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(Toronto Sun)   A guide to office Christmas party types. Hope you have a few vamps, with "lowest necklines this side of the Grand Canyon"   ( torontosun.com) divider line
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24205 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Dec 2005 at 4:09 PM (12 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

88 Comments     (+0 »)

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2005-12-18 05:56:20 PM  
Well I'll be. niggling IS a word!
2005-12-18 05:58:01 PM  
lol, abracadavar

Was his name Michael Scott? If not, it should have been. That's sad.
2005-12-18 05:58:13 PM  
Mixture of

Usually get attacked by a Vamp and someimtes the fat vamp.
Christmas parties are so depressing.
2005-12-18 06:02:02 PM  
Our office party is (was?) during work hours and we had to pay in for it. Thats government work for you. A bunch of people standing around eating for no other reason than it gets them out of working.

Of course, if they did have it after work, no-one would go. They'd all say, "I'm too old and married to go hang out with people I bearly tollerate day in and day out. The spread will suck, there won't be entertainment, so fark it."

I need to find a friend who works in some advertising agency to go to her office party instead of these crappy government ones.
2005-12-18 06:02:05 PM  
I've successfully avoided two or three end-of-semester/holiday lab/grad student parties this year by faking illness or some similar excuse.
2005-12-18 06:03:41 PM  
ThunderChunder, no. This guy was a real work of art. Two weeks after the xmas party, he names his 18 yr old son the branch manager over everyone else who actually knew how to run the place. Last I heard the company was bankrupt, lots of lawsuits, and the owner was in jail. Man I love karma..
2005-12-18 06:17:42 PM  
I put in for my vacation time to coincide with the Christmas party this year and got it. Best Christmas present ever. Last year there was a DJ and a number of people who weren't aware that they didn't know how to dance got up and proceded to demonstrate their best Al Gore terpsichorean impressions. Kind of like watching zombies doing the robot. People took pictures and video and it was anonymously circulated to all but said participating undead. The saddest thing is that it was the highlight of the party. Bland food, lousy DJ, poor location and all planned by management. From now on I'm putting in for vacation every year at this time, just like clockwork. Vacation request is going in on 1/3/6 for next Christmas.
2005-12-18 06:40:12 PM  
I guess if your co-workers suck then office parties are a bad thing. Im lucky to have co-workers that I'd likely hang out with even if i didnt work with them.
2005-12-18 06:48:54 PM  
That's the vinly chick with henry the hand.

[image from leannachamish.com too old to be available]
2005-12-18 06:50:59 PM  

Here ya go (pops)

Can I ask how you happend to know that? The intranets are a wild and wonderful place but how did you know that ?
2005-12-18 07:03:05 PM  
My company cancelled the Christmas party this year. Profits have been in the toilet so the party was eliminated.

I work with people that have the personality of fungus growing on a culture disk so no biggie.
2005-12-18 07:13:25 PM  
My office party was this weekend and I had a great time. I got to see some of my usually straight-laced co-workers get intoxicated, climb in the back of somebody's pickup truck, and end up caroling at the Big Boss's house. Oh, yes, I went along to see what would happen. Mr. Big Boss came out in his loungewear to see what the ruckus was, and Miss Office Sweetiepie flashed him.

I cannot wait until Monday morning! :)
2005-12-18 07:16:56 PM  
[image from leannachamish.com too old to be available]
It would take a book to tell you all the wonderful things about this guy, my boyfriend Carl Ellison.

He must have a ginourmous... large... huge... bank account.
2005-12-18 07:17:07 PM  
2005-12-18 07:26:29 PM  
My boyfriend just started at an aerospace company and we went to the holiday party recently... very nice setting, at a resort in the mountains, but you could tell that this was the biggest social event of the year for a lot of these people. It was like a cross between a wedding and a high school prom - complete with a photographer that was selling photo packages like at elementary school Picture Day. So the article forgot one party type:

The Appalled Recent Big City Transplant, overheard to say often, "Oh my god, this would NEVER go over in New York."
2005-12-18 07:31:22 PM  
We have great office parties at my "place of employment". Couple of hundred people, catered, music, some reasonable dancing. This year we put together a band and did Wierd Al-esque songs about the company.


Gotta love Leanna, looks good in vinyl and has a sense of humor,

I learned to wrestle rubber fish models, an important addition to my acting skills

2005-12-18 07:40:45 PM  
This year's Christmas party was catered by a soup kitchen. I boycotted.
2005-12-18 07:58:23 PM  
my xmas party ruled. The food was awesome, the band kicked serious ass, and everyone got top-shelf xmas presents. I've worked there under a year and I got an ipod dock. kick ass!
2005-12-18 08:00:48 PM  
2005-12-18 08:03:57 PM  
My company Xmas party was pretty lame. They bussed us to a hotel downtown for lunch, and we were fed pretty much wedding reception fare.

They did give everyone $100 gift cards to a local grocery store, though...

Oh, the joy of working for a non-profit...
2005-12-18 08:06:00 PM  
I'm a bartender at a busy pub, and our christmas parties are always comprised of Party Animals and Vamps, and that's it.

/that's why the parties are always so much fun!
2005-12-18 08:21:39 PM  
offacue: Can I ask how you happend to know that?

I didn't, actually. The photos looked like they were from some sort of trade show, so I googled "timewarp" (from the sign behind her) and a few entries down was Timewarp Films. From there it was pretty easy to find her name, and googling her name popped up the above website.

Google is my friend :)
2005-12-18 08:33:47 PM  
And the next business day *after* the party, all the people who skipped out have to listen to THE SHAMING WHINER. This person will drone on and on about how fun the party was and how much time/effort was put into it, how you missed a great time, and what an ahole you are for not showing up.

Hint: The most fun way to shut down this person is to say, "I didn't want to go because I knew you would be there."
2005-12-18 08:39:23 PM  
I just go for the food (mmmm chocolate fountain!) and the possibility of winning a door prize (which I have to pay taxes for straight out of my paycheck, if over $25). My wife likes to dance, but this year we left after 3 songs. In the last 4 years they seem to have forgotten the genre Rock and Roll. Country, Mexican and Urban Contemporary, then start over. Not so much fun to dance if you don't know the song.
None of my immediate coworkers ever go, so finding a seat can be a challenge. I never stay long enough for the drunken antics (I heard there were table dances years ago)
2005-12-18 08:43:40 PM  
mmagdalene: Click & guess which one he goes home with.

2005-12-18 09:41:06 PM  
My company doesn't have a Christmas party. We used to have one, but then it became "The Holiday Party" in 2002. In 2005, it was changed to "The End-of-Year Celebaration".

I expect that next year, it'll be "The Fourth Quarter Non-Preferential Gathering and Consumation of Unspecified Food and Beverage Items".

/ Like I care
// 7 years, and haven't gone once
/// Would get fired for getting drunk and telling everyone how I really feel
2005-12-18 10:18:45 PM  
gradatim: If its a good party, who the hell shows up the next day? Seriously though, i did go to work today. Hung over as fark but i went in, was even on time.
2005-12-18 10:49:05 PM  
VegasVinnie: My company doesn't have a Christmas party. We used to have one, but then it became "The Holiday Party" in 2002. In 2005, it was changed to "The End-of-Year Celebaration".

Ours was the "Winter Celebration" this year. Some genius decided the theme would be (surprise, surprise) Winter Wonderland. Nevermind that we don't really get a lot of snow down here in Dallas.

My boss volunteered me to be on the planning committee, at which time we were pretty much told what the big boss wanted by her representative.

Luckily, by the time they got around choosing a date (which was just about the only thing we could actually make a decision on), I discovered that it coincided with my vacation.

I throw a party at my house every year and invite all the co-workers I can stand. Everyone knows to keep their mouths shut about it, else we get a lot of "why wasn't I invited?" questions.
2005-12-18 11:11:29 PM  
My employer is a non-profit, Christian(tm) child-welfare center, thus, we get no Christmas, Holiday, Winter, or other form of celebration- that would be Teh Evil! Every two years, the Morale Committee saves up enough cash to have an employee appreciation dinner at a local country club, and for the first time in my 9 years there, the last one I attended even allowed the cash bar to be open! Being that my office is right next to the president's, I got to hear all the drama that went into making that horrific decision... /sarcasm off...

/I would be the Lecher
//I would also be an Atheist
///Not that it has anything to do with burlap bags in Bangladesh...
2005-12-19 12:40:02 AM  
Ok, I'm halfway through season 6 after finally getting my Buffy boxset. I've been watching like 4+ episodes a day.

That headline made no sense for like a full minute, even after I realised the word was "necklines" instead of "neckties".
2005-12-19 01:24:03 AM  
Back in the day, our office parties would actually leave the office and go to some local dive for snacks, drinks, and sometimes little gift exchanges. occasionally we went to each other's homes for really nice get-togethers. As work started to slide into suck, people started turning the parties into gripe sessions about work, and soon nobody wanted to host a party any more. Then all the cuts and attritions over the past four years nibbled the esprit d'corps away. Last year was the worst; an in-office lunchtime "get-together" potluck, catered by the office suck-up. It was the last day for us to see and say our farewells to the latest friends to get cut/laid off/forced out, and the motherfarker new managers that did the axing sat around the table amongst us and the victims, like we were all one big happy. They also went on long-winded recitations of the fabulous long-distance vacations they were taking over the "break", after a hard three months on the job, wasting money and firing people, then asking everyone around the table what THEIR holiday plans were... like after the 4-percent pay cut I just took to keep my jerb, I'm going anyplance but the fricken video store for my "vacation getaway"... I really waned to lunge across the table at their throats and go out in a blaze of glory, pounding the living snot out of them... but, no, the liquor that would have enabled it was not allowed on the job site. Imagine the ballz of those guys to invite themselves to the send-off party for the people they fired. Yeah, they manage the office with the same kind of keen insight and sensitivity.
2005-12-19 04:08:20 AM  

The comic was better at the afterparty, where he could curse and talk more in depth about sex. And where most people were drunk anyway. What, weren't you invited? ;)

/i swear we were at the same Christmas party
//last year's was better. yay karaoke.
2005-12-19 06:11:22 AM  
I am, yet again, amazed by the quality of detective work on Fark.

[image from img400.imageshack.us too old to be available]

Anyway, here is the place where I would normally type in some sort of witty, ironic remark regarding the Oracle of Delphi, Fark, and breathing. I can't quite manage it this time, so instead I'll just look at this piccy and enjoy the convergence of her being quite lovely and my normal love of ancient Greek and Roman history.
2005-12-19 09:46:54 AM  
We had our X-Mas party about a week back. It was our first company wide party in 5 years. We had ice sculptures, taro card readers, caricature artists and celebrity impersonators. Our CEO got up and gave a speech about how great the company is doing and raffled off a few $500 AMEX gift certs. I expect a nice raise, bonus or both this year No one got really drunk, we got tickets for free drinks (soda was included with these tickets) and after the tickets, beer and wine was $6, mixed drinks were $8.50 and up. And the bartenders had this you'd better tip me look. Other than that, and I didnt win one of the door prizes, it went well.
2005-12-19 09:47:39 AM  
My beef is that the company spends THOUSANDS upon THOUSANDS of dollars for our event. . . and a handful of employees take time off of their normal jobs (making us cover for them) while they take over a month to plan it all...

Then it's MANDATORY to attend, and it's off-site (meaning we have to drive up-town to get there). I'd much prefer they give us each $100 and send us home for a 1/2 day. They would save a few grand and we'd all be THRILLED instead of annoyed and embarrassed for the drunk-o's.
2005-12-19 12:34:02 PM  
My job's christmas party's pretty good. All the maintenance guys plus my office (which has nothing to do with maintenance, but we share a VP) get together, drink beer (and Jaeger (shudder)) eat snacks, and talk about how much we dislike our jobs. All the people who normally brownnose (brown-nose? is that hyphenated?) are given the cold shoulder if they show up, so they don't. Then I take the bus home. It's fun. Not a good story, but fun.

(Sure it's not a good story. But I have absolutely nothing else going on. And I like to share.)
(I also like parentheses.)
2005-12-19 12:53:25 PM  
My company voted to donate the funds for the Christmas party to the victims of Hurricane Katrina. The powers that be even kicked in a extra $10,000.

//Our annual spring party at a baseball stadium has crawfish, //chicken, rib, beer & wine, slides and stuff for the kids and //a baseball game after the party.
2005-12-19 05:41:09 PM  
mmagdalene: your link seems to be broken, but from the thumbnail, i can without a doubt state that he went home with neither one of them.
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