else ever tried to ferment "balloon wine?" Where you just have the 5 gallon glass jug,mix everything up,and snap the balloon on the top. You let the balloon expand for a few days,and when it deflates a few days later,it's ready. It worked the one time I tried it,just wondering if anybody else had.
2006-07-15 10:29:39 PM  
Poop_Donkey [TotalFark]

I prefer the dirty sock and moldy bread method.

Prison wine ftw
2006-07-15 10:29:41 PM  
Yum: bilge wine!!! Bringing back deployment memories.....
2006-07-15 10:31:09 PM  
This web site looks as if it was created by a 14-year-old. You can catch glimpses of him in some of the pictures. He claims to not know what he's doing, but I'd say he's got it down.

I've been making 20 gallons of English style hard cider every winter for the past five years, and I've been a home-brewer for a decade. One of these days I've been meaning to try wine. And alls I can say is, this kid has nailed all the important stuff: santitation, culturing yeast, controlling temperature.

As he grows up, he's going to raise his standards for raw ingredients. He'll start making better and better products.

If I had a kid with a hobby like this, I'd be so proud. (endo wipes tear from eye.)
2006-07-15 10:36:29 PM  
At our brew your own place, once they get to know you, you can phone in an order and they make it for you ;-)
There's also a mysterious tap on the wall that wine comes out of...
2006-07-15 10:46:41 PM  
Any links to some good home beer brewing resources? I'm drinking some store bought at the moment laughing my ass off to lines like, "Yet somehow these ingredients went from sweet and child-like to harsh and alcoholic quicker than Lindsay Lohan."
2006-07-15 10:50:54 PM  
Poop_Donkey: I prefer the dirty sock and moldy bread method.
Oh that Steve Don't Eat It site was totally my first thought too!

/Anthony: "I would drink this in prison."
//Steve: "I would drink this in high school!"
2006-07-15 10:53:09 PM  
ah come on

Mad Dog 20/20 isn't THAT bad
really it is cheap as hell, doesn't taste nearly as bad as you would think, and it will fark you up

/or you could get a $6 bottle of vodka, but damn that stuff is hard to drink
2006-07-15 10:55:29 PM  
vowelmovements: Any links..

Search Charlie Papazian and prepare to worship a new god.
2006-07-15 10:55:45 PM  

thanks for that....I laughed out loud.....REALLY out loud...

damn that was good..

2006-07-15 10:57:38 PM  
2006-07-15 11:00:56 PM  
2006-07-15 11:23:55 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2006-07-15 11:26:10 PM  
Protected: How to brew cheap wine

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

So, like, can anyone post the contents from cache because the admins of the site are pissed we are like, reading their site.
2006-07-15 11:27:04 PM  
Carlo Rossi Rhine/Chablis.

Works for me, especially at $10.99 a 4L.
2006-07-15 11:32:11 PM  
If you want to get a woman real "randy", then here are just a few things you gotta do:

-Light a couple homemade candles
-Turn the lights down low by shorting out the circuit
-Put on a classy tune, like "Strokin" by Clarence Carter
-Break out the good china, something like Chinette
-Serve up a few White Castle sliders, with a Chicken Ring appitizer. After that, serve up a couple Zingers for a good dessert.
-After all of this, you break out the elixer: MD 20/20

If after all of this you aren't taking the skin boat to Tuna Town, then you ain't tryin'.
2006-07-15 11:32:56 PM  
A tip on the cheap vodka: run it through a Brita filter pitcher, and voila! Not as good as Grey Goose, but a heck of a lot better than what came out of the bottle. The secret is charcoal filtering. Or something like that. Only works with vodka, though.

Trust the Brita
2006-07-15 11:36:03 PM  
natewill run it through a Brita filter pitcher

I am going to try that, and if it doesn't work I'm probably going to be a very vengeful, very hung-over farker.
2006-07-15 11:40:38 PM  
Eh, all red wine tastes like Mad Dog anyway... wine fanatics are a bunch of fools BSing themselves.
2006-07-15 11:45:37 PM  
The Billdozer:

Zingers? how YOU doin?
2006-07-16 12:03:57 AM  
Am I one of the few who found that page "password protected"? I tried to get in with the AOL browser and Opera.
On the subject of home made wine, it is a very fun hobby and very easy to do (easy to screw up if you don't keep your equipment sterile). I used to make it from grapes that were growing in the backyard, as well as cherries from a cherry tree where I used to live. I found that adding fructose (as opposed to sucrose) gave the finished product a "silkier" texture. And I was not above adding a little vodka to fortify it.
2006-07-16 12:08:48 AM  
I'm also hitting the password page.
2006-07-16 12:13:00 AM  
Good stuff Poop_Donkey
"somehow these ingredients went from sweet and child-like to harsh and alcoholic quicker than Lindsay Lohan"
2006-07-16 12:16:43 AM  
If you want a great, free how-to-brew, check out

/drinking homebrewed ESB
2006-07-16 12:24:45 AM  
I just finished a batch of home-made wine, and it actually tastes pretty good. Of course, I cheated and used one of the kits, and they're pretty much impossible to mess up. Anyway, the final product was 20 L of Riesling wine that ended up costing just a little over $2/bottle. Nothing fancy, but cheap and extremely effective. Wicked hangovers though...
2006-07-16 12:48:37 AM  
My Mad Dog story:
Back in college we had a freshman football player move onto our hall. Great guy, but really, really clueless. And boy did he like to get drunk.
He had no idea what MD 20/20 was, so we bought some at the local grocery and essentially said to him, "It's wine, so it's pretty weak. You have to drink a bunch pretty quick to catch a good buzz." On the 10 minute drive back from the store he did something insane, which I swear I'm not making up. He opened, turned up, and downed two bottles of MD in a row, in under two minutes.
His to-do list for the evening included breaking school property, taking a dump on the bathroom floor, and puking.
2006-07-16 12:50:57 AM  
Once we made homemade wine from this powder we ordered over the internet. It tasted like rat piss... undrinkable
2006-07-16 02:43:49 AM  
Yeah, I am currently happily tipsy on quintuple-Brita-filtered Seagram's vodka. I got a feeling it farks up the filter, but it's totally worth it. Goes down like water.
2006-07-16 02:57:15 AM  
PopeBenedictXVI: Currently brewing a batch of oatmeal stout.

I got the brewing bug last summer. Using my dad's abandoned wine making supplies plus a couple other items I picked up pretty cheap I made 3 good batches. The only thing keeping me from doing it now is that I moved and can't run my heavy duty propane burner in an apartment :(. My question is this: I made a brown ale batch and added a pound of corn sugar to up the alcohol content, I was shooting for 9%. It tasted great and got the job done, but gave lethal hangovers (similar to a Mike's Hard Lemonade bender). Even after 1 or 2 glasses. But it didn't taste any sweeter than regular brown ale so I think I fermented the majority of the extra sugar. Any advice for cutting down on its "Sunday morning ruining powers"?
2006-07-16 03:04:42 AM  
My MD 20/20 story: at 17, making fake ID's literally out of poloroids and a dell printer, taking them down to a korean owned mini mart (The indian guys will NEVER sell underage). Projectile vomiting a mixture of MD, ginger ale, and Saint Ides all over my buddies house; forever earning his mother's undying hatred.
2006-07-16 05:53:46 AM  
What's the word? Thunderbird!
How's it sold? Good and cold.
What's the price? Thirty-twice!
What's the jive? Bird's alive!

Or prior to 1940, the last line was:

Who likes it most? Us colored folk!
2006-07-16 06:19:02 AM  
Ensign_Ricky: Any advice for cutting down on its "Sunday morning ruining powers"?

Try to ferment it at a lower temperature, such as putting the carboy in a shallow container of water with a wet t-shirt wrapped around it and fan blowing on it to wick and evaporate for moderate cooling. Above 70F the yeast starts throwing alot of phenyl and fusels into the mix. Actively fermenting yeast will raise the liquid temperature a ways. Adding a lot of sugar will also create alot of byproducts, and will raise the temperature even higher as the yeast is working harder and throwing out more heat, creating even more hangover vectors.
2006-07-16 08:22:53 AM  
$5-Brewing bucket with lid
$2-air lock
$0.79- red star premier cuvee yeast
$10- 5 gallons of grape juice
2006-07-16 09:05:34 AM  
I love password protected news stories!

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