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(Reuters)   California man kidnaps two men, strips them naked, super-glues their hands together, pours glue into their mouths. Kidnapper bound over, police stuck for answers, victims' only statement was lyrics to Crash Test Dummies song   ( divider line
    More: Weird  
•       •       •

17302 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Apr 2006 at 10:47 PM (11 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

53 Comments     (+0 »)

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2006-04-24 09:36:12 PM  
Great headline
2006-04-24 10:28:13 PM  
2006-04-24 10:50:12 PM  
submitter should be shot in the head.
2006-04-24 10:50:17 PM  
<Quizzical Dog Image>
2006-04-24 10:51:16 PM  
That headline was trying too hard
2006-04-24 10:52:17 PM  
Ooh, ooh, was it "Afternoons and Coffeespoons?"

'Cause I like that one.
2006-04-24 10:53:32 PM  
," Los Angeles police LT. Ernest Eskridge said. "We don't know if that was his cry for help."

oh the irony of that
2006-04-24 10:54:00 PM  
I laughed.

Shut up, you did too.
2006-04-24 10:56:01 PM  
That's what I call a sticky situation!
2006-04-24 10:56:48 PM  
i'm astonished at how bad that headline is.
2006-04-24 11:00:00 PM  
I fell off the slide, and when I woke up, I was in this Fark thread.
2006-04-24 11:00:14 PM  
that was a long way to go for a punchline
2006-04-24 11:00:50 PM  
I stared at the screen for a second plumbing my memory, then laughed out loud. Well played, submitter
2006-04-24 11:03:52 PM  
mmmmm mmmmm mmmm, mmmmm mmmmm mmmmmmm.....
2006-04-24 11:04:11 PM  
Wwwwhat? I think that we now all dumber.
2006-04-24 11:04:36 PM  
"treated at the scene"???

How do you get treated at the scene for having cyanoacrylate in your mouth?? It's not like you can pour some solvent in there with it! I think you'd have to have a dentist peel it out of there, using anesthetic.
2006-04-24 11:06:21 PM  
Onnnnce, there was this kiiiid who,
got into an accident and glued himself to Fred...
2006-04-24 11:07:06 PM  
Superglue in the mouth? Treated and released? Uh...that's pretty gruesome...
2006-04-24 11:07:24 PM  
desolationrow: I fell off the slide, and when I woke up, I was in this Fark thread.

I laughed really hard at that.

Definitely a long lead for a punchline, but I liked it. Here, have a gold star Submitter.
2006-04-24 11:08:24 PM  
Could be worse.

He could have stripped them naked, glued their hands to their knees, and dumped them somewhere in LA with their mouths full of glue.

/would run like mad seeing a naked man mumble while bent over
2006-04-24 11:08:36 PM  
(cue burping and kazoos)
2006-04-24 11:10:55 PM  
Once, there was this guy who
Stripped two guys butt-naked
And poured glue into their mouths

/mmmm mmmm mmmmm mmmmmm
2006-04-24 11:12:19 PM  
Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? I gotta plead ignorance, had I known it was frowned upon in the office I certainly wouldn't have...........
2006-04-24 11:15:13 PM  
That's disgusting.

/no more pervert crimes, OK?
2006-04-24 11:18:34 PM  
Glue in the mouth is just over the top. Duct tape would have been less messy.

/ slaps submitter for putting that stupid song in my head
/ walks away muttering to self...
2006-04-24 11:19:30 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2006-04-24 11:25:36 PM  
I've gotten CA up the nose. Never confuse the decongestant tube and the CA tube!

Anyway, it just worked its way out over the next week. I was too embarassed to tell my folks, so it worked its way out without medical intervention. This, though, would definitely require medical attention.
2006-04-24 11:28:26 PM  

/throws rotten, worm infested tomato at submitter
2006-04-24 11:34:10 PM  

That headline was trying too hard

way too hard! farking killed my buzz. thanks a lot submitter. You owe me a bong hit.
2006-04-24 11:49:52 PM  
Another vote for the headline trying too hard...
2006-04-24 11:51:55 PM  
Nobody seemed to have a problem with it when I did it on spring break. Or did I just admit to something that I shouldn't have. On second thought, I'm going into hiding.
2006-04-24 11:56:31 PM  
Submitter just stole my heart.
2006-04-25 12:01:29 AM  
I'd have called it Nude Hostages Glued, but that's just me.
2006-04-25 12:08:21 AM  
holy long headline, batman
2006-04-25 12:16:55 AM  
That headline was a mouthful.
2006-04-25 12:36:51 AM  
Superman never made any money, saving the world from Solomon Grundy
2006-04-25 12:49:54 AM  
(insert obligatory rant over long headline here)

An another note, how can someone actually end an article with the paragraph:

"There was some kind of dispute there and he put super glue in their mouths before calling his sister," Los Angeles police LT. Ernest Eskridge said. "We don't know if that was his cry for help."

Either that was an accidental mish-mash of two quotes or a deliberate misquote by the reporter.

I simply refuse to believe a police LIEUTENANT (Sioux for LOO-TENT-TINT) could say something that ridiculous.
2006-04-25 01:01:44 AM  
"Man, I love that song, but I can't remember the lyrics to the chorus."

"Oh! Mmmmmmmm Mmmmmmm Mmm..."

"I know what it sounds like, what I want to know are the words!"

/Remember to tip the waitress
2006-04-25 01:05:50 AM  
Sounds like the average Sunday morning to me...
2006-04-25 01:28:20 AM  
Buckle Up!
Buckle Up!
Buckle Up!
2006-04-25 02:11:22 AM  
Our lips are sealed....

///always sung it back in the 80s as Our Lips Are Veal
//got nuthin
2006-04-25 03:38:36 AM  
The Crash Test Dummies. . .

Another reason to be happy there is Canada.
2006-04-25 03:43:16 AM  
Suspect: "So I don't care if your legs start aching,
I'm a california man."

Sadly, first thing I thought of when I RTFA.
2006-04-25 03:53:07 AM  
I still have the Weird Al version, "Headline News" stuck in my mouth..... Sounds like a sequel in the making....
2006-04-25 04:23:31 AM  
Two nude glued dudes?
2006-04-25 06:30:29 AM  
/needs 'scary' tag?
2006-04-25 08:41:48 AM  
Slight mod to Donald McRonald...

/Once, there was this guy who
/Stripped two guys butt-naked
/And filled their mouths with glue

//mmmm mmmm mmmmm mmmmmm
2006-04-25 09:15:46 AM  
Far too much headline for one article.
2006-04-25 09:19:42 AM  
That's what i call a sticky situation.
/needs repeating
2006-04-25 10:28:00 AM  
Headline longer than article.
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