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(Link Goes Nowhere)   I'm stuck to my chair. I'm so very scared. Help. (Details In thread)   ( divider line
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32565 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Apr 2006 at 11:22 PM (16 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook

1470 Comments     (+0 »)

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2006-04-17 10:04:47 PM  
alright, without going into too much detail, here's the situation:

I am TFing in my boxers, and sitting on a chair that has slightly spaced out planks. Suffice to say that part of me is now lodged, and any attempt to move just pinches the crap out of me.

Can't move, need advice, soonish.

Oh god it hurts.
2006-04-17 10:06:26 PM  

pull hard. take video.
2006-04-17 10:06:51 PM  
Two things:

1) What parts are stuck?

2) [image from too old to be available]
2006-04-17 10:07:14 PM  
Classic. Farkers love nothing more than to laugh at other people's suffering.
2006-04-17 10:07:17 PM  
haha you're gonna castrate yourself
2006-04-17 10:07:38 PM  
Wooden chair?

Set fire to it! Once reduced to ashes it should slip right off.
2006-04-17 10:07:50 PM  
no frank, just beans, partly
2006-04-17 10:08:16 PM  
What are we looking at here,the beans or the frank?
Ha ha
2006-04-17 10:08:23 PM  
Click on a few "Weeners" links.. They'll retract themselves.
2006-04-17 10:08:55 PM  
Can you get up? If so, make your way to the garage and grab a portable saw. And for God's sake - be careful.
2006-04-17 10:09:21 PM  

Beat you to the punch
2006-04-17 10:09:24 PM  
Can you gently reorient them so they're straight up and down? If not, fetch the butter!

And make sure you don't get cold, or you may not have much say on when they come out...
2006-04-17 10:09:45 PM  
WAIT! I call shenanigans! No way you could be stuck given the amount of lube already in play.
2006-04-17 10:10:43 PM  
I think it's time for the jaws of life.
2006-04-17 10:11:09 PM  
Call 911.

Why keep all the hilarity to yourself?
2006-04-17 10:11:53 PM  
Yeah but at least I can get out of my chair in one piece
2006-04-17 10:12:01 PM  
GIS for "chair fark":

[image from too old to be available]
2006-04-17 10:12:13 PM  
Pull an armstrong.
2006-04-17 10:12:23 PM  
Why keep all the hilarity to yourself?

why do you think I'm telling you guys, instead of just quietly sobbing in the dark.
2006-04-17 10:12:42 PM  
bigz2k: slightly spaced

slightly spaced? sounds like you have the same size problems as I do.
/did I just admit to that?
2006-04-17 10:13:11 PM  
Oh. And Submitter now knows the true meaning behind the song Sitting On The Dock Of The Bay.
2006-04-17 10:13:29 PM  
you've got a TESTICLE situation here!
[image from too old to be available]
2006-04-17 10:14:00 PM  
Dear God man, think about baseball, and your mother-in-law, and your mother-in-law, naked, playing baseball, etc.
2006-04-17 10:14:46 PM  
Try to work it out by pulling back and forth.

2006-04-17 10:16:14 PM  
just quietly sobbing in the dark

This is TF. We require spotlights, police hounds, Action 2 TV news crews, copious amounts of some type of lube, and extreme pain.

How else do you become a mainpage headline?
2006-04-17 10:17:00 PM  
"I hate when you get diarrhoea on a ski-lift and freeze to the chair"
2006-04-17 10:17:35 PM  
I hope this gets greenlit.
2006-04-17 10:20:54 PM  
Barnacles!: you've got a TESTICLE situation here!

HA! i knew when i made that pic that there would be many, many uses for it on TF.
2006-04-17 10:21:06 PM  
Relax and sing aloud one of Steven Taylor's song.

I think it goes like:

"Don't wanna close my eyes,
Don't want to fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, baby,
and I don't want to miss a thing.
2006-04-17 10:21:19 PM
Pulling still doesn't help. No lube within reach. Morale still low.
2006-04-17 10:21:20 PM  
MeanMF: I hope this gets greenlit.

Everyone pray to the admins, this deserved it. Humiliation of TF is expected, humiliation for all of fark to see is priceless.
2006-04-17 10:21:30 PM  
this thread is worthless without pictures
2006-04-17 10:21:58 PM  

I'll paypal you 10 bucks if you set up a webcam
2006-04-17 10:21:59 PM  
MeanMF: I hope this gets greenlit.

me too.
2006-04-17 10:22:22 PM  
bigz2k: Pulling still doesn't help. No lube within reach. Morale still low.

Pop some pills, drink some booze, then well... you kno what you have to do. Do it before they turn black and fall off themselves.
2006-04-17 10:22:48 PM  
I will prepare the sacred calf to be offered up to the moderators in hopes of a greelight
2006-04-17 10:23:10 PM  
Put ice on them, they'll retract into your body.

/or is that deer that do that....
2006-04-17 10:23:24 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

(for the chair)
2006-04-17 10:23:25 PM  
It puts the lotion on its sack, then pulls its balls out of the crack
2006-04-17 10:23:46 PM  
You can't squeeze em back through the slats?
2006-04-17 10:24:14 PM  
has anybody said an ice pack,
and push it back out from underneath the slat?
or break out a piece?
oh,of the chair not yer azz.
2006-04-17 10:24:26 PM  
tonkin: It puts the lotion on its sack, then pulls its balls out of the crack

Quote of the f*cking night, that is.
2006-04-17 10:24:29 PM  
I've been here before. Begin to carefully "scoop" on the sides of the testicles from each side. You need to ease the pressure that is being placed on the testicle. Now, get ready for the painful part. Pop that sucker out.
2006-04-17 10:24:37 PM  
entropic: pop some pills, drink some booze

ran out of vodka last wednesday

some random guy

I have no webcam, but I totally coulda used that ten bucks
2006-04-17 10:24:40 PM  
This has potential to be a great TF thread. Although I hope for submitter's sake that its over by morning.
2006-04-17 10:24:49 PM  
LMAO!!! Ummm how about a nice cold bucket of ice water? Call a friend and have them dump it on you. The sheer shock of it will jolt you out of that chair and the pain won't even be noticable for the first ... eh, 20 seconds or so.
2006-04-17 10:25:13 PM  
bigz2k: "Pulling still doesn't help. No lube within reach. Morale still low."

I still think you're making this up, but I don't even care at this point.
2006-04-17 10:25:15 PM  
EzraS: /or is that deer that do that....

He might have a small problem rounding up a couple of deer to hold against his balls right now.
2006-04-17 10:25:23 PM  
I bet there's a whole genre of fetish-porn dedicated to having your balls stuck in furniture. Submitter should stop browsing those sites.
2006-04-17 10:25:56 PM  
DANlELLE: You can't squeeze em back through the slats?

Spoken like someone who has never had balls :)
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