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(LBC 97.3)   Telemarketers to charge $1 to remove the dead from phone spam lists   ( tampabays10.com) divider line
    More: Stupid  
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10021 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Jul 2005 at 10:36 AM (12 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

103 Comments     (+0 »)

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2005-07-22 09:35:14 AM  
The Direct Marketing Association says its Deceased Do-Not-Contact list was designed to help families dealing with the loss of a loved one.

How sensitive of them.
2005-07-22 09:45:32 AM  
But how much money do they get if they keep calling?


Therefore: let 'em keep wasting their time.
2005-07-22 10:04:20 AM  
When I sold credit cards for a certain bank (The name began with an M and ended with BNA) they told us to ask when the person had died, because if it was recently then we might be able to push a card on the surviving spouse so they could charge the funeral. The trainer's eyes actually lit up when he said this. He was excited that someone somewhere had just had the plug pulled on them and that their grief-struck wife or husband would make it home from the hospital in time to answer my call and give me their Social Security Number.

They gave us free Papa John's pizza every night to fill in that little space where the soul went. I liked the Hawaiian toppings the best.
2005-07-22 10:34:50 AM  
this is a problem why? last time i tried to call my dead grandmother all i got was NOTHING. THE DEAD DONT USE PHONES.
2005-07-22 10:39:14 AM  
this is a problem why?

Well, ya know, the deceased may still have family living at the phone number, who presumably do not want to receive calls from some grubby telemarketer asking to put grandma on the phone.
2005-07-22 10:41:53 AM  
What about the living dead? Are they still fair game?
2005-07-22 10:42:47 AM  

You never watched Twilight Zone, did you?
2005-07-22 10:44:29 AM  
This is
img.fark.netView Full Size
2005-07-22 10:45:26 AM  
Areosol Boat Horns in the phone. That is what telemarketers deserve.
2005-07-22 10:46:30 AM  

Yeah I saw that episode on a sci-fi channel marathon. Kinda weird how the lady at the end of the episode was incredibly desperate to talk to her dead husband once she figured out it was him calling all these times.

That and I finally saw the "to serve man" episode.

"The Jeopardy Room" was interesting since it had no supernatural elements in it.
2005-07-22 10:46:45 AM  
wifi caskets?
2005-07-22 10:47:15 AM  
Ah, the tele-nuisance industry.

Fark them all, each and every one of them. There has to be a better job than calling up people and getting hung up on 98% of the time.
2005-07-22 10:47:41 AM  

Well, long distance is a lot cheaper now...
2005-07-22 10:47:51 AM  
There is a special level of Hell reserved for Telemarketers. It's right next to the one for Spammers. There should be a Constitutional Ammendment that provides a $1 bounty for ever spammer or telemarketer you kill.
2005-07-22 10:48:32 AM  
Relatives can still register the deceased's phone number on the list, provided they live in the same residence.

How many people "live in the same residence" as a dead person? Just askin'...
2005-07-22 10:49:25 AM  
How much to remove the undead from spam lists?

[image from thefilmasylum.com too old to be available]
2005-07-22 10:51:59 AM  
I heard they wanted about three fitty.
Just like that damn Loch Ness monster.
\Why'd you give 'em a dollar, woman?You give 'em a dollar he gonna assume you got more.
2005-07-22 10:52:38 AM  
"Please hold for an important call. If you are dead, please push 2..."
2005-07-22 10:53:43 AM  
Transcriptman beat me to it! I saw it on Becker once.

I wonder though, if anyone's been on the other end of the phone when that happens, is it actually loud? or because of the sound limitations in phone lines, does it top out at a reasonable volume?
2005-07-22 10:53:54 AM  
"This charge serves two important purposes: to make sure we have a permanent record of the credit card information of those who did the registering..."

Just what I want - an unscrupulous telemarketing organization keeping my credit card info permanently.

\why I always use "virtual credit card" numbers
2005-07-22 10:54:54 AM  
My grandfather still gets calls....he died in '75. We just keep saying he is not in.

I wonder when they will catch on.
2005-07-22 10:55:37 AM  
they just dont get it... and never will.
2005-07-22 10:57:17 AM  
MadSkillz. How 'bout answering the door naked when the door-to-door sales folks are in the neighborhood.

ha ha
2005-07-22 10:59:22 AM  
I don't know....

It sounds temping to spend a few bucks to become the teller undead to stave away these blood suckers.

"So who is dead in your family?"
"Uh ... Everyone...even me!"
"That will be $5"
2005-07-22 11:01:04 AM  
Psyic Hot Line.
Collect call from your dead uncle Fred.
Will you accept the charges?
2005-07-22 11:02:43 AM  
Don't these spammers get their calling lists from DNC voting records?
2005-07-22 11:02:51 AM  
[image from twilightzone.org too old to be available]

...unavailable for comment
2005-07-22 11:05:30 AM  
bring out yer dead...
2005-07-22 11:06:52 AM  
heeey...i could pay them a $1, tell them i died, and they'll stop calling me.

"is mr.chenry there?"
"no, i'm afraid he died in a wheat thrasher accident. always with that wheat trasher!"
2005-07-22 11:07:17 AM  
You're not paying attention here!

1. You tell the telemarketers that so-and-so is deceased.
2. They charge your credit card $1.
3. They add your name and all your family members names to like 1000 new lists (Cheapcaskets.com).
4. They get all your info from the CC Company.
5. You get inundated with spam, telemarketing, and junk mail offers to help you "dispose" of that pesky Life Insurance payout.
6. Everybody wins! Well, except you.

/works for a DMA company
//likes slashes
2005-07-22 11:08:16 AM  

i use a sport air horn
2005-07-22 11:09:49 AM  
I have a grandpa who died in '86, and my grandma still occasionally gets telemarketing calls for him. Frequently for life insurance and funeral type packages. She used to claim he didn't need those services, which was the telemarketer's cue to jump in and point out that EVERYONE needs those services. So now she just tells them they called 20 years too late.

I think by now my grandma has probably for the most part gone through the grieving process, but if you had a loved one who was recently deceased, even a call a week would be a particularly unpleasant reminder, I'd imagine.
2005-07-22 11:11:25 AM  

My grandfather still gets calls....he died in '75. We just keep saying he is not in.

"When you expect him in?"
"Hmmm, about half past rapture."
2005-07-22 11:13:29 AM  

There is a special level of Hell reserved for Telemarketers. It's right next to the one for Spammers.

And people who send advertisements to my fax machine. I'm not sure if there is anything I hate more. They don't care about the do not call lists and their "call this number to be removed from our list" they sell to other fax broadcasters.

Any up and coming Farker lawyer in the Richmond area who wants to help me press charges on these asswhipes? I'm documenting and saving everything. (email in profile)
2005-07-22 11:14:31 AM  
Don't these spammers get their calling lists from DNC voting records?

DieBold probably sells them the Dem. list,
right before they delete their voting record.
2005-07-22 11:18:08 AM  
This how to get around the Do not call list.

1. Call Dead Person
2. Charge Live person $1 to have them never call said dead person again
3. Live person is now a customer allowing you to call them for the next 6 months (I think that is right unsure of length of time)
4. Profit!!!
2005-07-22 11:18:44 AM  
The way I see it, the telemarketers should pay the SURVIVORS for helping them clean up their rolls. People will continue to die, and the telemarketers will continue to waste time calling dead people.

And even if I lie and say Mr. Chudstud is dead when a telemarketer calls me, I'm still saving them time. (If I am so avoidant of them that I lie about my death, I might as well be dead to them. ... "Consider me dead, telemarketer. Move on and don't waste your time.")

OK, even if you don't buy that point of view, the telemarketers would still be wise to refund the $1 charge if indeed the person turns out to be dead.
2005-07-22 11:19:34 AM  
My dad passed away 23 years ago. it took 15 years for the calls to stop. It did get annoying having people asking for him on the phone, after a couple of years I started to go off on each of them with a list of insults every time they called, eventually they all stopped.
2005-07-22 11:21:30 AM  
Fifteen minutes after arriving home from the hospital where I found out my father had passed away the phone rings and it's a telemarketer. He asked for my father and I quietly explained he just died. He then asked if I might be interested in this great offer. If I ever hear the asshat's voice on the street I will kill him.

/the offer sucked
//worst $50 I ever spent
///am I joking? The world may never know...
2005-07-22 11:25:52 AM  
my father had died in 2001, we had kept getting calls well over a year after he had died, I started telling them " He's too dead to come to the phone right now, but if you call back later I'll see if I can dig him up"
2005-07-22 11:26:13 AM  
I'd just ask for the address where I can mail the dollar to, and mail a sack full of flaming shiat instead.
2005-07-22 11:29:15 AM  
This gives me an idea similar to one on a simpsons episode, i'll fake my own death!

2005-07-22 11:30:00 AM  
Why do they need a credit card number (and a $1 charge) to verify that somebody is really dead? Do they expect you to use the dead person's credit card? How does the credit card help in any way?
2005-07-22 11:31:25 AM  
I know there are some Farkers in the crowd who are telemarketers, and you likely hate the job. (I saw one guy, neppy-something, in the last telemarketing thread who likes it, is courteous, and gave tips on how to get a telemarketer off your back).

I say to you telemarketing Farkers: Get the hell out of my way so I can verbally biatchslap the other ones.

Seriously. I haven't been called on a death-related pitch yet, but if I did, here's approximately how the pitch would go:

Gosling: No, I'm sorry, he/she's passed away.
Telemarketer: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, when was this?
Gosling: Not sure exactly. He/she had this habit of erasing my memories without telling me-- error, error- (babbling) CARRIER LOST.

Gosling: No, I'm not particularly interested in a casket right now. That's a tad ghoulish to think about at the age of TWENTY.
Telemarketer: But sir, everyone needs to think about what their family will do after they pass on.
Gosling: (select one:)
A: Oh, that won't be a problem. I'm planning on making it a murder-suicide. They won't have to worry about a thing.

B: Family, schmamily. I'LL be dead. What's in it for ME?
Telemarketer: Well, you don't want your body in an inferior casket, do you?
Gosling: Again. I'm DEAD. I won't know the difference if you make me a damn mausoleum or if you bury me in pig shiat.

Telemarketer: (something especially stupid)
Gosling: Hey, I've got a question.
Telemarketer: Yes?
Gosling: Do you know the most annoying sound in the world?
Telemarketer: Please don't, si--
Gosling: EEEEEGGGGHHHEHEHHHAAAGGGAHHHEE... (keep it up until telemarketer hangs up)
2005-07-22 11:33:03 AM  
That's fine as long as I get to charge them for when they waste my time.

/loves junk fax laws
//just hangs up on telemarketers
///fiancee used to keep a whistle next to the phone
////yes, I know what you're thinking - I am a lucky man
2005-07-22 11:35:12 AM  

It sounds temping to spend a few bucks to become the teller undead to stave away these blood suckers.


The $1 charge is to do a credit check to make sure that the person is dead.

If you did it on yourself, you'd be wasting a $1.
2005-07-22 11:35:14 AM  
Kill all the telemarketers, then have their families pay a dollar.
2005-07-22 11:39:11 AM  
Um....correct me if I'm missing something....but I can get on the National Do Not Call list for free.

Why would I pay a dollar to get them to not call?

I don't get it.
2005-07-22 11:41:33 AM  
2 days after my Mom died, I got the inevitable telemarketer call for her:

Marketroid: May I speak with ***?

Me: I'm sorry, she recently died. Please take her name off your list.

Marketroid: Well then, may I tell you about the important reason I'm calling? Our new services are blahblahblah...

Me: ...stunned silence...rage...building...YOU LISTEN TO ME, YOU BEAST!

Marketroid: ...s-s-sir?

Me: several minutes of rage-fueled nearly unintelligible profanities

Marketroid, who is amazingly still there: sorryforyourloss. click

Unreal. Felt good to start the grieving process off with a good healthy crapstorm of rage, though.
2005-07-22 11:46:24 AM  
Actually, now that I think of it, our family's got a built-in system to filter out telemarketers.

See, our family name is Allermann. It's pronounced "all-er-man". Just like it looks. Anyone who knows us knows to pronounce it that way. People who don't know us tend to pronounce it "alderman", like the city council position, or "al-er-man" (al as in Yankovic). When someone pronounces our name wrong, we know right away it's a telemarketer. Better than Caller ID.
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