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(SFGate)   When robbing a bank, make sure it's not of the cashless variety   ( divider line
    More: Dumbass  
•       •       •

8381 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Mar 2006 at 12:05 AM (12 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

39 Comments     (+0 »)
2006-03-16 10:14:47 PM  
So how does a cashless bank work? If I want to withdraw cash from a teller, they make the whole line wait while three people open the master vault?
2006-03-16 10:21:57 PM  
All. Bets. Are. Off.
2006-03-16 10:35:54 PM  
In England I was with an internet-only bank. The robbers just stood in the high street humming to themselves.
2006-03-16 11:35:59 PM  
So, someone tried to rob a Bank Of America huh?

Or was it PNC. Oh wait .. they just let hackers have all your money.
2006-03-17 12:10:16 AM  
Well played ManRay, well played.
2006-03-17 12:10:43 AM  
"I'm going to take you to the bank. The blood bank."
2006-03-17 12:14:01 AM  
Cash? What's that?
2006-03-17 12:14:58 AM  
They should have demanded money orders...or something...yeah.

/I got nothin'
2006-03-17 12:15:39 AM  
Golf clap for ManRay.
2006-03-17 12:18:40 AM  
Well, they were out of money, but they had some good tapioca pudd.. wwwaaaaaiiiittt........

2006-03-17 12:20:40 AM  
Well, that's not as bad as when I robbed the sperm bank. Man, was there egg on my face that day.

At least I like to think it was egg.
2006-03-17 12:21:42 AM  
If they hadn't have done, what I told them not to do, they'd still be alive.
2006-03-17 12:30:36 AM  
Scandalous: ATM. That's how a lot of the banks work here... the tellers can do deposit drops, but to get cash, you have to get it from an ATM. If you deposit a check, they immediately credit your account, and you go and withdraw the money from the ATM... apparently employees don't have access to the ATM.

I don't think I'd want to be an employee in that bank -- I bet the bank robbers don't believe them when they say "we can't open the ATM"...
2006-03-17 12:30:40 AM  
'Cause that's where all the money isn't?
2006-03-17 12:34:00 AM  
The kind of crime in which you put your ski masks on after the robbery...
2006-03-17 12:35:16 AM  
"Well just a pair of panties then."
2006-03-17 12:43:45 AM  
Sol: I'm not in here to make a farking bet.
Female Bookie: 'Preciate it, but all... bets... are... off. If all bets are off, then there can't be any money can't there?
Sol: I'm not farking buying that.
Female Bookie: Well that's handy, 'cause I ain't farking selling it.
2006-03-17 12:45:34 AM  
Well it worked in Entrapment...
2006-03-17 12:45:38 AM  
I was just involved in a bank robbery. sort of. last september i gave my housemate a cheque for 770 dollars. he cashed it, it went through. the money never came out of my account. i went to the bank and asked them what was up? nothing, they said. just wait five more days, could be a problem with the cheque, like maybe you spelled his name wrong or misdated it.
ok i thought. i'll wait.
another week goes by. no money leaves my account. (usually takes about 2-3 days, not 2 weeks. i go back to the bank, ask what's up. nothing is wrong they say, all good on this end. if anything is wrong, his bank will contact you. so i wait another couple of days...nothing happens so i begin a month of free spending sprees.
his bank freezes his account. he goes in, and i fear for my life. they can't figure out what the problem is, so they simply unfreeze his account. FREE MONEY!! FREE FOR ME! BANK ERROR IN MY MOTHERFARKING FAVOUR!
6 months later, last week, we get a letter from his bank. seems 6 months ago my cheque was stolen in an armoured car robbery. they are going to be contacting me to ask for a new cheque, or so it says in the letter they sent him. im terrified. i didn't deserve that money, but i sure did already spend it. should i complain that it took 6 months for anyone to mention this to me? or should i just play nice and offer to pay it back as soon as i can?
(me poor and scared and apparently stupid)
2006-03-17 12:54:02 AM  
Dont give them shiat. If the check was stollen then they got the money through their insurance. Just dont respond to them, the only thing they could do is maybe mess your credit up...
2006-03-17 12:56:39 AM  
unavailable for comment:

[image from too old to be available]
2006-03-17 01:00:24 AM  
I saw a bank robbery go down a few years ago. It was in Winnipeg, a mall called Polo Park. A Brinks armoured truck goes into the bank and comes back with the usual bags of cash. I'm at the bus stop beside the truck, a few feet away. This dude in a ski mask and a revolver suddenly runs up and tells the guard to drop the bags. The guard goes for his gun, the robber fires a few shots and the guard, scared shiatless, returns fire. Windows smash, holes get blown in the restaurant next to the bank. The robber picks up the bag of cash and disappears into the mall. The whole thing took only a few seconds, and I can remember people diving behind their cars. I only realized after that I was a few feet away from probably getting shot, but it happens real fast. It remains one of the coolest things I've ever seen.
2006-03-17 01:02:58 AM  
i was in a bank robbery. absolutely 100% the best ever. my publicist was sleeping with the guy that works with Submitter's Mom. i am not making this up.
2006-03-17 01:03:26 AM  
Brilliant-Dont give them shiat. If the check was stollen then they got the money through their insurance. Just dont respond to them, the only thing they could do is maybe mess your credit up...

I'm thinking my housemate has already responded to them, he might not have, but he intends to... I don't want to screw him over to try and protect me. keep in mind *i blew that money on beer and groceries*
at the same time, they did get that money thru thier insurance, and he was paid from thier insurance as well. i don't see why that should mean that i won the 'bank robbery lotto'. i mean, i'd like it to mean that, but i understand why it doesn't. i'm thinking of just being all "HEY bank of montreal, i came in and ASKED about this TWICE, and you guys said it was all ok. NOW i have to pay it back after all that time?? i dont have that money! its in bills house, and bobs house..."
can anyone see any big fat errors in my argument? if so, do tell me.
\other than i shouldn't quote simpsons jokes during a serious conversation with my bank.
\\ oh god help me im gonna be broke if i have to pay this fully and quickly
2006-03-17 01:23:03 AM  
Scarborough Fair

It sounds like you'd still be responsible for the money, since you agreed to pay it when you wrote the check. Though I think the bank would probably be cool with you, kind of give you some slack, since it wasn't your fault the truck got jacked.
2006-03-17 02:10:46 AM  
Scarborough Fair: can anyone see any big fat errors in my argument? if so, do tell me.

Don't spend money that isn't yours...

I wouldn't bet on the bank just letting that $700 go. While you're certainly welcome to complain, you'd ought not "refuse" to pay them back unless you've spoken to a lawyer. Which will probably cost you more than $700...

If you can't pay it all off at once, though, maybe you can work something out with the bank. Just call them when you get the request for the new check.
2006-03-17 02:19:41 AM  
Police revealed this photo of the suspects

[image from too old to be available]

/no-one posted a pic yet.
2006-03-17 03:08:47 AM  
im surprised the robbers didn't rob the people pulp fiction style, they all had wallets and purses im sure.
2006-03-17 03:12:11 AM  
For once I agree with the cop. That's priceless.
2006-03-17 03:13:52 AM  
no no no! you guys got it all wrong. it was THESE guys.

[image from too old to be available]

...Still a better heist.
2006-03-17 03:47:20 AM  

Okay, I lol'd.

/took me a second
2006-03-17 04:34:18 AM  
Scarborough Fair

I know from experience that private companies cannot demand lost(or robbed) payments from a customer. (at least around here).

The good news is that You have absolutely ZERO legal liability to any bank in this. Your housemate may, but not you.

Why? Because the problem is not with your bank, but his bank. His bank deposited the funds, then lost the physical check before it could be processed. As far as your bank is concerned, the check was never written.

But since your housemate still has an account with this bank, they could certainly try to re-freeze his account to get back their $700. This, I gather, is why they sent this letter to your friend.

Did the letter threaten to dock the funds from his account if he didn't have you cut another check?

It's a wonder your friend's bank didn't just take the money out of his account. Since they haven't, I suspect there is some regulatory reason they cannot do so. Perhaps because they've either waited too long or have so many of these missing checks to wade through.

The steps I would take:

A. Tell your friend to close all accounts at that bank move all funds to another bank or credit union. This because his current bank could "potentially" re-freeze his account at any time. When he no longer has an account there, the bank loses almost all of its leverage.

B. Only write a new check if your housemate is threatened with legal action. (they can't threaten you, they don't even know who you are).

C. Once neither of you are banking with that bank, this will probably go away.
2006-03-17 07:08:29 AM  
[image from too old to be available]

/Unavailable for comment.
2006-03-17 07:13:14 AM  
An ATM stole my debit card once.

/Got nothin'
2006-03-17 11:26:22 AM  
"This is a hold-up!!! Give me all your...sperm? Is that right?"

/off to RTFA
2006-03-17 01:01:36 PM  
Man that is the last time I rob a sperm bank.

2006-03-17 04:50:50 PM  
Good effort, niroth. That's all that matters.

/Not really
//Work sucks
2006-03-17 08:24:03 PM  
Maybe the bank was using IBM E-Servers and that guy from MadTV told them the money was somewhere safe-er.
2006-03-18 01:57:44 AM  
Thanks RandomRandom,

but what i fear is the fact that, that is exactly what i want to hear.

no, my friend should not be forced to close his account, simply because this is not his fault and i can't ask him to go through that. (that causes an annoying hassle here in cananda) (and perhaps most anywhere).
I will deal with this for sure, im just wondering what my tone should be with my bank.
but you've been really helpful, as have a few people here.


\drunk right now
\\\\ wahooo st patricks day!!!!
\\im acutally drunk, pathetic im checking fark instead of sleeping with hot*sss sss women
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