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(I-Mockery)   Cobra once tried to use "pogo technology" against G.I. Joe. A look at some of the stupidest toys ever created   ( divider line
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43761 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Jul 2005 at 4:14 AM (13 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2005-07-08 04:20:55 AM  
Love Boat figures? I never knew.
2005-07-08 04:21:11 AM  
It's not like lazers have worked.
2005-07-08 04:22:43 AM  
The Justice Jogger

That was so funny I just shiat my pants.
2005-07-08 04:23:27 AM  
*Sniff Sniff*
But I had the first two toys on the list!!!!

Actually I know I had the He-Man horse thing, the G.I. Joe looks oddly familiar, or maybe its just the "Blueprints" that came with all of them. Anyways...Justice Jogger...its so absurd its beautiful. Wonder if they will put that in an episode of Smallville?
2005-07-08 04:26:01 AM  
[image from too old to be available]

never liked this anyways
2005-07-08 04:38:33 AM  
2005-07-08 04:39:45 AM  
Justice Jogger? Was this before or after Reeves became paralyzed?
2005-07-08 04:40:01 AM  
LOL, I used to have that pogo one.
I thought it was cool.

/still have it
2005-07-08 04:41:52 AM  
Quadrajet: Love Boat figures? I never knew.

Fred Grandy, who played Gopher on "The Love Boat", was one of the first congressmen who had his own action figure. The other was the guy who played "Cooter" on "Dukes of Hazzard".
2005-07-08 04:47:20 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
2005-07-08 04:48:01 AM  
My first crush was on Lauren Tewes. I never knew about these figures. I was too busy trying to get the Battlestar Galactica toys.
2005-07-08 04:53:40 AM  
Hey, I have that Cobra Pogo thingie, only mine is bronze and green :P

Must have been a re-release or something.
2005-07-08 04:54:16 AM  
Yeah the Justice Jogger is the creme of the crop. I always thought the Spiderman toys that came with vehicles were dumb as hell, since every knows Spiderman swings around. He doesn't ride in a car. It's New York, he wouldn't get anywhere. But Superman? In a mechanical jogging robot thing? Who designed this thing? You know, I think I just came up with an idea for a new use for Gitmo is they ever get around to releasing or charging people... And at least you could charge that guy with something. I'm pretty sure doing anything to defile the sanctity of Superman was outlawed in the Patriot Act.
2005-07-08 04:55:12 AM  
Wrong.... just.... wrong....
2005-07-08 05:00:42 AM  

You've got the Star Brigade version.
2005-07-08 05:05:28 AM  
Did anyone have the GI Joe aircraft carrier?

/prefers Transformers to GI Joe
2005-07-08 05:12:49 AM  
I totally missed the whole GI Joe craze. I was way too blinkered by my fascination with Transformers.

[/deprived childhood]
2005-07-08 05:15:29 AM  
A friend of mine had the GI Joe aircraft carrier. I was so jealous.
That thing was huge!

/secretly still wants one
2005-07-08 05:17:21 AM  
Former aircraft carrier owner here. The hovercraft was way cooler, tho'.

Any big balla's in here have M.A.S.K.? Now those were teh bomb. They provided an especially comforting transition from Transformers after the Dinobots dragged that franchise into gheyness. You still got the transforming vehicles, sans the robo complexes.
2005-07-08 05:17:32 AM  
I had both of the Robotic horses, and both are missing 2 legs, and both tails.

Did anyone have the GI Joe aircraft carrier?

My friend had it, had the most extensive GI Joe collection i ever saw, then his house burned down. and the strangest part, he lived NEXT DOOR to the fire house! anyways, being 6 years old, when i saw him the next day, i said "so all your gi joes burned too?"
2005-07-08 05:18:36 AM  
i was a product of the ninja turtles.

/Leonardo was always the rox.
2005-07-08 05:21:55 AM  
had the carrier and the space shuttle, the best was the hovercraft tho, and i hated sgt sluaghter
2005-07-08 05:25:35 AM  
Any big balla's in here have M.A.S.K.? Now those were teh bomb. They provided an especially comforting transition from Transformers after the Dinobots dragged that franchise into gheyness. You still got the transforming vehicles, sans the robo complexes.

I had 1 mask character, little green guy in a green helicopter/motorcycle. never played with it much cause it was the "wrong size" i still have it actually.

how bout these 2 gems from the past, M.U.S.C.L.E.? i have a boatload of them. and CaptainPower and the Soldiers of the Future. the only character i ever got was CP himself, but i have about 4 different "vehicles" and one of their tapes.
2005-07-08 05:26:20 AM  

oh I remember MASK, i love the motorcycle/helicopter. Actually got the car off ebay last year. And how's this for scary, it was in the original box, opened but untouched. And I got to agree the hovercraft was cooler, I remember a friend's brother had one. Me, I love the F-14 with the actual working swing wings and landing gear and the pivoting wing Cobra plane, the um what was it called? Also the actual flying hang gliders were cool.


Dang that sucks, house burns down next to the fire station. I have a friend that still has his entire Transformers collection, well started off as his older brothers. What's scary is that even though some of it is 20 years old, and been played with a ton, it's in great shape. Like call the Weekly World News, it's blessed by god or something.
2005-07-08 05:29:01 AM  
Ok someone help me out here, there was some show and comic book in the early mid 80's that involved 4 guys on motorcycles. was like a not quite superhero thing. And there was one guy that would come out of nowhere to help out. Team America sound right? It was just a touch before my time. I just remember a few friends' brothers having the toys, posters etc.

And anyone remember the cars that you'd wind up by pushing forward against the floor a few times, and then send off by pressing a yellow button on the roof?
2005-07-08 05:37:19 AM  
...I miss my "Fridge" action figure.
2005-07-08 05:41:51 AM  

Are you talking about the dunebuggy/plane car? If so, my inner geek sez OMGWTFwannaIRL? I wanna say it was called Firefly...that had to have been my No. 1 favorite with the exception of Sideswipe, the red Lambo Transformer...clearly king of teh Autobots. Optimus Prime rocked and all, but you can't deny a red on white Lambo.

/not a toy freak...just killer memory.
2005-07-08 05:42:46 AM  

You had one of those? I know they were pretty popular with friends, but then being the burbs of Chicago, and just a few miles from where the Bears practice, well duh.
2005-07-08 05:43:47 AM  
The Justice Jogger I remember seeing it before. Where? Well Toyota made a full size version for one expo in Japan...
[image from too old to be available]
2005-07-08 05:48:25 AM  
The Justice Jogger:

Good God! How many three-martini lunches did it take those ad-execs to come up with that piece of crap?

It even has a windshield! Superman is the Man Of Steele fer cryin' out loud! He's bulletproof! Is he afriad of getting his fabulous hair mussed up?
2005-07-08 06:13:28 AM  
2005-07-08 05:42:46 AM cargrrl82 [TotalFark]

wasnt it biker mice from mars or sometging
[image from too old to be available]
2005-07-08 06:19:23 AM  

No wasn't that, this show/comic had people not mice on the bikes.
2005-07-08 06:28:08 AM  
I still have all my transformers, and they beat the crap out of G.I. Joe every time.
2005-07-08 06:41:04 AM  
M.A.S.K. was awesome, but what was that other transforming vehicle show with the three guys? Earth, water and air ring a bell?

And is it just me, or does it seem like a penis might have been photoshopped out of today's FARK personals photo?
2005-07-08 06:46:53 AM  

Centurions? They had a land, air, and water guys and the equipment bolted to their exo-skeletons and could turn them into plane/sub/bike, etc.
2005-07-08 06:50:03 AM  
I remember when GI Joes first came out. Noone I knew wanted one. Why?
They looked too much like BARBIE...
We stuck with our little green plastic army men. 100 in a bag for $.50.
They were actually more realistic around the 4th of July. That's when we'd take our allowance and buy "artillery" don't at the local fireworks stand..

/Some never recovered..
//they'd just lie on the ground all melty looking.
///ahh, childhood memories..
2005-07-08 06:50:43 AM  
No story about lame action figures is complete without mentioning the George Burns action figure! As seen on that Late Night with Conan O'brien holiday sketch from several years ago where they built a nativity scene using action figures:

[image from too old to be available]
2005-07-08 06:53:30 AM  
don't at the local fireworks stand

2005-07-08 07:20:54 AM  
THIS is a silly toy

[image from too old to be available]
2005-07-08 07:22:51 AM  
OMG This is worse..

[image from too old to be available]
2005-07-08 07:23:08 AM  
Biker Mice from Mars... I would have loved to be in the room when the execs were coming up with that jem...

Exec 1 - "Wait a minute... I've got it! Mice..."
Exec 2 - "Go on..."
Exec 1 - "Giant Mice... size of a man"
Exec 2 - "I like where this is headed"
Exec 1 - "riding... motorbikes"
Exec 2 - "edge of my seat here, and?"
Exec 1 - "on... Mars!"
Exec 2 - "Sensational!"

But we all know and I think this was confirmed by God herself, that Transformers were and will always be the greatest toys ever created.
2005-07-08 07:28:49 AM  
I wish I could have got that aircraft carrier or the hovercraft. Instaed my folks got me the 'rolling thunder' It's pretty much a 6 wheeled missle launcher that had two nuclear cluster bombs in them. Caused real havoc amongst COBRA when I was a kid indeed.
2005-07-08 07:37:33 AM  
It's got a windsheild, but where is the breathing tube attachment? Is that sold separately?

[image from too old to be available]
2005-07-08 07:44:42 AM  
I bought my brother a wind-up Jesus action figure for Christmas last year. He still laughs every time he looks at it. Can't believe someone actually manufactures those...
2005-07-08 07:58:50 AM  

Ah yes, with the orbital parachute guys and whatnot :)

And those lovely firing rocket launchers. Not quite as silly as the ones that came with a tub of play-doh and various jigs and such so you could shape big bulky armor on them...

Sheesh, I'm almost sorry I sold most of my toys, but the money was nice.
2005-07-08 08:02:39 AM  
Veritas A wind-up Jesus action figure? LOL!

[image from too old to be available]
2005-07-08 08:14:47 AM  
I guess I wasn't loyal to just one toy, I had He-Man, G.I. Joe, M.A.S.K., Transformers, Gobots, Thundercats, and Voltron. My brother and I would make parachutes for the G.I. Joes and they would eventually get stuck in the trees. I would dismantle my transformers to see how they work and then put them back together. Ah the fond childhood memories.
2005-07-08 08:16:42 AM  
I was a HUGE M.A.S.K. kid. I think there were only 2 of the toys I didn't have. They're all still up in my attic, including the Boulder Hill gas station / mountain fortress.

The eath, air, water thing was indeed Centurians. I had the water guy; he was green.

Favorite GI Joe toy? Definately the F-14. I saw that in my grandmother's closet before I got it for Christmas one year. Awesome, awesome toy. But what about the Silverhawks(?), anybody got some of those? Instead of GI Joe's pretentious moral lessons they taught you about space and the solar system.
2005-07-08 08:16:51 AM  
M.A.S.K. was great. The cartoon series wasn't too bad and each toy came with a neat little comic book. But the pastic they used to make the vehicles was somewhat brittle. Brittle plastic and lots of spring-loaded parts under tension don't make for a very sturdy toy. One of the wings on my M.A.S.K. Miles Mayhem (the badguy-in-chief) helicoper broke the first time I played with it.

And only M.A.S.K. could make a 1980s Camaro seem powerful.

[image from too old to be available]
2005-07-08 08:20:49 AM  
cargrrl82: And anyone remember the cars that you'd wind up by pushing forward against the floor a few times, and then send off by pressing a yellow button on the roof?

Clutch Poppers? Heck yeah. I still have a couple of them in a box in the basement somewhere.
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