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(Daily Telegraph (Sydney))   Thieves pull ATM out of convenience store with truck. Unfortunately dragging something at high speeds creates friction. Hilarity Ensues   (dailytelegraph.news.com.au) divider line
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    More: Dumbass  
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13772 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 May 2002 at 11:52 AM (22 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Copy Link



49 Comments     (+0 »)
 
ctenidae  
2002-05-01 8:57:51 AM  
It would almost be funny - except a small business has been left severely damaged

No, it's still pretty funny.
 
Scoots  
2002-05-01 9:13:04 AM  
"Thievz"? Give me a fuggin break...
 
meshman  
2002-05-01 9:32:09 AM  
I don't get it. Was it made of wood or something? They say in the story "with sparks flying as the heavy metal safe scraped along the road"... Ok, it's a heavy metal safe. Obviously it's not open or they'd've (they'd've?) just run off with the cash. So why did it burst into flames (a heavy METAL safe) and how could they watch 'the cash go up in flames' if it was a locked metal safe?
 
candypants  
2002-05-01 11:55:40 AM  
Guess they wanted some "Fast Cash"....

ho ho ho..... I may be the only one laughing, but I'm havin' fun!
 
First Post  
2002-05-01 11:56:45 AM  
w3rd, those theivz gots ta just be chargin' dat schitt 2 da game yo.
 
Seymour Gibbs  
2002-05-01 11:57:01 AM  
Thievz? Was this submitted by the Icy Hot Stuntaz or something?
 
Ironbar  
2002-05-01 11:57:59 AM  
These guys should watch "America's Dumbest Criminals".
The "yanking the ATM out with a truck" is an old, and unsuccesful method.
 
God-  
2002-05-01 11:58:30 AM  
Best use of the DUMBASS tag ever!
 
Texaggie79  
2002-05-01 11:58:58 AM  
As if no one would notice a truck dragging an ATM behind it anyways.
 
Machtyn  
2002-05-01 11:59:23 AM  
the inside of the safe acted as an oven, or more accurately a large combustion chamber. Heat the outside hot enough and the contents on the inside will go *poof*!

this is pretty hilarious. the insurance will pay for the damage.
 
snuff3r  
2002-05-01 11:59:52 AM  
Prob would have been a good idea to mention that our currency (AUD) is plastic money. Literally.

It burns a lot easier, and is like nylon when it burns.. VERY hard to out out...

hence the fire...
 
ZzeusS  
2002-05-01 12:00:23 PM  
Meshman
Hot metal and sparks + paper = burn.
 
optimus_prime  
2002-05-01 12:00:33 PM  
Yeah, we submitted this, so what?
[image from drivenbyboredom.com too old to be available]

br34k yo's3lf f00l
 
SLAYERSWINE  
2002-05-01 12:01:35 PM  
Ironbar,
You are right. I remember hearing about some cops in the states pulling over 2 guys who tried that. They told the cops it was a wachine machine.
 
FLA Chickie  
2002-05-01 12:02:04 PM  
I wonder if the Icy Hot Stundaz know how much shiat they get on this site...ha ha ha
 
BillDarryl  
2002-05-01 12:02:56 PM  
The last line is great: "Anyone who saw the truck, a white 11 tonner with blue stripes, has been urged to contact police."

As if the fact it was dragging an ATM wasn't description enough.

"Y'know, I did see a truck dragging an ATM that night in town... but I'm pretty sure it was a tan 12-tonner with white stripes. They must be talkin' bout someone else."
 
snuff3r  
2002-05-01 12:05:20 PM  
BillDarryl: man. that post made me laugh like a biatch for ages!
 
mtbldracula  
2002-05-01 12:05:22 PM  
throw another shrimp on the barbie-
 
Ironbar  
2002-05-01 12:07:19 PM  
Yeah, SLAYERSWINE, shortage of dumb crooks in the states, that's for sure.

Speaking of "Thievz" I google searched for Frank, the other Fark's website, and his counter is missing, must have turned over. Anyone get an email back from him? Poor guy was lambasted, but good.
 
Ironbar  
2002-05-01 12:08:05 PM  
No shortage, I meant, no shortage of dumb crooks.
 
gratwytninja  
2002-05-01 12:08:46 PM  
Doesn't it say the cops found the truck around the corner? I'm trying to figure out why they'd look for the truck.
Also, wouldn't there be witnesses in the store? I didn't catch what time it happened
 
meshman  
2002-05-01 12:09:48 PM  
"Meshman
Hot metal and sparks + paper = burn."

Hot metal + sparks + closed metal safe != burn. The thing would have to be red hot before it exploded open but I guess there's a part of the story that's missing.
 
BillDarryl  
2002-05-01 12:11:31 PM  
Laugh, biatch! Laugh!!
 
soporific's wife  
2002-05-01 12:15:15 PM  
Those 'thievz' were lucky. If they'd gotten ahold of all that hot cash, it would have just burned holes in their pockets.


Please don't hurt me.
 
optimus_prime  
2002-05-01 12:18:17 PM  
On the side note about the Icy Hot Stuntaz, I ran across this website that makes fun of them. Check it out.
 
MagicBoris  
2002-05-01 12:18:36 PM  
Well, at least they tought about using chains. I once saw someone in a show similar to America's dumbest criminals who uses a similar method, an then dragged the ATM back to his truck by the electric cord. Of course, dragging several hundred pounds of metal isn't what electric cords are designed for, so it broke, making the thief fall down in the process. He then realised he had no clue about how to get the ATM in his pickup by himself and fled the scene.

Regarding the article, this wouldn't hane been such a bad idea if they didn't had to go for a long ride after the theft. What the hell were they thinking believing no one would notce an ATM being dragged in front of their house, especially with all the sparks ?
 
fb-  
2002-05-01 12:23:23 PM  
Look at it this way, at least the rednecks weren't dragging a person this time.
 
skinink [OhFark]  
2002-05-01 12:24:58 PM  
So not only did they not get the cash, but lost their (probably stolen ) ride as well ?

These guys need to be caught and sent to jail for no other reason than to learn how to do a proper robbery. (Really prisons are so ineffective at rehabbing most criminals anyways. Lock them all up and toss the keys, instead of releasing them to do more crimes.)
 
Breezyboobie  
2002-05-01 12:26:13 PM  
The true ending:

The "theivz" attempted to free the ATM from the truck using a Stihl chainsaw. unforunately it slipped, slicing halfway through one of the robbers necks.

SLAYERSWINE: WTF is a wachine machine?
 
HKUSP9MM  
2002-05-01 12:28:48 PM  
Very funny,but these guys make thieves look bad.At least they weren't ripping off a person.
 
fb-  
2002-05-01 12:34:30 PM  
Breezyboobie,

[image from images.google.com too old to be available]

Your search - "wachine machine" - did not match any documents.

Suggestions:
Make sure all words are spelled correctly.
Try different keywords.
Try more general keywords.
Try fewer keywords.
 
Shepherd  
2002-05-01 12:38:34 PM  
What are ATM safes made out of? If the metal is aluminum, it could have burst into flames. And once it catches, Aluminum makes a nasty bonfire. (a.k.a. 'Thermite')
 
MagicBoris  
2002-05-01 12:41:55 PM  
cranklanalanklllnkcllnkanclklank

"Hey, Bob, what's all that noise?"

"I dunno. I think it's coming from the street"

CRANKLANALANKLLLNKCLLNKANCKLKANK

"Yup, looks like somone is dragging an heavy object made of metal down the street, sending bright, yellow sparks in every direction"

"Ah, nevermind, It happens every once in a while. Let's go play parchesi."
 
snuff3r  
2002-05-01 12:46:30 PM  
Shepard: Thermite requires Iron Oxide.

Also building what is effectively a safe, out of aluminium, is dumb.
ATM's here in Sydney are made from Steel.
 
jst3p  
2002-05-01 12:49:11 PM  
It is about time someone used "Hilarity Ensues" properly.


Kudos!
 
ISeeYourDisease  
2002-05-01 12:51:51 PM  
Friction = bad, just ask my right palm
 
beardawgie  
2002-05-01 1:07:16 PM  
ATM Banking: Australian for stupid!
G'day!
Dawg
[image from policeandsecuritynews.com too old to be available]
 
quietplease  
2002-05-01 2:15:19 PM  
A "wachine machine" is what Cheech and Chong do there laundery in, man.
 
beastylawyer  
2002-05-01 2:19:41 PM  
DOH! NUTS! mmmmmmm donuts.....
 
Ratzafratz  
2002-05-01 2:36:40 PM  
*golf clap*
 
pathos  
2002-05-01 2:47:23 PM  
Shepard Snuff3r

Home made Thermite is a mixture of Magnesium and Iron Oxide
and is a biatch to ignite.
 
meanfriend  
2002-05-01 2:56:38 PM  
You cant ignite it by normal means. Use a magnesium strip as a fuse (can be found in any high school lab)

I believe the do-it-yerself thermite calls for iron oxide and aluminum dust (the magnesium only acts to ignite the mixture)
 
meanfriend  
2002-05-01 3:01:49 PM  
back to the topic at hand....

I love stupid people. No end to the amusement one can derive from them.

Anyone here watch Maximum Exposure? It's lame, but funny as hell. If you like 'dumb dudes' stories like this, then you'll love MaxEx. In fact, that smart-ass narrator would fit right in these Fark threads :)
 
Random_acts_of_boredom  
2002-05-01 3:03:26 PM  
This is too much... You guys are actually tring to ponder the PHYSICS of this?!?!? Look. Who knows what it was made of, but I'll bet if you drag ANYTHING (ATM's included) THAT heavy, THAT far, THAT long, it's gonna catch fire. Trust me. All metals can burn. I used to work in a tubing facility. You wouldn't believe how quickly Titanium ignites. Or steel, for that matter. Quit playing Mr. Wizard and LAUGH, dammit!
 
Ironbar  
2002-05-01 4:47:20 PM  
05-01-02 03:01:49 PM Meanfriend
back to the topic at hand....

I love stupid people. No end to the amusement one can derive from them.

Anyone here watch Maximum Exposure? It's lame, but funny as hell. If you like 'dumb dudes' stories like this, then you'll love MaxEx. In fact, that smart-ass narrator would fit right in these Fark threads :)

That show is great!
My UPN affiliate is lame so you never know when it will be on, next.
 
meanfriend  
2002-05-01 5:19:53 PM  
Too bad Ironbar. Here, its on every Saturday night with a rerun on Tuesday. Check out the MaxEx website. They even have video clips you can download.

I watch it when I can and (usually) laugh my ass off. It's cheap humour, and I wish I could say it's beneath me, but it aint...
 
dluken933  
2002-05-01 9:05:42 PM  
I think I saw that truck. Does it have a Confederate flag in the back window and a rag for a gas cap?
 
FlightDeck  
2002-05-01 11:11:42 PM  
Heh.

I used to work for a company which supports a large ATM network; some of the theft stories are pretty amusing. ATMs are *super heavy*; and the money is in a bomb/bullet/saw/drill/blowtorch/pretty-much-any-implement-proof "cartridge". ATMs (especially the free-standing kind) are stolen regularly. 99.9% of the time, the money cartridges are recovered missing not dime one. Frequently, the ATMs are destroyed because the idiots who steal them usually (and wrongly) think the cash is up in the computer section. ATMs also have antitheft alarms; without going into a bunch of technical detail, if you break open the compartively flimsy outer shell of an ATM, when you're confronted with the safe (which the reinforced cartridges are in), you haven't got nearly the time you'd need to (safely) open the safe, and remove the cartridges.
 
Chrisifa  
2002-05-02 4:51:47 AM  
Sorry, i subconciously wrote "thievz", due to copious exposure to Icy Hot Stuntaz and everyone's favourite Awful Link of the Day; The villain thievz

werd to my jiggaz, boyyyeeeee
 
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