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(Some Guy)   Sen. Stevens explains the internets: "And again, the internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes"   ( divider line
    More: Dumbass  
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11897 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Jul 2006 at 12:34 PM (11 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

245 Comments     (+0 »)

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2006-07-03 03:50:31 PM  
Churchy LaFemme

hey i think your intarwebs tube is clogged up
2006-07-03 03:58:23 PM  
For those of you who believe net neutrality is bad for the Internet here's what some real experts have to say about the issue. (the links pop)

Vint Cerf, Co-Developer of the Internet Protocol:

Tim Berners-Lee, Inventor of the World Wide Web

2006-07-03 04:05:51 PM  
Wow, that really tied some loose ends up for me! As a network engineer (CCNP) for a major bank Ive been trouble shooting all wrong, I should have just called ROTO-ROOTER.
2006-07-03 04:06:31 PM  
WARNING: The Original Audio may cause your BRAIN TO ASSPLODE
2006-07-03 04:11:12 PM  
You tell everybody. Listen to me, Hatcher. You've gotta tell them! The Internet is tubes! We've gotta stop them somehow!
2006-07-03 04:15:53 PM  
OMG...I don't want this IDIOT deciding against Net Neutrality!

Its like the politicians are totally detached from everyday life! Find these suckers and vote them out of office! Please! Like I posted before:

The scene in the room was surreal, with Senators debating in front of a room full of Blackberry-armed lobbyists. There were aides behind the Senators who would pass their bosses arguments and information, with the lobbyists passing arguments and information to the aides based on the arguments Senators were making. There were over 50 Bell lobbyists alone, including 12 employees of Verizon. Some Senators were simply proxies for lobbyists to argue through ...

2006-07-03 04:21:13 PM  

jesus you werent kidding
2006-07-03 04:23:27 PM  

Well said.
I know that you will get slammed by the uber-geeks who love to argue about the causes slow data transmission, but you provided a cogent translation of the senator's speech.
2006-07-03 04:29:28 PM  
Everyone realizes that this moran is third in line of succession if something happens to Bushy, right?

1.Cheney (V.P.)
2.Hastert (Speaker of House)
3.Stevens (Pres. pro tem. of Senate)

That's terrifying. Absolutely terrifying. I sure hope nothing happens to any of the guys in front of his looney ass.
2006-07-03 04:33:09 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
Get the scientists working on the tube technology...
2006-07-03 04:33:25 PM  
1886 called, they want Sen. Stevens back.
2006-07-03 04:35:40 PM  
2006-07-03 04:43:50 PM  
Doesn't the Constitution or the Declaration of Independence allow for armed revolt if the American government is decided to be acting counter to the best interests of it's citizens?
It's time, people.
2006-07-03 04:44:38 PM  
I went ahead and emailed him outlining why he was wrong.

I encourage everyone to do the same instead of bantering on Fark.
2006-07-03 04:50:30 PM  
2006-07-03 04:44:38 PM Flatline_UTD

Emailing a congressman? Getting involved in the process?
That's hot.
2006-07-03 04:50:48 PM  
Teh intarwebs is pipes! Look:

[image from too old to be available]
2006-07-03 04:52:16 PM  
Rockdrummer: If you read the whole article, not just the part that moonbat Kos quoted you'll see his position:

Kos himself isn't that moonbatty. Some of the diarists, though... gyee.
2006-07-03 05:02:16 PM  
PLEASE tell me this old bastard was saying this stuff after a recent stroke... I sometimes am ashamed to be an American.
Christ I wish we could all see his face when someone actually explains the "tubes" too him. What a MORAN!

/loves the tubes
//loves tube pr0n
2006-07-03 05:12:00 PM  

All i ask is that right in the middle of the State of the Union speech...with all senators and congresspeople assembled witht eh president and the VP, that a meteroite takes out that too much?
2006-07-03 05:19:39 PM  
Could I borrow one of those... eh... space age... things... you know...
2006-07-03 05:41:17 PM  
Teh intarweb is like, totally tubular. Tubular, yeah. Totally.

/gag me with a tube
2006-07-03 05:45:56 PM  
Thank you, mtylerjr, for the translation. I only had the audio of his speech from Metafilter yesterday, and it made my head hurt.
2006-07-03 05:48:06 PM  
Great, our tube technology is out of the bag. The NYT is to blame! Kill tehm all!
2006-07-03 06:17:12 PM  
Senator Magoo - you doddering fool.
2006-07-03 06:48:49 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2006-07-03 07:09:06 PM  
This is why, inside the Capital Beltway, it's so easy to pose as an "expert." If you appear to know what you are talking about you can persuade our clueless legislators that you are an expert, especially if what you are saying something couched in terms that they find appealing. And waving some money around also helps.
2006-07-03 07:33:45 PM  
Either way, if the rich getting what they want comes down to whether or not the rank and file is smart enough not to get circles run around them, then I'm afraid rich will get what they want, even if they record their speeches and play them backwards instead.
2006-07-03 07:50:13 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

I don't understand!
2006-07-03 08:06:30 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
approves of Sen. Stevens' ignorance

/and anyone else's
2006-07-03 09:12:29 PM  
The fact that he actually helps make policy for technology and the internet is still in office scares me.

/he's senile... and was an asshat to start with.
2006-07-03 09:14:01 PM  
This is where I keep telling you people that the people enacting legislation on the net have NO farking idea what they are doing. They rely on lobbyist to explain this shiat to them because they have no other source of info. IF YOU WANT to do something positive - DO write your congressperson a non-email letter explaining your position on net neutrality, the DMCA, etc. Attend community meetings - most congress peoples do sponsor these inside their home state.

Or face up to the fact that Senator Stevens is not unique and that you are farked.
2006-07-03 09:22:01 PM  
I'm actually going tubing tomorrow on the Current River, right here in Missouri. Being the 4th, there will be THOUSANDS of tubes. With little internet people sitting in them. Except for the tubes that carry the beer coolers.
We do not expect to encounter any trucks in the river.

Scratch that, it's the 4th; anything is possible. Flaming trucks driven into rivers is SOP here in Missouri on the 4th.
2006-07-03 09:32:10 PM  
Funnier than the quote is this thread. It's one thing to make fun of the guy because he does a bad job of making his point; it is another thing to make fun of him because you don't understand he has a valid point.
2006-07-03 09:41:55 PM  
Dear spammers,
Please stop dumping material into my personal internet tubes, I'm expecting 10 movies any day now.

/oh yeah, that 'remix' was lame as hell.
2006-07-03 10:17:34 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2006-07-03 10:20:54 PM  
it is another thing to make fun of him because you don't understand he has a valid point.

I just the other day got, an internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday

That certainly is a valid point. Touche.
2006-07-03 10:23:43 PM  
Correct me if I'm wrong. Basically the good senator wants entities that send large amounts of packets through these tubes to pay for "premium" service, which cost will be passed on to the end user. I think that someone should tell the good senator that his system is already in place. Users of huge bandwidth pay for that bandwidth, and the cost is passed on to the end user.

/Or am I wrong?
//Correct me?
2006-07-03 11:12:35 PM  
Error403, you are correct sir!
2006-07-04 12:03:35 AM  
Error403, you are correct!

Also, Sen. Stevens is the biggest friggin moran ever.

Take all the swipes you want at DailyKos, trot out kindergarten level conservative arguments about markets and regulations - the simple fact is that the neutral nature of carrying internet traffic is the single greatest reason that you're using the internet instead of using some lame bulletin board on AOL, stuck in 1980s technology.

Tim Berners-Lee - the guy who invented the WWW agrees. So does Vint Cerf, the guy who really did invent the Internet (and who defended Al Gore's statements about his support for the Internet as a Congressman). And Olympia Snowe, who is no youngster, has no trouble understanding it.

As for Sen. Stevens? It's very hard to get a man to understand something when people keep putting money in his pocket not to understand it.

So now unqualified ideologues and batshiat stupid morans like Stevens want to change the rules so the cable companies and phone companies have a new way to restrict your choices whenever it makes them a buck. And that's all there is to it.

But, hey, we can always stick our heads up our asses and create our own realities! That's called the Relatavistic Right for ya!
2006-07-04 02:26:30 AM  

Oh, that hurt my eyes to try and read that. That was not a speech or statement, but the ramblings from an old guy screaming at a houseplant.

Ooh, I LIKE that description. I'm gonna steal that for use as a tagline.

It's just the ramblings of an old guy screaming at a houseplant!
2006-07-04 03:13:09 AM  
That was... OK, was that run through seven Babblefish translaters? I've had an easier time understanding Engrish on Japanese candy boxes.

/For restrooms, go back towards your behind.
2006-07-04 03:37:35 AM  
"I just the other day got, an internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday and I just got it yesterday. Why?"


/Sad that they use expensive 'meetings' to 'learn' this crap.
//Is our senators learning?
///I need to get sent an internet; my staff is only at 7 o'clock.
2006-07-04 05:35:10 AM  
I thought of something very profound to say, but then I discovered, thanks to the great Senator, that it would take three weeks to get my point posted here on this FARK thread.

I think I will go to a chatroom and wait a few yeras to have a conversation.

/damn tubes
2006-07-04 07:28:19 AM  
[image from too old to be available]

Courtesy of BoingBoing and some artist named Piggy.
2006-07-04 11:03:44 AM  
i dont know why... and i dont know how... but this thread is one of the funniest ive evar read.

"it's a tube, dumbass."
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